Chapter 31: Trapped In The Nine Realms Club, Part 1
Audrey hated how the universe had a thing against her.
You know how you have these moments when you come back home fine, you tuck the grey-haired Snowball in the guest room bed, you go to sleep in your own room and you wake up the next day thinking you were going to have a good day? That's how it went for Audrey. She had woken up, taken a shower, and dressed up, knowing the adventure that awaited ahead: a rose-colored vest over a black long-sleeved shirt bearing a pink phoenix pattern (Audrey still didn't understand why she was being associated with a phoenix but found it better than being associated with songbirds or ravens), armored pants, running boots, and her coat that had undergone such transformations since the beginning of her trip. Audrey even re-applied the makeup fashion Ozzy had shown her.
There wasn't much to pack, but the Parademons had already assembled a traveling backpack with as many essentials such as food, clothes, a first-aid kit, a pager in case she needed them, and even a laptop and new cellphone. The moment she was ready, Audrey went down to the kitchens and asked the cooks to double-up on Charles' breakfast rations (thinking he could use the food). The Paradooms eagerly doubled up on the pancakes and omelets.
Was she eager to leave Villainapolis? Obviously. Was she going to miss her chateau and army? It was rather mixed. Audrey probably thought she should come back once they found Cassandra. She wasn't sure if she wanted to permanently settle in a city full of bloodthirsty villains with weird moral flaws and with a lava-moat estate, but she kind of got used to being around the Parademons and Paradooms. They really treated her like a queen.
Could be my vacation house, Audrey thought as she went up the stairs. Then again, who knows where I'll be after I pass that contract with Alastor.
Hopefully not in my bed. Alastor's voice startled her in the back of her mind, Audrey would have fallen down the staircase if she hadn't held on to the railing.
Well, there goes my twelve hours of silence from you, Audrey drily said. You're not going to constantly pester my thoughts, are you?
A mere day for you mortals is a month for us demons. While watching you spread chaos is entertaining, I do have other businesses outside of you.
Of course. Wouldn't want the undesirable human to ruin your reputation.
You have such low self-esteem, my Queen. You aren't undesirable. I just happen to prefer a willing client over a forced fiancée. Just because I do not wish to marry you does not mean I do not want to work with you.
He was rather strange when he wasn't creeping Audrey out in her nightmares. She didn't know what he looked like and nobody had bothered to show her a picture of him. Literally living up to his name, Audrey had to hear Alastor's voice in her head and literally imagine that her head was a radio. She occasionally heard some static in his voice, but he was ridiculously polite for someone who could easily eat her or finish her off. But even in his polite, jovial tones, Audrey was certain to pick up the angry undertones forcefully coated by an invisible smile.
I did try to reach out to that sorceress to break her curse. Unfortunately, she said that her curse was irreversible, Audrey heard his small voice say. His words actually caused her to pause three-quarters of the way up the stairs. I did politely ask her and she already fears me, but she uses very strong paperwork. I apologize if I couldn't do anything further.
He tried. He tried to have the curse repealed. And it didn't work. Audrey didn't know how to react or think what was to come? Would she successfully pass a contract with him but spend the rest of her life and death going mad just to avoid marrying him? Would she just wind-up succumbing to it? Personally, she didn't really care what would happen to her old home. It's not like anyone took the time to tell her 'By the way, Audrey, don't get ridiculously jealous over a VK who stole your first boyfriend. You might end up summoning a demon who might as well be your fiancé!'
How things could have turned out differently indeed.
The moment she reached the floor where the guest room was, she froze. Two Parademons lied dead on the ground, stomachs impaled by what looked like giant sticks at first until Audrey had a closer look. The sticks were actually thick, stick-sized cabers. She remembered seeing those during some cultural exchange at one point in Auradon, when a game of caber toss had been introduced. Audrey's attention deviated away from her dead servants when she saw the open door leading to the guest room. Panicked, she got inside. Charles was nowhere in sight. There wasn't any damage, but the fact that she found Charles' full satchel tucked underneath the bed told her something was wrong. Paranoid as he was, the boy HATED being separated from his satchel full of demon and Fae-harming weapons. Not to mention that the note stabbed on the bed did not help in proving her otherwise.
So instead of having breakfast with her new friend and being optimistic about going out of Villainapolis, Audrey was having breakfast with Noir, Jessie, and Iclyn. She had called them and the three immediately responded. It was now 9:30am.
"'The skinny lass is our prisoner. Lady Lokisdottir fancies a word with you at her club. Don't be tardy and don't use your army or the skinny lass gets it. PS: Your brutes are stupid. Sincerely, Macy Beth.'" Noir looked over the stabbed paper. "Definitely the handwriting of Macbeth's only daughter. She and her older brothers are known to be the mortal backup of that creepy she-demon."
"Isn't she nigh-invincible?" Audrey frowned.
"True. But even a powerful villain can be lazy at times and get somebody for backup. Or, you know, to create a cult and give another example on why the war is always ripped apart by conflicting ideologies…" Noir passed the paper to Audrey. "But for some reason, Macy Beth is the only mortal human I know who hasn't gone insane or become an empty shell of herself ever since she first stepped into the Nine Realms Club and affiliated with Lokisdottir. She and her older brothers, Alasdair, Aengus, and Blair are their own gang, the Bloody Thanes. Their folks have their own castle in the suburbs, away from the turf wars where their kids primarily conquer the water areas, sports arenas, any place that sells haggis, and whatever turf Lokisdottir fancies. The males are brutes that can crush cabers with their bare hands but Macy is the brains in their clan and a champ at daggers and assassination. An evil princess favored by both her parents."
I guess Macy would be the more bloodthirsty version of Evie if Kory already has Mal's face whenever I'm near her, Audrey thought.
"Can I just waltz in, snap my fingers, and turn them into stone?" Audrey asked.
"Not in the club." Noir shook her head as she drank a cup of coffee. "It's not like when you waltz everywhere else in Villainapolis and you either conquer or have people grovel before you as you please. It's the Nine Realms Club. People go in, gamble, do weird shit, and they either never come out or they're shells of themselves. No one knows what really happens in there. It's the kingdom of chaos for Lokisdottir."
"She'll know you're coming anyway. The place will be rigged with manipulative traps," Jessie pointed out.
"I got to try." Audrey shook her head while her fist clenched the paper, burning it with pink flames in the process. "Charles needs us. I need him also when my friends come to get me."
"Audrey's right. Plus…" Iclyn forced Charles' satchel onto the table. "If we can get in and find him, he'll get us out a whole lot faster."
"I'm afraid I can't help, though." Noir shook her head. "If it had been one of my gang members I had to save, I would totally do it, but my mother told me to never risk my life or those of my gang members by attacking the demigoddess in her facility."
"On the clock?" Iclyn asked.
"Uh… yes? She never said otherwise."
"We're off the clock on turf wars. You don't have to come, but Jessie and I have our own stuff off the clock. It's our decision to go help Audrey out. If your mom yells, just tell her that Jessie and I are dickheads who forgot who's boss."
"Well, my boss De Mort would be pissed if I didn't help save Snowball. He's like Audrey; she also likes him."
"We do agree that you three are going in without a plan and that I did nothing whatsoever to stop you, right?" Noir said.
"Simple. We go in, get Charles out, we kick some demigoddess butt, and the sooner he and I meet up with Beatrice and Ozzy, the faster we get the shit out of this town," Audrey said.
Around 11:30am
The Nine Realms Club was apparently known as the most dangerous club and casino in all of Villainapolis. Audrey could see why as they stood on the street facing the tall marble building. It had the height of most of the city's skyscrapers, probably with a total of 60 something floors. The windowsills were painted in a venom green color, the wall-sized windows bearing crystal blue blinds that were almost see-through, and the ceiling of the outdoor ground level was held up by polished emerald pillars. The entry's lightbulbs and the outdoor fountain were illuminated by white lights. The aspen and spruce trees planted in lines around the club looked so frozen, as if a coat of ice had frozen the trees into a permanent spring-time effect even though it was fall. Crazy neon signs screamed from outside the club.
Nine Realms Club. Party all you can and lose your existence should you meet the owner!
Game of chances!
Russian Roulette, where losers go to Helheim!
Poker, from the greedy classics to the strip poker!
Slot machines, winners get the Asgard specialty and losers work in the Muspelheim department!
Bingo, where the highest winners go further up for specialties and losers go lower to disadvantages!
Club owner at the penthouse! Got a deal with her, then go upstairs!
This ain't Dazzle's Musical Theater! No boundaries here and no protection for the guests! It ain't the demigoddess' problem if the games are rigged and you lose all your money or if her servants either eat you or fuck you!
"The place is usually packed with hundreds of morons and that freakshow's army of mutts," Iclyn frowned. "Why is this place a ghost town?"
"Obviously a trap." Jessie shrugged.
"Hold your horses," Audrey warned. "Chances are that the moment were alone in some part of the building, nowhere near the exit, she'll unleash an army at us. I should know, I animated armors to attack my former enemies when I tried taking over Auradon." She took a deep breath and led the girls towards the entrance.
Do you need me to lend you my forces again? Alastor's voice asked.
No. I don't know what awaits me in there. I'd rather not waste your 'loan' at the front desk before I might actually need it.
Clever decision, my Queen.
Audrey made the mental note to tell Alastor not to call her 'his Queen'. She pushed the glass revolving door, followed by Iclyn and Jessie and the three stepped into the hybrid of the lobby and massive casino. All the chandeliers and game machines were turned on and rock music played quietly in the speakers that echoed against the walls, but aside from that, there wasn't another soul besides them. No foot stomping or howling. Then, out of nowhere, crackling sounds caught their attention. The revolving doors were spinning madly, the speed causing specks of blue and red electricity to spin like wild hamsters on a wheel. As the speed went to inhuman levels, the electricity started bouncing out of the revolving doors and landing on the walls. The effect caused the ground to shake, a strange circuit pattern to appear on the walls, and horrible static to shout from the speakers.
"WHAT THE HELL?" Jessie screamed as she blocked her ears.
"I DON'T KNOW!" Iclyn then saw Audrey holding her ears and screaming in agony. Apparently, the chaos was driving her insane. Thinking quickly, Iclyn went through Charles' satchel, the static nearly killing her ear drums. As paranoid as he was, the grey-haired boy HAD to have something in his kit that would be noise-cancelling. Surprisingly enough, she managed to find a plastic bag filled with hundreds of honey-colored earplugs. Without even checking the label, she grabbed three pairs, shoved one in her ears and proceeded to do the same thing with Jessie and Audrey.
"Thanks, Iclyn!" Jessie patted her ears when she could no longer hear the static. "Why do my ears feel like I have honey?"
Frowning, Iclyn finally checked the label of the plastic bag, which was surprisingly in English. "'Beeswax earrings! Specifically crafted to resist siren calls and to cancel out concert-level sounds! Also fabricated to clean your ears!' That dude's a genius!"
Audrey, meanwhile, struggled to get up. She tried using the front desk counter to lift herself up but even her feet sored. She didn't understand what had happened. The electricity spinning and infiltrating the club walls like technological parasites had caused the echoing static to be worse for her, as if the sounds were trying to rip apart her skull. She also felt drained energy-wise. If Iclyn hadn't caught her, Audrey would have fallen on the ground.
The front desk computer's screen flickered. Audrey had enough consciousness to pick up the face of Kory Lokisdottir. Hard to miss seeing Mal's twisted face sneering at her.
"How nice to see that you got Macy's invitation to my funhouse, Sugar Pie!" Kory's voice taunted despite the computer's static distorting it. "And you brought Frosted Flakes and Pop Tarts!"
"Save your creepy food-related slurs to another freak, bitch!" Iclyn cussed at the screen. "Where's Charles?"
"Somewhere in here. But is he in my penthouse or somewhere in the different levels of my club? Is he with me, my hounds, or the Bloody Thanes? Will I kill him or give him something that will have him crave death? Tell me, Audrey Rose, should I give Charles Frollo the same fate that I gave Carlos De Vil? Death to satisfy my entertainment of you, only this one is the most final of the two?"
Audrey didn't know what pissed her off the most enough to fully regain her senses: that the demigoddess knew the middle name Audrey only heard when her grandmother lectured her or that Kory was threatening to do to Charles what she did to Carlos and leave Audrey to deal with another dose of guilt. Audrey scowled. Never again.
"Bring it on, Princess. I'll remind you which one of us is the Queen!" Audrey snapped.
"Feisty! This will be so fun!" Kory was probably clapping her hands from the other side of the screen. "Rules of the game! My club was obviously rigged and you have 24 hours to complete it! You probably think 'Wow, Kory, you're so generous, but I got friends picking me up at 6:30pm!' Well bad news for you, Audrey Rose, because even if you manage to get to me or save Charles, all case scenarios end with me getting what I want and you never leaving this club!"
"Not playing fair. Typical," Jessie rolled her eyes.
"The best villains NEVER play fair. So, I allowed the Bloody Thanes to generously help me rig ALL the levels! Do you have to go through all of them, of course not! But I'll randomly pick which levels you have to go up against! Each level and each room are living escape rooms. At each step, I unleash a riddle for you to solve and survive that will tell you where to go next. Your only time limit is your survival. No outside help and no help from demons. You ready to play? Good! Game time!"
"I hate you so much…" Audrey hissed.
"How sweet of you. Here is my first riddle, and bless your soul, I don't rhyme!"
The screen flickered to transition from a face to a typed message.
I ate a hand
And I ate a king.
My kind are the villains in the folk lands
And brought in moral teachings.
Will you understand my clan
When the world is spinning?
"No rhymes, my ass!" Iclyn cussed.
"We can do it!" Jessie tried to sound confident. "I mean, we're friends with the Riddler's son! We might know how to solve it."
"HOW?" And as if to answer Iclyn's question, the girls found themselves being dragged to the floor and sliding from the front desk to the casino. Soon enough, the casino looked like the inside of a loose sphere despite all the games, tables, and chandeliers staying in place.
"LIKE HOW WHEN SHE SAYS, 'THE WORLD IS SPINNING', SHE LITERALLY MEANS HAVING THE WHOLE CASINO DO AN INDOOR 360 DEGREES BACKFLIP!" Jessie screamed, clinging onto a chair for dear life. Roulettes flew off the tables and started flying at their direction, spinning like frisbees that probably would have cut off their heads if Audrey hadn't shot a blast of pink magic at them, turning the roulettes into spinel balls that crashed upon impact with a chandelier. The emerald pillars of the ceiling suddenly spun, nearly reminding Audrey of a spinning wheel as she hit one of them, sending her flying into a chair facing a slot machine. The chair pushed itself forward, trapping Audrey's legs to the machine while the handle went down and the spinning slots showed random pictures: a giant wolf, a dollar sign, a bloody dagger, and a disturbing image that horrified Audrey into wondering when the demigoddess had gotten the chance to get a picture of Audrey in the shower. Especially when the picture only showed Audrey's form and not the shower. When the slots stopped spinning, the heads of Kory Lokisdottir began talking at Audrey from the machine.
"Did I forget to mention that we also rigged the levels with traps where if you step on one, it's a one-way ticket to Loser Town? Tightening, isn't it?" The heads screamed at Audrey while the chair further crushed Audrey's legs against the machine, which began to move onto its own and drag Audrey around the spinning casino. Audrey found herself feeling the need to throw up as the slot machine began moving towards the staircase. If Iclyn hadn't destroyed the machine with her ice and pulled out Audrey, the machine would have dragged her upstairs. The girls found themselves falling and dangling from a chandelier while the casino went wild and the games tried attacking them.
"I'M GETTING SICK!" Audrey yelled before covering her mouth to restrain herself from throwing up.
"YEAH, I THINK SHE KNOWS!" Iclyn kept her hold on Audrey. "JOKER, THINK! RIDDLE! NOW!"
"HOW? WE'RE BUSY TRYING TO STAY ALIVE FROM THE TRICKS OF A WOLF-LOVING… HOLD IT!" Jessie yelled. The room froze in a diagonal fashion. "'I ate a hand and I ate a king!' Wasn't one of Loki's kids, aka one of Kory's half-siblings, a giant wolf named Fenrir?"
"Yeah, he ate Tyr's hand and was said to eat Odin at the end of the world! And they said libraries were getting old!" Iclyn said.
"'My kind are the villains in the folk lands and brought in moral teachings.' While some countries think that wolves are protectors, others associate wolves as savage animals that eat people! You know, like the Queen of Fables! Which led to this whole stereotyping that wolves are evil and needed to be persecuted, which led to animal endangerment!"
And just like that, the room went back to its initial flat 180 pose, causing the trio to crash on the ground.
"You guys… you rock…" Audrey muttered before puking on the green carpet. To her disgust, the vomit formed the following sentence.
Floor 6, Room 13.
Minutes Later
Using the elevator was out of the question. For all the girls knew, it could have been rigged. And rather than walking every single step in case there was a misstep (no puns intended), Iclyn had created an ice catapult to launch them up to the 6th floor.
Audrey felt a tad better, but something told her that worse thing was to come in the green-carpeted and yellow-walled hallway of the 6th floor, reminding her of an actual hotel than a level above the casino belonging to a psychopath.
"You've got to be shitting me," Jessie muttered. The green door of Room 13 was plastered with the yellow graffiti words 'CLOWN PIT'. "Knowing her, it's full of evil clowns."
"You're Jessie Joker and a clown pit full of possibly evil clowns weirds you out?" Iclyn tried to articulate the disbelief in her tone.
"I'm the kid of the JOKER, Iclyn! The epitome of 'evil clown' and clown phobias after Pennywise the Dancing Clown! You think that just because I dress and act like a modern harlequin means that I might not have some psychological trauma about creepy clowns?"
"Touché."
The graffiti on the door began to glow and move around to form the next riddle.
Behind the door, I'm another fear.
I can be seen by some as evil and sticky.
Find me and listen with your ears.
In dark and light, the clowns are picky.
"Yeah, it's gonna be shit." Audrey sacrificed herself to open the door, leading to the garden-sized room. The walls were distorting mirrors, not a single window was in sight, and the center of the floor was covered by a giant ball pit that had to fill three quarters of the floor. The balls were of ghastly, pastel colors, resembling Easter eggs under the pastel lights that came from the ceiling covered in lightbulbs. The creepiest part had to be the thirty something wax clown statues that surrounded the pit, any clown from any party and any time era, and hard to tell who was what with the diverse makeup and unisex costume.
"I hate this fucking part," Jessie muttered. "Don't tell me. The clowns will be throwing balls full of booby traps at us while we're locked in a room full of flashing lights."
"How are you so sure?" Audrey regretted asking the question when the door suddenly slammed behind them. Glass-colored paint leaked like reflective blood over it, causing the door to disappear into the glass wall. Right on cue, the lights took turns flashing on and off into crazy two-color patterns, making the room a crazy psychedelic light show while the clown statues suddenly began moving autonomously but slowly. Their cracking sounds indicated that they had to be robots as fifteen of them began widening their fanged mouths at 180 degrees and practically vacuuming the balls until the pit was empty, revealing it to be twice the depth of an Olympic pool.
"Demons of wax, meet your pyre! Die in fire!" Audrey shot a pink fire blast at a couple creepy harlequins. Though the magic fire did melt off the wax, it didn't stop the mechanical harlequins from moving in both flames and flashing lights, their cackling resembling clicking gears going wild.
"HIT THE DECK!" Jessie shoved Audrey aside when the other half of robotic wax clowns started spiting the balls at their direction with bullet speed. The one that Jessie and Audrey avoided managed to leave a football-shaped crack on one of the glass walls while Iclyn ran away from a Venetian clown shooting her a ball of acid. Ironically, the girls had to seek refuge by jumping into the empty ball pit.
"Cornered by creepy clowns in an empty indoor pool!" Jessie managed to push off a jumping clown and rip off one of its arms, using the electronic limb as a makeshift baseball bat that she used against a purple circus clown. "This just reminds me of the chemical pool!"
"You're the brains, Jess!" Audrey shot magic at a clown, turning it into a creepy clown bat. "The riddle!"
"Excuse me, but it's hard to focus on something evil, sticky, and as feared as clown when I'm surrounded by thirty something clowns from a rip-off wax museum trying to kill me!" Jessie snapped. One pink clown managed to creepily twist its robotic longs, elongating and swinging it downward.
"What… HEY!" Audrey exclaimed when she felt the fingers run down her coat and shirt and pull her up using a strap that made her even more mortified. "WHY IS IT TOUCHING ME THERE? GAH!"
"Forgot something, Sugar Pie?" The reflections of all the clowns in the glass walls distorted so that all of them had the face of the demigoddess that Audrey hated so much. Made worse when the reflections toyed around with the reflection of the absent pink undergarment that caused Audrey to cross her arms in embarrassment. "Non-padded, really? No wonder you left Auradon, Honey Bunches! With your style, I would have thought you as the strapless type! Or maybe tube! Stick on! Shelf! How about nothing?"
Audrey felt her disgusted anger boiling. She assumed that Alastor would have made some witty comment in the back of her mind or ask her if she wanted the demonic services, but silence came from his end. She had to resorted to punching the glass wall, creating a ripple effect that broke all the glass. The fallen shards reflected the flashing lights in distorted fashions as if someone had destroyed a good disco ball. "GET OFF!" She kicked some nearby clowns in the stomach.
"Another fear. Evil and sticky!" Jessie grumbled and swung her bat against a thrown ball. A sticky white substance leaked out of it and found itself sticking on a round clown's cheek when Jessie failed to whack its head off. "What can possibly scare people more than clowns?"
"Spiders?" Audrey suggested. The lights stopped flashing and the clowns suddenly exploded into a confetti of living spiders, freaking out the girls as they watched the spiders that once used to be waxed animatronics turn into an eight-foot-tall black-and-white mime. The last spider froze itself and the creepy mime plucked it on its hat as if it were a brooch. Just as the lights desaturated into neutral-colored ones, the mime pointed at the girls than at the spider brooch.
"Great, we got to steal the spider from the brooch," Jessie muttered. "And knowing how mimes work, he'll be tossing us stuff we can't see even with the lights on!"
The mime did a pose suggesting he was going to throw something invisible, and after he did, Iclyn found herself thrown a few feet away, her hands clenching to her stomach. "Mime bowling ball on the stomach!"
The mime hand-gestured some sort of weapon and aimed it at Jessie. Every time she dodged, scorching marks were left on the wall. "MIME FLAMETHROWER!"
"Whatever the eyes can handle, I must decree, give us something for all of us to see!" Audrey shot some magic in the air, hoping that it will reveal what the mime would throw next. It worked and helped Audrey dodge the spear he'd throw at her, but now it meant that pinkish red blood was dripping from the ceiling. Tired of the things done to mess with her head, Audrey ran towards the mime, hoping to just steal his hat and get over with it. The mime snickered, bended down, and mimed what seemed to be pulling a rug underneath Audrey's foot. She tripped and the mime mimed another rug, this time rolling up and restraining Audrey in it.
"Great, now I know how pigs in blanket feel…" Audrey muttered as the mime pulled her up his shoulder literally up his shoulders. A door phased itself on the wall, Audrey translating it as another thing Kory created to have her monstrosity bring Audrey up to her. "Bones like gum and blood like jelly, have a watermelon grow out of this mime's belly!"
The mime dropped her and began coughing out spiders. As Jessie rushed to help Audrey get herself out of the mimed rug, the mime began to cough out vines and leaves. Iclyn snatched the mime's hat and the three made a run for the door. The moment they ran into the hallway, an explosion came from the room, splattering the room, hallway walls and carpet with chunks of watermelon.
"That… was gross…" Iclyn muttered.
"How's your stomach?" Audrey asked.
"Aching like shit."Iclyn held on to her stomach and handed the hat to Jessie. Jessie ripped off the spider brooch and immediately cracked it open like a fortune cookie, revealing the paper inside.
"'Floor 13. The Indoor Highlands.'" She read out loud right when the hallway speakers cracked with the cackling of the demigoddess.
"Hope you girls were warmed up by my casino and ball pit, because your next challenge is more brutal and straightforward than my riddles!" Kory Lokisdottir taunted. "Macy's brothers are just DYING to meet you!"
