Wow, guys, I'm getting really bad at updating, aren't I? So sorry! Please forgive me...RL has been unrelenting and free time has become almost obsolete....It's all school, school, school and I'm finally getting to spend a little well deserved time with my father, who I haven't seen in like three months...so we have catching up to do, hence why I haven't really been updating on time. But after this part, there only one more written part until I'm out of parts an will be required to write more....but first I must get the quiet time and, well, the inspiration...so it might be awhile. Sorry guys, but I hope you enjoy this part. Ok, enough with the rambling...here's the reviewer replies.
Super Unigirl: YAY! Another new reader!
CApt.Cow: Have I said before how I love your name...makes me laugh. Wow, I made people cry...that's definitely the reaction I was going for.
Innogen: Glad I haven't lost ya!
Hawkes: Don't know if this is your name here or if you have a name...but thanks for reading this anyway and reminding me that I need to update! Hope you enjoy.
I seem to be loosing some other readers....it's probably my spuratic posting...but maybe this will bring them back.
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Chapter 20
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It's a cold day in a cruel world
I really wish I could have saved you
Then who would have saved me from myself~~Dashboard Prophets: "Ballad for Dead Friends"
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I slowly come to my senses. As each one returns, I smell the aroma of dew on the grass, I can hear the wind blowing through the trees, each branch clacking against each other as though nature is celebrating the peaceful silence of the moment. It's my sense of touch that really comes alive. I can feel the cool silk under by bare skin, I can feel a warm, gentle, rythmic sensation on my neck. I suddenly feel a warm arm wrap around my waist. I grin as I run my hand down the arm, my fingers tracing every outline, and say, "Hmm, hello...Harper."
I roll over and lock eyes with Harper. I drape my arm over his waist, moving my hand up and down his back. He's smiling at me with that smile, that crooked little grin of his. I keep my eyes locked on his as I say, "I had the worst nightmare. We were taken away for a trial, a trial which I lost. Then..then they shot you, you died in my arms, Harper, but it was all....all just..."
I hesitate as I start to feel a warm wetness on Harper's back. It's growing quickly. I can feel whatever it is rolling down my bare forearm. I raise my arm away from his back and into my line of vision. I start to tremble as I see the glistening crimsom blood beading down my arm, turning the gold a sickening deep violet.
My eyes widen as I finish, a trimble in my voice, "...just a dream."
I look once more into Harper's eyes, now instead of glistening blue they are completely glazed over, all life gone. His pale skin almost snow white.
Suddenly his breath shudders as he gasps.
"Forever."
His breath catches again, this time never to be recovered as he slumps backwards. All I can see now is red blood, the puddle growing bigger and bigger as the room darkens.
"No!' I scream as I bolt up. I look around desperately trying to figure out where I am. This scenery is completley unknown to me. My chest violently rises and falls as I breathe harder and harder, with each breath I take I'm nearer sobs.
*It was only a dream. Harper isn't dead. I dreamed it all, every bit of it,* I think to myself as I continue looking around, trying to find a strand of the good reality to cling to again. Then, I make the mistake of allowing my head to fall and what I see shatters my hopes into tiny shards.
I raise a shaking hand to my chest, then my stomach, then finally my thighs. There are dark red stains spotting my dress, darkest in these areas.
I've seen this enough to immeadiately know what I'm looking at. My entire body is shaking and if I had a heart, I'm sure it would be pounding so hard I could feel it in my ears.
"N-no! I-it isn't real! This isn't real. I'll just call his name and he'll return to me. I'll call to him and he'll explain all of this away. Yes, that's what I must do."
As I go to call, another voice cuts in, "I wish it were that simple, Trance."
My head snaps around, following the voice. I see Morrighan standing in the doorway beside me. I look at her.
"Please, tell me it was all a dream, tell me that I didn't lose him again," I plead, the last light of hope flickering in my eyes.
She slowly walks over to me and places a hand on my shoulder. That last light is extinguished. I've done this same gesture so many times before. I know what she's going to tell me but I don't want to believe.
"I'm so sorry. I tried to get there in time. Tried to save you both....but I was too late."
"No," I weakly say as my eyes well up. "No, please....please tell me he's alive." My plea is met with sad eyes. I shake my head in disbelief, mouthing the word "no" unable to get my voice to work. I clinch my eyes shut, drop my head into my hands and allow my emotions to show. My entire body is wracked with sobs as I realize that all the memories I prayed to the Divine were figments are actually the devastating truth, Harper is dead.
Morrighan silently stands in front of me, letting me cry.
After a few minutes, I look up, tears still freely rolling down my cheeks. "Let me see him...I need to see him."
Morrighan rubs her hands together as she begins to pace. "You can't...we-*I* left him behind."
My eyes go wide again. "No! We must go back! He belongs on the Andromeda, with his family. He deserves a proper burial, surrounded by his friends not the ones who killed him!"
Morrighan stops pacing, still not allowing herself to make eye conact with me. "I'm sorry, Trance. I came here to get you both out, no distractions. When I got there, Harper was already dead, you were the only survivor, meaning you were the one to get out. When I set out, I did so to get you both out of there, but because Harper didn't make it didn't mean I was going to leave you there to die as well. When I tried to get you out, you refused to leave, so I..I stepped in."
I was so angry. I just look at her and scream, "You left him there!"
"We were running out of time, Trance! I had no choice!"
"You left him there," I angrily repeat, bitter, hot tears rolling down my cheeks. I can feel my fingernails cutting into my skin as I clinch my fists until they shake.
Now Morrighan turns to face me. Her look is as anger-filled as my own. "Trance it was either you or Harper and Harper was dead, out of the equation! I had two choices at that point: leave you there to die with Harper or leave him and give you a chance to live. You wouldn't make that choice so I made it for you."
I jump off the table and yell, "I *made* my choice! I *wanted* to die!"
Suddenly she takes hold of my shoulders and says, "Why? You had the chance to live. Why would you want to die when you can live? Why would you waste that chance?"
I shake her hands off my shoulders and take a step back. "Why? Why? Because he wasn't the one who was supposed to die! I was! I should be dead right now and Harper should be making his way back to the Androemda to explain why I wouldn't come back this time. He should be there consoling everyone. He shouldn't be dead because..."
I stop and turn away from Morrighan's piercing eyes.
"Trance?"
I take a shakey breath as I continue, "He shouldn't be dead because he loved me...he should be alive because *I* love him." I can hear her take in a sharp breath. She hadn't known, this entire time she hadn't known.
"Trance, I had no...I'm so..." she stops herself, unable to continue, realizing her mistake.
I turn around once more locking eyes with Morrighan and ask, all rage leaving my weak body, "Why did you come for us? Why couldn't you have just let me die with him?"
Morrighan leans against the door frame she had stopped next to and says, "If you will hear me out, I will explain all that I can to you. Please, Trance, just let me explain."
I take in another shakey breath. I give a cynical laugh and turning around I say, "Explanations....yeah, I could really use some of those right now. Please explain a few things for me, Morrighan. Explain to me why all I can see is darkness. Explain to me why everything and everyone I ever love dies. Explain to me why no matter how hard I try to save them, the ones I love always die because of my mistakes, explain why they always die in *my* arms. Explain to me why the one person I've fought and fought to keep alive died again, explain why he died for me. Explain to me how I'm going to tell the crew, his family, that Harper is dead and that it's all my fault. Explain to me what I have to live for now. Now that everything I've loved is gone! My powers, the one thing I could have used to save him, to bring him back to me...gone. Harper, the one man I've ever truly loved and who ever loved me, gone! All my reasons to live, gone! So, Morrighan..."
I trail off. Through my rant I have made my way to her. I lean in, getting face-to-face to her and finish, "...please, do *explain!*"
TBC
Ok, so how was that. I really need you guys to come back and read...c'mon, you're my motivation and when you leave so does the will to write....so press that little purple button and show me that you want more story...please. No this isn't me begging....I just want feedback, that's all. Well, until next time.
