09/20
Dear Journal,
I am now officially scared of school. I think I am... I'm so... LETHARGIC. Yes, lethargic. And don't ask me why that was in caps, it just was. Got a problem? Well too bad for you.
I miss my old life. At least there, I was left alone. ALONE. I like being alone. I wonder where I got it from. My parents don't like being alone, whereas I like solitude. I think I sound too much like an adult. I don't like it. Maybe I'll just go all weird just to mess with people. You know, go all girly and Pavarti/Lavender like and junks. Well, I guess I'll do that after I go to see Hades and back. Hiccups suck. They truly suck. Headaches suck. Lip gloss sucks. Unfortunately, I have all them right here, right now. The lip gloss is Hermione's. We made up. So, now, while she's in the library and I'm sitting here, I'm staring at a tube of strawberry lip gloss. She said that I should put some on because it would make me look softer. As if I want to look softer. Hard and cold is what I want to be seen as.
Anyways, here I am, sitting on the floor in her room, staring at the tube. Remember what I said about how I'm afraid of cosmetics? Well, I still am. So, here the lip gloss lies. I'll stick it back on her desk. I wonder how I got hiccups. Hiccups are odd. I wish I could study them. Or, look it up. But, no, too tired. At least I think I know why I have a headache. I keep my hair pulled back tight, so that my hair is put into the tightest bun I can manage.
I think that I shall update only once a week. I mean, I'm already running out of pages because of my constant ripping out of paper for poems. You wouldn't want to read them. It's very... sad. It's full of angst and strife. It seems that no matter what we do, this world will always be filled with it. Now, I think back to that Greek myth of Pandora and the box of bad things. I wonder what life was like before that. An Ethiopia... I would hate that world. Why? I see your point... Who in their right mind would pass up a chance for the perfect world? Well, there aren't any bad things, such as hating. I hate a lot. I would never survive there.
Well, I am tired. I don't want to write. But when I started writing in this, I took a commitment that I plan to keep. It's funny how I reacted when I first got this. I remember...
"Trin, I got you a present!" my mother shouted.
"What is it?" I yelled, coming in from the kitchen.
"A diary," she said, happiness just flooding out of her.
"What do I do with it?"
"Write in it, silly. Sometimes, I can't believe that you're my super smart daughter," she said, hugging me.
"Mom! I'm too old for diaries. And besides, they're all girly," I complained.
"Well, I do believe that 17 years ago, I gave birth to a baby girl, didn't I?"
"Yes, yes, yes. I am a girl, I just don't like lace and pink and frills."
"Well, we can certainly fix that," she said, then casting a Severing Charm and Color Changing Charm on the poor book. It then turned dark blue, my favorite color, and all the lace and junk disappeared. "Now here you go," she said, handing it to me. I stared at it with a look of disbelief on my face.
"You really want me to use this?"
"Yes, of course. That is why I got it for you after all."
"Then tell me, what am I supposed to write in here."
"You're supposed to write 'Dear Journal, I met the most amazing boy today, I think I've fallen in love and we must elope tonight... I wonder how I'm going to tell Mother and Father... Oh well, they don't need to know'," she said in a girly voice.
"Mom! You know that I don't have time for boys. Not with the hardest exams of our lives coming up at the end of the year! That reminds me, I have to study!" I said, turning and walking towards the door.
"You'll do no such thing! You know you're ahead, and that you could pass now if you took those exams! My, what am I saying? I never thought the day when I told my daughter not to study would come! Oh dear, you exasperate me so much!" she said. By then, I was laughing my head off at her.
"Mother, make up your mind! To study, or not to study. That is the question." I said in a deep voice.
"Well, what do we have here? A Shakespeare recital? Well how come I wasn't invited?" my father said with a pout, coming in and scaring us all.
"It's not one of your Shakespeare fests; it's Mother trying to figure out if I should study or not," I said. A huge smile broke out on his face.
"Well, there's always an easy answer to that! Don't study!"
"Oh, all right," my mother said as she gave up. "Well, then, what should we do?" she asked with a smile. We all went swimming.
I love that memory. It's one of the few that we're all together. Not that I had a bad childhood, it's just that my father had to go and tend his business a lot. And after that, I was usually at school, though sometimes they got permission to talk to me through Floo. I think they have permission here too.
I wish that... well, there's a lot of things. Like I wish how I could drink a potion and everything would be alright again. But thing is, I don't know what's wrong. Maybe it's the fact that I only have Ron and Hermione as friends, or it's that I hate this life. But I just feel... lonely. Or more like unsatisfied. I'm unsatisfied with life. And it's so... hard to keep up my image. You know the one where I'm colder than ice and my shell is impenetrable. But it is. It always has been; it's just that no one tried to get through it before. Well, that is except for Logan. I remember it.
"Hello," he said, walking up to me.
"Do you want something?" I asked. It was our 5th year, and I was studying for the O.W.L's.
"Well, seeing as how you were the only one that has any notes from class, can I borrow them?"
"Would you like to tell me why you weren't able to take notes?"
"Umm, because I was talking to Angelica?"
"Which means that you seem to value your social life more than your education. So, now tell me, why should I give you my notes?"
"Because of my dashingly good looks."
"I wonder where they are."
"Oh, good comeback. Now can I get your notes?"
"Will you promise to take your own notes from now on?"
"Aw, but then I can't come over here and bother you."
"Do you need to be hexed? I mean, I can turn you purple for a week."
"Ooo, Lionheart's gonna break the rules!"
"And? No one's going to believe you."
"What about if I go out with you? Will you let me borrow your notes then?"
"Like I would want to date you. You're just an idiot that's incapable of a commitment."
"Dude, I'm the most wanted guy here at Salem's and you're refusing me? I can't wait till your friends mob you with angriness."
"I'm not a dude and I, luckily, don't have friends to be mobbed by."
"You don't have friends? Hmmm, that settles it. I'm gonna be your friend!"
"And then in a week I'm gonna get abandoned like before."
"You got abandoned before? By who?"
"Not that I should be telling you this, but Angelica Keller. You know, the one that you were flirting with during Transfiguration."
"Her? Well, since I am now your friend, I vow not to talk to her ever again."
"An empty promise. I'm sure you keep them all," I said dryly. I was searching my mind for another argument for him to leave me alone. I was all alone those five years, and that was how I liked it.
"For real! I mean, you need a friend, and I'm here offering. You should be happy."
"Well, I'm not. And besides, I'm not pretty, and that's going to cause an uproar among those popular idiots. So I'm going to be smart and stop a war in the making."
"Hey, you could be pretty. Just get rid of your glasses, tighten your outfits, and curl your hair a bit. Then, half the boys will be going 'Hmm, I wonder who this new girl is... Maybe I should ask her out.'"
"Get rid of my glasses? And what, get contacts? I've tried them before, and it gets very annoying."
"Laser surgery. Just ask Mrs. What's-Her-Name. Deveroux! Yeah, the school nurse. She knows how to do them magically, and so do I." At this point, he gave me a toothy grin.
"I'm not risking my eyes on you. I don't like tight clothes and I hate my hair curled."
"Well too bad," he said. He then said some odd spells and I changed. My glasses were gone and I had perfect vision. My hair, which had earlier been in a tight bun, was out and loose, all curled up. My normally baggy clothes were now halfway suffocating me and my usual shin high skirt was now above my knees. These clothes revealed the figure I had tried to hide. I then saw a bunch of boys looking at me oddly. I heard a catcall somewhere too.
"Imbecile! You do realize that my parents will now kill me." I stood up and threw all my books down. I was thinking about his nerve. Then, I started up a spell.
"Hey, my parents can cover for you. Our dad's are like best friends, remember?"
"Actually, no. My family likes the Williams', but this is a bit far."
"Well, we can bring them together!"
"Well, I guess I have to go with your stupid plan now that the spells are irreversible. I hate you."
"I love you too. Now, about the notes." I threw them at him, then I yelled at him for not catching them.
That was one of my favorite moments with him. He was a softy... I really miss him. And here's where those little salty tears are falling. There's been too many that have fallen from my eyes. Tears for Logan, tears for myself... I miss him. I miss him with all my heart. One day, he is going to find me. I just know it. And when he finds me, I'll be ready to hex him to oblivion because he took too long.
Erg, well, I think Hermione's coming up now. I think I should put on the lip gloss before she hexes me to oblivion. Hmmm... Yum, strawberry lip gloss. Wait, what am I saying? Lip gloss tasting good? Arghs. Well, Hermione's here and I think I've written enough for tonight. So I'll write to you next week, and it'll be nice.
-Trinity
A/N-
So sorry about the updating rate... At school we've been planning a
surprise party, and there's been too many essay's to turn in. Luckily,
the party was thrown today and there are only 3 more days of school.
And they're only half days. Sooo, you guys get to read more. Laterr,
Sandra
