Memoirs of Jabberwock Island
Disclaimer: I do not own Danganronpa or any of its characters. They belong to their respective creators.
Synopsis: Ryoko Otonashi spends her time on Jabberwock Island learning about the Remnants, and herself along the way.
NOTE: As with the last 'Memoirs' story, the 'unedited' version of Ryoko's Notebook sections are only available on AO3. Check it out if you'd like!
Day 251~~
(staring over fresh)
Entry 1
Wow, it's been a while since I wrote in this. I'd completely forgotten about you since coming to Jabberwock Island. SO much has happened. But, I got to talk to Gekkogahara today! She phoned in, letting us know the situation and even let me talk to her for a while to make up for lost time. I don't know what I'd do without her.
She said I may not hear from her for a while, just to be safe, and reminded me of this notebook. She even smiled at me! Like a real smile! She tried to hide it under her scarf, but I saw it. I hope I can see her again soon.
"So, you already figured everything out, huh?" Usami, or rather, Gekkogahara told her through the video call. The screen was split in half, with both Usami and Gekkogahara herself visible. "I guess that means that you already know the reason I had to keep it a secret from you?"
Ryoko nodded, not trusting her voice right now. It had only been a few hours since she'd gotten back from the simulation, and she was still a bit of a mess. Gekkogahara had called and requested to speak with her personally. So, having just finished giving Hajime his hair cut, she went to speak with her therapist.
Gekkogahara remained silent for a moment, but soon, the image of Usami brightened up and smiled. "You met your previous self and didn't falter! It must have been terrifying, but this is a victory that you earned yourself. I must say, I'm incredibly proud of you Ryoko!"
The red-haired woman blushed, barely able to accept the praise. Hearing Gekkogahara's declaration filled her with warmth, and she finally found her voice.
"It wasn't easy, that's for sure…" she commented, unconsciously downplaying her own accomplishment.
"I image it wouldn't be," Gekkogahara told her, the Usami image rubbing their chin for a moment. "But I'm glad that you were able to overcome your past, even if only a little."
'Only a little'. That certainly was true. Ryoko had forgotten just how talented Gekkogahara was at her profession, already knowing that despite this 'victory', her guilt and self-loathing weren't completely gone. However, because of Kyoko's kindness, and Hajime's miraculous transformation, she couldn't deny the tiny flicker of hope that was struggling to stay alight in her chest.
"I wanted to apologize to you. For obvious reasons, I couldn't reveal what I knew about your past. I hope you can forgive me for that," Gekkogahara told her, both Usami and her real self bowing to her.
Flustered by the act, Ryoko waved her hands and said, "N-No, no! I-I get it! I would've done the same in your position. And, in the end, I figured it out on my own anyway so it's not a big deal."
Raising 'their' heads, the Usami/Gekkogahara combo seemed pleased that the apology was accepted. "I especially wanted to apologize for intentionally misleading you. It may have been to keep you safe, but I still let you believe you were really going on a mission…"
"Yeah but…because of that, I'm here, on Jabberwock and not in a prison cell somewhere," Ryoko countered, still a little shocked by that revelation. "And you…took a huge risk in order to help me so…"
She trailed off, unsure of the words she wanted to say. No, that wasn't quite right. She knew what she wanted to say, she just didn't have the courage to let the words out. After all, how could she tell the person responsible for her freedom that she didn't think she deserved it? It would be like spitting in the face of her kindness, and she definitely didn't want to do that! Even so, she couldn't help the mixture of emotions that swirled around in her chest.
As if sensing her confliction, she heard Usami exasperatedly sigh. "I know that you probably don't think I should have taken this risk, considering the consequences."
The pink rabbit paused, and miraculously, instead of Usami, a very quiet voice, one incredibly similar to Usami's spoke up in her place.
"You're my patient. I'm here to help you. I won't abandon you just because you made mistakes in the past."
Stunned by the confidence and kindness in those words, it took Ryoko a few moments to realize that it was Gekkogahara herself that had spoken up! As far as she knew, almost no one had heard Gekkogahara speak personally! Not to mention, her voice sounded almost just like Usami's! Did that mean that Usami's voice was based on Gekkogahara's? That would explain why she always talked through the avatar instead of—
"So that's that! I won't hear another word about it!" Usami suddenly spoke up again, almost making Ryoko question if she had actually heard Gekkogahara speak at all! "Oh, and before I forget, I wanted to speak with you about something. Once everything is cleared up with the other Division Heads, and you can safely return to headquarters, I wanted to ask if you'd consider working under me. For a while at least. "
"Really? What for?" Ryoko said with a tilt of her head, not expecting such a suggestion.
Usami rubbed her chin and carefully continued, "Well, the best way to put it is…I think you'd make a great counselor!"
Ryoko's jaw dropped, and she was barely able to process that statement. Startled by not only the suggestion, but the spark of excitement it brought to Gekkogahara, Ryoko was flabbergasted and could only stammer, "M-Me?! A counselor?! Like, someone who listens to people to offer guidance and advice?! You must be joking, right?!"
Shaking her head, Usami insisted, "I'm 100% serious! With your amazing analysis and observational skills, I think you'd make a great counselor!"
"J-Just because I can read people easily doesn't mean I could offer helpful advice to them!" Ryoko refuted, the very idea bothering her so strongly she couldn't sit still. "I-I mean, what right do I, the person who almost single-handedly destroyed the world, have in telling anyone how to improve their life?!"
Tilting her head slightly, as if in confusion, Usami softly asked, "You don't like the idea? I thought you'd make a great counselor. And if I were to tutor you, I think it could go a long way toward helping not only you…but the other Remnants as well."
Opening her mouth to protest only to immediately snap it shut, Ryoko couldn't deny the logic of the argument. Even she had to admit that her talents and abilities would lend themselves greatly to this occupation. However, the idea of her, the former Ultimate Despair, being allowed to try and help people with their personal problems? It sounded ludicrous!
At the same time, Gekkogahara seemed…almost disappointed by her rejection. The former Ultimate Therapist never minced words, and if she truly thought that Ryoko had the potential to help others by being a counselor, then it must be true. But again, all that Ryoko could think about was the fact that she wasn't worthy of such a distinguished role.
Trust and respect were two things a counselor needed in order to be any good at their job…but how could she expect anyone to respect, let along trust her with their personal issues?
"I just…don't know if it's a good idea," Ryoko finally confessed, averting her gaze from the screen, unable to witness the look of disappointment that Gekkogahara would undoubtedly—
"Why do you think it's not a good idea?" Usami suddenly retorted, snapping Ryoko's gaze back up to the screen. To her surprise, she found both her and Gekkogahara herself looking at her sternly. "You said you wanted to find a way to help people. A way to redeem yourself for all the pain you caused. So what better way than learning to offer advice on how to help people improve their quality of life? In that regard, being a counselor suits you much more than any other job I can think of."
Hanging her head again, Ryoko let those words sink in, but her mind was already made up. Meekly, she replied, "Do you really think anyone is going to listen to the former Ultimate Despair about life advice?"
After throwing out that excuse, which even Ryoko couldn't deny it being at this point, she waited for her therapists answer. It came in the form of yet another unexpected cameo of Gekkogahara's real voice.
"You're not the former Ultimate Despair. You are Ryoko Otonashi. A completely separate person from Junko Enoshima. So stop acting like it and just be who you are."
The combination of her real voice and the concern laced within it struck a chord in Ryoko's mind. Being scolded like that hurt, but it also put things into perspective for her. She already acknowledged that she was no longer Junko Enoshima, and yet she still felt the need to bear the weight of her past self's crimes. At the same time, having accepted herself as Ryoko Otonashi…maybe it was time to do something for Ryoko Otonashi, instead of constantly trying to make up for her crimes as Junko Enoshima.
"Just…be who I am, huh?" she repeated, still keeping her head down.
"What do you, as Ryoko Otonashi, think of the idea of being a counselor? I'm not asking you to make a decision right now. Just think it over and get back to me. I'll wait."
This time, as Gekkogahara's real voice entered her ears, Ryoko looked up in time to confirm that it was indeed Gekkogahara speaking herself. Her voice was much quieter than Usami's and although a bit stern at the moment, there was a gentleness to it that made the redhead wish she'd use it more often. However, just as before, the instant she finished speaking, Usami took over again.
"I won't force you to do anything you don't want. But please consider it, not just for yourself but for all the Remnants."
"A-All the Remnants?" Ryoko questioned, finally digesting all of the wisdom her therapist was giving her.
"Absolutely!" Usami said to her, putting both paw onto her hips dramatically. "Since I can't be there myself, it might do you some good to try and understand their circumstances and maybe empathize with them! After all, they've also done some pretty horrible things that they regret too."
Admittedly, Ryoko hadn't thought it that way. Sure, she knew that both she and the Remnants must have similar feelings of guilt and shame over their actions. But using that shared trauma to possibly overcome their individual feelings of guilt…just may work. And with Ryoko's analytical abilities, it wouldn't be all that difficult either.
The only question was…would they allow her to even attempt such a thing? Hajime might, but the rest of the surviving Remnants might be hesitant or completely put off by her presence. She hadn't even seen any of them besides Hajime yet! However, they had met her in the simulation, and if Hajime had retained his memories, it was possibly they might as well. And if they did, they just might be open to the idea.
"…I can't make any promises," she slowly said to her therapist, building up the courage needed to continue. "But…I'll definitely think about it. And the next time I see you, I'll be ready to give you my answer."
Hearing this, Usami practically leapt into the air and shouted, "Alrighty! Sounds like a plan to me! Unfortunately, I have to go now. I need to be sneaky so that I'm not caught by Munakata or his faction members."
"Faction members?" Ryoko repeated, having not heard of this development until that moment.
"It's something Kyoko can explain to you later, I'm sure. I may not be able to contact you for a while, but next time I do, we'll talk about everything! Until then, trying writing in that notebook of yours to help relieve stress."
"Yeah…that sounds great," Ryoko said with a nod, sad their time was cut short but looking forward to their future appointment. She had a lot to think about, but she couldn't deny that the idea of studying under Gekkogahara was more than appealing, in various ways. With that in mind, before the call ended, she blurted out something she'd held in since their very first appointment.
"G-Gekkogahara…t-thank you…for believing in me…despite knowing the truth. It really…means the world to me. T-Thanks…"
In that instant, despite how much the therapist tried to hide it, Ryoko caught a glimpse of Miaya Gekkogahara actively smiling behind her scarf before Usami spoke up.
"No problem at all! Well then, until next time! Love, Love!"
And with that, the screen cut out and Ryoko's smiling expression was reflected back at her on the darkened monitor. Leaning back in her chair, the analyst exhaled and smiled to herself, finally relieved that she'd managed to thank Gekkogahara for all she'd done for her.
Sadly, that would be the very last time that Ryoko Otonashi and Miaya Gekkogahara would ever speak to each other…
Entry 2
Makoto, Kyoko, and Byakuya are leaving. Once their ship is ready to depart, they'll be on their way back to Future Foundation HQ. I know it's necessary, but I'm worried about them. I don't like the idea of other people taking risks for me.All I can do is wish them well.
I wanted to spend more time with Kyoko. Never thought I'd be writing that down. She taught me how to braid my hair. It's actually kinda fun and I can do it myself now, but I enjoyed letting her do it so I have an excuse to talk to her. Once they're gone, who am I going to talk to?
"Won't all of you get in trouble once you get back?" Ryoko asked as she sat on her bed, fidgeting nervously as her roommate braided one side of her hair.
"Eventually…" Kyoko told her, weaving the braid in place with a ribbon "However, staying here too much longer will endanger both you and the Remnants. As of right now, neither the Chairman nor the Vice-Chairman have any reason to believe any of you are on this island. The falsified report of you all being transferred hadn't been disproven yet, and if we go back now, we'll avoid further suspicion."
As she finished speaking, the detective tied off the ribbon, a light smile coming over her as she held up a hand mirror for Ryoko to see for herself. Gazing at her reflection, the analyst couldn't help but smile brightly.
Her hair had been trimmed significantly, were it once trailed down almost to her knees, it now only reached the middle of her back. The pink fluff at the edges had been cut away, and her side ponytail had been abandoned in favor of a long braided strand on her right side, held in place by a blue ribbon. The rest of her bright red hair hung comfortably on her right side, partially in front and back.
It was a new look, and she was pretty excited about it, for multiple reasons.
To her, it was proof that she had finally shed her past as Junko Enoshima. And while the scars of her previous self would never truly vanish, she was prepared to move forward as Ryoko Otonashi. Plus, since Kyoko had offered to teach her how to braid her hair, they'd been spending a lot more time together.
Although she still spent a good deal of time with Makoto as well, Ryoko wouldn't deny that hanging out with Kyoko had become something she always looked forward to. They could talk, both as women and equals, for the first time since meeting. And slowly, they were both getting better at 'girl talk', instead of constantly voicing their concerns about the future. The best part was, the more they learned about each other, the closer they grew.
In only a few short days since returning from the simulation, the two women had formed a strong bond that neither of them had anticipated. Though it was welcome all the same.
"Will you be alright on your own?" Kyoko asked, her eyes momentarily glancing toward her packed suitcase.
"Probably," Ryoko answered her, twirling her new braid on her finger. "I've watched you do this enough times that I could do it myself. Eyes closed even."
At that comment, Kyoko gave her a look, and the redhead let out a deep sigh. She knew what Kyoko had meant the first time; she was just afraid to voice it aloud.
"Honestly…I don't know," she said, lowering her gaze and fidgeting with her fingers. "I mean, Hajime will be here, and that's somewhat comforting but…"
"But?" Kyoko pressed, subtly urging her not to bottle up her feelings.
It was a sentiment that Ryoko appreciated, and since she knew Kyoko wouldn't judge her, she eventually answered, "Without you or the others around…what if the rest of the people here turn on us? I mean, I know Hajime could definitely handle himself, but as far as the others and I are concerned—".
"You're all going to be fine. I guarantee it," Kyoko cut her off before she could spiral any further. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she looked down at Ryoko and smiled. "Everyone here knew they would be defying Future Foundation orders by participating in this operation. Also, most of the security team has to return as well, to avoid suspicion. If anything, I would say those staying behind are more afraid of you all then the other way around."
Chuckling slightly, Ryoko replied, "Yeah, I can see that." Hanging her head slightly, she wasn't surprised when Kyoko spoke up again.
"That's not all, is it?" she correctly guessed, her tone stern but concerned. "Something else is bothering you."
Leave it to a famous detective to figure that out. Not that it wasn't ridiculously obvious anyway. Something had been on Ryoko's mind for the past few days now. She'd had a long conversation with Hajime not long after he awoke, and what he told her kept replaying in her mind over and over.
"Hajime…wants to find a way to wake up the other Remnants."
"…And is there something wrong with that?" Kyoko asked, unintentionally pushing for answers.
"N-No! I'm not exactly against the idea or anything…it's just," she trailed off, unable to find the right words to express her concerns. At that moment, she felt the bed shift and glanced over to see Kyoko sitting next to her, a soft and understanding smile decorating her lips. That visage spoke volumes and it helped dull Ryoko's anxiety, at least enough for her to say, "But…we have no idea how that's going to go. Even if by some miracle all of them are cured of their brainwashing, it won't change the fact that I…well…I'm…going…to…"
She trailed off as her hands suddenly began shaking, fear welling up inside. Tear pricked the corners of her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away, embarrassed at how 'fragile' she was being right now. As she inhaled a shaky breath, a soft voice reached her ear.
"You're afraid of having to face them," Kyoko deduced, reaching over to rest her arm around Ryoko's shoulders.
Almost without thinking, Ryoko tilted her body and leaned against Kyoko, allowing her friend to hold onto her in a half-hug. With a quivering lip, she barely replied, "Y-Yeah…"
More tears came, and again she wiped them away, barely holding herself together. When she reopened her eyes, she saw Kyoko's handkerchief hovering in front of her. Without hesitation, she took it and blew her nose. Once finished, she continued to let her friend hold onto her, enjoying the comfort and security the embrace brought.
As she felt herself beginning to calm down, she once again heard Kyoko softly speaking to her.
"As a detective, I've had to confront a number of people about their crimes. One of them…was someone dear to me." As she spoke, Ryoko slowly turned to see a pained expression on her usually stoic face. Taking a deep breath, Kyoko met her gaze with a fierce expression and continued, "I condemned that person for what they did…but I didn't completely blame them either. I understood their situation, and though I don't know if I'll ever truly forgive them for their crimes, it doesn't mean that I hate them."
Ryoko was stunned into silence as Kyoko opened up what clearly was an old wound. For a moment, she wondered if even Makoto knew about this information. However, before she could speculate further, the detective's expression softened, and a warm expression returned to her eyes.
"It's true that the Remnants may never forgive you. However, as with Hajime, I believe that most of them will understand that you are not who you used to be. And they will accept you for who you are now, rather than punish you for who you used to be."
Ryoko fought with herself, trying not to answer condescendingly, and only half managed it. "We don't know if that's true…"
A moment of silence occurred between them before she felt Kyoko tighten their embrace for a moment.
"True. But we also don't know that they won't either." A classic argument, but one that did reassure the analyst…only slightly though. Sensing that, Kyoko continued, "In times like these, I believe it's better to have hope, rather than give in to doubt and fear. After all, without you, none of them would be alive right now, regardless."
"…I suppose that's true," Ryoko admitted, a bit ashamed she hadn't thought of that until now. Letting a tiny smile tug at her lips, she smugly said, "You're sounding more and more like Makoto every day."
Smiling back at her, Kyoko replied, "He certainly has that effect on people. But in this case, his influence has nothing to do with it. All you need is to have faith in yourself. And if that's not enough, I want you to know that, no matter what anyone else may say about you, I have faith in you as well."
Feeling her cheeks flush, Ryoko swiftly averted her gaze. Damn, Kyoko was so smooth! She was swooning over the detective all over again! A light giggle from Kyoko told her that the detective found her embarrassment amusing, which stung a bit but was worth it to hear such a cute laugh from her friend. Chuckling herself, she turned and fully embraced her roommate, actually catching the detective off-guard.
"It's more than enough. Thank you," she whispered, holding onto Kyoko tightly. An instant later, the embrace was returned, and the two women sat in silence, enjoying each other's company.
Just then, a knock at the door interrupted them, much to Ryoko's simultaneous relief and displeasure.
"It's me," Makoto's voice came from beyond the door. "Do you mind if I come in?"
Reluctantly disengaging from her friend, Ryoko turned and loudly said, "That depends!" She glanced toward Kyoko with a mischievous smile, to which the detective simply rolled her eyes. Taking that as a sign of approval, Ryoko continued with her prank. "We're kinda naked right now! Will that bother you?!"
An awkward silence filled the space, to which both Ryoko and Kyoko soon filled with mischievous laughter. They could only imagine the look of surprise and embarrassment on Makoto's face right now. Without saying a word, Kyoko stood up and approached the door, swinging it open to see a furiously blushing Makoto just beyond it.
"K-K-Kyoko!" he stammered, not expecting her to open the door so suddenly.
Stifling another laugh, the detective smiled at him and said, "Were you expecting anyone else?" Her teasing didn't go unnoticed by the lucky student, who pouted and glared toward Ryoko, who waved from her spot on her bed.
Letting out a deep sigh and taking a moment to compose himself, he answered, "Very funny. I actually came to tell you that the boat is ready. We can leave anytime."
Suddenly, the mood in the room dampened. They all knew this moment was coming, and after avoiding it for so long, they could no longer ignore it.
"Right. I'm ready," Kyoko told him, turning around and retrieving her suitcase.
Standing up, Ryoko almost shyly approached them and said, "Would you mind if…I walked you to the boat?"
With his usual warm smile, Makoto answered, "Of course not. We'll be meeting Byakuya there too, so you can say goodbye to him while you're at it."
"Oh joy…exactly what I wanted," Ryoko sarcastically replied, letting out a sigh. "I wish I didn't have to say goodbye to any of you."
"Yeah, I wish we could take you back with us," Makoto commiserated, taking a step toward her. "But hopefully it won't take long for us to convince everyone that none of you are a threat. And then, we can go on a real mission together. I promise."
As usual, the Ultimate Hope's enthusiasm was infectious. Despite wanting to pretest and scold him for being so optimistic, Ryoko found herself chuckling lightly and saying, "Yeah, I've had enough 'fake' missions to last me a lifetime. Haha—oh!"
To her utter shock, Makoto swiftly embraced her, hugging her tightly. As her cheeks flushed crimson again, she somehow managed to return the embrace, resting her head on his shoulder. As she did, he gently whispered into her ear, "Ryoko…Thanks again for saving us. We owe you our lives."
Those words echoed endlessly in Ryoko's ears, and she barely managed to squeak out a reply, "Just…returning the favor."
Holding onto each other a moment longer, they slowly disengaged and found Kyoko smiling gently at both of them.
"We should go. It wouldn't do to keep Byakuya waiting," she told them, walking up between the two and ushering them to the door.
Ryoko watched as the large boat grew smaller in the distance, her heart sinking as she watched her friends depart. But before an intense loneliness could overtake her, she glanced over and noticed someone else standing nearby. Hajime Hinata, his hair trimmed to what he'd sported in the simulation, stared off into the distance, a bright and hopeful smile on his face.
And despite the agony of their separation, deep down, Ryoko knew that they would all be okay and would meet each other again.
Entry 5
Things have gotten busy around here since Kyoko, Makoto, and Byakuya left.
After making sure that Alter Ego Junko was gone, all our efforts have been put into resuscitating the remaining unconscious Remnants. Hajime is working with the technicians on a program to help restore them. And although many of them are apprehensive about him helping, Akihiro is making strides to have him included.
The rest of the surviving Remnants are awake but are keeping their distance. By some miracle, they remember their time in the simulation, though no one has any idea how that is. Also, as with Hajime, their brainwashing is completely gone, it's like they're back to their old selves again. It's a miracle. And I'm certainly not complaining.
They must be feeling really conflicted right now. I know how they fell, kind of anyway. Still, they don't seem to want to see me. I'm not sure what I would even say to them. I'm probably gonna have to eventually, but I have no idea when that'll be.
"'World Destroyer', huh? A crazy plan but it just might work…" Ryoko said to herself as she sat at her workstation, looking over the program Hajime and the others were working on. Strangely, she was alone in the command room at the moment, deciding to go over the data before retiring for the evening.
Despite the ominous name, the program would be incredibly effective in restoring the comatose Remnants. Thanks in part to the 'anti-brain death' program that Ryoko implemented, all of them were in a kind of deep sleep, their life functions still operating normally. Their subconscious minds believed they had died, and thus shut down. And because of that, their minds had retreated in the furthest depths, and needed to be reawakened.
Hajime planned to use the A.I. he had developed, the 'World Destroyer', to forcibly infiltrate their deepest subconscious and 'force' them to awaken. In theory, it could work. However, the catch was that Hajime himself would need to oversee everything, to prevent any unforeseen issues that may arise. If given administration privileges, the Ultimate 'Hope' could ensure that any complication that came up would be instantly neutralized, thereby increasing the chances of success.
"It's still a risk though," Ryoko noted aloud, going over the data he'd provided for her. "We won't know it's effectiveness until we try it. And if we make any mistakes, it could lead to disastrous consequences—".
"What kind of 'consequences', may I ask?" a soft, feminine voice asked.
Ryoko yelped and whirl around, shocked to see that Sonia Nevermind was standing directly behind her. She wanted to kick herself for focusing so much on her analysis that she hadn't notice someone approaching her, especially one of the Remnants. To her surprise, the foreign princess looked at her with concern, and a bit of embarrassment.
"My apologies. I should have taken care not to startle you," she said with a bow, her golden hair framing her face. Lifting herself up, she continued, "I just happened to overhear you and became…curious."
Sonia was as regal as she'd been in the simulation but had become a bit more soft-spoken since awakening. Most likely due to her memories of being Ultimate Despair weighing on her conscience.
Caught completely flat footed, Ryoko was both shocked and unprepared for this encounter. Still, she somehow managed to reign in her surprise enough to politely respond to the inquiry.
"N-No need to apologize or anything," she tried to assure the Princess, struggling to even out her voice. "I just, uh, wasn't expecting anyone to be here."
Hearing that, Sonia's expression fell into a frown. "I did not expect to see anyone here, either. Hajime was kind enough to persuade them to allow me in after everyone had left."
That certainly sounded like Hajime. He'd slowly been earning the technician's trust and respect, mostly due to Kyoko's orders and Akihiro's willingness.
"Are you here to visit someone?" Ryoko asked, the look of slight shock on Sonia's face confirming the answer before it was spoken.
"Yes…I am."
More than likely Sonia wanted to visit Gundham Tanaka, who was comatose within the pod room next door. The pod room could only be accessed from the Command Room, which made matters difficult. The Remnants couldn't exactly move around as they pleased. All of them were constantly monitored, which they willingly subjected themselves to. They wanted to prove they were trustworthy…much like Ryoko had been after she first learned of her past crimes.
"However-" Sonia abruptly spoke up, "-when I heard you speaking just now, I won't deny I thought it might be…a good opportunity."
Raising an eyebrow, Ryoko asked, "An 'opportunity'? For what?"
Oddly, Sonia didn't immediately respond, twiddling her thumbs and glancing downward…as if she was gathering her courage. After a few moment, she lifted her head and met Ryoko's gaze, a look of determination burning behind her bright blue eyes. However, as she opened her mouth to speak, the door to the Command Room burst open.
"Miss Sonia! Are you in here?!" Kazuichi Soda loudly shouted, glancing around the room until he spotted her. His eyes sparkled as he sped toward her, saying, "There you are! Hajime wants to talk with all of…us…about…HOLY CRAP IT'S HER!"
Only when he got closer did the mechanic see who the Princess was talking to, and Ryoko couldn't deny that his reaction, while warranted, stung quite a bit. Kazuichi came to a halt next to Sonia and hid behind her, pointing a finger while using her as cover.
"W-W-What do you want from, Miss Sonia?!" he immediately began hurling accusations, still hiding behind the Princess, much to her growing annoyance. "I-If you think you c-can trick her or something—!"
"Kazuichi. That is enough." Sonia's harsh tone, coupled with an authoritative glare, silenced the mechanic in a heartbeat. Once she was sure he wouldn't interrupt, she explained, "I was on my way to pod room when I happened to see Miss Otonashi here. I will not tolerate you insulting her like that any further. Do you understand?"
Ryoko's jaw almost dropped as Sonia suddenly came to her defense. Sure, she hadn't exactly expected the Princess to agree with Kazuichi's ramblings, but she certainly hadn't expected such chivalry either!
"N-No, it's alright, really—", she tried to say but was immediately cut off.
"It is not 'all right'," Sonia interjected, snapping her regal gaze toward Ryoko now. "You risked everything in order to save us from the Mastermind. That is a debt I cannot repay. Therefore, I will not allow anyone to slander your name. Not even yourself. Is that clear?"
Completely flabbergasted, Ryoko barely managed to mutter, "Y-Yes…?"
Hearing that, Sonia's fiery gaze immediately vanished as she smiled sweetly. "Wonderful," she said, before aiming that smile toward Kazuichi. "And now I believe it is your turn to apologize."
Sonia's authoritative demeanor shocked Ryoko to her core. Here she was, demanding Kazuichi to apologize for acting exactly as expected given his situation. In fact, she didn't fault the mechanic for his attitude in the slightest. It made sense for him to be suspicious of her, given the last time he'd seen her, she had taken on the appearance of Junko Enoshima.
If anything, Sonia was being entirely too forgiv—
"Y-Yeah…my bad," Kazuichi suddenly complied, a look of genuine guilt on his face. And keeping the surprises coming, he swiftly turned to Ryoko and bowed politely. "My memories are still a little fuzzy and I get carried away sometimes. You really saved us back at the trial. So thanks for that."
Lifting his head up, he smiled a shark-like smirk and flashed her a thumbs up, which only perplexed her more. He didn't appear to be apologizing only because Sonia had told him to, which would have made more sense. His eyes betrayed no hint of deception, and his words were genuine. But…why was that?
It made sense for Sonia to be a little too trusting, but Kazuichi? He was acting a lot more…mature than he'd been in the simulation. Could his change in behavior have to do with regaining his memories? All of the surviving Remnants had both their previous and simulation memories, had the combination of those caused a behavior change?
If that was the case, it was possibly that, if the others could be reawakened, they might have significantly different personalities if all their memories remained intact—
"Pardon me, Miss Otonashi, but I really must be going," Sonia abruptly told her, disrupted her thoughts.
"W-Wait!" Ryoko blurted out before the Princess could depart. "It seemed like you…wanted to say something to me earlier. Something about this being a good opportunity…?"
"Ah, yes, I had almost forgotten," Sonia replied, a hint of embarrassment for having forgotten. However, her face suddenly stiffened, and her tone became rather serious. "I just wanted to know…if you had any idea how long the reawakening process will take. Hajime has been…rather evasive about the question."
That was understandable. They still weren't entirely sure they could revive any of the comatose Remnants. He probably didn't want to get her hopes up, and Ryoko didn't want to make that mistake either. So, sadly, there was only one discourse available to the analyst.
"…Honestly, we don't even know if it'll work yet," she told the Princess, flinching as a look of worry overtook Sonia's expression. Unable to stop herself, Ryoko did offer one bit of good news. "However, if all goes like we've project…the process itself should only take a few hours. That is…if the program works as intended."
"…I see. Thank you for your honesty," Sonia replied slowly before looking toward Kazuichi. With a forced smile, she said to him, "Please tell Hajime that I will be along shortly."
"You got it, Miss Sonia! You take all the time you need! You're a Princess, after all! No one gets to order you around!" Kazuichi told her, smiling with delight…or so it seemed. Despite the gracious smile on his face, Ryoko could tell there was a deep sadness hidden behind his eyes, one that he did his best to hide from the world.
Sadly, in the middle of his tirade, Sonia had already begun to leave, heading directly toward the pod room. The automatic doors slid open, and she gracefully walked inside, heading for a pod near the back of the room. As the glass doors automatically shut, Kazuichi let out a deep sigh as he stared into the room, watching her reach a certain person's pod.
Ryoko was watching her too, frowning at the depressed expression that overtook the usually smiling Princess.
"She comes here every day, you know." Ryoko was a bit stunned when Kazuichi suddenly began speaking to her, still staring into the pod room. Then, a slightly irritated expression overtook him, and he finally averted his gaze, glaring down at the floor. "He should know better than to make her worry. If he doesn't wake up soon…"
The mechanic trailed off, a look of worry replacing his irritation. Ryoko was surprised he seemed more concerned than jealous, considering his actions inside the simulation. Despite the rivalry between him and Gundham for Sonia's affection (of which it wasn't even a contest who she preferred), Kazuichi seemed almost desperate for him to return…if only for Sonia's happiness.
With that thought in mind, she couldn't stop herself from asking, "Do you…miss him too?"
Strangely, Kazuichi only seemed caught off-guard for a moment, glancing at her as if only realizing she was still there. Staring at her for a brief instant, the mechanic then glanced back toward the pod room, the somber look in his eyes intensifying.
"Gundham was beyond annoying, and really confusing with all his 'lord of darkness' junk. But…" He paused, taking the time to find the right words. When he spoke again, a melancholic smile spread out on his face. "He was a really good guy. He was my friend. My rival. And…he really cared about his friends too. Even me. We may not have a normal friendship or whatever…and yeah, I know I'm supporting my rival in love and all that but…if he comes back, Miss Sonia will smile again. And that means more to me than anything."
Hearing him speak like this, Ryoko knew it was from the heart. Even if she didn't have her analytical talents, it was obvious Kazuichi wasn't as selfish as he appeared to be. Sure, he could be annoying and obsessive, especially when it came to Sonia, but at his core, he was a good person. Even if he was prone to saying the wrong thing at the worst possible time. At least right now wasn't one of them—
"And if Miss Sonia sees how much I care about her before he gets back, maybe she'll finally see how amazing and dependable I can be! Yeah, that's a great idea! I'll throw so much support toward her she'll fall for me and forget all about that weirdo by the time he gets back!"
With a deep sigh, Ryoko muttered, "Well, it was nice while it lasted…"
Still, the analyst found herself smiling as Kazuichi explained his deluded fantasy in detail to her. And while she would definitely need to tell Hajime about how borderline stalker-ish he was being toward Sonia, she knew that deep down, he wasn't as bad as he appeared to be…mostly.
The next morning, as Ryoko went to breakfast, she spotted Hajime 'talking' to Kazuichi, who waved his arms as he frantically tried to convince the Ultimate 'Hope' that wanting to room with Sonia was completely acceptable due to the lack of space. Hajime just smiled and told him it was nice he was concerned, and thus decided that he and Kazuichi would room together to conserve space…much to Kazuichi's chagrin.
Entry 8
The 'World Destroyer' AI is a success! Hajime has already been able to use it to revive the Ultimate Imposter, as well as Teruteru Hanamura. I was worried about how Teruteru would act once he woke up, but he's been behaving a lot like he used to in the simulation. Enthusiastically annoying. I get why the technicians were against reviving him so soon though.
Once the Imposter woke up, we were able to confirm that even the comatose Remnants have all of their memories intact, even the ones from the simulation. Thankfully, no trace of the mind control remains, Hajime promised us that. Some of the technicians don't trust him aren't convinced. Luckily, Akihiro is once again in charge, has been since Kyoko left, and he's kept any incidents from happening. He's been nice.
I need to find a way to thank him somehow.
"It's not like I can just go out and buy something for him…" Ryoko pondered quietly as she walked down the hallway toward the cafeteria.
Her work was done for the day, and she'd neglected to eat lunch, thus the need for food. At the same time, she found her thoughts drifting to what she could do to show Akihiro her appreciation for all he continued to do for her and the Remnants.
"I don't even know what he likes, and it's not like I can just ask him. Plus, I don't want him to get the wrong idea. I mean, he's a nice guy once you get to know him but not really my type so—".
"Order Up!"
Ryoko nearly jumped out of her skin as an enthusiastic, yet familiar voice echoed in the hallway. Snapping her head up, she realized she was only a few steps away from the cafeteria. At her current distance, she heard loud smacking and chewing sounds rumbling from inside. Despite having a sudden urge to go to bed hungry, her aching stomach demanded sustenance, and thus she inched her way toward the open doors.
Peering inside, she was surprised to see a mountain of different kinds of foods, from fried chicken, to chili, to large beef steaks; all of them lined up in front of a vary rotund man…who bore a striking resemblance to Byakuya Togami. Luckily, thanks to analytical abilities, it was easy to deduce that this man was, in fact, the Ultimate Imposter, perfectly imitating the Togami Heir as he sat and feasted on the various dishes before him.
With one hand holding up a large cut of meat on a knife, and the other twirling pasting on a fork, the Ultimate Imposter practically inhaled the copious amounts of food before him. Marveling at his eating prowess, the red-haired woman was startled when he suddenly looked in her direction.
"No need to hide out there. Come and join me. Food always tastes better with company," the large 'Togami Heir' called out to her, waving her over with food still being shoved into his gaping maw.
Knowing there was no point in hiding any longer, Ryoko slowly entered into view and sauntered toward the long table bursting with tasty foods.
"Go ahead and sit," the false Byakuya told her, still munching as he spoke. Swallowing a large lump into his gullet, he spoke clearly as she took a seat across from him. "The chef can prepare whatever you desire, isn't that right?"
"Indeed, Mon Cheri! I can prepare for you the most delectable of dishes," the voice of Teruteru Hanamura suddenly came up from directly behind her, startling her to the point she nearly yelped. Wearing his usual chef hat and apron, the pudgy little cook slyly said to her, "Just give me your request and I'll ensure it's the most delicious meal for the delicious meal in front of me!"
Ryoko flinched at his suggestive tone but managed to keep her revulsion in check. It seemed that, for better or worse, the memory restoration and un-brainwashing had revered the cook back to his perverse self. And while that was a far cry better than his Ultimate Despair persona, it wasn't exactly pleasant to be around either.
Fortunately, it seemed that both Teruteru and the Imposter didn't recognize her. She did look completely different from her original persona, so that wasn't much of a surprise. They probably thought she was just another member of the staff come to eat dinner.
That was because…Hajime and the other Remnants had decided that her 'true identity' should be kept secret from the rest of their friends. At least until all of the comatose Remnants had awakened. She didn't necessarily disagree with the decision, but it did make her feel awkward interacting with the two newly revived Remnants in front of her.
Part of that was Hajime had warned her about Teruteru's…dubious tendencies. Ryoko may not have believe him if she hadn't witnessed the cook, while in the simulation, trying to convince Sonia to 'suck out poison' from his nether region. Because of that, she wasn't exactly eager to taste any dish her prepared 'especially' for her.
Look at the mountain of food before her, Ryoko decided to play it safe and simply said, "I'll just have some of what's already here. I mean, there's plenty to go arou—".
"I'm afraid that just won't do," the Imposter told her, making her turn in his direction with a confused expression. "Teruteru prepared these dishes for me as way of apology. Therefore, I cannot allow you to partake in them."
"Apology?" Ryoko found herself saying before realization struck her.
Glancing back toward Teruteru, a look of pure shame crossed his face, his usual pep completely absent. Staring down at the floor, he looked as though he was about to utter something when the authoritative voice of 'Byakuya' spoke again.
"Do you not remember our arrangement?" the Imposter sternly told him, biting off another huge chunk of meat. "You will prepare the tastiest of dishes for me whenever I ask. And we will speak no more of what occurred in the simulation. That was our agreement, was it not?"
"I-It was…but…" the usually eloquent Teruteru struggled to respond, shame overtaking his entire being. His country accent made a dramatic comeback as he tried to argue, "But ah still…ah still dink dat—".
"We have both done things we'd rather forget. I understand the weight of the sins you carry. Not just from our time as Ultimate Despair…but before that as well," the Imposter said solemnly, his voice faltering only for a moment. Looking up toward the ceiling, he proudly declared, "When you came to beg forgiveness I admit it wasn't easy to give. However, it would have been hypocritical of me not to forgive you. After all, I took seek forgiveness for the sins I have committed."
"Ah know dat…Ah know all dat…" Teruteru tried to argue, losing momentum with each word. "But den…how am ah s'posed ta make id up ta ya? Ta ever-one dat ma food hurt? Ta…Mama…?"
To this, even the Imposter couldn't muster any words, knowing that anything he said might only hurt the poor Ultimate Cook even more.
Ryoko felt her heart tighten as the pudgy cook fought back tears. His mother had been his motivation to kill in the simulation…and he'd been devastated to learn of his mother's passing once he'd been revived. Apparently her illness took her before The Tragedy began, but that wasn't much of a comfort. Hajime took it upon himself to deliver that horrible news. And it seemed that Teruteru hadn't properly grieved…or rather, that he couldn't. His guilt over what he'd done in the simulation, not to mention his time as an Ultimate Despair, was slowly eating away at him.
But more than that, Ryoko surmised that Teruteru felt that he'd not only abandoned his mother…but that he shamed her memory with his nigh-unforgiveable actions. Obviously, the red-haired woman could relate to that, on some levels at least. And she was suddenly overcome with the urge to reach out to him.
"…What was your Mama's favorite food?" Ryoko abruptly asked, more on instinct than anything.
Snapping his gaze up, the beady-eyed chef quizzically asked, "M-Mama's…favorite food?"
"Yeah, like, her signature dish or something she loved to eat," Ryoko elaborated further, smiling down at him. "Could you tell me what it was?"
Pausing for a moment, Teruteru lowered his gaze before a light smile tugged at his lips. "Dumplings…Mama sure did love them dumplings…" he said quietly, a soft laugh escaping him as he wiped away a single tear.
"Could I order some dumplings then?" Ryoko requested, earning a shocked look from the pudgy chef. With a bright smile, the red-haired woman simply said, "I think your Mama would like it if her son made her favorite food for a hungry customer. Don't you?"
Ryoko knew this was quite a bold move. She was prodding at an old, festering wound that might never heal. However, despite the risk involved, something deep inside compelled her to reach out to Teruteru in this way. If he became upset with her, and refused to cook for her again, she'd accept that. But still, perhaps due to her analytical ability, she somehow knew this was the best way to metaphorically reach a hand out to the struggling Ultimate Cook.
Because of that, she endured the long silence that followed her request, waiting to see what Teruteru would do. After a nearly minute long silence, the quirky cook let out a light chuckle, looked her straight in the eye, and said, "Ah think…Mama woulda liked dat."
Taking that as encouragement, Ryoko smiled wider and said, "Alright then, Mr. Ultimate Chef. Show me what you're made of!"
"Oh, you know I will, Mon Cheri!" Teruteru almost immediately perked up, probably because Ryoko had called him Chef instead of cook. She remembered from the simulation how much he hated being called 'cook' and thought it might cheer him up a bit. Sadly, it worked a little too well, as his suave persona came back with disturbing force. "And when I finish those succulent dumplings, maybe I could get a taste of your dumplings—".
*SMACK*
From over Ryoko's shoulder, a large spoon sped past her and made direct contact with Teruteru's forehead. Yowling in surprise more than pain, the Ultimate Cook reared back but didn't have time to complain before that authoritative voice returned.
"Don't dishonor your mother's memory with that kind of language," the Imposter scolded him, his refined 'Togami' voice leaving no room for debate. "You've heard the young lady's order. Now I suggest you get to it. And no funny business…"
The false Byakuya's tone darkened with those final words, a ferocious…almost protective glint in his eyes. Seeing that sight, Teruteru began to sweat profusely and stammered, "O-Of course not! I-I would never dream of such a thing!"
"That's what I thought," the Imposter told him, his harshness lessening as he resumed eating. "Do be quick about it though. I'd prefer she received her meal before I finished mine."
Considering the mountain of food before him, that seemed almost impossible. However, with the speed at which he was inhaling the food, perhaps it wasn't too much of a stretch after all…
"One order of dumplings, coming right up for…uh," the Ultimate Cook stumbled, only now realizing they hadn't actually introduced themselves. "My apologies but I don't believe we've had the pleasure of your name, Mon Cheri."
Both of the Remnants looked to her expectantly. She kind of felt like calling them out on not introducing themselves either, but with how infamous their presence was here, maybe they didn't see the need for it. Regardless, the red-haired woman swallowed a lump in her throat before answering.
"Ryoko. My name is Ryoko Otonashi. I'm part of the technical support for the simulation," she told them, telling the truth for the most part. After hearing her introduction, Teruteru bowed deeply, his swirly hair draping in front of his face.
"Teruteru Hanamura, the Ultimate Chef, but I suppose you knew that already." Straightening up, he bounded toward the kitchen with a spring in his step. "Fear not, Mon Cheri, you won't need to wait long before you can sample the world's tastiest dumplings! I guarantee it!"
Disappearing behind the kitchen doors, Ryoko let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Before she had time to truly catch her breath though, the other Remnant suddenly spoke up.
"I would introduce myself, but that might be redundant," the Imposter told her, already suspecting she knew the truth. "If you work as a technician here, you must have already known who both of us were."
"Yeah, but it's still nice to make introductions. You're the Ultimate Imposter, right? You're reputation precedes you," she told him, incredibly impressed that he'd managed to imitate Byakuya practically perfectly.
Rather than comment on her choice of words, the Imposter instead said, "I'm impressed with how you handled Hanamura like that. This is the first time I've seen him truly smile since awakening from the simulation."
"…I can see that," Ryoko answered, glancing toward the kitchen with a solemn expression. "Frankly, I'm surprised you've forgiven him so quickly. I don't know if—".
"Why wouldn't I?" the false Byakuya questioned, cutting her off and making her eyes snap back toward him. "He regrets what he's done and is willing to make amends. After all, it's not as if he attacked me out of spite while in the simulation. He was simply desperate and afraid, a deadly combination in a killing game."
"I…guess that's true but," she hesitated, pondering if she should even ask the question on her mind before ultimately deciding to voice it anyway. "If it hadn't been a simulation…you'd be dead. Would you still forgive him if that wasn't the case?"
Ryoko didn't expect a quick answer, so she wasn't surprised when the Imposter folded his arms in deep thought. However, it didn't take much time at all before he looked back at her with a response.
"Speaking purely logically, I would be dead and unable to do anything. However, if life after this world does exist, then I believe I would still forgive him." Listening intently as he spoke, Ryoko began making mental notes as he continued, "As I said, he made a foolish mistake, and if he hadn't been cornered mentally by the killing game, it more than likely never would have happened."
"And what if…he doesn't want to be forgiven?" Ryoko found herself asking, almost on instinct more than anything.
Raising an eyebrow at her, the Imposter answered, "I would forgive him anyway. After all, the choice to forgive is only given to the victim, not the aggressor. So, regardless of whether or not he wanted it, I would forgive him and move on."
"But what about those…who wouldn't forgive him?" she prodded further, knowing she was inadvertently probing into dangerous territory for both of them. "What should he…what should anyone in that position do when they know they can't be forgiven for their actions?"
The question hung in the air for a moment, and uncharacteristically, the Imposter put down his food and turned his full attention toward the red-haired woman. As he stared at her, Ryoko began to feel very uncomfortable, knowing she'd probably crossed a line with her invasive questions. However, much to her surprise, an impressed smile overtook the Imposter's pudgy cheeks.
"You're quite the therapist, aren't you?" he joked, or at least she hoped he as joking. Before she could refute him, he continued, "Your questions get right to the heart of the matter, and you know how to manipulate the conversation in a positive manner. I must say, I'm rather impressed."
"I-I'm not a therapist!" she vehemently rejected the notion, knowing that she had only asked those questions out of personal interest. "I'm just a technician, really! I mean, yeah, Ms. Gekkogahara told me I had knack for this stuff, even told me I should try being a counselor, but I wasn't trying to do…any of the things you think I was doing!"
Truth be told, she'd been trying to surreptitiously get his opinion on how to deal with the fact that she didn't believe her own crimes could ever be forgiven. But she also understood why he'd interpreted her words the way he had. She'd backed herself into a corner now, and she almost felt like bolting back to her room and going hungry for the rest of the night!
To this, the Imposter simply chuckled and said, "If I recall correctly, Ms. Gekkogahara is the former Ultimate Therapist, correct? If she gave you her personal recommendation, don't you think it may be worth looking in to?"
"No, definitely not," Ryoko immediately refuted, averting her gaze and biting her lip. "Someone like me…doesn't deserve to be trusted with that level of respect or integrity…"
A heavy silence dug into her as she refused to lift her head. It was almost unbearable, not just the silence, but the reality of her decision. Of course she wanted to considered Gekkogahara's request, but in the end, all she kept thinking was how disrespectful it would be for her of all people to become a counselor.
How disturbingly ironic would it be for someone to come and seek her advice for something that happened during The Tragedy that she caused. Even though it was her former self's fault, it still didn't feel right for her to use her analytical talents in that way. Even if she hid her former identity from anyone who sought her help, if they learned the truth, they would never forgive her for—
"I think you're being selfish, personally," the Imposter suddenly spoke up, snapping her attention back to him instantly. His eyes held a sternness to them that caused her to tense and listen intently as he spoke. "You have a gift. A talent, if you will. And by choosing not to use it, you are choosing to potentially allow people to suffer. Is that what you really want?"
Stunned by his accusation, Ryoko clenched her fists tightly and fired back, "Of course not! But it's not that simple! I wish it was, but it isn't!"
"I doubt your situation is much worse than mine…or the rest of my classmates," he retorted, folding his arms and glaring at her. "We have a great deal to atone for. You on the other hand, have an opportunity to—".
"And what if it was you, huh?!" Ryoko snapped, interrupting him as she seethed. "What if you were to try and use your impersonation talent to help someone, wouldn't that just hurt them more?! Considering everything you've done…is there anything you or the rest of your classmates can do to make up for what you've done to the world?!"
The instant those words left her mouth, Ryoko felt a nauseating rush of self-loathing overtake her. She was projecting her own feelings onto not only the Imposter, but the rest of the Remnants as well. Deep down, she truly believed that forgiveness wasn't an option, and doing something hypocritical like becoming a counselor felt…wrong. She wished that it didn't, but she couldn't deny that she feared having to face the consequences of her former self's actions…in the form of counseling victims of her crimes.
However, that didn't mean the Remnants could do just that. They were her victims too. They had been brainwashed, practically forced into doing such evil deeds. It may be difficult for them at first, but Ryoko truly believed that if anyone could recover from such a traumatic experience…it was the 77th Class of Hope's Peak.
Still, she shouldn't have let herself get so emotional. Regardless of his earlier jab, she should have kept a cool head and not given into her frustration at her own weakness.
Just another reason she didn't think it was a good idea to be any sort of counselor…
Fortunately for her, there was still time to undo her mistake…at least she hoped so. Bowing her head, she apologized, "I'm…so…sorry. That was…horrible of me to say to you. You…all of you have a real chance to—".
"Nothing we do could ever truly make thing right. Even if we atoned for the rest of our lives, we would not be able to undo our mistakes," the Imposter cut her off, a resolute expression on his face. Stunned by his words and appearance, Ryoko was silent as he continued, "Regardless of the fact that we were brainwashes, that does not undo the sins we have accumulated while working as Ultimate Despair."
"M-Maybe not, but…" Ryoko tried to argue, feeling incredibly hypocritical as she did so. "It wasn't really your fault! Junko…Junko Enoshima did this to you! She's the one at fault, not any of you! You can't blame yourselves for what she—".
"…I could say the same of you, could I not? Miss Ryoko Otonashi…the Ultimate Analyst of Hope's Peak Academy."
Ryoko's blood froze in her veins, her heart skipped a few beats, and a nervous sweat began trickling down her back. The Imposter had knowledge she'd never once mentioned, such as being an ultimate, or attending Hope's Peak. The Imposter's tone…no, not just that; his mannerisms, word choice, and even his posture at the moment, were all blatant clues she easily pieced together.
Somehow…the Imposter knew who she was…or rather, who she'd used to be.
Before she could even try and question him, he abruptly continued, "I've been impersonating various people my entire life. I even impersonated Junko Enoshima upon occasion, after being brainwashed. I know her face. Her voice. Not to mention, her bust size as well."
Instinctively, Ryoko's hand flew to cover her chest, her face flushing with his indecent comment. Seeing that, the Imposter chuckled for a moment, giving her time to regain her composure, though she still didn't remove her hands from in front of her bosom.
"When I saw you after awakening, I told Hajime in secret about who I thought you were. He explained your situation and asked me to keep quiet about it." As the Imposter explained, Ryoko's panic began to lessen, if only slightly. The Imposter noticed too, and lowered his voice before he saying, "I won't be telling the others, as I agree that keeping your previous identity a secret from them is best for the time being. However, that doesn't mean I will sit idly and let your hypocrisy go unchallenged."
Frowning at him, Ryoko huffed and insisted, "It's not hypocrisy. My situation and yours are completely different. No one forced me into doing what I did. My…talents nearly brought about the end of the world. I don't have the right to use that same talent to try and help others—".
"And yet, you've already done just that," the Imposter told her, eliciting a confused expression from her. Glancing toward the kitchen, a look of profound worry crossed the false Byakuya's face. "What you just did for Hanamura is something I didn't believe was possible until you spoke with him. He's been running on autopilot since he woke up, but for the first time since then, he genuinely seemed excited to cook something…instead of just cooking to distract himself."
"Distract…himself?" she repeated, unsure of how that was possible with how amazing the food before he smelled.
"Yes, it's the only way he can cope with what's done. His food has killed more people than it has satisfied," the Imposter told her, taking a short break from gorging as he looked her way again. "We both feel the same. We used our talents to bring despair upon anyone unfortunate enough to cross our paths. My talent was particularly useful for destabilizing the world…and ending the lives of many innocent people."
"And it never would have happened if…if my previous self hadn't of brainwashed all of you," Ryoko told him, clutching her chest as her guilt ate away at her soul.
Surprisingly, the Imposter didn't refute her, as she'd expected. Instead, he suddenly concurred, "That I can't deny. Junko Enoshima turned us into her puppets to spread despair…However, there is a crucial difference between you and the rest of us. Something you've overlooked."
"I doubt it," she practically sneered, more at herself than him. "My analytical talents are a frustrating reminder of who I used to be—".
"That's it right there, 'who you used to be'." The borrowed authoritative voice of 'Byakuya' interrupted her, stunning her into silence as he elaborated. "You are no longer Junko Enoshima. You are Ryoko Otonashi. And maybe it's time to start acting like it, instead of constantly trying to redeem yourself for action beyond your control."
Ryoko opened her mouth to retort, but nothing came out. She wanted to tell him how wrong he was. She wanted to insist that even though she couldn't remember her crimes, she still had to pay for them. She wanted to express how, no matter how much she repented, it would never be enough.
But even though she truly believed all those things…deep down she wanted to challenge them too.
Makoto and Kyoko had told her countless times that 'Junko Enoshima' was at fault, and that 'Ryoko Otonashi' isn't. And…she wanted that to be true, but felt it was too easy of an out for her. She knew that she was nothing like her old self, and was proud of it, but still allowed the guilt to weigh her down. She hated it…she wanted to fight it!
Maybe…maybe that was why she didn't refute the Imposter just now. Because he was saying the same thing as Makoto and Kyoko. It was frustrating, and the reason it was so frustrating was because—
"You're right," she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. Meeting his authoritative gaze, she began to get louder and louder as she spoke. "I'm Ryoko Otonashi…that's what I chose for myself. And…if I can help people by becoming a counselor, then…I probably should. But…I still don't know if I'm doing it to appease my guilty conscience or because I genuinely want to help. And that really scares me…"
There it was. The truth that kept her from doing exactly what Gekkogahara had insisted she do. Knowing the former Ultimate Therapist, she probably knew Ryoko felt this way, but wanted her to discover it for herself. Gekkogahara would never just tell you what was wrong, she felt you needed to acknowledge it yourself before you could work toward moving past it.
But even though she'd finally realized that, it didn't solve the issue at all. Ryoko didn't want to help others out of personal interest, but at the same time, that's all her redemption was in so many ways. So…what was the right thing to do in this case?
"What does it matter?" the Imposter suddenly posed, startling her out of her spiraling thoughts. Nearly gasping, Ryoko was shocked to see a gentle expression cross the false Byakuya's face. "If you're helping people, and it alleviates your own guilts simultaneously, then what's the harm in that? If you ask me, it sound like a kind of perfect atonement for someone like you."
Hanging her head, Ryoko huffed and asked, "But then…how do I know if I'm doing it for the right reason or not?"
Raising an eyebrow at her again, the Imposter swiftly countered, "Do you want to help people who were affected by The Tragedy?"
"…Of course, I do."
"Then aren't you doing it for the right reason?" he questioned, a bit perplexed. Picking up another handful of food and gobbling it down, he said, "Perhaps, just like Hanamura, you're punishing yourself too much and it's keeping you from doing what you need to do in order to atone."
Again, Ryoko's mouth hung open as she wanted to retort, but couldn't. Strangely, this conversation reminded her of the one she'd had with the real Byakuya not too long ago. And just like the person he was impersonating, this 'Byakuya' was telling her to simply do what was best for others, and not let her personal feeling of guilt cloud her judgment. Or at least, she hoped that's what he was trying to say.
In all honesty, she didn't know if becoming a counselor would be good for her. But…if she could help others with her talents, just like she'd done with the Remnants, then maybe it was worth genuinely considering.
"You may be right," she admitted, feeling a bit awkward but slowly finding herself relaxing. "I can understand how Teruteru feels, at least in some way. At the very least, I know what it's like to let your guilt keep you from doing all you can in order to help others."
"Indeed. And in Hanamura's case, it's his cooking that suffers, which I find unacceptable."
Finally letting out a chuckle herself, Ryoko replied, "How am I not surprised about that?"
With a great huff, the Imposter picked up more food and held it in front of him.
"I've sampled Hanamura's cooking many times before, and this slop pales in comparison to what he produced back then," the false 'Byakuya' informed her, almost comically continuing to munch on the food. As if anticipating her thoughts, he clarified, "However, because he prepared this food on my request, I must be sure I clean my plate. So, even though I know he is capable of better, I will swallow my pride along with these dishes!"
As the Imposter continued to shovel the food into his gullet, Ryoko silently stared at the smorgasbord in front of her. Hesitantly, she picked up a small piece of roasted meat, looked to the Imposter, who nodded in approval, and gently popped it into her mouth. Despite the false Byakuya's claims, it was pretty tasty. Honestly, it was probably better than most of the food she'd ever eaten.
"It doesn't taste that bad to me," she said as she swallowed, using a napkin to wipe her lips.
To this, the Imposter let out a deep chuckle and said, "Just wait until you try the dumplings, then you'll understand."
As if on cue, Teruteru pushed open the kitchen doors, carrying a platter with a silver cover to obscure the dish. With more grace than she ever expected from him, the pudgy chef slid the tray in front of her with expert flourish.
"Time for the coup de grace, Mon Cheri!" Teruteru slowly lifted the silver cover, letting a wave of heavenly smells invade Ryoko's nostril. Her mouth immediately began to water, and the moment she saw the dish itself, she shivered with anticipation. "Perfectly supple and round dumplings! Made the same way we used to at the Hanamura Diner! Don't be shy now, give 'em a taste!"
Entranced by the elegant dish, Ryoko picked up a spoon, scooped up one of the delightful smelling dumplings, and carefully brought it to her lips. Blowing on it to cool it, she eased the food into her mouth. And when she did…her tastebuds exploded!
"T-This is the greatest thing I've ever tasted in my life!" she practically screamed, almost unable to believe the near orgasmic feeling the food gave her. "The flavor! The texture! You truly are the world's greatest chef!"
The Imposter had been right! Compared to the food on the table, these dumplings were on a whole other level! After that single bite, Ryoko couldn't stop herself from scarfing down the rest of the dumplings one after another, finishing the meal in record time. And once it was gone, despite the fact that her stomach was full, she wanted more! Teruteru's food was practically addicting!
"W-What was in that?! LSD or something?!" a thoroughly impressed Ryoko asked, knowing that regular food had been ruined for her forever.
"Just an old family recipe that's never failed to please," Teruteru said with a chuckle and a bright smile. "I always leave my customers satisfied, in more ways than—".
"That's it! I know how I can thank him now!" Ryoko suddenly shouted, leaping to her feet and practically dashing toward the cafeteria exit. "I'll be back! Make more of those crack dumplings! Enough for me and one more person!"
"W-W-What?! Where are you goin', Mon Cheri?! I-I made enough for seconds already!" Teruteru called after her, trying to get her to stop. "Seeing my dumpling pass through your luscious lips gave me such a—!"
"No time for your horniness right now! I need to get Akihiro!" Ryoko shouted back to him, her voice echoing down the hallway. "Has anyone seen Akihiro?! I need him in the cafeteria ASAP! He's about to have a food orgasm!"
Back in the cafeteria, the Imposter and Teruteru were left stunned by her sudden change in behavior. However, the false 'Byakuya' quickly recovered, huffing in amusement. "I tried to tell her…" he said, continuing to ingest the rest of his meal with no further complaints.
Akihiro had no idea what was in store for him when Ryoko invited him to eat with her. Although initially distrustful of anything the Ultimate Cook made, with a little reassurance from Ryoko, he too became irrevocably addicted to the Hanamura dumplings. From that day on, like it or not, it was all Ryoko would permit Teruteru to make for her every meal.
Entry 11
Fuyuhiko asked for my help. Apparently he heard about what I did for Teruteru and asked me to "Do the same for (him)". He said he wanted advice on apologizing, like I would have any idea going about that! I just kind of winged it. I really shouldn't have.
I really should have chosen my words better today. I'm trying to get more comfortable with the counseling thing, but itwas harder than I expected. Balancing everyone's delicate emotions is hard enough one on one.
I hope that Mahiru will start to feel better soon. Then again…she has every right to be upset right now.
"…Speak from the heart…I guess?" Ryoko said to Fuyuhiko as they sat on a couch in the common room, a kind of resting area for the staff and subsequently the Remnants.
Judging by the frustrated expression on Fuyuhiko's face, he didn't appreciate the vague answer. "What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" he practically seethed, glaring at her with his one good eye.
His other eye was closed, hiding the empty socket from which a necrotic eyeball had been extracted not long after his awakening. The eye itself had come from what had once been thought to be Junko Enoshima's body. But since that was impossible, considering Ryoko had both eyes, the only explanation was that it had come from Mukuro Ikusaba, whose body had mysteriously disappeared from the Hope's Peak shelter. The same was undoubtedly true with Nagito Komaeda's female left arm, a disturbing though to be certain…
"Young Master, you do not need to force yourself," Peko Pekoyama chimed in, standing behind the couch, completely unarmed, which was unusual. Though her rehabilitation had been a success, no one felt comfortable giving her any kind of weapon. It didn't really decrease her lethal effectiveness, but Hajime said it would give everyone peace of mind.
"Of course I fucking do! All of this…urg, what happened in the simulation is my fault, god-dammit!" Fuyuhiko cursed and slammed his fist into his knee. "I have to take responsibility. If I don't then you'll put yourself into danger for me again. And I'm not gonna let that happen!"
"Y-Young Master…" Peko said, a slight blush coloring her cheeks at his insistence.
Ryoko couldn't help but smile at them. Their reunion had been difficult, with Peko begging on her knees for forgiveness. But Fuyuhiko had none of that, and declared that from that day on, they'd live as ordinary people and learn to support each other. It was beyond romantic, even if neither of them would ever admit it.
Sadly, that information didn't exactly help the analyst come up with a better response. Not knowing what else to tell him, Ryoko wracked her brain to come up with a better idea.
"Well, uh, I suppose you could try just bluntly apologizing? I mean, I have an idea of who you want to apologize to, and the reason why. So it may be better just to come right out and say it plainly."
Hearing that, Fuyuhiko went silent for a bit, sighing heavily as he thought long and hard about what she'd told him. Unfortunately, before he got a chance to respond, a new voice suddenly echoed around the room..
"H-Hello? Miss Otonashi?" Mahiru Koizumi called out, her red hair only now coming into view as she passed through the doorway. As always, a camera hung around her neck, and she clutched it tightly, probably for emotional support. "Hajime said you had something to talk…to…me…about…"
The instant she caught a glimpse of Fuyuhiko and Peko, the photographer fell silent, coming to a halt just inside the door.
"W-What is this…?" Mahiru shakily demanded, her hand trembling as she gripped her camera. "Did…Did you and Hajime lie to—?"
"No! No, no, no!" Ryoko immediately insisted, realizing how bad this situation looked. "I actually did want to talk to you! Fuyuhiko and Peko just saw me here and came to ask me something. I know this looks bad, but I swear it's not what it looks like!"
It was actually true. Ryoko had asked Hajime to ask Mahiru to come see her in the common room. She figured a public space would be more comfortable for the photographer and she wanted to ask her about how she felt about…the simulation. Sadly, it seemed that fate had more disastrous plans for everyone present.
"Hey, Mahiru! I've been wanting to talk to you too!" Fuyuhiko suddenly shouted, springing up from his seat and marching toward her. "It won't take long, I promise. Just hear me out for a sec and I'll leave you be."
Although there was definitely a lot of fear in her eyes, Mahiru bravely stood her ground, her eyes flittering between the yakuza and his 'accomplice'. Fortunately, it seemed Peko had the sense not to follow directly behind her 'Master', whether it was because she actually felt bad about what she'd done in the simulation or because Fuyuhiko had ordered her ahead of time, Ryoko wasn't able to discern.
Once Fuyuhiko was only a few feet from Mahiru, he came to an abrupt halt. Looking up at her, they both just stared at each other for a few moments before the yakuza swiftly dropped to his knees and bowed his head against the floor.
"I offer my deepest apologizes for everything that my family and I have ever done to you," Fuyuhiko's muffled voice echoed in the small room, his humility on full display. "As for what happened in the simulation, that was entirely my fault. Don't blame Peko for it—".
"T-That is not true, Young Master!" Peko interrupted, finally moving closer and sinking to her knees as well. "If anyone is to blame for what occurred on the island, it is I. Do not blame my Master—".
"Dammit Peko, stop trying to protect me!" Fuyuhiko said, snapping his head up and shouting at her. "If I hadn't of lured Mahiru to the beach house—".
"I was the one who committed the crime and did so without your permission," Peko refuted, not lifting her head, continuing to bow with her forehead pressed into the floor. "Therefore, I am the only one who is truly—".
"None of that is your fault," Fuyuhiko cut her off, finally getting her to lift her head and look at him. "I brought the bat and planned to kill her! Just because you did it for me, doesn't mean that—".
"Just stop it! Both of you!"
The whole room went silent as Mahiru's desperate voice rang out. Ryoko had been so distracted by the runaway apologies that she only now noticed…Mahiru was in tears. She furiously wiped her eyes, choking back sobs, but somehow still managed to glare at both of her kneeling classmates.
"I…I don't want an apology!" she yelled, her emotions overflowing no matter how hard she tried to keep it together. Somehow, she found the will to calm herself enough to lower her voice, asking in a low tone, "All I want…is to know the truth. The truth…about what happened to Sato…"
A cold, choking silence gripped the room. Ryoko swallowed a lump in her throat, knowing that things had gone from bad to 'call Hajime we have an emergency!'. While she wasn't familiar with the case itself, she'd seen the Remnants deal with the Twilight Syndrome Murder Case in the simulation. Kyoko had briefly mentioned a bit about what actually happened, as it didn't quite happen exactly as it was shown in the simulation.
But what Ryoko did know was that Sato had been a close friend of Mahiru…and was the one responsible for killing Fuyuhiko's sister, Natsumi. Sato had been found dead the very next day, which Hope's Peak completely covered up for the sake of reputation. Although it was never proven, Kyoko had always suspected that the Kuzuryu clan had taken vengeance on Sato…
It made sense that Mahiru would want to know the truth…she probably suspected it for a long time now. Whether she chose not to focus on it during their time at Hope's Peak, or she genuinely thought Fuyuhiko wasn't directly involved, either way the mystery was about to be unveiled.
Lifting his gaze up to her, Fuyuhiko looked Mahiru dead in the eye before answering, "…I killed her. I killed the bitch for murdering my sister."
Unexpectedly, Mahiru didn't fly into a rage, like Ryoko had expected. Instead, she stood there, a mixture of shock and understanding swirling behind her hazel eyes. All the while, both Fuyuhiko and Peko kept their gazes lock onto her, ready for her response.
"I really shouldn't have told Fuyuhiko to be so blunt!" Ryoko mentally kicked herself for making such a horrible suggestion. She should have figured this situation might come up between them and given him better advice! "This is why I don't think I'm cut out to be a counselor!"
Knowing she couldn't take it back now, Ryoko slowly stood up and was about to try and mediate between the two parties when the unexpected happened.
"…That 'bitch'…was my best friend," Mahiru slowly told him, fresh tears running down her cheeks. "No…she was more than that. She was…someone irreplaceable."
Fighting off her tears, even using her tie to wipe them away, she struggled to continue, finally letting out all the emotions she'd bottled up for far too long.
"I know…she did…a horrible thing. And I hate…that she did it…because of me…" she choked out, trying to stead her voice as she let the words tumble out. "But still…Sato was…just as important to me as Peko is to you!"
Turning on a heel, Mahiru dashed out of the room, leaving a shell-shocked Fuyuhiko staring at where she had once stood. Ryoko wanted to go after her but knew that would do more harm than good. Mahiru needed to be left alone, at least at this moment. Making a mental note to ask Hajime to check up on her later, the analyst turned her attention toward the yakuza and his 'sword'.
"Fuck…" was all Fuyuhiko uttered, disappointment clear in his voice. "I knew it wouldn't go over well but…god-dammit."
"Yeah…" Ryoko commented, walking over to them. "But at least you apologized…and told her what she wanted to know. With any luck, maybe she can finally start healing from…everything that happened."
"I hope that is the case," Peko surprisingly concurred, a look of severe guilt in her blood-red eyes. "The Kuzuryu Clan has caused her nothing but pain. I doubt there is anything we can do to make amends."
"There isn't anything we can do to make amends," Fuyuhiko corrected her, self-loathing tinged in his voice. "I don't regret killing the bitch who murdered my sister…if I hadn't of done it, my old man would've just sent someone else. Still, I had no fucking clue Mahiru was so tight with that Sato bitch…not that it would've stopped me."
"At least you realize that," Ryoko told him, hoping to ease his suffering, if only a little. "And, as much as it hurts to say this…Mahiru probably won't ever forgive you for what you've done. But at the very least…I think she understands why you did what you did…even if she disagrees with it."
"No shit…I already figured out that much," he muttered in a sad but resolute tone. Rising to his feet, with Peko doing the same, he turned to the swordswoman and said, "But still…she's a classmate. And from this day on, I'm not letting anyone else I care about die. Not if I can help it at least."
"I agree, Young Master." Peko concurred, meeting his steely gaze.
"Are you just saying that because of me? Or is that how you really feel?" Fuyuhiko cruelly questioned, making Ryoko wince at how blunt he was being with someone he cared so much for.
Closing her eyes for a moment, Peko took a deep breath before snapping her eyes open and replying, "You told me you wanted for me to live for myself…and that we would support each other in doing so. If that is what you have chosen, it wouldn't matter if I disagreed."
Gritting his teeth, Fuyuhiko tried to speak up, "That's not what—!"
"I already told you, Young Master. I am in agreement with you," Peko said with a ghost of a smile trying to form on her lips. "And…even if you did not wish to make amends…I would have wanted to do so myself."
Seeing that expression, Fuyuhiko's face reddened, and he nervously began adjusting the collar of his shirt. It was adorable beyond words, and Ryoko could hardly believe she'd seen such a sight in person!
"G-Good! Then we agree!" he said before heading back toward the couch, stopping only briefly to glance back at her. "And stop calling me 'Young Master', already! Just call me Fuyuhiko, and I'll just call you Peko! Got it?!"
"Yes, Youn—erm…F-Fuyuhiko…" Peko corrected herself, lowering her gaze in an attempt to hide her flushed face.
Together, the two of them sat on opposite ends of the couch, and Ryoko began to feel like a third wheel, so she said, "I'm gonna go get some dinner. I'll, uh, see you two later, I guess?"
Without waiting for a response, the analyst swiftly headed for the exit, sneaking one last glance at the couple as they slowly inched closer to sit next to each other. Smiling brightly, Ryoko left the room and turned down the hallway…only to be greeted with a startling sight.
Leaning against a wall, not too far from the common room doors, stood Mahiru Koizumi. Her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks were still wet. Not sure if it was safe to approach her, Ryoko was just about to turn and head in the other direction when Mahiru raised an arm and gesture for her to come closer.
Feeling very uneasy, Ryoko slowly made her way over to the photographer, who wiped away another trickle of tears.
"Do you need help…with something?" the analyst softly asked, her voice barely above a whisper. She figured Mahiru wanted something, considering she'd waited outside. But nothing could have prepared her for the photographer said to her.
"Those two are so dense…" Mahiru said quietly, longingly gazing toward the common room door. "They need to stop dancing around the issue and just admit they care about each other already…jeez."
Despite her conversational tone, it wasn't enough to hide the truth from Ryoko's analytical talents.
"Your still upset…I can tell," she said, turning to walk further away from the common room. She was pleased that Mahiru took the hint and followed alongside her.
"Of course I am…and I can't just forgive and forget, you know?" the photographer said, fiddling with her camera nervously. "Even so, I don't want to hate them…but it's hard not to."
"Then why did you stick around?" Ryoko genuinely asked, slowly piecing together that part of the mystery. "Were you considering yelling at them some more?"
Shrugging her shoulders, Mahiru answered, "I'm not sure really. I mean, it would definitely be easier to blame them for everything, but…"
She paused, and stopped moving, forcing Ryoko to halt as well. Standing in the middle of the hallway, the photographer stared down at the floor for a few moments before lifting her head. With a sad smile adorning her face, she said, "I don't want to live the rest of my life hating them for what happened. I'd rather…try and move on. At least…that's what I want to do."
"…Does that mean you forgive them?" Ryoko bravely asked, almost anticipating the answer.
Shaking her head, Mahiru sighed deeply and replied, "No…and I don't think I ever will. But…I'd at least like to try. I have enough to feel ashamed for…I don't need any more guilt. And neither do they…"
The pain in Mahiru's eyes spoke volumes more than any words ever could. As an Ultimate Despair, she'd used her photography talent to spread despair through horrifying images. The guilt from that had left a scar that would never heal. But because of that, it seemed that she didn't want to add to that guilt by letting herself be consumed by hatred.
It was a difficult path she had chosen but one that Ryoko admired greatly. One day, Ryoko hoped that she might be able to make that some choice…and possibly forgive herself…possibly.
"Well, it's not much, but, uh, if you need someone to talk to about it…" the analyst began before suddenly losing her nerve and making a pathetic joke. "…you can always ask Hajime to listen! He's a good listener! Trust me!"
Despite the very poor deflection, Mahiru smiled and even giggled…just a little. "You're not so bad yourself," she told the analyst, earning the smallest of smiles from Ryoko as well.
A few days later, Ryoko spotted Mahiru spying on Kuzuryu and Peko from afar. Completely unaware of her presence, the photographer smiled to herself as she snapped a few pictures of them.
Entry 14
Mikan Tsumiki woke up today. She's the one person I'm afraid of most.
Her brainwashing was the most severe. She endured a double dose of the despair video. Her psyche is by far the most fractured. I don't know if it's a good idea to see her. Probably not. I'll wait and see what Hajime thinks we should do.
"She's asking to speak with you, directly."
Hajime's tone was serious, a rare thing Ryoko had discovered. Usually, even in the most dire of circumstances, he could maintain an air of reassurance, but that wasn't the case at the moment. For once, it seemed, he didn't know what the best option was for them to follow. Even someone as multitalented as the Ultimate 'Hope' didn't have all the answers all the time, it seemed.
They stood outside the interrogation room, the same one that Ryoko had been held in not long ago. The red-haired woman clutched her skirt tightly, to hide her trembling hands.
"Was her treatment successful?" the analyst asked, wanting to have as much information as possible.
"It was, for the most part," Hajime admitted, hesitating only a moment before elaborating. "Due to her exposure to the despair video multiple times, and her interacting with Junko more than anyone else, her mind was the most twisted of all of us."
"That…doesn't really answer my question," Ryoko cautiously probed further, both desperate and afraid of the answer. "Do you think the brainwashing has been completely removed?"
Hajime nodded but let out a sigh. "I do. But due to Junko's personal influence, there could be lasting effects that will linger for quite some time. I'd like to have Gekkogahara consider taking her on as a patient, all things considered."
"…Is she still…dangerous?" Ryoko pointedly asked, to which Hajime shook his head.
"Not 'dangerous', per se. She's restrained, and there is nothing in the room that could be used to free her. I saw to that myself," he explained, again not quite answering her question. However, he didn't stall for very long. "She keeps asking to…speak with Ryoko Otonashi. I don't know how she found out, but it seems obvious she knows who you used to be."
A pit formed in Ryoko's stomach, feeling even less interested in meeting the Ultimate Nurse knowing that information. However, deep down, she knew this confrontation would be inevitable. That didn't make it any less difficult for her though. At the same time, delaying any further would only make matters worse, for both her and Mikan.
"Alright…I'll go talk to her," Ryoko told him, answering the question that had subtly hung in the air between them for the entire conversation. As expected, Hajime didn't seem thrilled with that response.
"Are you absolutely sure?" he said plainly, looking at her with his mix-matched eyes.
"…No. But the sooner I talk to her, the sooner we'll know how much of a threat she really is," she explained, her hands gripping her skirt so tightly her knuckles were white.
It took everything she had just to stand right now. Her legs felt like jelly, and she wanted to run back to her room and hide under her bed. However, she'd resolved herself not to look away from her past self's crimes. And that meant confronting the person who had undoubtedly suffered the most among the Remnants.
Just then, a hand gently rested on her shoulder, and she looked up to see Hajime smiling confidently at her.
"I'll be watching through the two way mirror. If at any time you feel in danger, or even if you just can't take it anymore, just say the word, and I'll get you out. I promise."
Ryoko smiled at his offer, pleased to be having the Ultimate 'Hope' looking out for her. At the same time, even if he had just been plain old Hajime, his words would've had the same effect. It wasn't his vast talents that made her trust and respect him so much. It was merely who Hajime was as a person that put her mind at ease. She'd witnessed his bravery in the simulation, and knew he was someone that would never abandon his friends.
And Ryoko was lucky enough to count herself as one of them.
Gently resting her own hand atop his, she squeezed it softly and said, "Thanks, Hajime."
Smiling even brighter, he replied, "Anytime, Ryoko."
Slowly letting him retract his hand, Ryoko turned and faced the door to the interrogation room. Hajime reached out and pulled the handle, opening the door for her. Taking a deep breath, the analyst took a brave step forward and advanced into the room, the door closing behind her.
Once inside, all of Ryoko's attention instantly fixated on the young woman seated at the table in the center of the room. Mikan Tsumiki was dressed in a stereotypical nurse's uniform, her long hair tangled and cut short in odd places. As Hajime had told her, she was restrained with both handcuffs and straps on her legs, completely affixing her to the chair she sat in. Her gaze was angled down at the table, not even looking up when the door had been opened. A cot had been placed in the corner of the room, indicated they intended to keep her in this room only, a wise decision.
Sadly, Ryoko didn't have much time to analyze her 'patient' before the Ultimate Nurse lifted her head and stared at her.
Much to Ryoko's surprise, Mikan didn't say a single word, a neutral expression affixed to her face. She stared at the analyst for a good long moment before slowly angling her vision back to the table, remaining silent the entire while. It was freaky, to be honest.
Ryoko had expected a more volatile reaction from the most mentally damaged Remnant. However, despite requesting to see Ryoko herself, she seemed almost completely disinterested. Even with the analyst's vast talents, it was hard to get a read on exactly what Mikan was thinking at the moment.
Taking another deep breath, Ryoko advanced toward the table, pulled out the chair on the opposite side, and took a seat. She waited a moment for Mikan to speak up, but when it became obvious that she intended to remain silent, Ryoko decided to take a more direct approach.
"You asked to see me, Mikan Tsumiki, the Ultimate Nurse?" she said politely, her voice as even as she could make it sound. She had been terrified that her voice might tremble, but she somehow managed to keep it under control. "My name is Ryoko Otonashi. What did you want to speak with me about?"
It felt odd to play dumb. Both she and Hajime had suspected that Mikan already knew the truth, but neither had any real proof of that. They had no idea how the nurse had discerned her former identity, but that wasn't important right now. If she did know the truth, she wasn't acting like it. And that was more than a little disconcerting.
"In Hope's Peak, I was known as the Ultimate Analyst," Ryoko continued with the lie, trying to provoke a reaction. "I had memory issues back then and I—".
"You're not her. You're not My Beloved."
The first words Mikan spoke were pointed, venomous, and thoroughly distressing. They completely silenced Ryoko, who stared at the young nurse with wide-eyed shock. However, it wasn't just her words that stunned the analyst…it was the profound sadness in her voice. When Mikan spoke, it was as if her soul had left her body…as if nothing of 'herself' remained. Only a deep and painful despondency remained within Mikan Tsumiki…one not born of despair, but misery.
Absorbing that information, Ryoko paused for a moment to reorganize her thoughts before replying. "No. I'm not. Junko Enoshima is dead."
"Yes…My Beloved…truly is dead. I see that now," Mikan concurred, slowly lifting her gaze to meet Ryoko's. The swirling negativity of emotions behind the nurse's eyes was finally visible, becoming more and more clear with each passing moment. "You have her face, but there is nothing of My Beloved left in you. You're just an imposter wearing her skin—".
"I'm not an imposter," Ryoko cut in, a fit of temper momentarily overriding her fears. "I am Ryoko Otonashi. I'm my own person. Junko Enoshima and I may share the same face, but I'm not her. She's dead. Gone. And she never coming back—".
"YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT?!" Mikan suddenly shouted, abruptly banging her face into the table. Although most of her body was restrained, she still had enough range of movement to do that, sadly. As her face pressed into the metal table, she seethed, "THE MOMENT I SAW THAT TWINKLE OF HOPE IN YOUR EYES, I KNEW SHE WAS GONE! MY BELOVED IS GONE! EVEN IF I KILL MYSELF, I'LL NEVER GET TO BE REUINTED WITH HER!"
Banging her face against the metal once more, she let out a bloodcurdling scream of agony, the likes of which Ryoko never could have prepared for. The agony…the sorrow emanating from the nurse was almost too much for her to handle.
"I HAVE NOTHING! NO REASON TO LIVE! NO PURPOSE!" Mikan continued screaming, her voice beginning to give out. "MY BELOVED WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO FORGAVE ME! THE ONLY ONE! THE Only One…The only one…the only one…the…only…one…"
As quickly as she began yelling, her voice died down, repeating those three words to herself over and over, like a silent prayer that they both knew would never be answered. Keeping her face pressed into the table, Mikan eventually let her words die out, her spirit finally broken.
Ryoko easily pieced together the reason Mikan had requested to see her. As ironic as it was, the nurse had held onto the sliver of hope that maybe…Junko Enoshima wasn't really gone. However, with the truth laid bare before her, her fragile mind was breaking down, unable to find a reason to keep living.
It was a feeling that was entirely alien to Ryoko. From the moment she'd awoken in Hope's Peak, she'd had a clear goal. The goal changed from time to time, but she always had something to strive for. First it was to discover who she was, then it became redeeming herself for her past crimes. And now…as hypocritical as it was, her goal had become doing whatever she could to save the Remnants from the despair they'd been swallowed by.
…And that hadn't changed, despite her current situation.
"…Do you want to be forgiven?" Ryoko softly asked, knowing Mikan had heard her when the nurse twitched. When a reply never came, she continued, "Do you feel guilty…for anything that you did these last few years?"
It was a heavy question, and one that Ryoko knew was a gamble to ask. Mikan's answer just might determine her fate. She was obviously severely traumatized, but if she didn't wish to seek help for it, then she would only get worse. If she answered unfavorably, or not at all, then she may spend the rest of her life confined to a cell. It was a fate Ryoko was all too familiar with, and one she wished to spare even someone as previously depraved as Mikan Tsumiki.
Sadly, she doubted that Mikan realized any of that right now. For while the nurse had proven herself to be fairly intelligent, she was too ruled by her emotions, especially right now. Not to mention, with Ryoko's analytical talents, there was little the nurse could hide from her.
Mikan Tsumiki was a broken person who didn't know what she wanted, nor did she comprehend everything that had happened to her. Hajime undoubtedly sensed that from her, which is why he made a point to say she wasn't 'dangerous' anymore. If anything, Mikan had reverted back to being a frightened, scared young girl who just wanted someone to guide her. It was sad that Junko Enoshima had twisted her this way, which made Ryoko feel more than a little nauseous.
For nearly ten minutes, the two of them sat in silence as the question hung in the air. And although the analyst could tell that Mikan was desperately trying to cope with her situation, there was no guarantee she would answer the question posed to her at all.
Just when Ryoko was prepared to get up and depart the room, a trembling voice replied to her.
"…I…I…think so…" Mikan uttered quietly, her voice raw from yelling so much.
"Hmm? You…think so…?" Ryoko audibly encouraged her, since the nurse was still keeping her face pressed into the table.
Mikan head shifted in a nodding way, which looked weird with her head flat on the table. "…I…hurt…people…I…don't like…hurting…people…" she said slowly, her voice conveying nothing but genuine honesty. "I'm…supposed…to heal…people…but…I don't…do that…anymore…and now…no…one…will…forgive me…now that…she…is gone…"
It was the first time since waking up that Mikan hadn't addressed Junko as 'My Beloved'. It wasn't much, but Ryoko could tell that it was a start, at the very least. Right now, Mikan was struggling with the 'grooming' Junko had put her through. But if there was even the slightest chance that the poor girl could be saved, then Ryoko would do everything she could to see it happen.
"It's my…it's Junko fault that she ended up like this," Ryoko reminded herself, doing her best to keep calm despite the guilt that threatened to tear her soul apart."And if I'm going to make amends for everything 'she' did, then that means finding a way to undo everything 'she' did to Mikan."
"…Do you need someone to forgive you?" she asked, knowing how cruel that question was. Nevertheless, for the sake of helping the poor girl, Ryoko was willing to ask the difficult questions.
Agonizingly slowly, Mikan rolled her head to the side, her cheek still flat against the table. However, from that angle, at least Ryoko could finally see her dulled gray-mauve eyes, watching as a cacophony of emotions and thoughts whirled behind them.
"If…no one…forgives me…then…then I…" Mikan sniffled as tears pricked the corners of her eyes. "…Then that means all the suffering I caused was for nothing. I did it all…for her…so that she would…forgive me. No one else…ever would…not my family…not my friends…no one…"
Sadly, Mikan's words were more accurate than she could've possibly known. At this point, considering she'd helped Junko brainwash the rest of her classmates, there was little chance that any of the other Remnants would forgive her. At the same time, Ryoko felt that forgiveness wasn't really what Mikan wanted in the first place.
Building up her courage, Ryoko cautiously stood up, picked up chair, and walked around to the other side of the table with it. Setting it down, she seated herself next to the restrained nurse, looking down on her with a somber expression. Letting out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, the analyst decided to take a huge risk.
"How can you expect others to forgive you…if you won't even try to forgive yourself?"
Mikan visibly flinched at those words, shock overtaking her expression as she lifted her head from the table and stared at Ryoko with wide eyes. However, the nurse's eyes quickly narrowed, and she harshly retorted, "Aren't you the same way? I can tell how guilty you feel just by looking at you. And you think you can lecture me on forgiving myself—?"
"I'm not lecturing you. I'm stating a fact," Ryoko interrupted, sternly talking over the distressed nurse. "I haven't forgiven myself. I doubt I ever will. But at least I'm not begging everyone else to forgive me. I don't need anyone else to forgive me. Because that's not what I need."
Seeing a bit of fire come into Mikan eyes, Ryoko knew she'd taken the bait when her expression shifted into frustration.
"You expect me to believe that? I know how you really feel!" she sneered, growing visibly angrier by the moment. "You want to be forgiven even more than I do! You want someone to tell you that it's not your fault, and to console you, and tell you everything's going to be alright! But it won't be! It never will be! Because no one will ever truly accept you! Not anymore! All they'll see if the person you used to be! And you know it!"
Panting after her sudden tirade, Mikan was profoundly surprised when she saw Ryoko lightly smiling at her.
"You're right, that's exactly what I'm afraid of…and you feel the same as I do," she said swiftly, earning an angry huff from the nurse.
"Of course I do!" Mikan insisted, her furious glare only making Ryoko smile wider. Incensed by that smirk, the nurse continued, "I know that no one will ever trust me! Not ever again! I…I practically killed Chiaki myself by giving her over to—!"
Abruptly, Mikan stopped speaking. A look of pure consternation enveloping her face as she finally admitted to her crime aloud. And with it, a horrifying realization suddenly crossed her mind.
"Ch-Chiaki…she…she always forgave me…" she said slowly, her gaze drifting away from Ryoko and back down the table. "No matter…how many times…I tripped…or fell down…or found myself in embarrassing poses…Chiaki was…always there…to help me back up…and encourage me…and yet I…and yet I…"
Mikan vision blurred as tears began spilling from her eyes once more. However, these were not tears of anger or frustration, like before. No, for the first time since being brainwashed into being a member of Ultimate Despair…tears of pure, unadulterated sorrow trailed down her cheeks. And with it came a sorrowful wail the likes of which no one had ever heard from Mikan Tsumiki.
"Uuuuaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!"
Mikan sobbed. Tears unendingly rolled down her face, leaving her a soggy mess. She wailed and wailed until her voice gave out again. And just when she felt like despair might envelop her in its sinister embrace once more, a warm pair of arms wrapped around her.
Without warning, Mikan found her face thrust into Ryoko's bosom. Restrained as she was, she couldn't pull away, even if she'd wanted to. Stunned by the sudden display of affection, the nurse glanced up to see an unexpected sight. Smiling down at her, with fresh tears of her own trickling down her face, Ryoko Otonashi held onto her firmly, unwilling to let go.
"It's okay…" she said softly, her voice barely above a whisper. "Cry as much as you want. You don't need to be forgiven for crying."
Upon hearing that, as if given permission, Mikan abruptly wailed and thrust her teary face back into Ryoko's bosom, sobbing and crying out as she rubbed her face against the red-head's chest. Seeing the nurse in such a vulnerable state hurt, but Ryoko knew it was necessary for her to begin healing. This was the first time Mikan Tsumiki had expressed genuine regret for her actions, and it was only right to let her do so. It wasn't easy, hearing the fragile girl bawl her eyes out seemingly unendingly…but the analyst knew that once she'd gotten all the tears out, she could finally start repairing the tattered heart that Junko Enoshima had torn out of her.
Holding onto her tightly, Ryoko briefly pondered if this is what Kyoko had felt like when she'd consoled the analyst not long ago. Even though their circumstances were different, the fact remained that both Ryoko and Mikan shared a similar weight on their shoulders. One that they may never be able to shake themselves free of.
However, even if it took the rest of her life, Ryoko knew in that moment that she needed to find a way to truly help Mikan overcome her trauma…and live the life she'd been robbed of so many years ago. With that in mind, Ryoko continued to hold onto Mikan as she cried, not caring how long she needed to wait.
From the other side of the two way mirror, Hajime watched the sight with a small smile, knowing that both of their futures were beginning to look just a bit brighter.
Over the course of the next couple weeks, Ryoko periodically visited Mikan. And each time she did, the analyst saw more and more of the shy, nervous, and clumsy girl from the simulation beginning to return to the real world.
Entry 19
Over half of the Remnants are awake now. The only ones still comatose are Gundham, Nekomaru, and Nagito. Hajime has been working around the clock to get them back, he's been a great help with everything. Not just waking them up but helping them all recover.
Apart from a few exceptions, most of the Remnants are still in the dark about my previous identity. And thanks to Teruteru, and strangely enough Fuyuhiko, some of them are actually coming to me for advice. They think I'm a reformed Remnant, like themselves. I'm trying not to think of what'll happen when the truth comes out.
Hajime is optimistic about the whole thing. He reminds me of Makoto in a lot of ways, but deep down, I just can't believe it will go as well as he thinks.
"'Only three left'," Ryoko read aloud as she finished writing her report, using a new laptop given to her by Akihiro. Her old one was deemed too dangerous, considering it had been in contact with the Neo World Program while AI Junko was present. Thus it had been destroyed and a new one issued. The red haired woman sat in the common room, computer on her lap, clicking away until her report to Kyoko was finished.
"'How is everything at HQ going?' 'I hope to get some good news soon.' That should do it…", she said, reading over everything one last time before sending it off to her distant friend.
I had been almost three weeks since Makoto, Kyoko, and Byakuya had left to do damage control at Headquarters. She missed them all terribly, especially Kyoko, considering they'd only just really become friends. However, she knew the only reason they'd left was to ensure everyone's safety, so she didn't feel right to complain about it.
In the time they'd been gone, no one on Jabberwock Island had received any transmissions from them. It was obvious why, as the trio didn't want to draw any suspicions about what had really happened on the island. Munakata would undoubtedly send in a hit-squad if he knew the Remnants and Ryoko were living a relatively comfortable life on Jabberwock Island.
"I'd be nice if they could at least let us know if anyone's found out about us yet," Ryoko said with a sigh, closing her eyes and leaning her head back so far she could have seen behind the couch, albeit upside down, obviously.
Slowly opening her eyes, she gasped as someone's 'upside-down' face stared directly at her.
"Ibuki has been looking for you!" the Ultimate Musician shouted, her visage so close it made Ryoko jolt forward with a quiet yelp. "Haha! Sorry, I scared you! I just saw you napping there and thought it'd be fun to surprise you!"
The multi-colored haired young musician bounded around to the front of the couch, plopping down onto a space right next to Ryoko. Swiftly closing her laptop, she successfully hid her report from the nosy girl. None of the Remnants, save for Hajime, knew about their precarious situation with the Future Foundation. As far as they'd been told, until their rehabilitation and therapy was completely, they'd be 'guests' on this island. None of them had argued, too preoccupied with their own feelings of guilt and trauma.
Well, most of them at least…some of them were so carefree it was astonishing! For example…
"Ibuki heard that you give advice! Peko told me so! She said you helped her and Fuyuhiko! So, is it true?! Do you really give free advice?!" the excited musician asked, an adorable sparkle in her eyes.
"Uh…kinda? I guess?" Ryoko half answered, still not convinced that counseling was that great of an idea for her. Sure, she had been helping with Mikan's recovery a lot recently, but it didn't feel like counseling…more like trying to get the nurse to act like her old self again.
Puffing out her cheeks, Ibuki pouted and said, "Well, which is it? Do you give advice or not?"
Not wanting to let her down, despite knowing she might not be of much help, Ryoko confidently replied, "I can't guarantee my advice will be that great. But yeah, I can listen and talk to you if you want."
A bright smile overtook Ibuki's face as she yelled with joy, thrusting her hand out right toward Ryoko's face. Rearing back, for fear of being smacked, the analyst was surprised when the musician repeatedly bobbed her hand in front of Ryoko's nose.
"Go on! Go on! Read Ibuki's palm!" the Ultimate Musician enthusiastically pleaded, barely able to hold in her elation.
Blinking rapidly, Ryoko wasn't quite sure what she was asking until a new voice enlightened her.
"She thinks you give 'love fortunes'," a refined and yet bratty voice came from the other side of the couch. "I tried to tell her it wasn't like that, but she was so stupid and refused to believe me."
Looking away from the waving palm in front of her, Ryoko turned to see Hiyoko Saionji standing behind the couch, a snide grin barely hidden behind one hand. She was much taller than she'd been in the simulation and had a fuller figure as well. Even having seen pictures of her before the simulation, it was hard for Ryoko to come to terms with the drastic change in her appearance.
Shaking off her surprise, the analyst turned back to Ibuki and regretfully told her, "Yeah…I don't do that kind of advice. I give, like, life advice and stuff."
Her excitement deflating, Ibuki pulled back her hand, only a little mind you, and gave her the saddest puppy dog eyes Ryoko had ever seen. "But Peko said you gave her and Fuyuhiko advice and now they're all lovey-dovey and stuff!" she insisted, not wanting to believe either of them. "So can't you do the same for Ibuki! Just tell me who I'm gonna marry! That's all Ibuki wants to know!"
To the side of them, Hiyoko's stifled laughter dug into Ryoko's ears. It seemed that the Ultimate Traditional Dancer still got a kick out of watching her friends make fools of themselves. She wanted to give the rude girl a piece of her mind but thought better of it. Instead, she focused on diffusing the current 'advice' fiasco.
"Sorry but, I honestly have no idea how to do that stuff," she told the musician plainly. "I wish I did. I would've read my own 'love fortune' a long time ago if I could. Haha."
…
…
"Ibuki feels lied to," the musician said, finally retracting her hand and pouting even harder than before. Luckily before too much unwarranted guilt could set in, the multi-colored haired girl shrugged and said, "It's fine though. I'll just pave my own way into Mr. Imposter's heart! Especially if he keeps pretending to be Byakuya!"
Shocked by her sudden admission, Ryoko couldn't help but chuckle at her straightforwardness.
"Geez, how stupid can you be?" Hiyoko mocked, sounding just a little annoyed. "And why him of all people? You don't even know what he's really like—".
"Doesn't matter! Ibuki finds his body fat sexy! He makes Ibuki super thirsty!" the musician cut her off, leaping off the couch and heading toward the door. "Speaking of which, Ibuki's hungry! She's gonna see if Teruteru will cook her something in the cafeteria!"
"H-Hey! Ibuki! You dragged me all the way here and—get back here! Don't leave me alone with the creepy red haired lady!"
Despite Hiyoko's shouting, the musician didn't pay her any mind, prancing out into the hallway, laughing happily all the way. Once it was just the two of them, Ryoko took the opportunity to glare at the dancer and said, "So I'm a 'creepy red haired lady', huh?"
A nervous look crossed Hiyoko's face, but she hid it behind false bravado, which Ryoko honesty expectedly. "Uh, duh! You see any other creepy ladies with red hair?"
Smirking a bit, the analyst replied, "I'm just glad you weren't talking about a certain other girl with red hair…"
"You leave Big Sis Mahiru out of this, ugly!" Hiyoko snapped, folding her arms and glaring angrily.
"I kinda asked for that one, didn't I?" Ryoko admitted, putting her laptop into her bag as she prepared to head back to her room. "Anyway, did you want to talk to me too? Or were you just following Ibuki?"
Scoffing, the dancer half-heartedly groaned, "I wasn't 'following' that kookie girl. She practically dragged me here. Kept saying something about 'getting our fortune's read together'. What a bunch of bologna."
Not wanting to waste time commenting on Hiyoko's poor attitude, Ryoko thought it best to excuse herself while she had the chance. Walking past the dancer, she waved and said, "Okay then. If it's all the same to you, I'm going to head back to—".
"W-Wait a second! I didn't say you could go!" Hiyoko abruptly called out, halting the analyst in her tracks. Turning back, she found the dancer averting her gaze and hesitantly saying, "I-I never said anything about not wanting to ask you something! So…just wait up!"
More than a little surprised by Hiyoko's insistence, Ryoko decided it was best to hear the girl out. After all, she was trying to get a grip on the whole counseling thing. Just because she thought she sucked at it; didn't mean she would blow off someone clearly attempting to ask for advice.
Granted the way Hiyoko was asking was beyond rude, but that was to be expected of someone like her. Having read her file, Ryoko knew that there was more to the dancer that let on. Her abrasive behavior hide a fragile heart, one that she rarely opened up to others. And considering how adamantly she was demanding advice from Ryoko, it was obvious something was weighing heavily on her mind.
Putting her bag down, Ryoko reseated herself on the couch and gestured for the dancer to sit. Huffing just a bit, Hiyoko did just that, making her way around the couch and elegantly lowering herself onto it.
Once they were both comfortable, Ryoko told her, "Like I told Ibuki, I can't guarantee my advice will be that good, but I'm willing to listen if you need to get something off your chest."
That statement gained Hiyoko's attention, and she almost snapped her gaze toward the analyst and said, "So what's your deal? You're not one of us. But everyone says you used to be Ultimate Despair. How come we never met you until now then?"
For a moment, Ryoko was surprised by the dancer's level of insight. She'd easily picked up on the inconsistency they'd been told to believe and was actively pursuing it. Despite her looks and personality, Hiyoko Saionji was actually a lot more intelligent than she seemed.
"Honestly, I can't say exactly why but…back when I was an Ultimate Despair, I worked directly under Junko Enoshima," she outright lied, but did so with such conviction she doubted anyone would pick up on it, save for Hajime or anyone who really knew her. "She kept me isolated from everyone else, not wanting to risk losing such a valuable asset, at least that's what I think. In the end, once she killed herself, I took her place until I was found and rehabilitated. Not that much different than you all really."
As she relayed that 'story', Hiyoko continued to look at her, semi-skeptically. With her analytical talents, Ryoko could tell that the dancer believed her, but also doubted how much of that story was the absolute truth. That was confirmed when the dancer suddenly asked, "Does that mean you were an Ultimate Despair before any of us? Were you brainwashed like us too?"
Hiyoko's pin-point questions were hard to evade, so Ryoko decided to fall back on a half-truth.
"Truthfully…I don't know. My memories were completely erased. The first thing I remember is waking up in the abandoned old Hope's Peak school building. I…don't remember any of the things I did as an Ultimate Despair…I've only ever been told about them second-hand."
Knowing that would be a difficult pill to swallow, Ryoko was prepared to continue the explanation when a sudden huff from Hiyoko silenced her.
"That must be nice. Why couldn't they have erased our memories while they were at it?" she seethed, her voice unusually harsh.
It was the first sign of real trauma Hiyoko had exhibited since waking up from her coma. As with most of the Remnants, she remembered both her past and the simulation. She'd confirmed that upon waking up. However, she didn't seem to dwell on her past crimes. In fact, she'd practically pretended they'd never happened at all. It was an obvious coping mechanism, and Ryoko had unintentionally challenged it.
In a way, it was a blessing that she couldn't remember her life as Junko Enoshima. It enabled her to live as Ryoko Otonashi, because that was all she'd ever known. And it wasn't until right now that she'd really acknowledged that. In that sense, she was quite a bit better off than most of the Remnants, in that regard at least. Still, having no memories wasn't exactly easy…
"I'm not so sure…" she eventually said to the dancer, her voice twinged with sadness. "You can remember your family. Your friends. The good times…and the bad times. I can't remember any of that. It's all blank. It's like my life started after the world was already destroyed…when my childhood was already completely over and done with…"
Sneaking a glance at Hiyoko, the analyst was only slightly surprised to see sympathy in the dancer's eyes. For while Hiyoko was selfish and rude…she wasn't heartless. She may act like it at times, but at the very least, she didn't genuinely enjoy it when people around her suffered…most of the time anyway.
"Yeah well, just be thankful that an ugly old lady like yourself doesn't have to remember all the bad stuff!" Hiyoko nastily insisted, getting up from her seat and turning away. "As for me, since it wasn't my fault that I was brainwashed, I don't feel that bad about what I did. But still, I suppose I can help make things better…if I feel like it."
"Typical tsundere…I think?" Ryoko mentally commented as Hiyoko began walking away, only to shocked when the dancer suddenly stopped.
Without looking back at her, Hiyoko loudly asked, "I heard you've been helping that pig-barf bitch Mikan feel better about killing me and Ibuki, huh?"
With her back turned, it was hard for Ryoko to gauge exactly how Hiyoko really felt about everything. Taking her words at face value would've been the easiest thing to do, but Ryoko knew that it wasn't that simple.
"Yeah…I suppose I have," she admitted, not knowing what else to tell her.
"Does she regret it?" Hiyoko sharply asked, her voice completely even. "Does she feel bad that she killed her friends? That she helped kill Chiaki too?"
Despite the harsh vibe Hiyoko was giving off, Ryoko thought it best to just answer as simply and plainly as possible. "She does. She may not say it outright…but Mikan truly does regret everything she did while she was brainwashed."
A deep silence hung in the air for an uncomfortable amount of time. So long in fact that Ryoko almost began to regret saying anything in the first place. However, just before her anxiety grew too much to bear, her talents picked up on a change Hiyoko's breathing.
Even with her back turned, Ryoko could hear the dancer's breath hitch…like she was having a difficult time breathing. Then, ever so quietly, a light sniffling echoed from where Hiyoko stood. Ryoko didn't need to see the dancer's face to know that she was currently fighting back difficult emotions. And it was all but confirmed when the rude dancer suddenly responded:
"G-Good! She should feel bad! Because getting killed by someone like her is just embarrassing!"
Without another word, Hiyoko sped off toward the door, leaving Ryoko once again alone in the common room. However, despite the loneliness, the faintest hint of warmth spread through the analyst's chest, reassured that her advice had been good this time.
Much to everyone's surprise, Ibuki, dragging Hiyoko behind her, requested to speak with Mikan only a few days later. Sadly, for everyone's safety, only Ryoko was permitted to see her at present. Although understanding, the two young women were displeased with the decision. So, they had to make do with simply watching from behind the two-way mirror as Ryoko visited with Mikan that day…both of them pleasantly surprised when the nurse let a genuine smile cross her lips.
Entry 23
I never want to exercise every again! I don't care if I get fat! Never again! That workout nearly killed me! All my muscles are sore! It hurts to write! My arm is cr~~~cr~~~cramping. Going to sleep now. Ouchies.
"Come on! Show some spirit!" Nekomaru Nidai screamed, his voice rumbling through the entire room. Lightning shot out of the corners of his eyes as he slammed his foot down and screamed, "You wanna get back into form or not?! This weak shit of a training regimen is just the beginning! Now give me another 20 sit-up/chow downs!"
"Yuuh gah ihh, Chhoash!" Akane Owari responded, shoving more food into her mouth each time she did a sit-up. You wouldn't know it by looking at her now, but Akane looked incredibly different since she emerged from her pod. As an Ultimate Despair, she'd been incredibly emaciated, practically starving herself to experience the despair of hunger. It was the reason she ate so much in the simulation, and it carried over back to reality.
Fortunately, she'd gotten most of her muscle back and was looking almost like she had in the simulation, though that was probably due to Nekomaru's training and diligence. Not far from them, a 'dark and mysterious' figure sat, his scarf flapping in the wind…despite there being no wind in the cafeteria.
"The fires of Purgatory do not weep for such cowardice! Feast my Twelve Zodiac Generals! Your gluttony shall be rewarded when your strength overwhelms the demons of the netherworld!" Gundham commanded his 'familiars', the lot of them scurrying around, eating sunflower seeds and chasing each other.
…
…
"I just wanted to make a sandwich! Uhg…why is this happening now?" Ryoko muttered as she cautiously watched from the hallway outside the cafeteria.
It was fortunate that they were all such loud people, it served as a good warning for the analyst not to enter without gauging the situation. Peering in, she witness Nekomaru 'training' Akane, while Gundham trained the multitude of hamsters that lived in his coat! Ryoko's growling stomach beckoned her onward, but she held fast, knowing the chaos that might ensure if she dared to enter that 'sacred space'.
She didn't have an issues with any of them individually, not in the slightest. However, she knew from the simulation, and the records about each of them, that if she entered carelessly, she might get roped into one form of extraneous exercise or another. By this point, most of the Remnants knew that Ryoko was a 'counselor-in-training' despite not having any formal education from Gekkogahara yet (which she prayed would be soon).
It wasn't all the time or anything, but once word got out that she was like them, and she was willing to listen to their troubles, a number of them came forward to speak with her. All she did was listen, give her observations and what limited advice she felt was appropriate. However, she suspected that more than anything, the Remnants just wanted someone to talk out their issues with. And since she was 'like them', they felt comfortable around her.
*GROOOOAN*
Her stomach protested, demanding sustenance, but she continued to keep herself hidden. No matter how tempting it was to try and nonchalantly head to the kitchen and make a heavenly hoagie to devour, it just didn't feel right to interrupt them. Just as she was prepared to back away, something bumped into her foot.
Glancing down, her eyes widened as one of the Twelve Zodiac Generals (read: hamsters) was scampering to its feet and already dashing into the cafeteria!
"No, no, wait…!" she hissed quietly, but it was no use.
The dutiful hamster sped over to Gundham, who held out a hand without even looking, allowing the 'familiar' to leap into his sleeve and eventually pop it's head next to the breeder's ear. It gave the most adorable little sounds, and Ryoko almost 'aww'ed at its cuteness before she realized…it was reporting her location to its master!
Before she even had a chance turn, the Ultimate Breeder's head snapped over toward her, smiling confidently as he called out, "Another challenger has come to face the might of Tanaka The Forbidden One, and his Twelve Zodiac Generals! Be not afraid frail one, for mercy shall be granted for one of such high esteem!"
As he made her presence known in his own unique way, both Akane and Nekomaru turned and saw her head peeking out. Knowing there was no way to escape now, Ryoko begrudgingly stepped out, taking a deep breath as she prepared to enter hell itself…
"Oh, it's you!" Nekomaru called out, his booming voice unmistakable. "Have you come to reenergize yourself before a nightly workout?!"
"Hanss oof ma diher!" Akane competitively sputtered, bits of food flying out of her mouth. Glaring at Ryoko for a second, she almost didn't seem to recognize her before a hint of recognition light up behind her eyes. Swallowing her mouthful, she said, "If you want something for yourself, there's plenty in the kitchen. Just don't think about tryin' to get at mine! I need this for my training!"
Without another word, the skinnier than usual Akane dove back into her meal/workout, as if completely forgetting Ryoko was there.
"I, uh, just wanted to get myself a snack before heading back to my room," she told them plainly, hoping it would be enough. Fortunately, it seemed none of them had any issue with her quest for food.
"Oh, is that all? I suppose it makes sense. We are in the cafeteria! Hehahahaha!" Nekomaru bellowed, his boisterous laughter somehow lightening the mood. "We made a bit of a mess getting this workout ready, so I hope it doesn't bother ya too much."
"I…think I can work around it," Ryoko nervously told them, not voicing the fear that gripped her when she realized how furious Teruteru was going to be when he discovered whatever tornado had demolished his kitchen. Still it seemed she was in the clear, so she told them all, "I hope you have a good workout. I'm just gonna get my food and—".
"HALT! Vile deceiver!" the voice of Gundham rippled through the area as he stood up, pointing an accusatory finger at her. "You shall go no further until you have explained your true intentions to us all!"
Panic gripped Ryoko at being called a 'vile deceiver'. Had he figured out her past identity? Was he going to reveal it right here?! Granted Akane already knew but with her track record she may have forgotten!
A cold sweat trickled down her back and just before anxiety completely paralyzed her, the eccentric breeder continued, "You peered out from the darkness, witnessing our merriment from the shadows! If you were only here for gluttony, why the need to keep your presence secret?! What drove you to skulk just beyond the precipice of this scared place?!"
Despite his rather colorful language, Ryoko understood his intent instantly. Thank heavens for her analytical mind, because with it, she could effectively understand chuunibyou. Basically, he was calling her out on the fact that she was spying on them from outside for a while before coming inside. It was easy enough to rectify, and let her breathe a sigh of relief, knowing her secret was safe.
"Well, I heard all of you in here and didn't want to interrupt," she answered, which was the truth for the most part. "I felt awkward just walking in, because I was a little surprised to see all of you here at the same time."
"Why's that?" Nekomaru questioned, raising an electric eyebrow. "Something wrong with friends spending time training together?!"
She walked right into that one. Not wanting this to get out of hand, she quickly replied, "N-No! I just meant…well, with what happened between you and Gundham…I didn't expect you to be on such good terms, I guess."
Hearing that, the two men turned and glanced to one another, meeting each other's gazes before letting out hearty laughter.
"Only a fool condemns yesterday's enemy!" Gundham vehemently exclaimed, not seeming that guilty over having killed Nekomaru in the simulation. "Though we once stood on opposite ends of a battlefield, that does not mean our mutual respect for each other has dwindled in the least!"
"Exactly what he said!" Nekomaru concurred, nodding firmly. "Our duel is in the past. So there's no need to bring it up anymore. Besides, we have a lot more important issues to deal with. Like getting Akane back into top form! Isn't that right?!"
"Ihm onh ihh Chhoash!" Akane instantly confirmed, now doing push-ups but eating slices of meat every time she dipped down.
"As for myself, my Four Dark Devas have grown their numbers significantly!" Gundham explained, his attention never leaving the multitude of hamsters surrounding him. "I cannot waste time regretting the past when there is so much that need to be done to ensure my Twelve Zodiac Generals are ready for the arduous battles that lie ahead!"
In the face of all that positivity, Ryoko felt a twinge of jealousy…
"Wow…that's…really impressive," she told them, letting her gaze drop to the floor. "Ever since I was rehabilitated…all I've thought about is the past…and how much I wish I could change it."
Ryoko hadn't meant to open up like that, but seeing them all getting along, so soon after awakening no less, made her wish she had their levels of mental fortitude. And while she was certain that even these jovial Remnants had regrets and doubts about the future, at least they were handling it better than she had at the start.
"I heard you used to be a Remnant too." Nekomaru suddenly spoke up, earning her attention. "Supposedly, you were one of the top dogs of Ultimate Despair. Is that true?"
As much as she tried to keep her voice even, Ryoko failed as she answered, "Y-Yeah…it's true."
"Hmm…" the Ultimate Team Manager said, closing his eyes and thinking deeply. "The way I see it, you seem far too obsessed with the idea of atonement. If you want my opinion, you should forget about all that and just live life for yourself instead."
A sense of whiplash hit Ryoko, which made no sense because she didn't quite understand how things had escalated this quickly. One moment they were on the same page, the next, Nekomaru was chastising her for not being able to throw away her guilt and live without any regrets?! Not to mention his calm demeanor further incited her. It was like he had no guilt for all the crimes he'd committed either!
Gritting her teeth, the analyst didn't care how much trouble she got into for this. She wasn't going to just lie down and put up with that kind of blatant ignorance!
"I didn't ask for your opinion, now did I?!" Ryoko abruptly yelled, her emotions completely overriding her judgment. But even though she knew that, she didn't care. He'd crossed a line that no one should have crossed! "Maybe you can get over your guilty conscience but some of us never will! How dare you suggest that I just 'live for myself'! After everything I've done…I don't deserve to have any kind of happiness!"
As her voice reverberated louder than either Nekomaru's or Gundham's, the atmosphere of the room irreparably changed. All of the Twelve Zodiac General had hidden either behind or within Gundham's attire. Akane completely stopped eating, though she just looked at Ryoko with confusion, probably having not paid attention. And finally, Nekomaru continued to sit there, eyes closed, listening to every word she shouted at him.
Panting from her tirade, Ryoko felt a mixture of anger and shame cloud her mind. She had every right to be angry, but that didn't make her feel any less embarrassed by her actions. She was supposed to be setting an example, not causing a scene. Still, the rage that coursed through her hadn't subsided, feeling so utterly disrespect for being mocked. And for wanting to atone no less!
What was wrong with wanting to try and undo her mistakes? What was wrong with trying to atone for nearly ending all of humanity?! Even if it wasn't possible, that didn't mean that she couldn't—
"You idiot! You completely misunderstood what I was telling you!" the powerful voice of Nekomaru Nidai shook the room, startling Ryoko enough to completely disrupt her thoughts. "Being obsessed with anything is unhealthy! Even something like atonement! If you let it consume you, then all your gonna do is fail at the thing your actually trying to do!"
As those words sank in, Ryoko clenched her fists and responded, "It's not an obsession! It's the one thing I can do to make up for everything I did…to you and everyone else my talents hurt over the years!"
"That's exactly what an obsession is!" the Team Manager countered, standing up to his full height, towering over her. Lightning brimming from his eyes, he shouted, "If you keep up that kind of thinking, you'll destroy yourself before you can even get close to accomplishing your goal! You need to learn when to back down and live for yourself a little—".
"Don't you realize how impossible that is?!" Ryoko interrupted, not backing down, despite his intimidating presence. Holding on to her courage, she continued, "Millions…Millions of people are dead because of me. How…How am I supposed to 'live for myself' when so many others will never have the chance to because of what I've done!"
A piercing silence overtook the room, the likes of which seemed impossible given the company.
Ryoko knew she was beating a dead horse but…she needed him to understand. It was stupid, and she knew that, but if even one of the Remnants didn't understand how gut-wrenchingly awful she felt about what she'd done…then she could forget about ever trying to apologize to them all. They needed to understand that she wasn't doing this for herself. She was using her talents to make the world a better place to atone for what she'd done. And if, by some miracle she could achieve that…then, she might be able to 'live for herself'. But until that day came, asking such a thing of her was not only insulting…it was hypocritical.
Suddenly, much to her surprise, Nekomaru's voice quieted down, almost to a conversational level, as he said to her, "Listen, I know we haven't really interacted much, but…I'm not going back down on this. When I see someone suffering, especially someone I consider a comrade, I can't just stay quiet and do nothing."
"C-Comrade?" she repeated, almost unable to trust her ears.
"That's right," he told her, flashing her a reassuring smile. "As former Ultimate Despair, we have a duty to look out for each other. And I just can't stand the way you keep putting yourself down like that! And if you want to really atone for what you did, you need to learn how to take care of yourself!"
"I thought you said I shouldn't be focused on 'atonement' and should 'live for myself—", she tried to fire back, but was cut off.
"I said not to get too obsessed with atonement. I never said you shouldn't pursue it, if that's what you really want," Nekomaru finally clarified, sitting back down and folding his arms. "But you should know, atonement will never be enough. Not for you, or any of us, for that matter."
For the very first time, the Ultimate Team Manager's voice was somber. And in that moment of vulnerability, a new voice chimed in.
"Well said, my comrade-in-arms. But that is not quite accurate, I'm afraid…" Gundham bellowed, his voice loud but very serious at the same time. Looking over to Ryoko, he locked eyes with her for a moment before saying, "I can see the pain and desperation you hold within your soul. It is the same that taints each and every one of us, staining our souls black with no hope of redemption."
Surprised that both of them were opening up to her all of a sudden, Ryoko moved to take a seat as the breeder fed his hamster while continuing.
"Atonement is beyond us. Instead, all we can do is continue to live our lives in earnest. Never forgetting the crimes we committed and striving to make right the wrongs we have visited up on the world at large. Only in doing so shall we be able to reduce the weight of our sins."
"So what your saying is…" Ryoko spoke up, her analytical mind interpreting his artistic words. "…we need to move forward, and just live for ourselves while trying to help undo what we've done?"
"Hmph," he scoffed, pulling up his scarf and averting his gaze. "If one cannot live for themselves, than what hope do they have to correct their actions? A frail man weeps for his cowardice, but a strong one pushes through his tears and does so without hesitation. Do you not agree?"
Aiming that last comment at Nekomaru, the Team Manager nodded firmly and replied, "Exactly! You need to live for yourself as much as you live to atone! Otherwise, you'll collapse under the weight of your own sins! It's about SPIRIT and PASSION! You need both in order to truly atone! And right now, I'm not seeing much of any of that from you!"
"Passion and spirit, huh?" Ryoko pondered aloud, an amuse huff escaping her. "There are some days when I just don't have much of that…"
"You may have moments of doubt, but isn't that why we rely on each other?" Gundham added, waving his hands dramatically, as his hamster surrounded and hung off of him. "How could you have forgotten that this task is not yours alone? My Twelve Zodiac Generals shall carve a path of peaceful carnage into the far reaches of the future!"
"Basically, what we're trying to say is, you're not alone in this! So stop trying to take on all the guilt yourself!" Nekomaru told her, his eyes sparking with electricity. "Let us help you carry that burden! We support each other to help support the world!"
"'Support each other to help support the world'…that's a good line," Gundham quietly said to himself, obviously making a mental note for later.
In the face of their tenacity and optimism, Ryoko couldn't help but chuckle. Although she was still embarrassed by her earlier outburst, perhaps it was just what she needed. Despite trying to be a role model and 'counselor' to the Remnants, moments like this humbled her, and she was grateful for it.
"I think…you two might have a point there," she admitted, a light smile tracing her lips. Lowering her gaze to the table, she continued, "I've been on my own for so long…I never even considered letting any of you help with that burden…"
"Especially because I was the one who put you into this position in the first place," she mentally remarked, unable to say that to them at present.
Lifting her head to meet their gazes, she adamantly told them, "But…if you're willing to help share the burden…I wouldn't be apposed to it. In fact…I think some teambuilding might just be what I need right now."
Instantly, the atmosphere of the entre room changed with those words. Too late did Ryoko realize the folly of her word choice, as both Nekomaru and Gundham developed a frightening aura that began to encompass the entire room.
"If that's how you feel, we need to start your training right now!" the Ultimate Team Manager excitedly shouted, leaping to his feet with fiery passion burning all around him. "I'll develop a training regime just for you! One that will help you not only get physically stronger! But will also help get rid of that nasty insecurity that's been weighing you down!"
Fearing the hellish training he was suggesting, Ryoko immediately tried to backpedal, "W-W-What?! N-No! I-I-I didn't mean like that! I-I meant—!"
"Fear does not become you, Ryoko Otonashi! I will not allow your lack of confidence to supersede your judgment!" Gundham cut her off, his hamster's flying past her, racing to the door and slamming it shut, somehow locking it as well. "Although you may weep in agony, you will become stronger for it all the same! And thus shall our friendship be reforged in the fires of pandemonium! Ahahahahahahaha!"
With her only escape route unavailable, Ryoko decided to try for a Hail Mary and gestured toward Akane before saying "A-Are you okay with this? I mean, you already have your hands full with helping Akane get back into—".
"Wait, Coach is gonna train you too?!" the Ultimate Gymnast called out, as if only now tuning into the conversation. Which was probably the case. After all, Akane rarely listened to anything that didn't concern food or her training. Sadly, rather than objecting, the 'gymnast' looked even more psyched than her new trainers! "Hell yeah! I've been itchin' to have someone else to go up against! You and I are gonna tear shit up!"
And with that, all avenues of escape were cut off. Ryoko had found herself in the exact position she'd been trying to avoid…
"I just wanted a sandwich, dang-it!"
For the next few days, Ryoko didn't emerge from her room. Hajime went in to investigate and found her lying on her bed, over-exhausted and still sore from just one hour of 'training'. The moment Ryoko saw him, she made him promise to find a way to get her out of the hell she'd unintentionally signed up for. Hajime readily agreed, remembering his own 'training' with Nekomaru, which served as a point of sympathy.
Entry 27
Nagito Komaeda won't wake up. We're not entirely sure why but considering his personality, it may be possible he doesn't want to wake up. World Destroyer's usual functions hasn't been enough, so Hajime is considering taking a more active role in the process.
However, that would mean he'd be trapped within the simulation until Nagito woke up. And I just can't see why Hajime is willing to go that far for him. They didn't get along in the simulation, and yet, he's willing to help him anyway.
I just don't know what to think of all this. I wish I had someone to talk to about it.
"Why do you have to be such a pain…?"
Ryoko stood over the final unopened pod, glaring down at the comatose Nagito Komaeda. She suppressed a shudder as she caught a glimpse of his female arm…the arm of Mukuro Ikusaba. According to the other Remnants, even though they hadn't been sure the body parts they'd stolen were from Junko Enoshima, that hadn't mattered to them. The despair of replacing their body parts had been enough motivation…as sickening as that thought was now.
Sadly, it seemed that despite the memory erasure, Nagito had retained a bit of his despair influence while in the simulation. Ryoko theorized that it had to do with his claim that he had Frontotemporal Dementia, but since his medical records had effectively been lost during The Tragedy, there was no way to know for sure.
Regardless, the fact of the matter was that Nagito Komaeda was the most dangerous of all the Remnants, purely because of his belief system. And if that was the case, maybe it was best if he never woke up from…
"No…leaving him like this would be wrong," she asserted aloud, feeling disgusted for daring to have such a thought.
"I'm glad you feel the same way," a familiar voice said from behind her. Ryoko didn't have to turn around, she recognized Hajime's voice and waited for him to approach, standing next to her and looking down at his 'sleeping' classmate. "Despite everything he's done, he doesn't deserve to spend the rest of his life like this…no one does."
A part of Ryoko wanted to disagree, as she considered the thought that some people may deserve such a fate, but for the most part she agreed with him. Mostly because that kindness of his resonated with her, and she wanted to embrace that kind of thinking. Even though it was hard for her to forgive herself, she was trying to do just that…despite how insurmountable that task seemed.
"Everyone deserves a second chance," she said somberly, her chest aching slightly. "I know that better than anyone."
"We both do," Hajime added, letting out a deep sigh. "And because of that, I can't just sit by when I have the ability to save him. Despite how dangerous it may be to re-enter the simulation myself; I know I'm the only one who can do this for him."
"…I know that, but still…" she retorted, struggling to find the right words. "After everything he did to you…after he willingly tried to kill you all and ended up sacrificing Chiaki, how can you not hate him?"
It was a very loaded question and one that Ryoko wouldn't have asked if they weren't alone. She and Hajime had grown rather close over the last few weeks, having quite a number of things in common. Not just their talents or shared guilt, but also their drive to right the wrongs they'd unknowingly committed. They found strength in each other, and that was the only reason Ryoko felt comfortable asking such a difficult question.
And, to her surprise, Hajime didn't answer right away. Instead, he seemed to be lost in thought, as if he was trying to answer that inquiry himself before voicing it aloud. Finally, after a couple minutes of silence, he answered her at last.
"I can say this for certain…I don't hate Nagito," he began, slowly finding momentum as he spoke. "I hate what he's done, but I can't bring myself to hate him. After all, while I've personally seen that he can be quite extreme about his beliefs, ultimately, he just wants a bright future filled with hope. It's almost childlike, in a lot of ways. And while I can't necessarily forgive him for what he tried to do…what he did to Chiaki…I'd rather talk things out with him than let him fade away without doing anything to help him."
Hajime's response brought a light smile to Ryoko's lips, letting out a false huff of annoyance. "Anyone ever tell you you're a little too forgiving?" she chided, pleased when he nervously smiled back at her.
"Believe me, I know it's a bit of a pain. But that's who I am…who I decided to be. And I won't let what happened in the past keep me from doing what I know it right." Turning to stare back down at his comatose classmate, Hajime's expression became slightly stern. "And besides, he needs to face the consequences for his actions in this world. It's the only way he'll ever find peace. I'm certain of that."
Ryoko couldn't argue with that. Nagito needed to own up to his crimes, all of them. And more than likely, he'd be willing to take responsibility, that's just the kind of person he was. Even though it wasn't truly his fault, considering that Nagito only became this deplorable because of 'her' actions, he would still more than likely wish to make amends. Or so the two of them hoped.
After all, if Nagito Komaeda hadn't been brainwashed, he may have never turned into such a dysfunctional sociopath. There was no way to know really, just like there was no way to know how the Ultimate Lucky Student himself felt about everything he'd done. At least, not until they woke him up.
"Well, if you're gonna do this, I'm with you all the way," Ryoko abruptly told Hajime, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "I'll support you from this side until it's all done. And I promise that if anything goes wrong, I'll make sure that both of you make it out of there alive."
"I'll be counting on you then," Hajime pleasantly replied, smiling confidently at her.
It was decided that, before Hajime went back into the Neo World Program to 'rescue' Nagito, another matter that needed to be taken care of first. One that Ryoko had been dreading for nearly a month now…
Entry 30
Today's the day. I wanted to wait until Nagito woke up first but considering his personality, Hajime insisted we tell everyone else and let him know afterwards.
So again, today's the day, the only day we can do this, really. Hajime is going back into the Neo World Program tomorrow, so like it or not, this is the best time to tell the Remnants the truth about who I used to be.
I'm gonna be sick. I'm nauseous. My hands won't stop trembling. They're gonna hate me. Maybe they already know? I wish Kyoko was here. Why does it have to be today? Can't Hajime tell them for me? I can't keep from panicking.
I don't know if I can handle—
"Ryoko, are you ready?"
The red-haired analyst's hand stopped writing in her notebook as Hajime's voice called out to her from across the room. She hadn't even noticed he'd opened the door…had he even knocked? Of course he did, he's Hajime. She must've been so overcome with anxiety she just didn't notice. Deciding it was best not to bite his head off for entering her room without permission, Ryoko closed her notebook and inhaled a shaky breath.
"…No," she answered honestly, her voice a little hoarse. She'd been up all night practicing her 'speech' but had reworked it so many times that she didn't know what she was actually going to say. "But…then again, I know I never will be. So…we may as well get this over with…"
Standing up slowly, Ryoko had to smack her legs to keep them from trembling. She was on the verge of tears already and she hadn't even left the room yet. She couldn't even turn around and face Hajime directly, afraid of showing exactly how terrified she truly was. She wanted to run away but knew that wasn't right. She needed to face up to her past self's mistakes…and at least try to make them right.
But even though she told herself that, she couldn't fight the immense amount of fear that gripped her soul.
Just as she felt completely overwhelmed by this decision, a gentle hand grasped her arm. Turning her head, she saw Hajime smiling at her, lifting her arm up before grasping her hand tightly. The warm from him somehow soothed her nerves, if only slightly, and she was able to take a real deep breath for the first time all morning.
"Don't forget. I'm here with you." Hajime told her, squeezing her hand tightly. "You're not the only one confessing to their crimes today. We're going to do this together. And we'll take responsibility together too."
As much as she appreciated that sentiment, deep down, Ryoko knew that her confession would be more damaging to the Remnants than his would be. Still, Hajime's sense of camaraderie gave her strength, enough at least to face her fears and do what she knew needed to be done.
"We each have to take…responsibility for what we've done," she corrected him, without rejecting his kindness. "And even though I'm terrified of how they'll react…knowing you'll be there with me is enough. For now at least. So…thanks for that."
Grasping her hand just a bit tighter, Hajime smiled wider and said, "If not for you, I never would have had the chance to make things right. So, I guess…thank you, too."
Ryoko's cheeks flushed from embarrassment as she squeezed his hand just as fiercely. They stayed like that for a few moments, drawing strength from each other as they mentally prepared to expose the truth, and maybe…start to heal their wounded hearts in the process.
"Let's do this…" Ryoko said softly, mustering up all the courage she had. "I'm ready."
Giving her hand one last squeeze, Hajime released his hold and began to head toward the door. She followed after him, fearful but also optimistic. She had no idea how this was going to turn out, even with her analytical talents. But for some reason…that didn't bother her. For the first time in her entire life, she couldn't even begin to predict what would happen next. And while that scared her, it also gave her a sense of hope that she never experienced before.
Ryoko Otonashi was bravely taking her first steps into unknown territory…ready to embrace whatever came next.
To Be Concluded In:
"Ryoko's Redemption"
...
Greetings, my beautiful readers! I hope that you enjoyed this 'Memoirs' section as much I did writing it! As I have now teased, the next story will be the final one in the "Ryoko Otonashi" storyline I've been writing. It will cover through the events of the DR 3 anime with of course a lot of new developments with Ryoko's involvement.
As always, I'm eager to hear what you thought of his story and your predictions for the final story itself. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave a review and let me know what's on your mind!
Thank you to all the new folks who've discovered this story and thank ALL of you for supporting this side venture I've been working on the past year! Until next time, keep on smiling, my beautiful readers!
