Let's meet our FBIward, yeah? ;)


It's a running joke around the cyberverse—that everyone has an FBI Agent assigned to monitor them through their phones, computers, and cameras—that their phone calls are recorded, texts and emails read. And maybe, they're even listening in through the smart devices people have in their homes. Alexa and Google Home are popular because they are capable of turning off the lights and playing music, but little do they know, these devices can be a valuable tool.

I've just laughed it off for years now because I've read the messages. Seen the memes. Of course, it's nothing more than a conspiracy theory.

Right?

They don't know how true it is. They don't know we're watching; always watching. We have to. The world is filled with far too many unscrupulous evils to leave the herds without surveillance.

Of course, the memes alone are proof they've caught a whiff of our existence. Humans are a strangely curious bunch. There are countless URLs dedicated to decoding our motives and proving our presence. Reddit pages, Facebook groups, YouTube videos, full of hungry little people dying to bring us out of the dark and into the light to prove the government is trying to control them.

But we've been around since the dawn of the Age of Information. Even before that, we tapped into phones and intercepted mail. Our job was admittedly more difficult back then. Now, we know what we're doing. We're learning how to hide.

And I promise it's for your own good.

My name is Agent Edward Cullen of the Human Intelligence Branch of the FBI. And tomorrow, I will be assigned to monitor one Isabella Swan.

As of now, I'm still blissfully unaware of what that means.