Chapter 48: Devil Makes Things Clear

Despite her unexpected transformation, Audrey still knew how to feel shattering tear-jerking moments. The moment she realized the hellhound was Carlos De Vil, she felt everything shattering in her. The youngest of the first batch of VKs, fastest to stand up to his mother and bond with dogs. Loving Carlos, who loved Jane beyond anything aside from his dog Dude. Sweet Carlos De Vil, dead from poisoning by Kory Lokisdottir to frame Audrey. Audrey didn't know what was more heartbreaking: that he died all because a demigoddess used him as a pawn in her sick game of immortality or that he was spending his afterlife in Hell. Nevertheless, Audrey ran to him, along with Gothy and Charles. Carlos didn't hesitate to run and scoop him up in his furry arms.

"GUYS! I missed you so much!" Carlos laughed through his tears. "Well, I wasn't really friends with you guys… No offense, Gothy and Charles… Oh my god, I missed you guys so much!" He tightened the hug.

"Carlos, you're a dog!" Gothy hugged him. She slightly ran her fingers through his fur. "Geez, you're knotted! When was the last time you used hair conditioner?"

"Actually, I'm a hellhound! And I used fur conditioner last night! Who cares?" Carlos tightened the hug.

"I have too many questions! I can't believe you're here!" Charles exclaimed.

"My God, everyone mourned for you!" Audrey cried and sniffed. "But you're alive!"

"Actually, I'm dead. My soul just reincarnated as a sort of wolf-Dalmatian mutt hellhound. I'm not alive like human alive, but I'm a living hellhound." Carlos then gasped. "Audrey, did you die? You look like a sinner!"

"I'm not sure…" Audrey admitted.

Carlos finally put them down. He stared in worry at her. "Audrey, what happened? Lucifer told me that you summoned Alastor… and, I'm sorry, but you're engaged to him?"

"No, we dismissed that to a strictly professional relationship." Audrey waved her hand dismissively.

"Um, my master doesn't have the same idea." Carlos pointed at the door. Stepping on the soggy floor came two more figures. One was shockingly Beetlejuice, causing Beatrice to run and hug her father. The other figure, on the other head, caused nearly all the other demons in the room to bow their heads down. And when Audrey saw the immediate similarities between the man and Charlie…

One thing's for sure, in all her life, Audrey had never imagined that the capital-D Devil would be a bone-pale, rosy cheeked doll in a red-and white suit and top hat. He almost passed off as the peppermint version of Willywaffle Wonka's father if the famous chocolatier had a serpentine, fanged smile, cat-like eyes, blonde 1950s greaser hair, an apple staff, and a living snake on his hat. The anger in Audrey as she recalled how Charlie made her think of Ben grew when Lucifer started to remind her of King Beast. Her anger must have been noticeable since ashes were sparking out of her feathered cloak.

"Alastor's intended. How quaint," Lucifer nodded politely. "You're on time."

"Fancy knowing Alastor wasn't," Audrey said as politely, yet bitterly as she could.

"I had to send him off to prepare accommodations. He wasn't expecting your arrival to be so soon, and his rivalries have kept him occupied in the passing time," Lucifer said, pacing Audrey until his hand flicked off the ashes coming from her cloak one by one. "Then again, it was rather hard for me to miss that powerful force emanating from you the moment you sat down in the Grinch's contraption. It's rather hard to miss a mortal who also has a radio frequency like Alastor coming from them. I'm not surprised that the previously listed resulted in your premature demonic transformation. Rest assured, it's only existent in Hell, but it's a good look on you."

"Gee, thanks." Audrey gritted her teeth.

Lucifer nodded.

"Come on, Beatrice. We're going back home," Beetlejuice guided Beatrice to the door.

"But Dad!" Beatrice protested.

"We agreed with your mom that you'd escort them to the Grinch and that you'd keep an eye on Audrey until she met Alastor. You met your end of the deal," the Ghost With The Most said.

"But…"

"You did as you were told, little one." Lucifer firmly looked at her. "You performed your duties to those you're loyal to. Consider yourself approved."

Audrey saw the guilty look in Beatrice's eyes as she lowered her head in fear. Beetlejuice held his daughter close to him. She noticed that the other demons, notable Angel, Charlie, and Carlos, had terrified looks in their eyes. For all the mentions Beatrice made of her family and godfather's aspirations of making her an overlord, it only occurred now to Audrey that a lot of approval and favoritism had to be applied to even accomplish those goals. Audrey recalled all those times her family had tried to get her on Ben's good side since they were children and gain some smiles from his parents, but now it seemed little compared to the possibly dangerous means that had to be applied to get Lucifer's approval for Beatrice's behalf.

Before Audrey could speak up, Amar boldly tugged Lucifer's jacket to get his attention. The Devil looked down on him. "Yes, little one?"

"Excuse me, Mr. Lucifer. It's very stupid of me, but you said Beatrice was supposed to keep an eye on Audrey until she meets the Radio Demon. I don't think Beatrice is doing her job if you send her home before the date even happened…"

"Not a date!" Audrey hissed, but Amar ignored her.

"I mean, that would be very suspicious if Beatrice didn't do the job she was given. And Audrey would get silly ideas about finding loopholes in demonic deals. I don't think someone as important as the Radio Demon would want to ruin his reputation and connection with the Devil himself if his goddaughter didn't do her job or if his ONLY HUMAN client thinks she can weasel her way around the King. That would be bad with the press."

Everyone had a series of mixed expressions on their faces, some worried that Lucifer was going to smite the kid and others wondering if said kid was insane. Lucifer, an amused closed smile on his lips, kneeled to face the eight-year-old at an eye level. "Are you trying to con the Devil? Even if you're right?"

Audrey tensed. Just then, Amar searched through his backpack and pulled out what looked like a photograph. What it showed was unknown to Audrey and the others, but it certain got the interest of Hell's ruler.

"The best friend of Democles Pines-Cipher?" Lucifer looked in interest up the photo and at Amar. "Now I'm no longer surprised."

"The brat of that monstruo en forma de triángulo?" Vaggie snarled (Triangle-shaped freak). She almost reached out to grab Amar until Charlie restrained her.

"Vaggie, calm down!"

"Calm down? The kid who scared nearly all our patrons is pals with the brat who ripped off the hotel's cruise ship foundation on the last human Easter!" Vaggie exclaimed.

"Oh, that's where they got it from!" Amar chuckled and snapped his fingers. "Demo brought that piece of junk from Hell so we could prank the high school juniors on prom night! The theme of the prom was 'Titanic Romance Revival'," Amar air-quoted, "so we used that and another piece to 'help' the juniors re-enact the ship sinking for their dance."

"I fail to see the prank part…" Charles admitted. "Did Demo purposely bring hotel patrons into the world of the living to torment the juniors?"

"No, that's what the juniors expected. But…
Amar startled chuckling. "We got an actual iceberg that had prehistoric vampire bats frozen for a million years. The prom's neon lights melted them away and Demo and I ran to lock all the doors in the prom room…"

"Oh, the year when all those prom dancers came to Hell with hypothermia and blood drainage?" Lucifer asked gleefully. "Well done."

"Dad!" Charlie exclaimed. "Don't encourage a kid in murder!"

"What, it's not like we planned to kill the whole room, but the cheerleading squad had it coming!" Amar pointed out. "The captain even said that she doesn't touch 'the gender-confused babies', how could you not expect Demo or I to get revenge? Revenge is best done by creepy kids under the pre-teen years."

The Devil himself kept chuckling and stood upright. "You are a sociopathic opportunistic brat… Where were you all this time? It's a miracle you aren't dead yet, considering you're a small child living in the United States of Anarchy."

"I don't know." Amar shrugged, putting his photo back in his backpack. "I lost track of the amount of transformed people I have on my stuffed animals collection. I did a lot of nasty things to them. Hey, Crystal, I still got that stuffed otter you gave me. You know, the one that you created from the Grand High Witch's kid and I turned it into a voodoo doll full of spiders?"

"Don't tell me you brought it over…" Crystal begged.

"I did… but I got bored dissecting her, so I did this…" Amar created a summoning circle. From a pink glowing circle on the ground emerged. Besides Lucifer, everyone took a step back when a giant golem of various pink hues emerged from the ground. Its skin of clay dripped all over its body, making hissing sounds every time a drop hit the ground. This abomination looked far too different than the elemental ones Amar made. It was bigger. With sharper claws and a long tail that damaged the floor every time it hammered its tail against the floor like an ankylosaurus. Its otter head had to be the most terrifying: dead eyes, pointier ears, and worse, a detached jaw that still dangled around despite the ends of the mouth permanently stretched to the cheeks in a big, teethed smile. A big teethed smile that the mortals hadn't seen since the train attack. Lucifer was the only demon in the room not looking at the monstrosity before him. Even Beetlejuice, the ghost who probably encouraged Beatrice's behavior, was disturbed. Audrey, on the other hand, didn't know if she should feel disgusted or impressed. The creature was far more disgusting than Amar's usual abominations, but its beastly appearance was impressive.

"Amar, what did you do?" Crystal gasped.

"An otter-abomination!" Amar held up his hands. "Say hello, Lola!"

"LOLA?" His friends (sans Audrey) shrieked, causing Nifty and Husk to cover their ears. It didn't help that 'Lola' waved a gooey front paw at them, accidentally throwing abomination clay at Angel Dust, who panicked when it seemed to stain his fur.

"Are you crazy?" Vaggie marched at him until Lucifer blocked her path with his scepter. Charlie pulled Vaggie.

"Calm down, Vaggie…"

"Charlie, this brat finds it funny to kill his toys and turn them into Frankenstein monsters! You think I'm going to risk this hotel getting in danger because of him? He might as well be a baby version of Alastor in the brewing!"

The increased stench of smoke and pink sparks alerted everyone that Audrey was getting angry at Vaggie.

"Now, now. Always appreciating your loyalty to my daughter, Vagatha, but let's not start spilling young blood on her rehabilitation sanctuary." After the Devil's warning to Vaggie, Amar immediately summoned away 'Lola'. "Audrey and I need to have a word in Charlie's office while Carlos guides the human exorcist and this chaotic cutie to my car."

Gothy panicked and pulled Charles closer to her. Ozzy quickly shielded them behind her.

"Why, Dad?" Charlie exclaimed. "You can't split them up! That'll put them in more danger!"

"Normally not." The Devil shrugged. "But that was back when those who had to go to Hell before going to the Moon as a one individual party without any escorts." He even used two fingers to list out. "Only Gothy Gothel really desires to find Cassandra Gothel on the moon. The others are either escorts, tag-alongs, or stowaways. Not to mention that among the others, we have, let's see." He pointed his staff at each member of the new arrivals one at a time. "Our dear Beatrice Deetz, who did her job, Jareth's heir who doesn't quite match you in the category of royal failure, Charlie, the surprisingly talented self-taught demon hunter whose priorities are no longer related to family, the Rock Troll princess who just followed her night in exorcist armor, this cutie," Lucifer pinched Amar's cheek, "and obviously Alastor's betrothed timebomb. So, yes, besides sending Beatrice back home, I am not going to allow six dangerous, underaged mortals…"

"I'm actually in my 30s…" Crystal pointed out but shut up when the snake on Lucifer's hat hissed at her.

"Regardless," Lucifer's frustrated grip on his scepter tightened. "It's better this way. Not to mention that you'll have a lot to catch up with all those demons who ran out of your hotel in a fright… Unless, of course, you want me to make another mess in the news station after another one of your brawls with the degenerate Killjoy after another one of her roasts on your project's failure."

Charlie's facial expression weakened.

"Well, I don't like the circus décor or, well, nearly everyone I don't know in this building, so Charles and I are just gonna go!" Amar created a summoning circle, causing a small beam of rock to break through the floor and trip Charles. The teenager stumbled and was down at a level where Amar grabbed his ear and pulled him towards the door.

"Jesus, Amar! I can walk by myself! And why the Hell are you that strong?" Charles exclaimed. Amar didn't bother answering him, but judging by the sounds that followed after they stepped out of the lobby, it sounded like Amar had slammed Charles inside the car. Carlos's fur stood up when Amar came back inside.

"Do you want me to carry the bags for you?" He asked meekly.

"Do you want me to pull you by the tail or by the ear?" Amar flatly asked. Carlos waited for Lucifer to give him a nod and silently went to help Amar bring things to the vehicle.

"Now, for the next subject matter…" Lucifer glared back at Audrey.

Minutes later

Audrey immediately hated Charlie's office.

The room on the 2nd floor reminded her too much of Ben's own office back in Auradon. A wooden floor by a red carpet with black apple motifs. Various cabinets and cadenzas holding eye-shaped lamps and office supply. A dark fireplace illuminated by red flames. Black curtains covering a wall-sized window. Ceiling-tall bookshelves full of books, pictures, and folded files. A desk bearing a computer, more folded files, some framed pictures, and a coffee machine. Rather than some chairs, a comfortable couch faced the desk. Instead of decorations above the fireplace, a large graph displayed the progress of rehabilitations, a never-ending rainbow of golden increases and red decreases. And worse of all, a board plastered with sticky notes, pictures, and data on the princess's rehabilitation ideas that made Audrey want to vomit.

"Glad to see you aren't a fan of my daughter's project either." Lucifer hit a button on the machine and poured himself a mug. Audrey wanted to gag from the scent of sugary whipped cream and overwhelmingly powerful cinnamon. Somehow, the Devil's beverage smelled so powerful despite the small amount of it in the mug that bared a ridiculous happy smile.

"Why do you indulge her in it, then?" Audrey asked.

"To sow her that her goal is impossible. Easy as that." He took a sip.

Audrey glanced at the chimney's chart of successful rehabilitation. And from what she recalled, it had been mentioned that Charlie's goal of reaching a million redeemed demons had slowed down, courtesy of Amar scaring off nearly all her patrons by accident. "There's no way she's going to succeed!" She scoffed. "Even if she gets many redeemed, more will keep raining down. You might as well tell to stop the sky from raining, she'll give you sunny or cloudy days for a while but then the rainstorms come back as long as there is water to evaporate! She could redeem all of Hell today, but as shitty as it is on Earth, her dream is a never-ending goal!"

Lucifer chuckled, put down his mig on the desk, and clasped his hands together in amused satisfaction. "You're fun!"

"I was never told," she mumbled. When Lucifer lifted a spare mug, clearly offering to fill it up for her, she declined any beverage. He motioned her to sit down on the couch, which she complied to while he sat on the other side of the desk. He finished drinking and clasped his hands together.

"So, I generally NEVER have meetings with mortals on such audacious quests lately. Whenever mortals found themselves in Hell without, you know, dying, I usually kept my hands tied until those of other demons attempting to claim mortals for themselves got out of hand. Doesn't happen much, lately. Can you imagine why?"

"Your daughter's stupid project?"

"Partially. After her project proved to work,' Lucifer spoke that word venomously as if he had bit into a poisoned apple, "it became permitted to cancel the annual exterminations we used to have. Demons could ascend to Heaven, but then surprise, a group of mortal sovereigns played God by disturbing the universe into one Pangea to their liking. Your ex-boyfriend's father managed to send a message to Charlie, convincing her that if demons could be redeemed into Heaven, perhaps she could redeem them into humanity. You know, give them a second chance as humans to relive a better life and actually deserve the golden gates upon death…"

"She got scammed," Audrey cut him. "They shoved all the villains and those who wouldn't conform on the Isle while others performed a mass exodus…"

"I'm aware," Lucifer hissed. "Charlie shrugged it off, she's too optimistic. In her eyes, thousands of sinners redeemed into humanity was enough success for her. I made it clear to her and I passed this law. Should anyone from Auradon or the Isle of the Lost die and fall into Hell, they are banned from registering into the Hazbin Hotel. Attempts at redemption will be forbidden to them." The Devil's eyes briefly glowed red as he recited his own law.

"Is that why Carlos isn't in Heaven?" Audrey quietly growled. "He was too nice to deserve this! Just because he was born on the Isle of the Lost…"

"Evil isn't born, darling, it's made." Lucifer rolled his eyes and leaned on his chair. "Of course Carlos is nice! It's not my fault if he committed petty vile things in his youth, disrespected his mother, collaborated in schemes involving theft, deceit, forgery, attacking a queen, and missing his girlfriend's birthday. Once a kid starts stealing candy from a baby or if a teenager reads her sister's diary, you're registering your way to Hell already."

Audrey frowned. "Wow, the terror…" She mumbled in bitterness. She wasn't satisfied to hear that petty playground tricks had earned Carlos a one-way ticket to Hell, and because of what Auradon did, he wasn't allowed a shot at Heaven or a second chance at humanity. That last option could have reunited him with Jane… until she recalled that Jane wasn't an angel either. "Never mind."

"Trust me, it would take incorruptible pureness, a will of titanium, and a fucking ton of humility for a mortal to actually go to Heaven!" Lucifer tightened his right fist. "You'd have to be as sturdy as Jesus, Aang, Joan of Arc, Steve Rogers, Martin Luther King Junior, and Ray the Firefly!"

Audrey blinked in confusion. "I only know half of the people on that list…"

"Please don't tell me that MLK is part of them…" When Audrey nodded, Lucifer groaned in disappointment. He rested his elbows on the desk and Audrey heard the bone-cracking sounds his clasping hands make. "You're a fucking non-white Auradonian ex-princess who's never heard of him… What the Hell did they do? Bleach activism and civil rights in the history books? I'm going to burn these people alive!" He shook his head. "Great to hear you hate Charlie's project, and I hate your lack of awareness. At this rate, only the first one is something you and Alastor share in common. And I expect that you know what is expected of you?"

"Fulfill a contract with him. I'm aware. I saw what happens when a mortal tries to ditch their end of the deal. The last person I met who did just that was a psycho."

"You're catching on, that's good!" Lucifer pressed his fingers together. "I don't necessarily get involved with mortals performing deals with the devils, but I have to pay close attention to those performed with my overlords. Especially the chaotic ones. You're Alastor's first ever mortal client and you're as chaotic as he is. I am curious to see as it all turns out, but I expect the contract to be agreed upon and fulfilled before your group's stay here expires. I want Lydia Deetz to host your Demonic Contract Ceremony in Macabretown."
Audrey looked at him. "Why?"

"So that way, I can get it out of everyone's hair and then we can concentrate on your wedding."

Audrey stayed silent and frozen, registering the words in her head. And then she started laughing, scorching the couch's cushion in the process. "Hate to burst your bubble, your Highness, but Alastor and I are strictly in a professional relationship! We made our opposition to that bogus clear!" She stopped laughing, however, when Lucifer pounded his fist so hard against the desk, it broke in half. Everything that it held, even the coffee machine, fell on the floor. Audrey stared at the remains on the floor in shock before looking back at the Devil.

"I hate to burst your bubble, but this is non-negotiable. You might want to keep things between you professional, but things have already been arranged. I had no problem with Penna De Mort's curse on your family, either sterilizing a male heir or engaging a female heir to a demon. But that little summoning of yours made things better for me and that arranged marriage is all I need to keep Alastor in line."

That last sentence was enough for Audrey to get a flashback of her time in Villainapolis, when Queen Blackfire had tried to give her 'organizing services' right after the identity of Audrey's demon had been revealed.

I just find it humorous that you'd even consider your demon's opinions! Not that they really matter.

She found her teeth gritting. Audrey took a deep breath, stood up, and glared at Lucifer with whatever controlled temper she had. "Sorry, your Majesty, but I'm done with relationships arranged for others' benefits. And I'm rather sick of people disregarding Alastor's standing in it, I'm quite sure he's as unsatisfied with the curse as I am. Ship him with some other person if you're that desperate to keep him in check, but I'm not taking advantage of him. And I am not negotiating that. We're not getting married. End of story."

Lucifer kept calm in his chair. Audrey kept expecting him to grow horns or have his eyes glow red before summoning his fury against her for speaking to him that way. She almost expected him to kill her on the spot, or worse, threaten to kill her friends in order to have. Instead, Lucifer just laughed and sneered at her.

"So, you want to play with the Devil? Fine by me." Lucifer snapped his fingers. The flames in the fireplace suddenly slithered out of it and around Audrey and Lucifer. She did her best to shield herself with her arms as the flames circumnavigated around her before transforming into a giant glowing red ribbon. Thousands of glittery sounds created equally divided parts representing seconds, hours, days, and years. A ticking sound echoed all over the fireplace.

"Here's the promise, Queen of Mean. Only the Devil can overturn a curse like the one Penna De Mort casted." Lucifer's eyes glowed red. "I was initially going to allow you to wait 66600 hours, in other words, 7 years, before marrying Alastor, but you're persistent, so I'm going to make this interesting. While you perform your contract with Alastor, I test you to resist him."

"Resist him?" Audrey's eyes widened.

"Yes, resist him. Hate him, give him no sense of care! Resist him during your course of your stay in Hell, show him no sympathy, and if you succeed even after completing your contract, I will cancel your arranged marriage. Should you fail, I will decrease time."

"What do you mean, decrease time?"

"If you show him sympathy or any kind of care, I will remove a day from your waiting period. If you risk your life to save him, I will remove a week. A month if you fall in love and a year if you kiss him. Should he do any of the following to you, it will be double of your price." He leaned over Audrey and glared at her with a big toothy grin. "And if I found out you two mated before the trip comes to an end, your wedding will be on the same day as your Demonic Contract Ceremony, and I will expect a delivered package containing the bedsheets of your consummation. Understood?"

Audrey glared at the Devil. Her pride was burning within her. It was getting so annoying how people expected such things out of her! If no one would get the picture that she and her demon would never be an item, then she was going to make it clear.

"Crystal clear," she said. "I won't shed a single kindness to him and I'll pass that test. Trust me, by the time the contract is concluded and the 5 years are up, he'll hate me like his worst enemy!"

Lucifer chuckled at Audrey's boast. "Oh, oh, oh! Just wait until you meet his actual worst enemy!" He clapped his hands and the flames disappeared. "Well! That has been agreed on! It's high time that I bring you and the boys to Alastor! I'll even drive so that you can catch up to Carlos!"