Chapter 12: The Fall Festival of Macabretown
Whatever memories Audrey had of Auradonian photography, she instantly grew to despise them. Lydia showed her around at least fifteen different walls in the house's photography studio (how the family managed to warp reality to make this a wild home, Audrey didn't know) and each picture hanging on the wall were individually exceptional. Audrey was amazed by how the values were manipulated in black-and-white pictures to make her feel like she could actually see the sun rays or moonlight shining in the picture, the mysterious filters the woman used to capture in perfect detail every string of hair in model shots, and whatever she did to not only bring to life different colors, but also capture shots to alternate the backgrounds or express the models' auras. Considering the price tags displayed by each piece, it didn't surprise Audrey that the Vice Mayor of Macabretown made massive money.
"Family pictures are definetly my favorites." Lydia showed the pictures she had on a purple wall, each framed within the confinements of individually designed frames. Beatrice's birthday candles had a glossy appeal, they almost looked like they could still burn. Pictures of family parties and town festivals, Audrey could see the individual threads moving as the dress fabrics danced. The simple, black-and-white picture of Beetlejuice and Lydia at their wedding was in a simple frame and had no price tags. And judging by the background, it didn't look like they were married in Macabretown.
Lydia chuckled. "It was on his second attempt to marry me that he actually succeeded in going through the ceremony."
"Did he back up the first time because he was afraid?" Audrey asked.
"Nope. It was one of those weird bad-guy routines in the 80s, where the bad guy wants the fifteen-year-old girl to marry him in exchange for saving the life of her friends."
Audrey frowned. "Why does that sound like Crystal's dad?"
"Probably because Jareth and B.J were in the same support group for creepy old guys…" Lydia laughed her head off, "and while Jareth is still whining because Sarah keeps telling him no after 30 years, B.J actually learned the proper methods of a second chance."
"Apologizing for being a jerk and waiting a decade or so to properly court you?"
"Nope. Alternate reality so that he and I had a series' worth of time to actually be best friends and for him to behave while I am his living morality chain. Not exactly what you'd expect, but things worked out. We properly love one another, we're married, we run a town full of people who are just as similar to us in interests, and I have a darling, if not silly, child."
Audrey gave her agreement on that last part with a giggle.
"But…" Audrey stopped giggling when Lydia sighed sadly. "It wasn't easy with my parents. My father wasn't exactly present when I needed him after my mother died, and my stepmother Delia, loving as she was, still couldn't stop trying to make me normal. B.J and I were married a few months before they created the other land and Delia insisted that I divorce B.J so that the officials wouldn't send me with him on the Isle…"
"What?" Audrey interrupted Lydia out of shock. "Why would they shove you on the Isle of the Lost? You just told me that your husband made efforts to be good enough for you! And you're obviously still continuing a happy marriage! Why would they…"
"It doesn't matter." Lydia calmly raised her hand up. "My parents made it clear that they weren't going to support us, so we left them in the other land. I'm happy with my life, my family, my friends, and my career, and I would never force Beatrice to be something she's not. Frankly, it's a relief that she'll never have to meet her grandparents."
Audrey nodded as they moved forward to the next pictures, this time of town festivals. Lydia had really nailed it on the glossy effect for the photographed confetti. "Back in the other land, my family primarily expected me to raise their status by being with someone of their status. When that didn't work, I got cast aside by a lot of people. It was clear I wasn't wanted, so I ran away to help Gothy find her sister. I've been working on finding myself."
Lydia gently rested her hand on Audrey's shoulder, a gesture the latter hadn't felt in a while from an adult. "I'm sorry you had to endure such unfairness. But you're in the better lands. Nothing holds you back from finding yourself and you'll learn from a multitude of people on your trip that their diverse happiness, you would have never found out it in the other land."
Audrey smiled a bit and decided to change her mind on things. "Do you have other galleries to show?"
"Absolutely!" Lydia led Audrey to the last part of the studio, a semi-circle space of pitch black walls and purple curtains that only let in a few sunrays while dim lights illuminated the place. Still, the framed portraits managed to shine and the pictures were fully well detailed. Each one of them seemed to portray two different people, one human and the other some sort of humanoid abomination, putting poses for the camera while the background had been played around with depending on the horror or glamour they were going for.
"My greatest collection!" Lydia held her arms out. "Demonic Duality! It constantly grows and expand everytime a demon visits Macabretown!"
"Wait… are they all demons?" Audrey looked at each of them and finally saw the similarities. "Is that supposed to be reflecting the demon's human forms?"
"You'd be surprised how many filters my cameras use to properly capture the inner layers of the demon's auras, toy with the pixels, and finally duplicate the actual appearance of the demon's former living appearances and residencies!" Lydia cautiously straightened a framed portrait when it looked too tilted. "The moment they come to Macabretown for some event, many line up to portray their egos on photos. The Demonic Duality is an ongoing series that not only get sold in Macabretown, but for other occult collectors and permanent galleries in the eastern cities. The Devil himself pays well for fancy pictures of the sinners he rules. With all the…" Lydia noticed that Audrey wasn't paying attention due to her focus being attracted by a portrait in particular.
Audrey definitely never knew about the possibilities of being enchanted by a portrait. She no longer thought much of her old pictures back in Auradon, and whatever she used to think of her ex-boyfriends, even the positives, were completely gone. Both the demonic and human aspects of the model fascinated her. The model's dual personalities were holding an old-fashioned microphone in the air, creating a source of red light so well manipulated, Audrey could see that many layers of glossy red and oranges had been used to capture the rays. In the background was a dark bayou and the waters were shining like red-colored diamonds due to the lighting. But despite the fanciness of the background, Audrey's eyes were mostly attached on the dual models. Both wore old-fashioned clothing, had a close to dark brownish hair, some sort of eye accessory, and a smile. But while the human side looked like some spectacled commoner with a goofy smile and his hair was dark chocolate brown that matched his eyes, the demonic side was drenched in red on his fancy suit and the entirety of his eyes. The demon's hairstyle was slightly messier, two patches of hair stood upward like animal ears, two tiny horns stood out, and only the tips of his hair kept the darker version of his human's brown hair color while the rest was of bleeding red. His dark gloves had red tips and his smile screamed pure sadism.
Dork-like mortal or perhaps some pure evil entity, Audrey wasn't quite sure why the only word she could think of for both dual models was handsome.
Lydia smirked when she saw Audrey's attention on the picture. "A family friend from B.J's demon side. They've known each other during my husband's time in the purgatory. Out of all the demons who visit Macabretown, he's among those who come the most unless business holds him back. He's like an insanely fun uncle to Beatrice."
"I bet you guys had a fun time on Friday the 13th."
"He didn't come, actually." Lydia looked disappointed. "The last time he came was during the lunar eclipse of July 16th, and sometime last month, he sent a paper manifestation apologizing for his upcoming absence. He's…"
"MOMMY!" Beatrice's voice rang over the walls. "We have an emergency!"
"Beatrice Deetz, Beatrice Deetz, Beatrice Deetz!" Lydia called out. A flash of light came and Beatrice landed on a chair posed by the window. "Beatrice, what have I told you about screaming in the house?"
"But Dad told me to find you and you know how I get lost in here!" Beatrice got up from the chair. "Dad wants me to go get barrels of vampire sangria before the Fall Festival starts and he wanted me to ask you if you needed anything from town."
"More barrels of vampire sangria… BEETLEJUICE, WE JUST BOUGHT DOZENS OF THOSE TWO WEEKS AGO!" Lydia shouted at the ceiling. "DON'T TELL ME YOU FINISHED ALL OF IT THE LAST TIME YOU HAD THE BOYS OVER!"
"SAY MY NAME TWO MORE TIMES TO TALK ABOUT IT!" The voice of Beetlejuice echoed over the walls.
"Beatrice, do we have enough soap for the guests?"
"Yes." Beatrice nodded.
"Is the guest room sandworm-proof?"
"Double-checked."
"What's the condition of the blade of our vegetable guillotine?"
"It's beginning to rust, and frankly the last time we had rashed browns, it cut rather messy."
Lydia swiped out a credit card out of her sleeve. "Uniquely use my card to buy the vampire sangria from Chez Lecter and the veggie guillotine from Wednesday's Weapon Emporium."
Beatrice nodded and hid the credit card in her sleeve. "You want to come with me, Audrey?" She casually asked Audrey.
"Sure, why not?"
"You're not going with Crystal?" Lydia frowned.
"I'd rather not. The last time she and I took a stroll in Macabretown, Ivan Daniel Plasmius stalked her, and I think she's already busy trying to bond with Gothy."
"Fair enough. Have fun girls." Lydia shouted at the ceiling again. "BEETLEJUICE, WE STILL NEED TO DISCUSS ABOUT YOUR DRINKING PROBLEM!"
"Let's get the Hell out of here before we get stuck in Parental Make Out Town!" Beatrice urged Audrey to follow her out of the studio.
Later
Fortunately, the cannibal restaurant and the shop of dangerous home goods were next to one another on Neither Avenue, so Beatrice didn't have much trouble going in, but she insisted that Audrey and the Bloody Bambi waited for her outside. Lecter was very easy to offense and Audrey would most likely have rejected tasting free samples and Beatrice knew there was no way the latter could resist touching anything in the bazaar that Wednesday Addams called a shop. Lecter and Addams were kind enough to take the payment and have the orders delivered straight to the Deetz house, which satisfied Beatrice. What didn't satisfy the hybrid was the result of leaving Audrey to wait outside on a bench. Beatrice lost count of the amount of passerbys who noticed the 'exotic foreigner', the newest visitor in Macabretown. Some casually approached Audrey, trying to strike a conversation. Audrey managed to keep her answers limited for their questions, but they were still interested. Even a skeleton pushing around a cart of deadly flowers tried to give Audrey a free potted corpse flower that 'matched those deadly brown eyes of hers', but Beatrice gave morphed her face into that of an alebrije to scare him off. None of the other citizens reacted since owning a corpse flower could make the owner stink for many thousands of years, and they made way for the girls and the stag as they walked around town. Even when Beatrice tried to guide them through less crowded streets and staircases, people still stared at Audrey in a fascinated way.
Probably the result of removing the Auradonian stench, Beatrice thought. Her natural perfume mixed with her pretty face are luring others like bees to honey. Beatrice shot a glance at the Bloody Bambi. The animal continued to walk by Audrey as any bodyguard animal does, but Beatrice could imagine her demon friend watching through the manifestation. Chaotic Manipulation 101, Beatrice, she thought to herself. Rule Number One, figure out what makes her tip her balances.
"Wow. You seem to attract a lot of attention." Beatrice told Audrey when they finally reached one of the parks where the preparations for tonight's Fall Festival were close to done.
"I'm trying not to. Really!" Audrey tried to reassure her. They found a fallen tree bending as if it were a clawed hand resting on the ground. Following Beatrice's move, Audrey sat on the twisted branches forming the palm while the 'branchy fingers' hid them well. "Last time I was popular… Nah." She shook her head.
"Oh, you were one those high school alpha bitches?" Beatrice grinned in her leaning position. "Did you dunk pig's blood on a girl you hated on prom?"
"No." Audrey shook her head. "I turned her into an old hag. It didn't last long and we made up."
Beatrice stuck her tongue out in boredom and tried to think of something else. "Oh! Were you one of those people who's so into following normal traditions, you tried to get rid of your creepy and kooky neighbors?"
"No. But my grandma and I were rather prejudiced towards VKs and my first ex-boyfriend's idea of bringing them…"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Beatrice waved her hands in confusion. "VKs? First ex-boyfriend? I don't even know what you're talking about… Audrey, what exactly have you done with your magic that's actually entertaining?"
It was Audrey's turn to be confused. "Entertaining?"
"Yeah? I mean what's the point of having powers if you don't use them to entertain yourself?"
Audrey smirked at Beatrice. "The way a certain hybrid uses her ghostly powers to prank others?"
"Nah, that's my thing." Beatrice shook her head. "In our modern era, regardless of whatever power they have, whether to bend reality or corrupt the governmental parties, people with power always crave entertainment. I mean, you've seen Crystal. Loaded with Fae magic and constantly seeking to fill her hedonistic entertainments."
Audrey pondered.
"If you had to think of some bad things you did, with or without magic, what would they be?" Beatrice asked.
"Well… I was cheerleader…"
"Yeah…"
"The only guys I ever dated were princes because that's what my family made me think I was supposed to be with…"
"Yeah…"
"I was rather self-centered and jealous when Mal used her magic to give girls makeovers… I missed out on a lot of school days to get myself a makeover… I stole two artifacts and became evil, I turned the girl I hated into a hag and my first ex-boyfriend into a beast, I either made every one fall asleep or turn to stone, I locked my second ex-boyfriend in a closet…"
Beatrice blinked. "Was your life really this lousy or are you an amateur in improv acting for boredom?" Seriously, what does he see in Audrey? Beatrice mentally wondered.
"Why do you even want to know?" Audrey asked.
Chaotic Manipulation 101, Rule Number Two, Beatrice thought. Have her break the balances.
"My dad's currently negotiating with my mom to ease down my punishment so I can take you guys to the next clue on your trip," she explained. "Problem? Macabretown is as fucked up as Crystal's wishing rules. Even when they have the liberty, the residents can't leave to go to distant places unless they're invited."
"Seriously? Who comes up with this garbage?"
"Hey, life ain't a highway, my friend! Fees come and go! Fortunately, I know a guy who's leaving out of town this weekend on the train that leaves Macabretown only once a week… Things have gotten a bit funky between us, but if we due some discreet, chaotic services, he might be able to let water under the bridge flow and let us go with him to his destination… and then, you know, we can get tickets to catch another train to go to the next clue."
"Why do I have a feeling that you're trying to find an excuse to pull a prank?" Audrey was unconvinced.
"I'm not the one to pull the pranks." Beatrice borrowed her mother's technique and tapped Audrey's nose. "You will!"
"Me?" Audrey pointed back at herself. "But I've never pulled a prank in my life!"
"Hey, so far the only interesting stuff you seem to have done before ditching the royal glamour was crushing others' egos. And knowing who you'll prank, you will enjoy this!" Audrey was still unconvinced. "Come on! It would be a great way to put your skills to the test, and you'll have fun messing with the assholes!"
Audrey's unconvinced expression progressively faded away. "Well, I suppose if it's for the cause of finding Gothy's sister and if the targets are jerks… Who are they anyway?"
Beatrice pulled up her left sleeve and revealed a black-and-white wristwatch. She raised her right hand up and progressively counted down three seconds with her fingers until a shout was heard. While the Bloody Bambi was eating some grass, the girls peaked through the leaves and saw four teenagers by a stand where a man was setting up an assortment of pumpkin pastries and blood orange beverages. One boy with puffy brown hair and wearing animal-based clothing that couldn't even be distinguished as fake or real was screaming at the indifferent vendor. The vendor himself indifferently slapped away with his ladle the hand of a blonde pigtailed girl dressed in a candy princess dress when she made an attempt to snatch one of his pastries. The other two teenagers, a platinum blonde boy dressed in blue and a bespectacled girl in techno-fan clothing, were too busy with their hobbies of chewing gum and playing on a gaming console respectively.
"The Bratty Kids of the Four Bratty Kids." Beatrice spat. "Vincent Salt, Augusta Gloop, Bexley Beauregarde, and N Tina Teevee. Walking stock characters that make you wonder why the hell they even live in the Macabretown."
"Nobody knows why they live here?" Audrey asked.
"No, everybody knows that their parents have fancy jobs in the eastern cities but are too self-centered to give them extra rooms in their fancy houses, so they annually rent cheap rowhouses to live in Macabretown to deal with their own indulgences while the parents get to do what they want. We just don't understand why Macabretown of all the places, especially since the one guy the parents really hate is very popular in Macabretown."
"Oh don't tell me…" Audrey quickly connected the dots and looked at the factory in the distance. "The owner of the chocolate factory? The same factory you accidentally caused a chocolate avalanche in? You want me to prank them so you'd get on Wonka's good side!"
"Do you want us out of Macabretown so we can help Gothy find her sister?" Beatrice quietly asked.
Audrey grimaced. She looked back at the bratty kids; Vincent Salt was trying to bully the vendor into giving him goods for free.
"IF MY MOTHER WAS THE MAYOR, SHE'D HAVE YOU TIED YOU UP TO THE RAILTRACKS AND A TRAIN WOULD RUN OVER YOU THIRTEEN TIMES!"
"Sorry. Mayor Beetlejuice already did that back in June because of the tiling problem in City Hall." The vendor was still unmoved. "Keep trying to be creative, maybe you'll actually be able to create a decent blackmail by the time the Sun becomes a supernova."
"Ooh." Audrey was impressed. "Total burn."
Beatrice giggled at Audrey's indirect pun.
"I guess you're right… That guy Vincent isn't worth listening to." Audrey tapped her chin in thought. "Zipping his mouth shut would be too easy… Beatrice, what scares him?"
Beatrice giggled to the point of cruel laughter. "He's got a serious phobia of squirrels!"
Just then, an albino squirrel jumped on the branches. Audrey gestured it to come and land in her hands. It almost seemed like a cute sight coming out of a clichéd fairytale until Audrey's eyes glowed pink again. "Fee, fi, fo, fum, and everything passive, make this harmless rodent something massive!" Audrey let the albino squirrel girl. They spied on it as it scurried its way towards the bratty kids; cue the part of the animal growing muscular and to the matching size of an elephant with teeth of a sabertooth cat. When Vincent Salt turned to see the monstrous albino roar at his face, his skin turned deadly white and he ran away, screaming and crying.
Audrey wasn't sure what she was feeling… besides laughing. "That was actually funny!"
"Ooh, try Gloop! She has a fear of cannibal pastries coming to life!"
And that's how it went for the next five minutes. Audrey casted three new spells she instantly invented and Augusta Gloop was running away from an army of flesh-hungry pumpkin pies, Bexley Beauregarde jumped up the park gazebo to avoid the living ooze of acidic blueberries, and N Tina Teevee ran away in fear from basketball players with TV screens for heads. Audrey and Beatrice laughed their heads (maybe a bit literally for the latter) and got out of their hiding spot when things cleared up and the Bratty Kids of the Four Bratty Kids ran away from the park. For the civilians who had witnessed the scene, they behaved as if monstrous things invading a park was something that happened every other Wednesday. The girls and the Bloody Bambi went to the vendor, who was randomly serving a blood orange juice to the monstrous albino squirrel.
"We're you responsible for this, Ms. Deetz?" The vendor asked, barely expressing a smile or a frown.
"Not me this time." Beatrice shook her head. "I'm grounded, but my friend Audrey here did the deed." Beatrice patted Audrey on the shoulder. The latter smiled weakly, expecting the vendor to tell her to go away, but all he did was hand her a glass of blood orange soda and pull out his wallet to take out some bills.
"On the house soda for getting those brats off my shoulders and 200 blights in advance if you can come by my house tomorrow to fix my termite problem."
Cue the amount of present residents who started lining up to request some magical services from Audrey.
Later, past sundown
Macabretown definetly proved itself insanely festive at the Fall Festival. The civilians drank, ate, and entertained themselves with festival games from knocking the cans of worms with cannonballs to outdoor bowling (or in this case, throwing a cannonball at a pile of bowls). While some tourists were struggling to try out the creepy foods, Gothy and Crystal were exchanging some cheers and drank their blood orange sodas.
"Definitely not like the Isle of the Lost!" Gothy did not hold back her burb and blood red colored bubbles escaped her mouth. Crystal laughed her head off. Meanwhile, Beatrice spoke to someone who's back was turned against the festival.
"I don't like what you're doing." He insisted.
"Come on, Will! You know nobody leaves Macabretown without an invite, and I'm not the one who pranked the assholes." Beatrice pointed a finger at the bench where Audrey sat with the Bloody Bambi by her side. Due to the pranks she had pulled on the Bratty Kids of the Four Bratty Kids and the small magical services some people had started asking her, some youngsters approached Audrey in an interest to properly get to know the magical foreigner. Many of them tried to urge Audrey to come back to Macabretown once she was done with her trip. Beatrice smirked when she saw one of her friends, Delora Cadavrariée, listing out the dates of her graveyard recitals she had programmed for the rest of the year in the hopes that Audrey would come to watch. "She's not even doing this for me, but for the sake of helping her other friends!"
Her friend tapped his fingers as he kept his arms crossed. "I really do not trust where you're going, but I won't deny it, I liked the monster albino squirrel. Maybe if your friend is capable of keeping those assholes off my back while I prepare the rest of the cargo for the trip for the next days, I'll let you guys step on the train."
"Thanks, Will!"
"Only if she manages to keep them away from me and if you promise to not pull any pranks of your own for the rest of the week!"
"Great! Shake on it?" Beatrice held out her hand.
"No way! How about a hug instead?"
Beatrice agreed and gave him a quick hug. As usual with the Macabretown Fall Festival, a skeleton announced the traditional Deetz musical.
"Oh, this will be fun." Crystal smirked as the entire Deetz family, dressed in fancy maroon red coats, stood in front of the gazebo where the skeletal band proceeded to play.
Beetlejuice: Thank you all for coming down
To this charming place we call Macabretown.
Lydia: This may seem like Hell's substitute,
But see it more as a fun institute.
Beatrice: Macabretown, a creepy utopia!
Macabretown, the home of worthy phobia!
Macabretown, where demons visit on special days
And where spooky folk get a high salary raise!
The gothic is regular, fairytales are irregular,
But your time here will be more than spectacular!
All three: We got a bunch of Burtonian legends,
The Addams Family selling kooky weapons,
The Baudelaires are unfortunate, but happy here!
Hannibal Lecter has his own restaurant,
The Beldam's appearance can still haunt,
Grenouille is selling rather than killing, and happy here!
This place ain't wrecked,
Everything's perfect,
Fun for humans and home for a creepy clown,
We're all happy here at Macabretown!
Beatrice: Nobody has to fear of burning at the stake,
We get along just fine and share a buggy milkshake
Lydia: And Friday 13 is a regional holiday, anytime of the year!
Beetlejuice: It's Macabretown! Have a blood orange beer!
All three: We got a bunch of deadly monsters,
Lousy actors pretending to be doctors,
Corpses who play at the witching hour, it's all fun!
Demonic contracts become regional festivities,
Children learn through creepy activities,
And witches get to take a break when the week's done!
This place ain't for wenches,
We'll keep you up the benches
And have so much fun you'll never frown,
We're all happy here at Macabretown!
Needless to say, everyone cheered as bright fireworks designed to look like spiderwebs illuminated the night sky. When the interested crowd gave her some space, Audrey exchanged some cheers with Gothy.
"Never thought I'd say this, but this is the most exciting party I've ever been to in my life!" Audrey laughed out loud.
"Looks like somebody's definetly gone over her ex-Auradonian moralities!" Gothy laughed and hiccupped at the same time.
"Who cares?" Audrey snorted. "I bet that while we're having the time of our lives, they're probably having some boring castle potluck and have completely forgotten us! SOMEBODY GIVE ME A REFILL!"
