Author's Notes: Wow, the response to this story has been incredible, thank you everyone, it means the world to me! I will make the same announcement on this story as I did on my other one…this is the last update until JULY 6. Why, you ask? Because I will be in Eugene, Oregon, participating in two things: the first is called the Pacific International Children's Choral Festival (a.k.a. PICC Fest) where my choir will be host to several other international choirs, including one from Israel. We will rehearse together for three days, and then perform in a huge mass concert/gala. Also, starting on Saturday, and overlapping the PICC Fest, I was accepted into the prestigious Oregon Bach Festival Youth Choral Academy (a.k.a. YCA), which takes eighty auditioned high school singers from around the country, brings them together for ten days of intense rehearsing, and then culminates in a performance on July 5. I was in it last year as well, and know that it is an incredible experience, but one that occupies my whole life for the time I'm there. So…there you have it, no updates until at the very earliest July 6.
Now that I've depressed everyone, I hope you enjoy this chapter. It continues developing the characters, and doesn't contain much action, but I believe is an important piece to the story. In alternate universe plots I have to take more time to develop the characters and storyline since it isn't straight out of the anime/manga, which everyone is familiar with already. Still, I think it's a good chapter.
To answer a popular question among all of you, there will be NO KIKYOU in this story…I know, how sad, but she just didn't fit into the plot. And frankly, I do get a little tired of the whole love triangle thing after a while, so this time, there won't be one! Thank you for reviewing, and now I'll shut up and let you read. Enjoy!
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Title: Impossible Dreams
Author: dolphingirl0113
Chapter: Four
Rating: PG-13 (rated for language, violence, and implied sexual situations)
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.
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Though his hanyou senses were dulled thanks to the cursed jewel around his neck, Inuyasha still had ears and a nose that were sharper than anyone living on the Higurashi plantation, save for perhaps Kouga the wolf demon. And so, as he approached the hut where he and Miroku slept, his body tired from a hard day of work, he was able to hear hushed voices and was surprised to catch the scent of anxiety on the air. Cocking an eyebrow curiously, he decided to investigate, and placed an ear up to the far wall, beneath the lone window of the small structure, willing everything around him into silence.
He caught Sango's voice immediately, and was surprised at how tense she sounded. The proud, confident woman had never seemed so uneasy before that he had observed. From her tone Inuyasha could easily picture her sitting rigidly on one of the beds, even though he could not see thanks to the thin wall currently between him and the inside of the hut.
"Don't even think about it," She stated sharply.
"What?" Came the immediate puzzled reply, and Inuyasha growled at the sound of the wolf's voice, forcing himself to bite back his habitual insult, more curious to hear what they were talking about.
"About copying their example and starting a revolt here." Sango's voice held a hint of warning.
He heard Kouga snort. "Oh come on, Sango, you yourself said it wouldn't be that hard. And once we're free, we can deal with Naraku."
The hanyou felt his head spin as he listened, those enticing words, freedom and revolt, floating above his head and out of the mouths of the people inside. He hadn't had to do anything, and they were already planning something? Clearly, something had happened to spark this flame, and he intended to find out what and use it to his advantage.
Shaking his head, Inuyasha focused in once more on what they were saying, and though he had missed a few sentences while lost in thought it wasn't difficult to understand what was going on.
"I want to be free of all this as much as you, Kouga, but if we're stupid and approach this without thinking, it could all go wrong." This time Sango sounded very tired, and a little worried.
"How?" Inuyasha grunted, for once agreeing with the wolf (though he would never openly admit it). From the sound of things Sango was making this far too complicated. They would just revolt, and run away.
Kouga's voice darkened. "Mr. Higuarshi deserves to die for his treachery; I make no show of pretending to think otherwise."
There was a brief silence, and Inuyasha thought he could almost hear one of the two friends fidgeting on a squeaky cot before Sango replied. "But aren't you forgetting about someone else?"
"Who?"
"Kagome."
Inuyasha couldn't deny the slight ping in his chest at the sound of her name, and he could almost remember the feeling of her fingers on his chest that day when she had slightly purified the diamond around his neck. The thought of a heart so pure and untainted that it could purify the diamonds without even trying…and that heart just happening to be possessed by one of the most beautiful young women he had ever seen…
The hanyou felt a shiver run down his spine, but chose to ignore it, not wanting to get pulled into personal feelings at that moment.
He mentally froze as he realized what he had just thought.
Personal feelings?
"Hn." He had no personal feelings for Kagome Higurashi, other than annoyance and maybe hate (though he had to admit that particular emotion was quickly slipping away with each moment he spent in her presence). Still, hate or not, nothing changed the reality that the woman was just a bother; a spoiled little brat who didn't understand suffering like he did, and, more importantly, who was loyal to Naraku.
That's not true, a voice in his head reminded him; it was her father who pledged his loyalty to Naraku when she was still a young girl who couldn't think for herself. She had no choice in any of it.
Growling, the hanyou pulled away from the wall so he wouldn't attract the attention of the occupants inside the hut, and roughly started to pace back and forth, trying to get such treacherous thoughts out of his head. He didn't want to be thinking that Kagome was anything less than the enemy, because then he got confused. He didn't want to be thinking that she just might be an ally after all, like Sango and the others had originally said.
He stopped.
Actually…he didn't want to be thinking about Kagome at all, because that led to other problems he was unfamiliar with. And what he was unfamiliar with confused him. And Inuyasha hated to feel confused.
But fate was not to be kind to him that day it seemed, because just as he was finally calming himself down, he caught the scent of vanilla on the wind, and turned to see the very subject of his thoughts walking toward him, her head down in an uncharacteristically somber mood. She wore a dress of green, her hands clasped in front of her, and Inuyasha could just barely detect the smell of tears.
He jerked back slightly, feeling his stomach clench painfully.
She had been crying?
It was like she didn't even care where she was going, because she ran right into him, nearly falling backward except that he, for some strange reason, caught her before she could. She looked up and met his eyes, and the overpowering pain gazing back at him shocked him.
"Inuyasha?" She blinked as though coming out of a daze. "Oh, I'm sorry," she mumbled, and at first he didn't register the fact that she had called him by his first name. But once he did he tensed slightly, feeling uncomfortable at the way his body reacted to her, and the way he felt slightly less comfortable as she pulled away and rose back to her full height.
"Hey wench, when did I ever give you my name?" He snapped.
"What?" She still had that blank look on her face, like there were much more important things spinning around in her head at that moment than him.
That thought only made him more frustrated. "You heard me. Not only have I never given you my first name, but even if I had, I would not have given you permission to use it!"
Normally Kagome would have fought back against his annoying temper, but today, she just didn't have the energy. So instead she simply sighed and shrugged her shoulders, turning to walk away. "I asked Sango for your name, and I didn't think you'd care that much if I used it, so just get over it."
Her simple reply sent him crashing back to earth, his temper fading into something else, something more disturbing. Was he actually worried about her?
"Hey look, you don't have to be acting like the sky is falling or something," he called out to her retreating form, headed in the direction of the stables. Then he smirked, wanting to get a reaction out of her. "I mean, it's not like the slaves are revolting or anything."
She froze, and for an instant Inuyasha glowed in pride at having gotten what he wanted, but then he regretted his words the instant she turned around, tears in her eyes, their usual dark color even darker with something primal…something he understood all too well: fear. He could smell it wafting off her body like a putrid acid, overtaking even that beautiful smell of vanilla that always surrounded her body, that scent he could detect even with his dulled nose.
Kagome was terrified, and without his consent Inuyasha felt something primitive and protective flare in his gut at the thought. With an inward grunt he pushed it away as she spoke, focusing instead on her physical presence, and on the fierceness of her tone.
"Whatever you know," she hissed at him, "Don't mock me with it. Kill me, if you like, when the time comes, since you obviously want to now anyway, but do not mock me."
Inuyasha was shocked at the venom in Kagome's voice, which was usually so cheerful and, as much as he hated to admit it, beautiful. Right now, she sounded almost dangerous, and he knew she meant what she said. But more than that, he couldn't understand why she had been so touchy about the idea of a revolt, unless…
It hit him like a ton of bricks, the light bulb turning on in his head as he pieced it all together. The conversation he'd heard between Kouga and Sango, the arrival of those strange people he had seen earlier that day, and now Kagome jumping like a rabbit that had been spotted by the fox.
Of course! Why hadn't he seen it before? There had been a revolt on another family, most likely the one that had shown up at the Higurashi mansion. And now Kagome's perfectly sculpted, secure world had been shattered…and he'd unknowingly thrown that right in her face.
Why did that fact bother him so much?
"I wasn't mocking you, woman!" He yelled after her, and she stopped again, turning around to lock her gaze with him.
"The name's Kagome," she reminded, and he remembered how she had painfully held his hair that day to make her point.
"Keh, whatever," he replied, though he sounded slightly unsure of himself. This brought forth another wave of angry tears.
"Look, I don't know what your problem is with me, but I've had it! I've done everything possible to make you feel welcome, and let you know I want to help you, but you just push me away. So guess what? I'm done! I've had it with you!" She took a deep breath and looked about her wildly, as if searching for an answer to some question he could only guess was running through her mind. "I've had it with all of this!" She suddenly fell to her knees, not even seeming to care that her green dress was getting horribly dirty.
It was like all her strength had vanished, and Inuyasha watched as her body shook with silent sobs. Without thinking he approached her, falling to his usual crisscross position beside her…in the mud. But what did he care? Unlike her, he sat in the dirt every day.
"Look wench, you don't have to cry about it," he muttered, trying, in his own way, to get her to stop crying. He had never been affected so much by a woman's tears before, except, of course, for his mother. She had cried for him many times, when she thought he wasn't around. Every time someone had been cruel to him, and he would come to her wounded in the heart, she would comfort him and then, later, thinking he was asleep, would cry her own tears for his sake. It had killed him then, and now, seeing Kagome, for some reason that same desperate feeling was resurfacing, even though he had thought it long extinguished by hate.
Kagome seemed far away as she continued to look at the ground, her gaze seeming to stare right through the mud and the dirt to some unseen world beyond as she whispered, her words so silent even Inuyasha had to lean forward to hear what she said. "Why didn't Kagura just kill me too, that day?" She bunched her hands in the green folds of her dress. "Why couldn't I just die with my mother, and be with her now in the otherworld, rather than suffering so much without her?"
That was certainly not what he had been expecting, at least not from a spoiled, selfish brat, and Inuyasha felt his body jolt slightly as he stared at her, the woman who was usually so happy and calm. He didn't like seeing her weaker side, and again, he wondered what it was about Kagome Higurashi that tapped at his soul so much. Or, more specifically, what it was about her that brought up feelings that he hadn't felt since his mother died seven years ago…
"You want to die?" He couldn't believe what he was hearing, and she nodded, still staring at the ground.
"It would be better than living life so alone."
"Alone?" How could she be alone, he wondered, when she lived in that giant mansion with her father, no doubt entertaining parties and guests at all hours of the day? She had all the comforts of life, and slaves at her beck and call.
But then Inuyasha stopped himself, realizing for the first time that, unlike the other homes where he had lived, this one was always extremely quiet. Not once in the four weeks since he'd arrived had he seen a guest, save for today, and now, for the first time, he began to question the assumptions he had made.
Kagome just smiled at what he said, though it was a sad smile. "Does it surprise you that much, Inuyasha, that someone other than you could be lonely?"
He didn't really know what to say, so he remained silent, and thus they continued to sit in the mud for the next several minutes, though the silence surrounding them wasn't uncomfortable. In fact, though he hated to admit it, Inuyasha found it kind of pleasant; the first pleasant sense of companionship he had known in a long time, at least, aside from Miroku. Kagome didn't insist on filling the air with unnecessary words, like a lot of the women he'd known in his life, and he liked that, never having been one for conversation, even before Naraku came and ruined his life.
He listened as her breathing began to slow, once more regaining a steady, even rhythm, and a part of him warmed at the thought that perhaps his presence was helping. Why he cared, he didn't know…but Inuyasha couldn't deny the slight sense of protectiveness when it came to her. She just looked so helpless sitting there in the mud, her body shaking from sobs that were yet to break past her lips, her eyes glistening and her lips trembling as she valiantly struggled not to cry in front of him.
Kagome…something in his heart suddenly felt a connection to this strange woman who was so far above him. This woman who he was supposed to hate…who he had tried so desperately to hate…something about the loneliness and despair in her eyes touched him, because he'd felt that kind of pain almost his entire life in some form or another.
The silence continued, and a smile actually started to break out across Kagome's face. Inuyasha saw this and couldn't resist the way the corner of his own mouth began to twitch.
"Higurashi?"
They both jumped at the sound of a male voice, and Inuyasha couldn't stop himself from growling slightly at the intruder, his protective instincts kicking in. Kagome was still vulnerable, and his demon side, even dulled, wanted to protect that vulnerability.
A young man with short brown hair and sparkling blue eyes appeared around the corner and, seeing Kagome on the ground, stopped with a smile. He didn't even seem to pause and wonder why she was sitting in the mud, next to one of the slaves, telling Inuyasha the man wasn't too bright. Ignoring Inuyasha's look of death, he walked up to the pair and looked down at Kagome with a smile.
"Hojo, what are you doing here?" Her voice was suddenly calm and pleasant, and Inuyasha nearly did a double-take at the change. Only moments before, she had sounded dark and lonely, and now she had plastered a fake smile on her face and was rising to her feet, brushing the cached dirt off her skirts, though some of it still remained.
For the first time, Inuyasha felt like he was beginning to understand Kagome Higurashi, and he realized, in that moment, that there were some things about her that were special. She hid her feelings from the rest of the world to protect them from her pain, and despite the sadness she had known in her life, she was still able to purify the jewel around her neck, meaning she hadn't turned bitter and cruel like he had. Everything about her was generosity and consideration for others, and it made Inuyasha feel, for the first time in a long time, sorry for the way he had treated her before. Maybe she hadn't deserved his hate, like he had been so convinced she did.
"Our parents are in discussing something they don't want me to hear, I guess, and I was just wondering where you had gone," the boy, who Kagome had called Hojo, replied innocently.
"Keh," Inuyasha grunted without realizing it, and Kagome turned to him with a warning stare. Clearly she expected him to start throwing insults, and was warning him against it.
How did she already know him so well?
She turned back toward Hojo with a smile and innocent shrug. "Well, you found me. Was there something you wanted?"
"I'd like to talk to you," he replied with a shuffle of his feet, and Inuyasha rolled his eyes. Surely Kagome wasn't interested in someone so ridiculously shy and spineless?
Wait.
Why did he even care?
"Oh, is that all?" Kagome laughed, though it was a little more tense than what Inuyasha was used to hearing from her. "Well, would you like to go for a ride? I was headed for the stables myself."
"That would be wonderful!"
Inuyasha groaned slightly at the corny scene he was witnessing, and Kagome seemed to think that meant he was upset at having been ignored, because she took it upon herself to introduce the two men.
"I'm sorry Inuyasha; this is Hojo, an old friend who I've known since I was a little girl." She looked at the other man. "Hojo, this is Inuyasha."
"Nice to meet you," he called out cheerfully, extending his hand in greeting, though the hanyou just stared at it as though it belonged to an alien. Hojo shook his head and chuckled nervously, glancing at Kagome as he retracted his hand to his side. "Is he another friend of yours, Kagome?"
"Inuyasha?" Kagome giggled. "Not really, he's just one of the workers. We talk occasionally, but I don't know him that well."
Inuyasha noted, with appreciation, that Kagome didn't call him a slave, but rather, a worker. In fact, he'd never heard her call any of them slaves. However, he did feel a slight pang that she didn't say he was her friend. But then, what had he expected? This was the first time they'd actually talked without having an argument. She may have a kind heart, but that didn't mean one kind word suddenly made someone her friend either. She struck him as the type who built friendships on trust, and trust could only be built with time.
Keh…he'd never been one for patience, which was why friendship to him had been overrated.
Hojo had gone rigid as though he suddenly realized something, his whole persona exuding fear. "Higurashi, you mean, he's a slave?"
Kagome stared at him for several seconds, as though to say 'isn't that what I just said?' before sighing. Inuyasha just tightened his arms where they were crossed over his chest and deepened his glare. "Yes, if you want to put it that way, he is. Why?"
Hojo instantly pulled her away from Inuyasha, and the hanyou growled in spite of himself at the way Kagome winced slightly, though he knew logically it was more out of surprise than pain. That boy couldn't hurt her if he tried.
"You shouldn't be with him," Hojo whispered fiercely in her ear as though Inuyasha were no longer in front of them, but Kagome forcefully pulled her arm out of his grip.
"I will talk to whoever I like," she declared, moving slightly away from him, the usual spark returning to her eyes, and Inuyasha couldn't help but smirk slightly at that for some strange reason he couldn't begin to understand. "Just because you're afraid of him, Hojo, doesn't mean I am."
"Who said I was afraid?" The boy blushed. "I just want you to be safe, Kagome."
She stiffened her spine in pride, daring him to defy her choices. "And why wouldn't I be safe?"
"Because he's dangerous." He whispered the last word as though it were a dark, vile secret.
"Says who?" Inuyasha could practically see the fires of her temper growing hotter by the minute, and had to resist breaking out into a complete smile of victory. That poor boy had no idea what he was getting himself into. And more than that, for once Kagome's temper was being used to protect him, rather than to attack him. Inuyasha kind of liked it.
Hojo looked downright panicked, his face pale as he started waving his arms around wildly. "Says me! I've seen what slaves can do to people, Kagome! I watched them burn my home, and chase us away! You don't know what it's like!"
"Stop it!" Kagome screamed, all pleasantries gone, and both men jumped slightly. She pointed an accusing finger at Hojo before swinging it at Inuyasha and then back to the other man again in warning. "I'm sick and tired of everyone telling me I don't understand! My father tells me I'm sympathetic because I don't understand everything! You say I don't understand what it's like to have slaves overtake my home! I'm sick of it! I'm not stupid!" There were tears in her eyes again, and Inuyasha sighed, upset that Hobo was the reason why, and felt a growl begin again in his throat, his demon instincts kicking into overdrive…or at least, as much as they could with the shard still around his neck.
"Just calm down, woman, he's not worth it," he finally said, trying to sound calm and unaffected, but he knew his voice had a desperate edge. He just couldn't stand it when she started to cry.
Kagome looked at him with surprise, blinking as she seemed to try and figure out the mystery behind his words, but finally nodded, and somehow managed to gain control once more. "You're right, it's not worth it." She wiped the tears from her eyes, and the only sign of her frustration was her red cheeks.
"You really trust him, Higurashi?" Hojo seemed to be unable to believe it, but Kagome glanced at Inuyasha and nodded.
"I trust him to do what he believes is right." She shrugged and smiled, and this time it was genuine as she purposefully locked her eyes with his. "Now, for all I know he may think that means killing me, but then, if that's what will happen, it will." Her smile remained bright, and she didn't look away from Inuyasha for several seconds.
Both men gaped at her, their jaws dropping to the ground in disbelief, Inuyasha's hanging open a little longer than Hojo's. Had she really just said what he thought she did? Did she honestly just state that she wouldn't hate him if he killed her? That she would understand? Is that what she just said?
Still smiling, Kagome finally looked away from the disgruntled hanyou with a slight blush, took Hojo by the arm and led him away with a wave at Inuyasha. "We're going to go ride now, Inuyasha, but I'll see you later. And thanks for putting up with me."
Turning around, she then directed all her attention to a stunned Hojo, who seemed to be asking her all kinds of questions, though the hanyou could no longer hear what they were talking about. His ears were, after all, not as good as they were when free of black magic. So he was left to simply stand and gape like a fool after her retreating figure, her hips swaying slightly in an innocently seductive manner, her scent once more pure and happy, the enticing smell of vanilla wafting past his nose.
"Kagome…" he whispered, confused more than anything. And what was worse, he didn't like the suddenly protective feelings brewing in the pit of his stomach, like his instincts were telling him to be near her at all times. It was strange that she had practically given him permission to kill her, and yet, suddenly, Inuyasha no longer had any interest in doing so.
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Even though she was walking arm in arm with Hojo, Kagome was seeing someone else in her mind as she strolled through the small garden in the back of her home. This man had amber eyes and strong arms that were chorded from years of hard labor in the fields, his back straight with an understated pride, his voice gruff. She could still feel his hard stare boring into her back as she walked away, and shivered slightly at the sensation those eyes had swept through her body.
"You're not cold, are you Higurashi?"
She turned her head so that she was looking at Hojo, and smiled sweetly before shaking her head. "No, I'm fine."
He nodded and smiled, staring ahead again. "So how are you? It's been so long since we last saw each other."
"I'm fine," Kagome continued to smile, though it wasn't quite as genuine as usual. Clearly he had forgotten their little argument five minutes ago, but she had not. "A little preoccupied lately, but otherwise alright."
"Preoccupied with what?"
She shrugged. "Oh, I don't know, I guess just with the whole issue of slavery."
"You're afraid of a revolt?"
"A little, but more than that it's the fact that I knew something like this would happen eventually. You don't just take people who used to live normal, happy lives, enslave them, and then expect them to be obedient forever." She shrugged. "I know I wouldn't be that way."
He smiled at that, the gesture calm and warm, and Kagome was reminded of why she had appreciated his friendship when they were young. Even though he was somewhat naïve and blind at times, he still had a calming presence that surrounded her as well whenever he was near. "I'm sure you wouldn't be."
She blinked and grinned, seeing the opportunity to lighten the conversation and leaping upon it without hesitation. "What's that supposed to mean?"
Hojo rubbed the back of his neck in slight embarrassment. "Oh, just that, well, you've always been a strong person, never taking orders from anyone, even after your mother died."
Kagome felt her face pale slightly at the memory. She could still see her mother, with her short black hair and kind eyes, falling down dead in front of her, amidst the sounds of cruel laughter courtesy of that witch, Kagura. It haunted her dreams at night, and flashed before her eyes during the day.
Sensing that she needed her space, Hojo wisely remained silent for a time, and the pair continued their walk in a peaceful, companionable silence. Kagome smiled slightly as she felt her dark thoughts fade away, and even went so far as to lean slightly against her friend's solid frame. She really did like Hojo, and had missed him, but at the same time she felt perhaps the distance, while forced, had been something of a blessing, because she knew how he felt about her. Everyone thought she was blind to the fact that her childhood friend had fallen in love with her, but Kagome simply feigned ignorance so as to not cause him any unnecessary heartbreak.
She firmly believed that the heart chose who it would love, and it simply refused to choose Hojo, which she accepted, though for a time she truly had tried to convince herself that she loved him if only for the fact that it would have been easy that way. Fall in love with him, and move away from her father and his restrictive personality.
But it wasn't meant to be. Life, she decided, was never meant to be simple when it came to her.
"So," Hojo finally muttered, careful in the way he disturbed their mutual silence, and she turned to look up at him without really seeing or hearing anything going on around her. "Do you still want to go for that ride?"
"What?" Kagome shook her head to clear it of all thought, and only then realized how late it had become, the sky starting to turn pink with dusk. "Oh, no, I don't think so, not today at least. But I would like to go for a ride with you some time, and show you the land. It can be so beautiful, especially in the woods."
He smiled. "I'd like that very much, Higurashi."
"You don't have to keep calling me that, Hojo," she said kindly. "You could just call me Kagome. I mean, we've been friends for so long you're like a brother to me." She didn't miss the way he blanched slightly at her calling him a brother, but chose to ignore it. He needed to understand there was nothing for him in a relationship with her, and the sooner the truth sunk in, the happier he would be.
And the less guilty she would feel, she also admitted, because even though she didn't love him, the part of her that wanted to please those around her wished she did so she could give him what he wanted most.
"I can't help it," he finally replied as they turned around and headed back for the mansion, his voice careful and quiet. "It's just a habit that won't go away."
Kagome shrugged her shoulders and smiled, and they fell once more into companionable silence, strolling peacefully, still arm in arm.
As they passed by the stables, Kagome noticed a large group of men, who she didn't know very well but assumed were slaves, huddled together near the back wall, in the shadows of the large barn. She cocked her head to one side, trying to discern from her point of view what they could be talking about that was so fascinating, but in reality had no idea.
"I wonder what they're talking about," Hojo commented, practically reading her mind, though his voice had suddenly gone harsh. Kagome understood that he would probably never trust slaves again, after what had happened to his home. And she supposed she couldn't really blame him for that.
"Oh, probably just talking," Kagome brushed it all aside, trying, in the process, to stop the fear brewing in her own stomach. She simply refused to fall prey to making assumptions and stereotyping people.
But even so, as she passed by, she couldn't help but wonder, and even once she was safely in her room after having bid Hojo good night, her mind would not rest. She tossed and turned the entire night, and unfortunately, sleep would not come; only nightmares of the night her mother died.
