Alfred heard the young masters long before he saw them, although this was nothing new. When they were merely their civilian selves, the boys were hardly ever stealthy unless it benefitted them. But if the boisterous laughter was any indication, at least they were happy.
The old butler's eyes grew wide as his young charges come through the back door. All four boys were caked head to toe with mud. "And just what have you young masters been up to?" He asked, his brow raised.
"We were playing in the backyard, and things got a bit out of hand." Tim admitted. Alfred motioned for them to elaborate. "We were playing football and Dami fell." Dick chuckled.
"I was pushed." Damian insisted, giving Jason a light shove. "The kid dragged me down with him." Jason grinned proudly. "One thing led to another, and we had a mud war."
"Well, needless to say, you will all need to bathe before Master Bruce returns home and sees you in such a state." Alfred told them, shaking his head. "We'll go wash up." Dick offered. "And track mud on all of my clean floors? You'll do no such thing. Two to a washroom, right away." Alfred instructed.
"Can't we just hose each other off in the yard?" Jason whined only to receive a warning glare from Alfred that sent them all scurrying upstairs.
"Come on Dami. It's just a bath." Dick wheedled.
The tub was filling and awaiting one of the muddy boys to get in. Unfortunately for Dick, Damian was refusing to get undressed. "I am not one of your harlots Grayson. I will not undress with you watching me." Damian huffed.
"First off, they are not harlots," Dick told him, rolling his eyes. "And second, how about we compromise? I'll close my eyes and won't open them until you're in the tub. Ok?" The smaller boy considered for a moment before nodding his agreement.
Once Damian was safely submerged, Dick went straight for the cabinet under the sink. "Aha!" He proclaimed as he pulled out a bucket of old bath toys and dumped them into the tub. "What childish frivolity is this?" Damian inquired as he picked up a rubber duck.
"It's not bath time without toys and…." Dick paused for dramatic effect before pulling out a bright pink bottle. "Bubbles!"
"Must you be so excessive, Grayson?" Damian asked as Dick squeezed the entire bottle into the water. "Relax Little D." Dick told him as he turned in the jets. "What's the worst that could happen?"
III
Tim and Jason stood on opposite sides of Jason's bathroom, still fully clothed and muddy. "Oh for bat-shit sake." Jason huffed. "This doesn't have to be some big weird deal. We're just brothers taking a shower, right?"
"Right." Tim agreed. "So on the count of three, we'll get undressed and get this over with." Jason summed up. Tim nodded, and on three, both boys turned their backs to one another and stripped.
The two middle children continued to avert their eyes as they got in the tub and turned on the water. Soon the primary layer of mud was gone, and they could really start to clean up.
"Hey, where's your shampoo?" Tim asked as he scanned the bottles lined up on Jason's shower rack. "What do you mean? It's right here genius." Jason said, rolling his eyes as he reached past his brother to grab the bottle. "How do you find anything in this mess?" Tim huffed as he snatched it.
As soon as he was finished with it, Tim subconsciously started sorting and rearranging all the products on the shelves. "What do you think you're doing?" Jason snapped and started trying to put things back the way they had been. "You stuff is a mess." His younger brother insisted. "You'll thank me later."
"I will not." Jason grunted. "Quit OCD-ing all over my stuff Replacement!" "Make me Zombie Breath!" Tim retorted, giving his brother a shove. Normally such a little bit of force would not have made a difference. But now, with the floor of the tub wet and slippery with soap, Jason lost his footing.
His arms flailed around wildly, looking for something to grip before he fell. Unfortunately, the only thing close to him was his brother's shoulder. Seeing as Jason still towered over Tim, both boys went crashing down to the tiled floor.
"Nice one klutz." Jason muttered, trying to shove his brother away. "It was your fault you blundering oaf." Tim accused. "Just help me get back up."
"What does it look like I'm doing?" The older brother grumbled. Try as they might, neither of the boys seemed to be able to get a foot or handhold and only succeeded in sliding around on the bathtub floor.
III
Meanwhile, the oldest and youngest Wayne brothers were facing problems of their own. As it turned out, there was a reason Dick had never been allowed to pour his own bubble bath.
It had started so innocently as the soap lathered around them. Dick showed Damian how to make funny hairstyles with the foam, but somehow the suds had quickly grown over both boys' heads, and now they were struggling to find each other.
"Dami? Come to the sound of my voice!" Dick called through the mass of bubbles. He didn't understand it. His bathroom wasn't so big that he could lose a whole person. Granted, that person was his tiny baby brother but still….
"Grayson help!" Damian yelped. "I believe I am standing by the sink, but my feet are still submerged." Dick's eyes went wide. In all the confusion, he must have forgotten to turn off the tap. The bathtub was flowing over! "Hold on Dami I'm coming!" Dick yelled and began to wade his way through the soggy bathroom.
Finally, he reached the sink and lifted his little brother into his arms. "I'm gonna get us out!" Dick assured. It took far too long for the boys to find their way out of the bathroom, but they were relieved when they finally collapsed on Dick's bedroom floor.
As if he'd been drawn to their chaos Alfred choose that moment to check on his young charges. "Master Dick, what part of your bath includes turning your chambers into a swimming pool?" He demanded, handing the boys towels to cover themselves.
"Grayson tried to drown us." Damian tattled, and Dick blushed. "I just wanted a bubble bath." He said softly in his own defense. Before Alfred could scold the boy for his childishness, screams came from down the hall.
They all rushed to investigate and found Jason and Tim sprawled out in the bathtub, neither able to stand. "Oh, Timmy, are you ok?" Dick cooed as he grabbed a towel and scooped his little brother out of the bath.
"I'd be better if Jay wasn't such a slob." He huffed as Dick set him on his feet. "You mean if you weren't such a neat freak." Jason snapped back. "And I'm fine, by the way. Thanks for asking."
Alfred said nothing as he helped Jason to his feet and handed him a towel. Somehow in his effort to get the young masters cleaned up, the boys had managed to flood one bathroom and almost broken their necks in another. He sighed to himself as he sent his charges to go get dressed.
Next time he would simply allow them to hose each other off in the yard.
