Chapter 24: Queen's Real First Turf War

Audrey had been given a sleeping pill so she could catch some rest before tomorrow. To her satisfaction, it helped her sleep without receiving any nightmares.

Jessie woke her up somewhere around 5:30am. It was way before dawn, but Noir wanted her team to be ready for today's turf war. After cleaning up, Audrey saw the clothes that Noir had personally fashioned for her overnight: a bulletproof vest and armored pants designed with the aesthetics of her dirndl vest and pinstripe pants respectively, magenta gloves, and black sneaker heels with a rose motif. Audrey tied her hair back in a ponytail and Jessie helped her braid it. The two girls took the elevator down to the complex's third floor, which had been designed so the entire floor could be one massive restaurant and bar. But for the moment, Noir's gang was having breakfast at the bar, feasting on Earl Grey or regular coffee, berry-flavored pancakes, bacon, omelets, or salads. Audrey tried to slowly drink her way through her hot chocolate as she and the others listened to Noir, who brought up the holographic maps of Villainapolis.

From the way Audrey managed to understand it through the quick explanations, Villainapolis, being a vast land composed of numerous territories, was considered a living being. Every year, it altered its shape, causing buildings, neighborhoods, and wards to switch position (the only intact parts being the living spaces or headquarters of major supervillains and gang leaders). When you looked a map of it, it looked like a person undergoing different positions while sleeping, and this year the Villainapolis map looked like a crucified individual. Though any place could move, it would happen when new places emerged. Turf wars occurred in the start of the fall season and ended until all the territories were claimed; any possessed turf would belong to the gang in question until the end of summer, when Villainapolis would rechange the turfs' positions and propose new ones. Gang leaders would place claims on certain areas, usually rooting for the ones they already had in the past years to end the wars faster. Of course, diverse gang leaders would demand for the same turf, and every day, Villainapolis would 'randomly select' specific groups for specific turfs.

In the first years of Villainapolis, the adults always fought for turfs, but since some teenagers went on to build their own gangs, Villainapolis made turf wars more interesting: two juvenile gangs confronting one another and a similar thing for two adult gangs. Depending on what the gangs selected, Villainapolis named the turfs that they'd fight over and ensure that the different conflicts were as far apart from one another. In today's case, Noir and Zeniko Zemo's gangs would be fighting for specific areas in the northwest and southeast areas of the city while the northeast and southwest areas would be fought over by the Akuma Associates against the Totally Triumvirate. The gangs would have to wait until the 9am countdown to officially start fighting. It was banned for the gangs to kill one another, but the opponents' goons and field soldiers were fair game. There could be wild cards, in other words, villains belonging to no gang who could bring outside help to the gang leader they were associated with. The war over a certain turf would end if any gang member managed to find the turf's deed hidden in the battlefield. The gang would possess the turf for the rest of the year and the gang member who found the deed would be like the 'local turf overlord'.

"So basically, it's like capture the flag mashed with dodgeball, bloodbath, and conquering?" Audrey asked.

"Absolutely." Noir grinned. "And the jackpot of the day will be that rip-off of the Landmark Mall in the northwest… and that scrap of Apokolips in the southeast." The mention of the last landmark caused most of Noir's gang members to either spit out their beverage, choke on their food, or nearly fall off their chairs. Only Jessie and Iclyn looked unfazed.

"Sweet." Iclyn gave out a big toothy grin.

"Apokolips, are you senile?" Penny demanded. Noir shrugged as if Penny gave the answer already.

"How bad is the apocalypse?" Audrey asked Jessie.

"Replace the 'ca' with 'ko' and 'lypse' with 'lips'," Jessie explained. "It used to be this massive fiery artificial planet that used to belong to this megalomaniac that our parents knew back in the old days. REALLY obsessed with global domination and the anti-life equation that would give the user total brainwashing control over living creatures. Ironically, the leaders of your ex-home made the smart move of not resurrecting him."

"That scrap of planet just appeared in Villainapolis back in July." Noir clenched her fists. "Do you have ANY idea of the number of villains who'd crave to dominate this scrap of Apokolips? EVERYONE! If we managed to obtain it today, we'd know how to claim it in the next years to come!"

"OK, but riddle me this, how the shit do you plan on handling the conquest of a turf that A, Zeniko Zemo will obviously send out his strongest gang members to capture, and B, it's a NEST for Parademons and Paradooms? Like, EVERY SINGLE ONE of these abominations?" Eddie asked in a frightened tone. "No offense, but some of us aren't superpowered… or half-mad. No offense, J.J."

"None taken." Jessie shrugged.

"Don't worry, I had it planned out. Sane group dispersions on the two turfs, handy portions of goons and soldiers, and the Roman legion as a wild card, courtesy of Julia Caesar."

"Even better…" Penny groaned. "Once upon a comic book, the Roman army lost to potion-addicted Gauls. This is really gonna workout on a turf full of flesh-ripping alien vultures."

"Relax." Noir shrugged Penny's comment away. "You, Eddie, and Julia will be covering the mall. Iclyn, Jessie, Hyde, Audrey, and I will cover Apokolips."

Audrey didn't really react at Noir's decision.

"Nice." Iclyn grinned. "With all that fire, I'll be fueled up enough to cover all our turfs in ice!"

"But why are Jessie and I going there? We're human!" Hyde protested.

"Because, wet chicken, your probability skills will come in handy in such chaos. And Jessie's more insane than any of the abominations."

"And the Queen of Mean?" Hyde turned his attention to Audrey. "Don't get me wrong. You managed to nearly match Lokisdottir, but I don't think you can handle such a turf war. Especially if it might be your only one."

"Bummer…" Audrey got up from her seat. "I didn't get my title for branding. I nearly succeeded in conquering. And last time I checked, how many people do you know who managed to level up to that hag?"

Jessie and Noir both giggled, Hyde was stunned, Eddie and Penny were speechless. Iclyn kept grinning and patted Audrey on the shoulder.

"I really like this girl! Why is there hardly anyone with that kind of sass?"

Around 8:30am

The group heading to the Apokolips turf had taken one of Noir's camouflaging helicopters to land on top of the building closest to the navel of Villainapolis (literally where the turf was located). Audrey could understand why no buildings were built in that area. The turf was full of fiery pits, magma canals, stoned ruins, smoke, and the flying abominations moving or sleeping in different spots. Noir constantly checked at the edge of the roof to see if she could spot her goons and some of Julia's legionnaires taking position. Audrey, meanwhile, couldn't stop staring at the fiery turf. It almost made her wonder if Hell looked like this; it made her think of her demon, which she hadn't spoken to for days in her nightmares. Did he decide to give her some real space? Was he worried about her being here?

"You OK there?" Jessie's question nearly startled Audrey to death.

"Don't do that!"

"Sorry! I mean, I know you're expecting Beatrice and the Rock Troll princess to pick you up… Believe me, I personally wished you didn't have to be involved in this casual carnage of ours."

"Ah, it'll be fine!" Audrey brushed it off. "You should have seen me back when I turned to stone a quarter of Auradon's people. Besides, I'm not worried about your turf war."

"I'm also worried about… the unusual unhealthy obsession Kory Lokisdottir seems to have developed on you…"

"Join the club. I hate her." Audrey crossed her arms.

"So, who does she look like to you?" Iclyn sharpened some icicles bigger than her forearm.

"Seriously? You're going to tell me that you can't tell what that hag looks like?" Audrey scowled.

"Emphasis on 'who' not 'what'." Iclyn strapped her sword-like icicles to her belt. "That witch is a chaotic nuisance, but did you know that nobody has ever seen the real face of that shapeshifting she-demon?"

Audrey gave a surprised look at Jessie. "What?"

"Yeah… ugh…" Jessie's fingers touched her mask. Audrey could imagine that if it weren't for it, Jessie would have gone for the BASTARD scars covering her eyes. "Her face takes the appearance of the person you hated the most before meeting her…"

"She took your dad's face?" Audrey growled.

"She takes the face of anyone's least favorite person in the world that will wind up second compared to her!" Iclyn got up and walked up to Audrey and Jessie. "With Jessie, it was the Joker. For Queen Blackfire, it's her sister. For me, it's this guy Victor Witherdale…"

"The vampire you murdered by smashing him like a discarded vase?" Noir casually asked as she observed the ground level with her spyglass.

"Yeah, that one. Long story short, nobody really knows what she looks like. We know she's old, but demigods are known to freeze their bodies and remain young outwardly."

"That's impossible, I turned Hades' kid into a hag!" Audrey protested.

The others didn't realize it, but Jessie caught that slip up. Naturally, nobody in her homeland knew about Penna's business in Auradon; Penna had made her swear on the River Styx during their phone call to not share any of the secretive details she had shared with Jessie about Audrey. 'Obviously a Muggle-born sorceress gifted from the magical remnants of Sleeping Beauty's curse. And the one that I inflicted on the family. Suffered a conflict with Maleficent and Hades' bastard that led to the latter wasting her mother's scepter's magic. The princess fled while the semi-divine fairy will seal Maleficent's contract. Kinda impressed by the magical potential she has. Can you believe that for a moment, Marius was paranoid and thought Audrey used the scepter?'

Oh shit, Jessie thought. She realized that maybe her boss fell to her own obliviousness! Maybe Marius was right! With the way Audrey was uncomfortable talking about her past, her brief mentions about failing her family and trying to conquer Auradon, and her modest behavior about her powers… Not to mention that when Jessie thought about it, she did recognize some of Mal's features on Kory's face when she first confronted Audrey. Oh great! The daughter of Loki knows that the daughter of Sleeping Beauty had a problem with the daughter of Maleficent and Hades! But then… Oh crud, it means that the scepter's magic adapted itself into Audrey after she lost to Mal! Mal purposely lied to my boss to save Audrey!

This was horrible. Part of Jessie told her to drop the whole turf war, drag Audrey to Penna, and explain her own theories. Then again, it might not be a good idea: Penna saw Jessie with great value, but she avoided resorting to her for advice due to Jessie's semi-senile mind. She'd think Jessie delirious and Jessie was already proud of her primary position as Penna De Mort's right-hand homicidal clown. Killing Audrey was definitely out of the question: she was already growing fond of her and if she did kill her, she'd stir the anger of Audrey's growing fan club in Villainapolis. Maybe I should just wait until Beatrice and Princess Osbourne come get her. The further out of my sight she is, the better for my conscience.

"YO, Jessie!" Iclyn snapped her fingers in front of Jessie's face, sending the latter some chills. "It's 8:55! Get your senses back on track!"

Jessie grumbled an apology and pulled out the baseball bat she had been carrying. While the four girls and hide positioned themselves, nearly every single skyscraper in Villainapolis had a billboard that flashed the livestream of a blonde woman with tanned skin. On her upper-left corner were footage of the different turf targets.

"GOOD MORNING, VILLAINAPOLIS!" Audrey recognized the voice of the female announcer who had hosted her match against Kory yesterday. "It is Wednesday, September 30th! Time flies so quickly when you're evil!"

"I keep forgetting how obnoxious Camille Leon is. Places people!" Noir warmed up her hands, creating some purple flames. "The moment the mooks clear a pathway, the faster we make a run for it. Iclyn, get ready!"

Iclyn cracked her knuckles and icy sparks went flying.

"As always folks, if you're not in one of the gangs contributing to today's prime events, you're better off watching the glory from the safety of your home's television! It is ON in 10 seconds!"

Hyde pulled out his taser sticks, Jessie impatiently smashed a nearby AC with her bat, and Audrey just waited.

"6! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1! TURF WARS!"

Explosions could be heard coming from two different areas of town, causing the building they were standing on to shake violently. The teens regained their composure and went to look down on Apokolips. Circling the perimeter were a bunch of Tamaran soldiers, icy-themed or black-and-white mooks with guns, a pack of hyenas, and some Roman legionnaires; the local Parademons immediately stopped their naptime and went on to attack. What happened next was the first carnage Audrey ever got to really witness. If dozens of the alien, human and hyena managed to work together to rip apart five monsters, one single monster easily killed one mook. So it was hard to tell who was dying the most. At the other end of Apokolips, numerous Parademons were getting blasted away by some sort of blue sonic explosion. Noir and the others had to cover their ears while the glass windows underneath them shattered.

"It's Sonya Klaue! We got to move!" Noir shouted. "Iclyn!"

"On it!" Iclyn rubbed her hands, ran and jumped off the roof. A trail of ice followed her off the roof and the others hopped on, clinging on to one another as they slid down the ice slide Iclyn was creating. As they slid, Audrey saw random places exploding with lava as the battles worsened and more soldiers getting eaten alive by the Parademons and Paradooms. It almost seemed impossible; where could that deed possibly be.

My Queen seeks to gain territory? Audrey suddenly heard her demon's voice speaking in the back of her head. I might have a good suggestion.

I'm not passing a contract. Audrey could feel herself mentally shaking her head.

Not yet, my queen. Not until we actually meet. But I have a suggestion for how you speed up this little blood game.

What if I don't want it?

When you see what you'll be facing, you'll change your mind.

Audrey's head went silent again. The group finally landed on solid ground and ducked just in time; a sonic beam shattered the ice slide and would have done the same thing with their heads. On top of a ruined stone staircase, surrounded by a boat of magma, were four youngsters looking down on Audrey and the others with sadistic glee: a tall, muscular girl with wispy blue hair and dressed in a purple-and-navy-blue sleeveless battle suit that exposed her amputated arms replaced by a right metal arm and a left sonic canon, a blonde girl in green Scandinavian armor, a robot that had been designed to resemble a young adult, and of course, the purple-coated, sword bearing blonde leader.

"Wow, look at that!" Zeniko sneered as he leaned on his sword. "The Troq Princess finally showed up!"

Iclyn, Jessie, and Hyde gasped in shock while Audrey covered her mouth in shock. The four backed by four feet when they saw Noir's eyes emitting purple flames with such fury, her hair got fired up. Audrey recalled how part of Noir and Zeniko Zemo's feud included the latter calling her by the slur word she and her mother detested. Just being called that word was enough to make Noir break a table, but putting the slur word and her title in the same sentence? It would only be a matter of time before Apokolips gained a purple hue.

"At least she showed up!" Jessie finally got the nerve to walk up. "And you brought a trio of wannabe losers! Did everyone go on vaca or were they the only ones available to help you put on your purple PJs?"

The insult must have worked. Noir was actually calming down and laughing her head off while Zeniko looked like he was fuming. "That would explain why he looks like he just came out of the shower! No wait, he always wears that bathrobe!"

"ENOUGH!" Zeniko raised his sword at them. "I'M CLAIMING THIS TURF FOR THE MARVEL MASTERS! THE CHILDREN OF BARON ZEMO, THE ENCHANTRESS, ULTRON, AND KLAUE WILL SOON HAVE AN ARMY OF PARADEMONS AND PARADOOMS AT THEIR DISPOSAL!"

"OK, the yo-mama party is done!" Hyde shot his bullets at the group.

"Ben!" Zeniko shouted to the robot, whose wires glowed red as he fueled up. As he charged red blasts at the dodging Hyde, Audrey found it ironic that some childlike A.I had the same name as her first ex-boyfriend.

"You wanna play, puddin?" Sonya Klaue taunted at Jessie. She ran towards her, bearing her artificial limbs out like a tiger ready to shred its prey apart.

"That nickname's off the market, jackass!" Jessie sung her bat at Sonya and the two girls engaged in a brute fight that involved lethal weapons.

"Sweet!" Iclyn cracked her knuckles and summoned ice machetes, Noir flamed up again, and Audrey's hands glowed pink. "Noir can take the Purple Bathrobe while Audrey and I will make a shish kabob out of the Asgardian witch! Should have done your math, Zemo, by pitting four on five!"

"Believe me, I would have preferred that you faced off against Ghost Rider's daughter, but our wild card INSISTED to fight the Queen of Mean." Zeniko Zemo blushed slightly as he gave a small bow at Audrey's direction. "Please survive her blows. I had hoped of inviting you for dinner at the end of the day."

"First off, gross!" Audrey gave out a disgusted expression. "And second, whose blows?"

Audrey immediately regretted her choice of words when an inhuman force propelled her towards a wall numerous feet away from the group.

A minute later

It was a good thing that Audrey landed face first onto a wall and not headfirst into a magma canal. Her head was still throbbing as she regained her senses and got back up. All around her, the fighting was still occurring all around Apokolips. In the distance, purple flames, ice blasts, gunshots and batting noises echoed on the other side of the turf against blades, sonic explosions, red blasts, and green magic. The sulfur air around Audrey worsened as it turned colder, but still reeked. When the smoke cleared, an all-too-familiar figure floated her way down the red-colored stone floor.

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?" Audrey shouted when she saw the everlasting grin of Kory Lokisdottir. At this rate, she couldn't tell what was frustrating: the demigoddess practically stalking her or the fact that she wore a living wolf fur cape over some dark green, modernized Viking armor. Her horned helmet covered half of her face, but the sadistic smile was enough for anyone to guess that her green eyes must be gleaming.

"You thought I was going to miss out on our playdate?" Kory's hands formed a green sphere with her hands. "Sugar Pie, I don't easily let go of my toys!"

She tossed the sphere at Audrey's direction. The latter held out her hands and summoned the stones on the ground to levitate and form a wall, shielding Audrey from the sphere. It did protect her, but the dent left after the counter caused the wall to crumble. "MAY A ROSE GROW RIGHT NOW IN MY MEADOW!"

Audrey felt the anger boiling in her when she recited her spell. It was definitely obvious when a monstrous rose plant with hydra-like heads grew from the ground and started attacking Kory. The demigoddess easily avoided them.

"Beginner's magic!" She taunted. She raised her right hand at the magma canal. The molten earth turned into a green blue, exploded out of the canal, and turned into a volcanic serpent that swallowed Audrey's rose hydra monster, burning it like an overdone shish kabob. "Roses are like hydras! After you cut the heads, you burn the necks to make sure nothing grows!" Kory then waved her hand at Audrey. The green magma serpent charged at Audrey.

"I hate Loki's daughter! Replace magma with water!" Before the serpent could open its volcanic mouth at Audrey, it melted into a lemonade pink river that flowed its way back to the canal. "Stone, metal, mineral, follow the desires of I, your royal!" The ground trembled and fiery pink giants emerged from Apokolips; some Paradooms flying nearby were a bit distracted by the sight and landed into a Roman catapult by accident. Kory merely grinned and gave out a sharp whistle with her fingers. Howls echoed everywhere, and soon enough, hundreds of wolves of abnormal heights and with sharp fangs ran in, piling on top of the fiery giants like ants forming ladders. Some of the canines actually burned to death when touching the giants' magma veins. Audrey paused in horror at the sight until Kory kicked her in the gut. She tried to get up, but the demigoddess pinned her down by placing her foot on her back.

"I just LOVE having this much fun!" Kory sneered. "I can see why Auradonians hated you so much! Even for a beginner in magic, you're uncontrollable!"

"Says the pro!" Audrey managed to grab a hold of Kory's foot and flipped her to the ground. Barely after hitting the ground, Kory punched Audrey six feet away. Pain went through Audrey as her back hit a rock.

"Because compared to you, I am!" Kory easily lifted herself back on her feet and walked towards Audrey. "Tell me, did Mal give you such a hard time?" Kory sneered when she saw Audrey's eyes widen at the mention of Mal. "Oh, yeah. I know all about how the child of your family's rival practically stole your life, and how she nearly put you into a death-like slumber after dealing with your royal tantrum! It's so pathetically easy for me to look at someone in the distance, feel the parasitic presence of old-hatred coming through their skin and into my veins, and bear the face of the individual's most hated target, whoever or whatever the individual hated most before meeting me! The irony in all this is that if I'm facing you while you see me as Mal, anyone else won't see me with her face talking to you but their most hated demons! Fancy it: in the arena, you saw Mal fighting you whereas Jessie Joker saw her father, Noir her cousin, and Blackfire her sister! Does make you wonder what it would have been like if Carlos DeVil had seen me? Would I have taken the face of his heartless mother? Anyone who mercilessly bullied him? Maybe you? Would make sense if it were, seeing as you were responsible for me killing him!"

Would you like to hear my suggestion? The voice of the demon sounded all too eager in Audrey's head, but she didn't care. The anger was erupting in her brain and boiling in her veins. As the wind blew over the fiery wasteland, her glittered brown hair started to turn into her evil pink mane.

I want her dead! I want this 'princess' to know who's the queen here!

Well, my queen, I would like to have you borrow one of my greatest assets. Use it for destruction until you triumph through the belly of the beast!

The ground rumbled underneath her. Kory was too entertained by her own amusement and got close enough to grab Audrey by the neck, she didn't notice the dark tip of a stick appearing from the ground and right into Audrey's right hand. Without even having any primary thoughts, Audrey whacked the stick at Kory's face with unexpected force that threw off the demigoddess. Kory rubbed her sore nose and was actually surprised when she saw blood on her fingers. "What the…"

Audrey stared down at her hand. The long stick was none other than a long black cane, its red headpiece clouding itself in a red aura of glowing black glyphs, thus making it hard for Audrey to further inspect it, but as she transformed into her dark regal self, both hands tightened on the long cane. Her blood boiled as she felt the cane's demonic powers go through her. Audrey looked back at Kory with a big smile.

"Oh, this is gonna be entertaining… FOR ME!" Audrey stomped the ground with the cane. Red and pink blasts rippled from her, destroying some ruins and causing the magma to erupt everywhere, alarming everyone fighting that something was occurring. Out of nowhere, black tentacles with pink veins grew from the ground and started beating up Kory's wolves to death. The commotion caused so many things to break apart, the Parademons and Paradooms took the initiative of flying higher in the sky to avoid getting struck down. Everyone else ran for higher ground to avoid the erupting magma.

"Anyone seen Audrey?" Jessie panicked as Noir's group got to the top of a building for safety. Since many had taken refuge on higher ground, they had a view of the new ongoing carnage, where red and pink lightning bolts coming from the suddenly darkened sky clashed with the green wildfire brewing on the small patch of Apokolips. Pained wolves howled against the Eldritch tentacles rising in and out of the ground and dark shadows bashed their way through giant serpents like an undead tornado. Only a moron couldn't detect the rumbling from here to across the city.

"OK, this is worse than yesterday!" Jessie exclaimed. She was starting to rethink on her theory that Audrey had touched Maleficent's scepter; from all she heard, the Mistress of Evil never had such sheer raw power that could nearly destroy a landscape while fighting a demigoddess. "We got to stop them!"

"You mean we stop Lokisdottir from her chaotic rampage!" Noir pointed out. "I bet to you that she's reveling in turf destruction!"

"Uh, guys?" Iclyn got their attention. "You might want to see this…" And in the convenience of time, Audrey and Kory were at least fifteen feet away, floating in the air in what seemed to be a very engaging fiery fist battle. The Princess of Mischief was actually breaking a sweat, for Noir and her group could actually see the sweat trickling down the demigoddess' forehead, something that none had ever witnessed. A pretty disturbing sight, considering she still had her sadistic smile plastered on her. The Queen of Mean's state, however, worried them. Her uniform seemed sharper as if it had been melted and transformed into stone and her mane flowed through the wild winds in a fashion reminding them of a phoenix flapping its fiery wings. Held in her hands was a glowing red cane. But what seemed the most terrifying was that Audrey's lips were twisting into a big, eager grin.

"I don't know what's in that demonic microphone, but…" Iclyn began.

"Wait, what?" Noir shouted over the winds. "What do you mean, a microphone?"

"The headpiece of that stick Audrey's got! You know how my ice powers are, they need heat to recharge, and these are hellfire heat levels coming from that headpiece! You probably can't see it because of its cloudy aura, but I can see that for some weird reason, that stick has a headpiece that reminds me a lot of those microphones they have in those 1930s themed clubs!"

"Microphones? 1930s? Hellfire? Insane demonic force? OH SHIT!" Jessie realized. "We got to stop this before Lokisdottir and Audrey tear apart Villainapolis!"

"I doubt your taser gun would work… then again…" Iclyn summoned a gun-shaped ice piece and tossed it at a passing Parademon. The beast growled when it felt the chunk hit it on the head and turned towards the group's direction, where Iclyn casually pointed an accusing finger at a baffled Jessie. Jessie screamed as the angry creature snatched her into the air and tackled it to ensure that it didn't rip her skin off. If Iclyn thought it would distract the battling sorceresses, her plan worked well. Audrey immediately abandoned fighting Kory, who flew off as if the turf war no longer interested her, and Audrey proceeded to throw the cane at the Parademon. The sharp bottom impaled the beast right in the chest, nearly dropping Jessie into a lava pit until Audrey caught her. The cane moved and stirred from the heart to the belly until it finally flew back in Audrey's hands, a paper sticking through the cane. The Parademon fell right into a lava pit while Audrey and Jessie landed safely on the same roof as Noir's group. Audrey regained her initial composure while the cane disappeared into thin air, leaving the paper in her hand while the other held a shaken Jessie Joker.

"What happened?" Audrey frowned. "Jessie, why am I holding you? And…" Audrey cringed when she saw the green blood-soaked paper she was holding. "Why am I holding that?"

"Wait… It's the deed!" Noir gleefully bounced. "The deed was in the fuckin stomach of a Parademon!"

"EWW!" Audrey tossed the bloody paper in disgust.

"That makes no sense!" Hyde protested. "Stuffing the deed in the guts of one Parademon? Sure, I can imagine that it was for the creativity and to stir up more competition for the control of the turf but come on! The stomach of one in at least five hundred of those monsters and out of pure dumb luck, Iclyn provokes the one Parademon that happens to have the deed? THERE'S NO WAY THE ODDS COULD ACCURATELTY PREDICT A SERIES OF COINCIDENTAL FORTUNES!"

As if things couldn't get more coincidental, a helicopter came flying in. Audrey was still partially disoriented, but she caught very well the figure of Camille Leon rushing out of the helicopter with a cameraman on hand.

"And you have it, folks!" She exclaimed with a massive smile directed at the camera. "Morning turfs and one of the victories goes to the gang of Princess Noir, thanks to Villainapolis' newest darling!"

"Wait, what?" Audrey shook her head and got her senses back. "I'm just a visitor!"

"Who totally trashed an apocalyptic wasteland!" Camille Leon shoved her microphone at Audrey's face. "Any chance you want to talk to the viewers about how you summoned hellish forces to challenge the Princess of Mischief who happens to have a creepy interest in you?"

"What kind of fanfic shit is this? Give her space!" Jessie kicked the microphone off the obnoxious woman's hands. "She's had enough for a day! You want scoop? Go talk to Noir about the deed! Because she will have control over one of the most powerful territories for a freakin' year!"

"Uh oh…" While they had been bickering, Noir had picked up and unrolled the deed. Her face had paled up from reading the deed's content.

"Please don't tell me that's the part where you realize that the deed is bogus," Hyde groaned. "Or worse, that by reading this paper, you accidentally unearthed the zombie of the guy who used to run this scrap!"

"What, no!" Noir shook her head. "It's worse than the bogus but better than Zombie Darkseid. It's a permanent deed."

The teenagers were too baffled to talk, but Camille Leon immediately took the opportunity to hoard the camera's shot. "You heard it well, folks! Turns out the Apokolips Deed is a permanent deed! A turf that will forever belong to the person who captured the deed first! The new owner of this turf would rise to the levels of the city's head honchoes! Goodness, folks, Princess Noir will be her own mother's greatest ally!"

"I won't…" Noir lowered the deed.

"Noir! You just conquered Apokolips!" Hyde exclaimed. "What are you doing?"

"I didn't." Noir took a deep breath and walked up to Audrey. "The permanent deed goes directly to the first person who caught it, complete with the magical sealing of the catcher's name. But I didn't catch it." The alien princess patiently unrolled the paper. Audrey almost choked when she saw the perfect calligraphy written boldly.

This magically sealed deed confirms that Audrey the Queen of Mean, under pure strength, magic, rage, and aid from her bonded demon, was the first to claim this legal document. Thus forth, Audrey is now the permanent proprietor of this sector of Apokolips in life and death and the Parademon Queen, giving her full power and dominance over the Parademon and Paradoom armies.

This deed also confirms that due to the recognized presence of demonic intervention, a yet-to-be-performed deal with a devil, and an arrangement organized by Lady Penelope Svjetla Marvolo Riddle, the control over the land and armies will be equally shared following the Queen of Mean's official contract and eventual marriage with Hell's Overlord Alastor.

Audrey felt like punching herself.

Since when am I betrothed to you? The demon, whose name was apparently Alastor, hissed angrily. Judging by the obvious presence of anger and disgust in his tone, he must have been seriously behind on the news.

Hey, go complain to Penna, not me! In all the frustration, Audrey realized at the last second that Camille Leon had somehow crept behind her shoulder and read out loud the deed. Audrey felt her cheeks burning when she realized that the reporter had read the deed not only loud enough for everyone to hear, but also for the camera to record the visible angry embarrassment for the whole world to see. Being publicly embarrassed by getting dumped by a love potion-drugged Ben was bad. Witnessing him proposing to Mal was humiliating. Being rejected by everyone in Auradon was heartbreaking. But this?

"Wow! Ain't that a terrifying, yet romantic story? Do tell the viewers!" Camille Leon pulled Audrey close enough to the camera. "How does it feel to be both the head honcho of a mindless army from outer space AND the fiancé of an all-powerful demon?"

"OH, FOR FUCK'S SAKE, I TOLD YOU TO GIVE HER SPACE!" Jessie Joker punched Camille Leon on the face and swung her bat at the camera, causing the static to fly.