Chapter 10: The Spa of Scents
The marshes were now the weirdest environment Audrey had seen yet. The water wasn't too deep, so they could ditch the sleigh and walk through it, but the water still reached the hip level. The water was venom green with black bubbles popping here and there, and moving your feet through it made you feel like walking through the thickest mud bath ever. The grass patches were high enough to make any traveler feel like exploring a natural maze. The maple, willow, and elm trees had bark so dark, they could easily mix and create a wooden darkness that shrouded the sky already covered by fog. Occasionally, a frog would hop by only to be startled and eaten by the sneak attack of a garden snake.
"This place is filthy!" Gothy groaned. "Why didn't they build roads or fences to separate Macabretown from the marshes?"
Crystal marched as if this were a mere afternoon stroll for her. "Please! Contrary to the smell of the Bog of Eternal Stench back home, this is nothing!"
Audrey tripped on a root and fell face first on the dirty water. The Bloody Bambi allowed her to hold on to its antlers to help her pull up. Audrey sniffed herself and cringed at the odors of fish, muddy grass, and oil. "Ew…"
"Relax, Pink Fingers." Crystal spoke up while some crows flew by. "Once we meet up with my friend, she'll take you to the place where you'll be able to get rid of the putrid spell."
"I thought we were going there to get rid of my Auradonian scent."
"That's the putrid scent I'm talking about." Crystal rolled her eyes. "Look at it this way. The marshes have a strong stench and hide up your stench. The locals won't mob on us."
"But won't they be repulsed by the marsh stench?" Gothy pointed out.
"Would you prefer that they were repulsed by the Bog back at my place?"
"Can we please try not to talk about filth?" Audrey brushed off some moss she had on her face. "The more we do, the more I'm desperate to clean up… AAAAAAHHH!"
Audrey had been walking ahead of them and had hit her foot on something underwater. Something wrapped around her ankle and dragged her up in the air. The something revealed itself to be a massive purple tail and its owner revealed itself from where it was relaxing behind a big willow, and judging by the presence of snake and heron carcasses and fresh blood dripping out of its three mouths, the creature was probably angry that Audrey had accidentally kicked its tail while finishing its lunch.
"Oh, so that's where the Hydra went!" Gothy screamed. "I always wondered why the Isle of the Lost was lacking in man-eating monsters!"
"NOT HELPING!" Audrey was unable to force the Hydra's tail off her leg.
"Chill, Pink Fingers! Ricky just had lunch! He's just upset that you kicked his tail!" Crystal shouted back.
"Ricky?" Gothy frowned.
"Yep. His full name is actually Ricardo, but the locals in Macabretown call him Ricky."
"I DON'T WANT TO BE RICKY THE HYDRA'S DESSERT!" Audrey was panicking.
"Ricky!"
Ricky slurped the drooling blood back in and turned to who had called him. A girl, probably thirteen or fourteen, had appeared out of nowhere on the grass patches. Despite the nastiness of the marshes, she still looked clean. Her tea dress reached her knees and bared a white-and-purple striped pattern and chest pockets, her burgundy knee-high boots were heeled and laced, and her green waist corset had a giant beetle accompanied by a black tutu lace layer with a pattern of green beetles. Her black hair had various dyed greens and was tied in a wild messy ponytail that curved and moved rapidly despite the lack of wind, her burgundy fingerless gloves complimented her wild green nail polish, her burgundy tie was ignored by her grey beetle choker, and her desaturated grey lipstick and eye shadow made her look like she hadn't slept a single night of her life and was proud of it.
The moment Ricky saw the girl, he got up on his leg and started wagging his tail like crazy. Audrey screamed as he shook her violently.
"Bad Ricky!" The girl scolded him. "What have we told you? If you're not going to eat tourists, don't play with them! Put her down now!"
Ricky pouted and loosened his grip on Audrey's leg. The Bloody Bambi managed to position itself so that Audrey would land on his back.
"Good Ricky! Here! I brought you leftovers from Lecter's restaurant!" The small girl lifted a tied sack twice her weight and dripping blood and easily swung it at Ricky's middle mouth. While Ricky was busy chewing his snack with delight, the girl properly noticed the group and squealed in delight.
"Crystal!" She ran to give Crystal a big, squeezing hug that didn't bother Crystal the slightest.
"Beatrice!" Crystal exclaimed in happiness. "Rascal like yourself, I knew you'd be sneaking around the marshes on a Wednesday!"
"What can I say? I'm a bit of a fowl person!" Unexpectedly, Beatrice's face turned into a chicken's, releasing some squawks before turning her face back to normal. Crystal laughed at the girl's pun-based humor whereas Audrey and Gothy exchanged some looks.
"A hybrid that phases numerous faces," Gothy said.
"And whose friends with Ricky the Hydra." Audrey petted the Bloody Bambi. "At least you're civilized."
"So who wished you to Macabretown?" Beatrice asked. "I'm sorry, but it wasn't me. My parents grounded me."
"Again?" Crystal looked shocked. "Bea, what did you do this time?"
"Nothing big! It's just… I can't leave past the marshes or out of Macabretown."
"Ugh, Bea…" Crystal facepalmed herself.
"Can we change the topic?" Beatrice asked. "I don't get to see you so often."
"You're right. Bea, I came with some friends." Crystal gestured to the others. "Bloody Bambi, Gothy Gothel, and Audrey."
The fact that Crystal didn't address Audrey by a second name sent flags at Beatrice, who somehow teleported herself to be a few inches close to Audrey. Her nostrils quickly picked up a sniff on the latter's hair and provoked her to back away in disgust. "EW! What is that disgusting smell?"
"Marsh stench." Audrey stated obviously.
"No, that's nature's fragrance! And it smells a lot better than that stench blocking your own body odor! Honestly, I can't tell what your sweat is thanks to that filthiness! It's like over-expired caviar drowned in poorly aged wine served to a sick horse that pooped on a cheap golden carriage!"
"Uh. It's actually the most original insult I heard in my life." Gothy was impressed.
"She gets that from her mother." Crystal shrugged in amusement before walking up to Beatrice. "Audrey and Gothy are new… and Audrey is from an royal Auradonian family."
Ricky hissed angrily at the A-word. "Easy, Ricky!" Beatrice hissed firmly, showing signs of her tongue being as striped as her sleeves. She turned to Audrey. "You actually ditched your cushioned life?" Beatrice's face briefly shaped into a pillow.
"Yes."
"And Marius Bogfae strongly advised me to ask you to help Audrey get that Auradonian royalty stench off her," Crystal added.
"Oh! Then why didn't you say so?" Beatrice got excited. "I can easily take us to the backdoor!"
"And avoid the attention of the owner?"
"Come on! I'm Beatrice Deetz! I swindle anyone I want!"
…
Beatrice really knew her way around the marshes. By the time it was 2pm, she had managed to guide them through the filthy waters and dark trees and finally introduced them to the outskirts of Macabretown. For Gothy and Audrey, it was a shocking discovery that the fog overshadowing the sky back at the marshes was actually the result of the diverse smokes and vapors being spit out of chimneys. Macabretown was full of strangely designed mansions, houses that looked like they could be haunted, obelisks with eye carvings that blinked, roadhouses that varied from abandoned creepiness to gaming excitement, various restaurants and stores, and a massive factory far back that spit smoke that even across the distance, the group could sniff the beautiful fragrance of chocolate. As they walked through the fields, Audrey and Gothy could still see the billboards flashing in lights or somehow animated so that the illustrated pictures could move.
Chez Lecter, the finest in cannibal cuisine!
Wednesday's Weapon Emporium. Now with a 66% sale on all guillotines and nail files for your creepy family!
Wonka Family Chocolate Factory! Stick around to support Willy's son in his upcoming big day!
Beatrice Deetz Grounded BIG TIME! If she juices you again, say the mayor's name three times or give his wife a phone call! SERIOUSLY, B.D, LISTEN TO YOUR MOM FOR ONCE!
The last billboard actually made Audrey laugh. "Your parents really go as far as to get the whole town involved in your punishments?" Her own family would have never gotten a billboard.
"That's just their way of showing they worry for me."
Gothy sniffed the air. "We must be really far from the marshes. I must be smelling at least ten different perfumes!"
"We're here."
They were still in the most widespread territories, were the fields were owned by massive individual shops. Beatrice led them towards the backdoor of a brown-colored 18th-century mansion accompanied by a matching warehouse. The mansion's front gardens bared pools and massaging gazebos where individuals could be seen getting pampered. The back held probably the biggest collection of flora the world had ever seen: a lavender field, an orange orchard, individual flower farms, an apiculture ranch, and a barn complete with livestock. The warehouse's chimneys not only ejected a rainbow a scents but the roof also had fans blowing away the perfumes towards the direction of the marshes. Hanging above the warehouse was a painted billboard of a perfume bottle, its unleashed scent possessing the silhouette of a woman.
The Spa of Scents. Homemade perfumes and colognes. Finest, olfactive spa services in all of Macabretown. Volunteer perfume extractions available without killing virgins.
Beatrice cautiously led them behind some rose bushes so that the employees working outside wouldn't notice them. Despite the presence of trashcans near the back door, the hundreds of perfumes covered the garbage stench. Beatrice just stood by the mahogany door.
"Aren't you going to knock?" Audrey asked.
"Wait for it." Beatrice checked her nails. Right on cue, the door bursted open. Two individuals, probably in their early twenties and obviously fraternal twins, stepped out of the shadows. Both guy and girl had bright green eyes, messy reddish brown hair, and a preference for wearing flats, sweatpants, and rose-themed sweatshirts. But while his sweatshirt was black and lacked sleeves, hers reached her elbows and were fashionably black-and-white striped behind the roses. Her sweatpants were black, reached her ankles, and had pink strings while his were red with brown cuffs that reached his knees. His flats were black, hers were brown. She wore beaded bracelets, he wore spiked ones. His messy hair barely touched his shoulders, hers reached her chest. She looked like she was in her right mind, he looked creepy.
"Aromus, Cologna. However did you know I was going to knock?" Beatrice gave a toothy smirk.
"Save the flattery, Deetz!" Cologna hissed. "We could smell that perfume of beetles and blood oranges of yours from the cash register while you were in the marshes!"
"Here to swindle some more?" Aromus tilted his head.
"No swindling!" Cologna pushed her twin brother back inside. "For your sake and mine, go home, Deetz!"
"Why? I brought you a client in dire needs of your perfume-extraction talents." Beatrice pouted.
"Ooh! To kill?" Aromus gleefully asked.
"No. To remove some old country stench so she may walk around like a civilized person," Beatrice dropped the gleeful smile and pointed at Audrey. "I was hoping you'd remove the stench blocking her natural odor."
Cologna took her approach on Audrey to the point of getting much closer than Beatrice had for sniffing her out. Audrey could actually feel the inhaling nostrils on her skin, not out of weird creepiness but as someone taking the time to analyze her by sniffing. The same way a dog spends time sniffing the grounds before running to catch up to its prey.
"I can smell every single brick, every curtain silk, and every cat you touched in your palace," Cologna spoke in a cold tone. "I can catch the scent of dirt, mud, and sand you walked on in that filthy land you used to call home. I can smell the minerals of the fancy jewelry you used to wear… granddaughter of King Stephan." Cologna stepped back and displayed further animosity.
"I already know what my grandfather did," Audrey spoke unfazed.
"Do you?" Cologna frowned. "A French monarch like the others. He provoked powerful fairies and supernaturally powerful humans like our father repulsed him. Aromus and I were only toddlers when our father refused to be sent to the Isle. Your grandfather's soldiers murdered our mother."
"Not a hero or a villain. A mere German commoner." Aromus shook his head.
Audrey still looked unfazed. "Would killing me now resolve your anger?" Crystal and Gothy looked nervous at the idea of their friend casually confronting a vengeful young adult the same way she had casually confronted a cynical prince last week.
"No." Cologna shook her head. "Murder is such a waste. I have anything I want in Macabretown. There's nothing I could gain from murdering an Auradonian princess and cause a stir among the townsfolk, and vengeance would be dishonoring my mother's grave."
"Besides…" Aromus chuckled. "Your presence here is self-punishment for your family."
Cologna turned to Beatrice. "Exceptionally, Deetz. Exceptionally, we'll give you a free service."
Minutes later
The twin children of Jean-Baptiste Grenouille led their new customers to their private basement underneath the family domain. After closing the doors and windows with scent-concealing blinds, they had Audrey strip and shower so she'd be properly clean. She had to wait in a bathrobe while Cologna set up the equipment on a table and Aromus properly set up an operating bed.
"What exactly is your father's method of… extracting murders?" Gothy asked as she observed Cologna organizing the bottles of alcohol, animal fat, creams, following rolled up papers, and a syringe.
"The prototype was murdering, shaving, and mummifying virgins to steal their natural fragrances and create the ultimate perfume. Epic waste of time." Cologna spread out the papers and started brushing the animal fat on them. "Fortunately, for more practical and legal results, mummifying murdered virgins was replaced by full-body waxing."
"I noticed that billboard on your warehouse. Is the waxing part of the volunteer perfume extraction I read about?"
"Papa constantly looks for new perfumes to discover, study, and improve. The best ones he finds get manufactured for our shop and spa. The failed ones that Papa really wants to ignore are forever concealed in our olfactive archive below the basement. That's where will bury that odious Auradonian royalty stench. Any other questions?"
"Yes. How dangerous is it?"
"Relax, Gothy. It'll be OK. I've survived waxing in the past," Audrey spoke confidently.
"Bet the goody-two shoes didn't specialize in identity extraction." Aromus chuckled.
"Identity extract… Say WHAT?" Gothy almost panicked. She shot a glare at Crystal, but the latter was too busy checking out the prototype promotional posters of the spa hanging on the walls. When Gothy gave the glare to Beatrice, the latter merely shrugged and tossed some cocoa beetles at the Bloody Bambi, surprising Gothy by grabbing and eating the chocolate-covered invertebrates. Gothy was quite sure she saw the pests move.
"Papa has the motto of perfumes being the olfactive identity card of individual souls. When you die, that olfactive identity card disintegrates, leaving your corpse useless and nameless," Cologna explained. "When we apply this waxing method onto Audrey, it will not only rip out her status as Auradonian Princess, it will completely SEVER anything she had with her old Auradonian family and friends. SHEER INDIFFERENCE will all that be left."
"I still remember, but I just don't care about them?" Audrey asked.
"It will be as if you have forever cut ties with them."
"Then again, at this point, it's not that bad," Beatrice casually cut in. "You get to be a random commoner, you start a brand new life, people actually get to like you, and with anarchy dominating the common sense, you get to do whatever you want!"
"It's not going to strip me of my magic, is it?" Audrey raised another point.
"That's a fair point." Crystal looked away from a Picasso-like advertisement poster. "I spent a week coaching her… she's been exercising her magic since she left Auradon."
"Uh… how big is it again?" Cologna double-checked Audrey's glittery blonde hair that was currently being held in a hair cap like the ones you'd wear at the pool.
"I nearly destroyed Auradon, I enchanted a van, I gave the Goblin King a concussion, and whatever Crystal could throw at me," Audrey listed.
"Ooh… Papa says that Auradonian is full of magic oppressors." Aromus snickered. "Big shock wave if we don't do it slowly."
Cologna groaned and proceeded to put on a mask to cover her mouth and ears. "Just layout the big piece on the chair. And Deetz?"
"Yes."
"Just this time, if my twin doesn't keep his hands to himself, feel free to juice him."
"Got a lot of juices on me." Beatrice pulled out a bottle of grape juice from her sleeve and drank from it. After Aromus laid down the properly fitting waxing paper over the operating bed, Audrey took off the bathrobe, exposing her bare skin to the basement's coldness. She placed herself so that her back met the gooey animal fat of the big waxing paper. Cologna proceeded to inject the syringe on Audrey's right arm, numbing the latter's muscles. She couldn't even feel the gooeyness on her skin. Cologna went on to place paper after paper over the patient's skin, folding the edges and cautiously pinning to keep the papers together. For the moment, Cologna had managed to wrap up Audrey's lower body and upper body. As if to apply a facial mask, she cautiously placed smaller papers over her cheeks, her forehead, and most of her nose and ears. She still left some open areas for Audrey to see, hear, and talk.
"You still doing good, Pink Fingers?" Crystal asked.
"Weird. I feel rather relaxed, but at the same time I got a weird feeling. It's like something is pulling."
"The Auradonian stench is starting to come off!" Aromus clapped his hands eagerly. Cologna merely wacked his head to shut him up.
"So… how long does it take?" Crystal asked.
"For volunteer extractions? An hour." Cologna took off her mask.
"Great! I got a bunch of board games on me!" Beatrice pulled out at least twenty different boxes of board games. The others shrugged and decided to pass the time with Beatrice's idea while waiting for Audrey's treatment to be over. "OK, so we got How I Met Your Devil: The Roleplay, Strip Poker Shenanigans: The Movie's Board Game, The Addams Monopoly, Burtonian Chess…"
"You got any board games that aren't movie themed?" Cologna asked.
"I got a 6660 pieces monster puzzles. Hydras, chimeras, echidnas…"
"Echidnas are not monsters. They're mammals," Gothy frowned.
"No, not the egg-laying knockoff of the porcupine. Echidnas are supposed to be monster-bearing mothers. But I already completed that puzzle a thousand times. Maybe we go the puzzle of Gorgonville…"
"Uh, Princess burning?" Aromus spoke hesitantly.
"Ugh! Do you know how many witch trial-themed puzzles my dad got me? And all because I said 'Daddy, for Christmas, I want a board game related to Joan of Arc', and he said, 'But Sugar Beetle, you know how your mom feels about you being near the media that promotes the oppression, harassment, and unfair executions of strong independent women because humanity is full of assholes!'"
"THE PATIENT'S BURNING!" Aromus screamed. He pointed them at the operating table. Sure enough, the waxing paper was beginning to grow dark patches while small pink sparks sprouted. Audrey was sweating and exhaling a lot.
"I overestimated her magic!" Cologna put her mask back on. "It's forcing the Auradonian stench to extract itself more rapidly than expected!"
"Didn't you say it would create a shock wave?" Gothy screamed.
"It's Audrey who's going to get Hell's shock wave of paralyzed bones if I don't rip off this paper from her! You and Crystal keep her calm and shut up while I rip it off!" For safety procedures, she put on some rubber gloves. "Deetz, get me a basin full of water! Aromus, use the bucket to catch the papers! I don't have time to hand them over!"
Crystal used a crystal ball to create an oxygen mask that she immediately put over Audrey's mouth once Cologna forcibly ripped off the papers. Her face was red and burning, and the rip from the waxing paper almost made Audrey scream until the oxygen mask tuned her down.
"You're going to be OK, Audrey!" Gothy held Audrey's head up.
Cologna ripped the papers off the stomach and chest. Audrey screamed more muffled screams while Aromus caught the papers his sister threw at him.
"Flip her over!" Cologna shouted once she had removed the papers covering the patient's front parts. Crystal and Gothy struggled to keep Audrey from screaming while Cologna severely ripped off the last, but biggest paper.
"Deetz, NOW!"
Beatrice held up a basin four times her times, probably because she decided to increase the actual size, and with Herculean force, dunked the cold water onto Audrey. Pink, glittery steam erupted out of her sweating, partially greasy skin, filling the basement like a wild sauna. Cologna was against opening the window, so Beatrice pulled a vacuum cleaner out of nothingness and sucked in all the steam. Once the vacuum was full, she snapped her fingers and turned the machine into a beetle that she proceeded to grab and devour. A burp with pinches of pink glitter escaped her mouth, but she put an end to it by drinking grape juice.
Everyone but Audrey sighed in relief.
"You want me to take care of liquefying the extracts while you figure out how to fuel up the patient?" Aromus dropped his creepy behavior to properly ask the question to his sister.
"Please do."
Aromus went on to carry the papers to the table and do his own work.
"Deetz… you just managed to avoid turning the entire spa's sprinkler system with your revolting insectivore snacking." Cologna was partially impressed.
"Eh. I've tasted more disgusting beetles." Beatrice shrugged.
"Pink Fingers…" Crystal gently tapped Audrey's cheek.
"I'm seeing pink songbirds everywhere…" Audrey was woozy.
"She's just drained out. A bit of pampering at the spa will fuel her up." Cologna took off her gloves.
"How much?" Crystal pulled a wallet out of her coat. "Does the Spa of Scents take Fae cash?"
"Exceptionally, it's free. Bath, mani-pedi, and optional hair care… For anyone who isn't Deetz."
"Beatrice just did you a favor!" Despite acting like a patient who just got out of anesthesia, Audrey managed to speak out her point. "You owe her!"
"Actually, it's less about owing and more about her lousy hygiene." Aromus spoke up while squeezing the wax out of the paper into a bowl. "Deetz shares half of her Papa's cleaning phobias and only bathes once a week. Her mom actually made it a monthly holiday for Macabretown to chase Deetz around with sponges and soap. Whoever gets her cleaned gets a free yearly subscription to Mrs. Deetz's magazine. Make it two years if the chase is on Friday the 13th."
"And I love that holiday!" Cologna sneered, giving a toothy grin at Beatrice.
Beatrice just casually smiled. "I could shapeshift myself into a Shih Tzu stampede at the next one. Don't you have a phobia of those dogs?"
Cologna recoiled in horror. "You wouldn't!"
"There's a reason why there's 'shit' in 'Shih Tzu', Cologna!" Beatrice laughed her head off.
While the two mocked one another, Gothy whispered to Crystal. "You don't think that Audrey's magic steam release has attracted anyone's attention, do you?"
"Unless she has some kind of psychic connection to some supernatural force of nature or the laws of morality, I don't think we need to worry."
"Yeah, you're right." Gothy confidently crossed her arms. "Besides, Audrey's smart. She's definetly not like the retired old-shows from the Isle who never learned that supernatural connections are a bad idea."
If Crystal and Gothy weren't so busy humoring one another, they would have noticed that Audrey's wooziness perfectly shielded her guilty expression.
Meanwhile, somewhere else…
The demon's red-tipped dark hands brought down the hammer one last time and smashed the last of the debris. It had been a long time now since he vandalized the stained glass windows of Sleeping Beauty's castle. It had been a long time now since he vandalized the True Love window representing that useless queen and her husband. He had almost lost track of the amount of days (or months, in Hell's time) he spent further shattering the debris he had taken with him and reorganizing them so he could create a chandelier. A massive, elegant chandelier that would reflect rainbow lights whenever the light hit it. A massive piece of art made of his vandalism of vengeance. He added the last shard to the chandelier and tapped it in amusement. The cries of Audrey's family currently crying in Auradon echoed in the room.
"A chandelier of nightmares to increase the dreams of my Queen of Mean." The demon looked up at his creation. "What else needs to be done to prepare for her arrival?"
Just as he was about to leave the room, the chandelier shook. He looked back at it and noticed how the shards moved even though the windows were closed and no breeze could come in. The demon took a deep breath, and sure enough, he could smell the recent action his client had performed.
"The perfume of power, sins, magnificence, and pure anarchy." Though his body was concealed in the shadows, his grin of sharpened teeth stood out. "Our game will be ongoing for a while, I see. My Queen of Mean will be trying to weasel her way out of our inevitable contract. Perhaps it's time I have a little word with my own friend in Macabretown."
