Disclaimers: Mutant Enemy and Joss Whedon own it all. I'm just doing this for fun, and hopefully entertainment
Reviews: Welcomed and appreciated
Buffy peered over at her lover of the past three years, my husband she thought, with an enormous amount of trepidation. Neither one of them had said a word to each other since they had 'woken up' at the tower. Once they had arrived back at her old home, everyone had tried to push their grief aside to figure out just what had happened. How had the death of a young girl resulted in the life of two vampires?
Anya had rolled her eyes. "Hello, how long have you lived on the Hellmouth? You know that nothing ever is what it appears to be. I mean I've been around a very long time and the stories I could tell you. One time…"
"Anya, please, stay on subject hon." Xander pulled her back on track.
"Oh yes, well." She looked over at Giles. "You of all people know what can happen here Mr. Giles. Dawn was energy, something no one could really explain. And okay, so this is just my take on it, but she gave her life selflessly, doesn't really matter that it was stupid, and the powers granted her request. I mean, she is probably somewhere really great right now. Or maybe she just reverted to what ever she really was. My point being, I don't think you are going to find any answers in all those books of yours."
Willow was nodding her head in agreement. "I actually think she's right. This was her gift to all of us. Except that Buffy and Angel got a little more, not that the world as we know it not ending isn't a huge thing, but…you know what I mean." She leaned a little closer to Cordelia, who kissed her on the forehead and smiled.
They all looked over at the two former vampires, who up until now hadn't really said more than two words. Joyce walked over to them. "Are you alright? Buffy, Angel? Are you doing okay?"
Buffy was staring down at her hands. "I don't know mom. Your youngest daughter just gave her life up for us and I've been a vampire for the past three years and I was living with a vampire who had no soul and now he's here, but it isn't really the same man." She turned to Angel. "Do you even remember the past four years at all? Do you know what I did? Do you hate me for being with him? For loving him?"
He looked up at her. "I don't know Buffy, please, it's just all too much. The memories, I have some of the memories. So what does that mean? I don't remember really being anywhere else for the past few years. No heaven, no hell. But I have snippets of a life with you." Angel turned to Giles. "Do you know what that means? Was my soul still in there while Angelus was in control or was I just gone?" He was feeling so many emotions he felt as if he was about to explode. Anger, betrayal, happiness, sadness. Too many to even name.
"I don't know Angel. I've never encountered anything like this, nor have you. We're trying to find out everything we can but we simply have no real point of reference." Giles looked sadly at the man.
"Please Angel. Look at me." Buffy was fighting to keep her fears at bay.
"We need to talk. Alone." He said in a quietly.
Giles looked from Angel to Buffy and could almost feel the pain and guilt that reeked from the both of them. "The two of you have been through quite an ordeal. I…I realize this sounds trite, but why don't we all sleep on this and meet back here in the morning? I think we all need some sleep." He glanced over at Joyce. "Well, rest at any rate."
Angel stood and held his hand out to Buffy. "Yeah. You're right I suppose. I don't really know what to think. Or what to do. We'll go back to my place and be back tomorrow. This is all so surreal. I feel as if I'm in a dream." He seemed to be almost speaking to himself.
Joyce jumped up from her chair. "You can't go back to that place." She frantically turned to Giles. "Please, Buffy can't go back there." Her eyes pleaded with Angel. "Please, you can't take her back there. It could be dangerous for her. For the both of you. You aren't demons anymore, you're human now. Angel, please."
Angel shook his head. "No. No Mrs. Summers, Joyce. We aren't going back to Crawford Street. We're going back to my old place. My apartment."
Giles laid his hand on Angel's shoulder. "Um, Angel. You haven't lived there in over four years. It's not yours anymore."
Rubbing his hand over his forehead in exhaustion, he looked at Buffy as he spoke. "Angelus kept it. He bought the building and kept the apartment. Even had a lady come in and clean once a week. I remember that much." He held his hand out again. "Ready?"
Buffy nodding with a very confused expression on her face. "Yeah." She turned back to her mother. "I…I'll see you tomorrow. I know this seems…" She hesitated, not really knowing what to say.
"Totally bizarre yet totally expected from our little family?" Cordelia offered.
"Well, yeah. I gotta go mom, don't worry. I mean I know you will, but we'll be safe, I'll be safe. And I'll be back tomorrow." She hugged her mother and Joyce held her daughter with all her strength.
"Please, be careful. You know what Sunnydale is like." She pleaded with Angel over her daughter's shoulder. "Take care of her Angel."
"Always. Come on Buffy, we'll be back in the morning." Angel headed out the door and Buffy followed. She smiled inwardly. This was certainly familiar, following her sire wherever he led.
Joyce held the cup of cooling tea between her hands as she took a deep breath. "Rupert, this is all so overwhelming." She paused. "And confusing. What does it all mean? Will they both stay human? Live normal lives? Is Buffy still a slayer? And what about the council, what will they do? Giles please, say something."
"I will Joyce, as soon as you stop talking." He rose from his chair and went to sit beside her on the couch.
"Sorry. Guess I've got the Willow rambles." She chuckled as she leaned her head against his chest. "I don't know what I would've done without you these past few years Rupert. Both Dawn and I, we depended on you too much." She looked up at him. "You know I never blamed you for Buffy decided to be with him. She was always so headstrong. I could never tell her anything. You know it wasn't your fault, don't you?"
"I'll always feel responsible Joyce. I was her watcher and when she lost Angel I just thought she'd outgrow the loss. I believed her mourning period would pass and her youth would distract her. I never saw just how bereaved she was." He rubbed his hand over her shoulder.
"Well, I was her mother. So how do you think I felt? We are such a guilt-ridden pair, aren't we? And now my youngest is gone. She gave her life for her sister, for all of us, and now I feel guilty because I'm not mourning her enough. This whole thing with Buffy is over shadowing her death. It's not right." She looked into his eyes. "Am I the worst mother, the worst person?"
Giles chuckled and pulled her close in his arms. "No, you've been through more in these past few years than anyone one person should have to deal with in a life time. You need some rest my love." He rose and pulled her up. "To bed."
"Will you stay tonight?" Her eyes were begging.
"Of course. I'll stay every night if you want me to." Kissing her lightly on her lips, he started up the stairs with her.
"How do you think Buffy will react to us being lovers?" She asked.
Giles laughed. "I think she will find it quite…gross."
"Indeed." Joyce continued to lean against Giles as they headed upstairs.
Angel opened the door to the apartment that he used to call home. The apartment that he and Buffy first made love in. Not first he thought, only. All the times after belonged to the other, to his demon. He felt so many sensations and he also felt his heart pounding in his chest and it hurt. Was he having a heart attack? Just emotions, he was sure. Now was not the time to become a hypochondriac. He stood back to let Buffy enter.
She looked up at Angel and realized that for the first time in years she couldn't read him. She had no idea how to make this better. Before she could prostrate herself before her master, let him have his way. But now…now. She knew she still loved him, the man that he was before he lost his soul. Never stopped even though she learned to love Angelus with all her heart. They were so different in so many ways, yet so similar. Could she ever make Angel see why she did what she did? Would he ever accept her again?
"I see your brain working a mile a minute Buffy. Let's just sit and talk." Angel had to chuckle. After all the intervening years, all the experiences and his girl really hadn't changed. He quickly sobered, of course she changed. She chose to live eternity as a vampire with his demon counterpart. Could he live with that knowledge? He knew he couldn't stop loving her, but could he live with her?
"Umm, hello. Kinda think you're doing the same thing. Talk now?" She smiled a sad smile as she went to him and put her arms around his waist and laid her head upon his chest. His arms immediately went around and he pulled her close, breathing deeply of her scent. God how he missed that smell.
"Okay. Talking." He reluctantly pulled away from her and went to sit down, Buffy following him. "Okay, where do we start?" Angel was almost talking to himself.
"Do you hate me?" There was fear in Buffy's voice.
"God Buffy, I could never hate you. I just don't understand. Make me understand. I mean, here we are, mortal. After two and a half centuries, I'm human again and all I can focus on is why you would choose to live an eternity with him." There was pain in his eyes.
Looking at her hands, Buffy began to speak. "I wanted to die Angel. After you were gone all I wanted to do was just die. I began to take chances, willing someone, something to just kill me. I wanted it to end. I know they all thought I would just get over it, over you, I could hear them, 'Oh she's young, she'll get on with her life, meet someone who'll make her forget.' But I knew you were it for me, even at sixteen I knew. When we made love it was forever for me Angel. And then you were gone and Jenny Calendar told us about that little happiness clause in your curse." She looked up at him. "We would've never been able to be together and I died just a little bit more. Everyday without you I died a little bit more. And then one day I woke up and thought, 'fuck it all, if I can't have Angel I'll be with someone who looks like him and smells like him and feels like him.' And I went to Angelus, knowing more than likely he'd reject me and I'd end up having to kill him or that I'd let him kill me. But you didn't, he didn't. He took me in and he was nothing like you, not really. And that was fine, he was a substitute at first. But then, I don't know when, I began to love him for being Angelus and he began to love me. And there was a little bit of you in him whether you'll ever admit it, I saw it. I asked him to turn me, to make me immortal so I could be with him forever and never have to be a slayer ever again. I thought I would lose my soul, be like him, but I didn't. For some bizarre reason slayers don't lose their souls, but we change. It may be slight, but it's enough so that we can live a life without the guilt, without the need to be responsible. I needed that Angel. Without you I needed that." She took a deep breath and waited a moment. "When Dawn was in trouble, even though she wasn't really my sister, well my instincts kicked in and I knew I had to be there for her and Mom. And Angelus was there for me. And now, here we are." Buffy waited for his reaction.
He just looked at her and saw her pain, her fears, her hopes. "I have memories you. Of a life with you. Vague memories, but I was there. Sort of." He pulled her closer and looked deeply into her eyes. "I don't know the pain you went through, I can only imagine and I'm sorry for that. Even if I knew about the curse, I'm not sure I could've stopped myself from making love with you. My feelings, my need for you was so strong. It still is Buffy. I can't judge you, I've done some things in my life, souled and unsoled that are pretty horrific. I can't, I won't give up on us. It may take some time, but I'm willing to try. To start from here. I think I can leave the past where it is, in the past. It's over, but we need time. We both need time."
"What does that mean? Will we still be able to be together, see each other? What are you thinking?" Angel heard the frantic edge to her voice.
"Of course we will. I don't think either of us could handle not seeing each other. But I'll stay here and you should probably stay with your mom for awhile. Just while we get reacquainted. I believe we are meant to be together, forever."
"I know we are. I mean, why else would this have happened. All the powers seem to be leading us to be together. I love you and I always will, I know there is no end to that." She yawned. "God, I'm so sorry. How rude was that?"
"We're both exhausted. Let's call it a night and get some sleep. Being mortal again does have a down side it would appear. Human frailties, like our bodies needing sleep. Bummer." He smiled. "Umm, guess that only works when Xander or Willow says it. Doesn't sound quite right coming from me."
"No, not quite. But it's still awfully cute." She nuzzled his neck.
"Buffy, we can't go there. Not now, not yet." He stood up and walked over to the hallway. "You take the bed and I'll crash on the couch. Here's a clean towel in case you want to shower."
She took the towel and tried to cover her embarrassment. "Want to shower? More like desperately need to shower. Thanks. And Angel? I'm sorry. I didn't mean to push things. I'm just used to…"
"I know Buffy. But it's been a long time for me and you really are irresistible. Just better to stop before we start."
"Of course. You're right. And the bed's big enough for the both of us. Really. I think we can control ourselves for one night especially when we're both so exhausted."
"I'm sure you're right." He handed her a t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants he had found in a drawer.
"Did you know all this stuff was here?" Buffy asked as she took the garments.
Angel shrugged. "Maybe, just not sure."
"We'll take it slow and easy, I promise. No pushing from the ex-slayer." Buffy gave him a small smile.
"Are you?" He asked with one brow raised.
"What?"
"An ex-slayer? Do you not feel your powers?"
Buffy hesitated. "I don't know. I really don't know."
"Guess time will tell. In all things." Angel pushed her towards the bathroom. "Go on now, we both need to shower and get some sleep. Tomorrow's looking to be a big day."
