I'm hungry for some answers

I'm hurting for the truth

You are what I'm looking for

Please show me the way

Please show me the way

I'll do anything to be close to you

And I'll be anyone that you want

Save me from myself, I want you

One more time I got to show you how I feel

"CLOSE TO YOU"

Lee Ryan


Neela sat in the dark, reveling in the fact that Ray was staying late at the ER, despite the fact that she was alone, drinking wine, after losing a patient. She couldn't think of what else she could have done. It happens to all doctors. She thought but it sure as hell doesn't make it any easier. I should have KNOWN to look for a clot. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! She screamed silently in her head.

She didn't realise Ray was standing by the door, watching her, as she hung her head to cry. He wanted to soothe her; to make her feel better, but he didn't know how. She was a complicated person. He felt that just as he would get to know Neela Rasgotra better, she would make a change. She was quite enigmatic to him. But, he was drawn to her. He silently walked over to her and put his arms around her shoulders. "It's okay, Neela."

She turned around and wrapped her arms around him. "I should have seen it. With what I was presented with, I should have seen it!" She sobbed harder.

"Neela," Ray moved on to the couch next to her, never letting her go. "Anyone of us could have missed it. By the time any of us would have discovered the clot, it would have been too late anyway to do anything." He softly kissed the top of her head. "You couldn't have done anything. You're a damn good doc and no one will doubt it, even with this. No one."

She lifted her head up. Even Gallant hadn't tried to soothe her like this. He had an attitude that was cavalier about the situation. Ray, as much of an ass as he could sometimes be, was the only one that took any sort of time to comfort her and she didn't know if she could ever express what it meant to her. "Thanks, Ray." She leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss.

Ray knew that it was just a grateful kiss, but he hated that it was just that. He wanted more from her, but he didn't want to push it. So he was more than taken aback when she deepened her kiss. He pulled her closer to him. Dude, she's dating Gallant. A guy who could kick your ass! His conscience was yelling at him, but he didn't care. She was kissing him and was close to giving herself to him. He knew that this couldn't go any farther, but he couldn't help himself. His hands softly stroked her hair, his fingers entangling in its dark length. She pressed herself closer to him and held his face in her hands and her kiss intensified.

His head was spinning. Hadn't he wanted this for a long time?

Without warning, Neela pulled away. "I'm sorry, Ray. I just can't." She wiped some tears and sauntered back to her room.

"Neela?" He followed her. He pushed her door open. "What's wrong?"

"I'm dating Gallant." She pulled a pillow closer to her chest. "What just happened, didn't, okay?"

Ray was perplexed. Hadn't she kissed him? "Talk to me, Neela." He knew he was pushing an issue, but he wanted to know, for better or worse, what it was that she meant.

"You're my roommate and, well, you're…you're you."

"Sorry?" Ray sat in the chair at her vanity. "I'm me? I don't understand."

"We're polar opposites, Ray. You're a rocker and I'm not. You're…you're…you're spontaneous and you never think about anything. You just dive in. You never test the waters. You're…"

Ray stood up. "Maybe you should just relax a little, Neela. Life isn't all about being serious. You only get one go 'round, so you may as well live it up." He stood at her door, his back to her. "Sometimes, Neela, you just think too much. Just find what you want and just dive in. Dive in headfirst. You won't always get hurt." He closed her door behind him and leaned his head on it. "You're YOU!" That thought echoed through the darkest recesses of his head. He didn't know what to make of her anymore. All he knew is that he wanted her to dive in and that's the one thing she was scared to do.