Disclaimer- For the millionth time, not mine!
A/N- Hello dear readers... If you've read this far, either you've stuck with me, or you've come to horrible flame me. If you're one of the latter, I don't need you giving me a talking to about how she's a Mary-Sue, or if I write horribly.
If you were of the first group, I've come to apologize profoundly. I've realized it's not fair to the people who like the story, so I think I'll try and continue this. Just don't count too much on it, I know, I'll try my best, but I don't think that much is going to come out of it except for bad fic and a horribly boring story.
And if you are STILL here, then I guess, here's the next chapter!
12/12
Dear Journal,
Hey. I'm really bored... There's nothing at all to do. Not to mention that I'm going through PMS and that I have NO chocolate what so ever. I'm trying to lay low in order to not bite off anyone's head. Not that I would actually do that, it' just a figurative phrase! Really! I'm telling the truth!
Ok, after I stop trying to convince to my journal that I'm not lying to it, I think I'm going to take a walk around the school. You never know what that might do for you... It's actually a good thing... It clears my head, just seeing little kids getting lost. Heh, I still get lost here too. I never get used to all these weird passages. I wish that someone would make a map of this place. That would make it a lot easier to walk around here without getting lost...
I think that I'm gaining weight. I don't know... I haven't seen a scale since forever, but I don't know... I look at that Chang (Flitwick's assistant, remember?) and I see how thin she is and how she can somehow wear her really long hair down and not get it tangled (even when we were doing breeze charms) and how half the guys have these crushes on her and then I just feel... Well, insignificant and sort of fat. Not that I feel really fat, just... I don't think that I'm the same weight I was before. But then again, it might just be me being insecure about how I look...
Okay, I think that I'm totally being weird about how I look now. I just feel the need to look nicer... Maybe it's the fact that I'm pretend going out with Malfoy? Logan, with his big mouth, told Hermione and them, so I told Hermione my true plan, and then she was okay with it. But I didn't tell the guys because they just wouldn't understand. At least I don't think... I mean, it's who they are. Harry was going out with Ginny, right? And then at that dance at Halloween, he barely paid attention to her, and Ron was mad. Really mad. He actually yelled at her for going out with him in the first place... But then, something happened and they all fell in again.
HELLO! Am I ever glad to see you? Hmm? Oh, this paragraph started about 2-3 hours after that last paragraph. ANYWAYS, so here's what happened. I felt kind of sick of writing and I didn't want to get into another argument with you, so I put you away and then started walking around. And then I had a confrontation with Logan.
"Lionheart! What were you doing with Malfoy?" he yelled. I turned around, saw him, and then kept walking. If he wanted to talk to me, I'd rather not be yelling out to the entire school to hear.
"What was that? Why didn't you wait for me?" he asked, running to catch up to me.
"Well, if you want to talk to me or my boyfriend" oddly, not cringing "then at least call us by our first names, not surnames," I said. I kept walking at a brisk pace. He always hated it when I walked fast. He said that if we were walking and not running, then there was no real hurry to get where we had to go at all, so we should just slow down and and enjoy the walk.
"Fine Trinity," he said. Arghs, how come I like it when Malfoy- Ack! Draco. Why do I like it when Malfoy says my name but not when Logan does?
"What were you doing with your boyfriend?" he asked. He said boyfriend with an air of distaste. Ok, ok, no more fancy metaphors, or whatever they really are. He said it with a tone of dislike. There. Ok, still somewhat too fancy. When he said boyfriend, he said it with a nasty voice. Alright there I go. Ok, I should really calm down on the correcting myself.
"I was doing whatever I want with him. If I remember correctly, you aren't my keeper," I said. Ok, so I was being a little cold. But I think that if he can go out with all those airheads, I can go out with a Slytherin. Alright? WAIT. I just realized something. If he really wants me to stop going out with this guy, then he might actually like me and doesn't want to see me with anyone else! Ok, bad theory, but it could happen.
"Still! He's a Slytherin! I'd be ok with anyone else, but a Slytherin?" he said, almost yelling.
"Since when have I had to get your approval to date? Besides, you've just gotten here, and since you had so kindly pushed me out of your life, I see no reason to have to even discuss this with you," I said, taking a sharp turn. I was heading towards the staircases, where I hoped to make a quick escape. I mean, if I got onto a moving staircase and it moved to a different floor, then I would be able to get enough time to get away from Logan, right?
"That's not the point! The point is that you're dating him while you should be-"
"What should I be doing? Studying? Because I'm certainly not doing that for the rest of my life," I said, arriving at the staircase. I went for it, but it moved too quickly and... Well, ok, I admit it, I fell. Ok, so we were on the fourth floor, and I realize how dangerous that is. Alright then, but I did get to grab onto the ground. Logan panicked, so his hero mode came into action and tried to grab my other hand. Unfortunately, his hands were sweaty, and I was falling. And then, the staircase was coming back, so we had to hurry or else I would either lose my grip, or the stairs would crush me. And that was NOT a good thing.
Then, Logan saw Malfoy and called him over. He said umm... Oh yeah! Here, he said, "Malfoy! Get over here!"
"Why should I? I don't even know you!" he sneered. And I was thinking, Malfoy, NOT the time to do that!
"If you value your girlfriend you're going to get over here," he said threateningly. I guess he didn't see me?
"What have you done to her? Where is she?" he said, taking his threatening hero mode. Jeez, everyone's in hero mode today...
"She's right here you idiot, come and help me pull her up!" he said, grunting over the weight. Do NOT call me fat! I had my bag that had all my books... Don't blame me for having lots of textbooks and the like.
"Yeah! I'm right here! Chilling! It would be nice for you to come and get me darling!" I said. I said the darling part just to get Logan mad... Although now that I think about it, I don't suppose that was a good thing... I mean, he could've just dropped me if he wanted to...
So, Malfoy ran over and the two of them got me up just barely before the staircase came over and connected. Whew. Close, wasn't it?
And then Malfoy grabs me and starts steering me somewhere and then I'm still freaked out because I had a near death experience there and Malfoy's just taking me somewhere and so then I'm freaking out because I thought that my journal fell out because I had heard a thump below me when I was still hanging, and then I'm in my "Okaaaaaay, WAIT, you aren't going to kill me, are you, because I don't want to die young" mood because Logan's looking at me and now I'm going to stop this because it's been a really, long, run-on sentence. There.
Ok, so then Logan goes all pissed off hero-mode (again, I know!) and he says, "Malfoy! Where are you taking her?"
"To the head's Common Room you imbecile. But I fail to see why that information is important to you," he says in an icy tone. Ah, oh my gosh, THIS is the type of guy I want to go out with. sighs Man, I really need a real boyfriend. Or I just need to make out with Malfoy more often. You know, to calm the hormones down.
…Ok, I just realized how stupid and clingy and needy I just sounded. I really, really, really need a life. Really.
Logan then grabbed me, I think. Oh yea! And then he said, "No. She's going to the Gryffindor Common Room with me."
"Who says?" he says, almost growling. "Have you even understood what that means? Her, going out with me? It means banishment from you stupid, overly obsessive Gryffindors," he spat. And, I just couldn't stand it.
I didn't say anything at all. I just ran off towards the kitchens while the two of them kept bickering about me. I went into the kitchens and Dobby (remember, that house elf?), the cute thing, he asked, "Does miss need anything?" And this isn't some sick thing where I fall in love with a house-elf, it's where I melt and I get some chocolate.
And then Harry Potter comes down.
He finds me, of course. I don't even know how he knew I was here. And then we talk.
"Hey," he says casually. I look at him.
"You seem sad," he says. I shrug.
"Not talking? Okay, I get to talk then," he says simply, as if it was a fact that everyone should know.
"You know I used to like you? It was in some weird way, but it was like. I think it was really just an interest in you. You were different. In Gryffindor and hated me. One of the first people to be near me and didn't try to manipulate me, or be my friend.
"I'm smarter now, you know? When I was younger, I would reach out and try to make friends with anyone... I got lucky and got Ron and Hermione instead of some of the other people, like Malfoy. Oh, wait, you go out with him. I don't see what you see in him. Maybe it's just the looks, but you don't seem to be that kind of person. You seem like the kind of person that would swear off men if you only got hurt once. You don't like taking risks, do you?
"I guess not," he says. I just sat there, sipping my hot chocolate. "Really, I don't get it. This. You. I don't understand any of it. And Hermione knows, because she says she has a women's intuition about everything, and she says that you're just you. I guess that she would know something like that. She's a brain...
"Still won't talk? Maybe you want to be left alone and write in that book. Sometimes I wonder if you're writing a novel, but then you just seem to write whenever and whatever catches your fancy. So I think that it's your diary. That's not a bad thing, not at all. Dumbledore gave me a journal so that when I feel really frustrated, I can write how I feel down. I know, sometimes talking to other people just isn't enough.
"Ok, I'm done rambling for today. But just remember, there are lots of people to talk to when you need to. You can't always talk to me. I'm a bad listener. I can't make sense of any feelings at all. But you should talk to Ron when you need a guy's point of view.
"It might not seem it, but he's smart. Not smart like Hermione, or you. Smart with emotions. Sure, one time Hermione told him he had the emotional range of a teaspoon, but he's changed. He sees his brother dead, and his other brothers in the line of fire everyday, and he has to deal with these things because of his mother. And that's why he's changed. He's the only one here that will tell Ginny the guy's side of dating her, and she loves him.
"It's like that, eh? Not going to talk to me after I shared? Okay, it's alright. Just remember what I said," and he left.
So I drank my hot chocolate and left. I wandered around aimlessly, until I got outside. It was raining. Pouring, really. Still, it was rain.
And so I stepped out there and sat on a bench until it stopped, which was really into the night. I think I'm sick, too. It's ok though. I like being sick. There's this feeling that you just can't get any other time. At all. It's just the lethargic feeling that makes you feel all fuzzy.
Okay, so I think that I'm going to leave you today. Maybe next week I'll talk. I have to go Christmas shopping...
-Trinity
