A/N: Lita, this chapter's dedicated to you. Thanks.
Little Jesse stiffened his body, his face turned a shade of pink, then, gradually to red as his lungs gave out a healthy cry. This miracle of theirs could feel the tension as his newly found daddy tried nervously to comfort him. Meredith's little angel twisted and turned his body as he wailed loudly, the movements of his head stretched backwards and sidewards to get a glimpsed of his mommy who was nowhere in sight.
"Shhh," Derek spoke soothingly. "Hey, my son, you don't know me, but, I'm your daddy. Shhh. There. Are you okay now? You're a big boy. And so handsome. Look at you. Stop that crying. I'll always be here to protect you. Shhh. Calm down. There you go. See? I'm not such a bad man." The baby cooed and laid comfortably in Derek's arms as he was cradled lovingly until he had fallen asleep to the sound of his voice.
Meredith stepped back as she watched the bond between father and son. Their eyes locked, but Derek turned away quickly as tears raced down his face. After several minutes, she led the way into the bedroom and he laid his child gently in the crib, pulled the blanket up and bent down as he kissed him on the cheek. His voice was in a low tone. He patted Jesse softly on his leg and did not turn as he spoke to Meredith.
"Because of you, I missed the most important part of my son's life. His birth. You deprived me of that, Meredith. Why?"
There was an astonished look on Meredith's face. Had he forgotten his decision? She had no choice but to leave. It was bad enough she fell in love with a married man, she wasn't about to be the cause of their breakup. So, she stepped back graciously, although she had wanted to fight Addison tooth and nail over him. But, of course, it was his decision which caused her to leave. She walked out of the bedroom and into the living room.
"Meredith?" He pulled her arm gently and turned her around to face him.
"Yes, Derek. What?"
"What? Is that all you can say. Mer, we have a son together. Why didn't you tell me? How long were you going to keep it a secret?"
"No secret, Derek. I came home, didn't I? I planned to tell you, only you beat me to it. You arrived here unexpectedly, unannounced and uninvited."
"I'm sorry for that. It's just that I missed you and I wanted to see you. I do still love you. You were never away from my mind." He stroked her face.
She moved away from him. "Yes, Derek. I know. That's why you picked Addison," she said sarcastically. Meredith caught herself as if Christina's personality had taken over her.
"So, what do we do now, Mer? I know what I want. You're my family, you and the baby. I want the both of you with me." Their was a glimmer of hope in his eyes as she smiled slightly.
"Pick me. Choose me. Love me. Remember, Derek?"
He nodded.
"You chose Addison. If you had chosen me, I would have told you then and there that I was pregnant with your child. But, you didn't. I didn't want you with me just for the sake of the baby. Don't you understand? You broke my heart. Okay, it's partly my fault. I should have backed off when I found out you were the new attending. But, you were everything I've ever wanted in a man, one who possessed kindness and tenderness. I loved the way you held me when I had a bad day at the hospital. I loved the way you comforted me and told me everything would be alright. Even if I didn't want to, my heart had a mind of its own and already had fallen in love with you. I thought you felt the same way." She had started to cry, but, somehow found the strength not to.
"Meredith, I did. I do." He reached out for her. "You didn't have to leave, why did you? We could have worked things out. I loved you then and I love you now." Derek drew Meredith into him.
"Wait." She stopped him before he got any closer and pressed the palm of her hand on his chest. On any given minute, she would have weakened and surely fallen into his arms, the arms which held her that last night they were together, those arms that roamed all over her which sent electrifying sensation throughout her body. She fought hard and self control came over her.
"No, Derek. Please don't get any closer. Please." She pushed him away.
"Okay, okay." He looked at her with sadness in his eyes.
Silence filled the air as both waited for the other to break the uncomfortable feeling. It was Meredith who spoke out.
"I love you, Derek. I never stopped loving you. Answer me this. If Addison hadn't left you, would you have left her eventually? Or was she a sure thing, safe thing for you because I wasn't around? You say you loved me, excuse me, present tense, love me, but, how could you have been with her? When you chose her, did you love her? And don't tell me you didn't. Because I may be young, but, I can not see you choosing someone you don't love. You're not like that. Or can one love two people at the same time? Truthfully, Derek, I couldn't. I wouldn't want to share the one I love. It wouldn't have worked out as me being your part-time lover. I wanted you on a full time basis. And because I couldn't, I left. Does that answer your question? So, please answer mine. Did you love her when you picked her?"
He kept quiet and looked away from her.
"Answer me, please. I need to know." Meredith brought her hands to his face and caressed it softly. "Derek? Did you love her?"
He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before he answered. "Yes, but I wasn't in love with her. Meredith, we can make this work. You, me and our son. I'm nothing without you."
"Do you still love her?" She asked almost afraid as she dropped her hand to her side.
Derek turned away and his voice was barely audible. "Yes."
She held back her tears. "I wish I could have a transplant for a new heart, one that isn't meant to be broken. Pick me, choose me, love me, but you didn't."
TBC - Chapter 10
