AN/ Yay! I'm so glad that you all came back. I honestly thought you wouldn't return… wait, why does that line sound so familiar/shrug/ Oh well! Read onward in the next exciting chapter of this romance/ tragedy…
Chapter 21/ Venturing out
(Daisuke's PoV)
Satoshi died Thursday morning at three o'clock. It was now the evening of Monday, January seventh, and I had locked myself inside of my bedroom ever since I returned from the hospital. I had barely eaten anything, just random candies and other such things that I had found around my room. And I would have had nothing to drink if I didn't have a separate bathroom connected to the room so that I may have sips of the tap water from my sinks.
The past days had melted into one as I lay on my bed mourning both Satoshi's death and Dark's disappearance. But, due to my boyfriend's last wishes that I promised to obey, I hadn't shed a single tear since that night. The ache in my heart was building up inside of me, and every tear left unshed increased the pain.
Those hurtful hours of solace left me a lot of time to reaccount all of the events of Winter Break. School had started today and I was glad that no one had come to ask about my health, or Satoshi's. But, as luck would have it, my mother's knock on the door tore me away from my thoughts to announce that Takeshi and the Haradas were there to see me, and that I should be polite, unlock the door, and allow them inside. I obliged.
Opening my door for the first time in nearly a week was slightly strange, and seeing other living humans behind it threw me back into reality. I cleared my throat and attempted to talk, but only managed to croak out a feeble, hoarse 'hello.'
"Oh, Niwa-kun, you sound horrible!" remarked Risa worriedly.
"No, I'm fine," I said, my voice becoming stronger with each word. I guess that's what happens when you don't use it for so long.
"You're lying. You can't lie to save your life! And besides, if you were fine, then you would have come to school," added Takeshi.
I tried to smile, but failed. If it was because I was stiff or if I was simply too upset to show and form of happiness, I wasn't sure, but it caused my friends to grow serious. I suppose that they would already know about Satoshi's death. They exchanged looks of cautious concern, as if warning one another of something.
"You're mom left a tray of food outside the door. She said that you hadn't eaten since-" Riku let the rest of the sentence hang in the air.
"Since the accident," finished Takeshi, earning a nudge in the ribs by Riku's elbow.
"We agreed not to mention that," hissed Risa in his ear.
"Thanks," I said, disregarding the previous statement. "But I'm not hungry." There was silence as the awkwardness in the room thickened. I sat on my bed, kicking my feet and staring at the floor, as they simply stood and watched me. I was uncomfortable, even though they were my friends, and I had to break the silence. "So, how's school?"
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We talked for a good hour or so about what happened on the first day of school and what they did over break. When it came my turn to say what happened during our two-week vacation, they quickly continued the conversation on another topic. I appreciated their attempt at keeping my mind away from my current state of mourning, but I finally got tired of the pointless chatter.
They must have noticed because they all decided that it was time to leave. Was I really that easy to read? I walked them to my bedroom door, but dared to go no further. With a wave, Takeshi headed down the hall while reminding me that he expected to see me at school tomorrow. Risa followed suit, but pointed out that I better at least eat my dinner, if nothing else. Riku, predictably, lingered so that she might say a last word or two.
"When do you think you'll come back to school?"
"I don't know. School isn't really my top priority at the moment," I answered, sitting back on my bed. In fact, I didn't really feel like doing anything. This past hour reminded me of what it was like outside my room: loud, crowded, and overpopulated with that same kind of mindless chatter.
"Then what is?"
That caused me to think. What was I so focused on here? Mourning? No, that wasn't it. I was trying not to cry. I was trying to heal. I was trying to focus on Satoshi's last wishes. But what were they again? What were his exact words…?
"To go on with my life and forget about him… To get Dark back and not cry for his death… That's what I promised."
"What are you talking about?"
I sighed. She just couldn't understand. "Nothing, never mind."
She frowned at me but didn't say anything else on the topic. "Just don't stay locked up in here for too long. Mourning isn't healthy. Go outside and take a walk. The fresh air may do you some good and clear your mind," she offered. I nodded in thanks and she closed the door softly behind her. I stayed there awhile, mulling over what had been said. Perhaps she was right. I doubted that mourning counted as 'moving on with my life.' I wonder what Satoshi would have done if he had seen me acting the way I was.
Thinking it best to follow advice, I stepped into the hall and retrieved the tray that my mother had left there as my dinner. Once again closing the door behind me, I peered at what she meant for me to consume: cheese, crackers, summer sausage, and a glass of apple juice.
…
That was it! I was used to Emiko piling up my plate until it towered over me when I sat at the table. But I was grateful for this small, snack-like dish considering that I didn't feel hungry in the least. The first bite made my stomach churn sickeningly. Just the smell of the food made me gag. I ran to the bathroom to prepare for an attack that luckily never came. When I finally returned to the tray, reassured of my belly's stability, I forced down the small amount of solids. Although, the juice was most welcome. I had drunk nothing but sips of tap water for the past five days.
After shoving that into my system, I was completely exhausted. My body didn't have the appropriate nutrients to keep going as such. Realizing that it was pretty much too late to do anything anyway, I made an agreement with myself to take Riku's 'walk' the following day. With that, I fell onto my bed and was asleep within seconds.
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I awoke to find the sun filtering through my window. I was reluctant to move from the warmth of my sheets, but a shower sounded even better and I slowly crawled out of bed. Shivers ran through me as I undressed and the chilly air blanketed my flesh. The knob was almost on full heat when I stepped in the shower and each drop seared my awaiting skin. As the water ran over me, I felt refreshment come to my mind and I relaxed greatly. My reverie was broken by a grumbling sound coming from my stomach. I sighed. The 'dinner' I had eaten the previous night reminded my body of just how hungry I was. I unwillingly stepped back out of the torrent of water after I washed my hair, and dressed warmly. The toasty comfort of my sweater was soft against my cheek and I cuddled my chin into its high collar as I made my way downstairs.
When I reached the doorway of the kitchen, I heard a loud clatter. My mother was frozen in the middle of the room, staring at me. The familiar tray that had held my dinner last night lay on the ground, its contents spilled onto the floor. "Daisuke," Emiko said once she found her voice. "You're out of your room." She said the statement with a slightly disbelieving tone.
I paused. "I just hoped to get some breakfast before heading out. Riku thought that it would be good for me to take a walk."
"You aren't going to school today, are you?"
"No, I'm not really up to it."
"Okay," she paused, uncertain of what to say to her downcast son. "Well, pancakes are ready if you want some…"
"Thanks, Mom."
"Oh. By the way… Um, I developed the Christmas pictures. If you're up to it, you can look at them once you come back from your walk, okay?"
"Okay."
After eating a single pancake and savoring a glass of orange juice, I wrapped up in an extra jacket and my favorite scarf, which were both hanging on the hat stand in the entryway. Shoving on my shoes, Kosuke held the door open for me. As I passed, he whispered, "Don't hurry home. Visit some familiar places. You may find something new."
I didn't understand, but when I looked questioningly at him, he only nudged me out the door.
'Familiar places?' Where did he mean? I decided to go to the location that I always went to think… the balcony that overlooked the sea. In reaching my destination, I leaned on the stone railing. Even with the limited light that leaked through the winter clouds, the ocean still sparkled pleasantly. I sighed in the salty air.
My mind was overloaded with questions, emotions, and confusion. No hint of happiness remained inside of me. Within two weeks, I had climbed to a greater feeling than I had ever imagined, and lost it all to become this broken soul. All that had been dear to me was suddenly gone. There was only a single moment, midnight on Christmas morning, where I almost held everything that was close to me… Satoshi, Riku, Risa, Takeshi, and my family. But even then, I didn't have Dark. Was there any way for me to have been close to both Dark and Satoshi? But it didn't matter anymore. They were both gone.
I allowed my mind to divulge in the constant sound of timelessness. That's why I enjoyed that spot so much. It took my thoughts away from everything. I listened to the roar of the fountain behind me combined with the calls of the sea gulls. The light breeze tousled my hair as I looked up into the gray sky. I closed my eyes as I tried to imagine the sounds that I truly wanted to hear… the voices I longed to acknowledge… the cries that still rang in my ears…
Daisuke…
Satoshi? That's Satoshi's voice…
I'm dying, Daisuke…
No! No, you're not. You'll be fine…
It's just the way it is…Satoshi…
The Hikari Curse…That doesn't have to be us, Satoshi…
I am so sorry that this had to happen to you…
I don't care about myself… I just want you to be okay…
Listen to me…What is it…?
Promise me…?Anything, anything at all…
Forget me…Never…
Daisuke… do you still have it…?Have what…?
There's a letter for you…A letter…?
My eyes shot open. "The letter…"
I had completely forgotten about it. As realization dawned, I slowly slid my hand into my coat pocket, hoping against hope to find what I was looking for. Then my fingers touched something cold and hard. I pulled out my hand, and clenched in my fist was the spare key to Satoshi's apartment.
'Familiar places?'
TBC…
AN/ Oh no... The suspense is not over yet, Whahahahaha! You'll just have to wait for Chapter 22! And forgive me if this chapter was a little short. (Sweat drops) I promise that the next one will be longer… Ack! More promises! I'm beginning to fear those…
Anywho, most of you get 3 million yen worth of pocky for remembering or finding the secret of Room 502. BUT… the extra kudos and 10 million yen worth of pocky goes to Chan and Kumiku-Chan for actually remembering Kaoru's name. For those of you who didn't know, Daichii's boyfriend was Kaoru (AKA, Satoshi's grandfather), and Kaoru died of seizures on the fifth floor… Room 502… Ironic, ne?
Well, see you in two weeks!
