Chapter 51: Alastor
The blood in the veins beneath Audrey's cheeks agitated. She didn't know if this was a sign of early fever or if she was going to explode again as the Queen of Mean. The only certain thing was that she did not feel calm when she was finally face-to-face with Alastor. His red eyes and large smile disturbed her even as the rest of him emerged from the darkness. When that happened, things got worse in her perspectives.
Fear turned into being blushing flustered.
Ben and Chad Charming had been cute jocks back in Auradon Prep. They were now amateur ants compared to the handsome monster. Alastor was basically a foot-and-three-quarters taller than her, making Audrey feel short despite her slight transformation when she first got to Hell. His red, black-tipped hair had been brushed, though Audrey wasn't sure if he was really a redhead or if he dyed his own hair with the blood of his victims. His monocle almost seemed invisible before his eye. The sclera and irises of his eyes were two different shades of red, his glare could challenge all the people who were red-eyed from allergies or fatigue. Contrary to his overall bloody hair, eyes, and even his red-and-black full body 1930s dapper suit, his skin was gray, perhaps a shade of discolored flesh from losing so much of his own, which didn't ring any sense to Audrey since the demon might as well replace the dictionary's definition of bloodshed.
Audrey then recognized the traits from the Bloody Bambi manifestation on Alastor: deer ears resting on his mane and pitch black antlers. An actual deer demon. Suddenly, the constant presence of deer skeletal remains as chateau décor, the stuffed deer heads, and the roasted venison waiting on the table brought another twist to the demon's cannibal nature. Not to mention that for someone who supposedly killed and ate thousands, Alastor looked unnaturally lean.
It was so strange how the demon combined both a psychotic anthropomorphic monstrosity and supernatural beauty. Like wondering what it would have been like if the Beast had retained some twisted physical beauty in his beastly curse.
"Such a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance in person!" Alastor moved swiftly and quickly, his Transatlantic accent shrouded by radio static. "I've been anticipating it for a long time."
It surprised Audrey a bit when, for some very quick seconds, it sounded like Alastor had temporarily ditched his radio static. She couldn't think more of it when Alastor, standing before her, bowed before her. "My queen…"
"Oh, you don't have to call me that!" Audrey quickly said. "I don't want to be referred as…"
"The Queen of Mean? I'm quite positive that you requested that I call you that when you first summoned me." Alastor's smile never disappeared as he talked. "And I'm quite positive that you don't want me to refer to you as Princess Audrey Rose Courdereine. It's a beautiful name, though."
Audrey's cheeks burned. Both from still being flustered for no reason and for feeling metaphorically slapped on the face. Not even a minute of being in the same room and he wanted to play the game of provocation-at-first-sight. She had to be careful. Last time she did such a thing, it was when she first met Mal and it was technical hate at first sight with blatant lies of 'I totally don't blame you for your mom/your grandparents trying to kill my parents and stuff/inviting everyone in the kingdom but her to that stupid christening.' Should she try to play that card? She didn't want to get eaten if she did anything to provoke Mama Boy in front of her.
Best that she tried being polite.
"Thank you for the compliments, it's very thoughtful…" She said as nicely as she could. "But I need to decline. I don't feel comfortable being treated with titles. Should I refer to you as 'Sir Alastor' or 'Lord Alastor'? I mean, I don't want to make you uncomfortable." Now she just felt dumb for trying out the stunt of the meek schoolgirl!
"No worries, my dear! Formalities can be dropped for casual pleasantries!" To Audrey's surprise, his gloved hand scooped her right hand and placed a gentle kiss on the back. "Welcome to my chateau, Audrey."
"Thank you… Alastor." This demon almost seemed too good. He just switched from provoking to gentlemanly. A wild card, Audrey had to admit.
He gallantly led her to the table, pulling up a seat for her. The moment Audrey sat down, she tensed when she saw Alastor's own shadow move towards the liquor cabinet and pull out a tray full of bottles. She quickly looked down to check her own, relieved that it didn't budge.
"Does my shadow scare you?" Alastor asked as he sat down on his chair across from Audrey. He almost sounded amused.
"It's… unexpected… I'm sure a lot of people died from heart attacks when they saw your shadow move." Audrey looked at the shadow, its sole features outside of his darkness being their empty eyes and smiling mouth. It tilted its head, turning it away from Audrey. "Did I say something wrong?"
"He doesn't receive many compliments. You'll have to forgive him, he's a bit flattered…" Alastor kept smiling as he stared sharply at his shadow. "…and forgetful! Won't you offer our guest first pick of beverages?"
The shadow hissed and held the tray before Audrey. "Forgive me for the lack of poinsettia champagne, I have yet to acquire more," Alastor said. "Could we interest you with some Campari? Fernet? Orange bitters? Whiskey?"
Audrey mentally noted how nearly all the beverages offered to her were bitters. "May I have some Fernet, please?" The shadow hissed and nodded. The bottle uncorked on its own and the disembodied creature effortlessly poured the orange beverage into her glass. The bitter alcohol immediately hit Audrey's nostrils, almost stronger than balsamic vinegar. The herbal aromas smelled so sharp and individualized; she could distinguish the rhubarb from the aloe. Most people could not possibly do that, but Audrey had her shares of incidents in the palace kitchen as a child, and her mother and grandmother getting angry when Audrey had wine stains on her blue Easter dress. Flora and Merryweather had both fainted.
The shadow filled Alastor's glass. The radio demon held his glass up in the air. "Bonne santé," he said.
Audrey stared at him in surprise as she returned his cheers. "You speak French as well?" She asked, her glass quietly hitting his.
"I speak it when I am in the mood, my dear!" Alastor took a quick sip. "Any preferences for the roast slices? Shanks, legs, rumps, necks, or shoulders?"
"Shoulders, please." Audrey didn't expect Alastor himself to serve her food. While the shadow put aside the alcohol, its owner himself cautiously used the knife he had used previously to place five slices of roasted venison shoulder. The beautiful aroma of cooked meat and herbs hit Audrey's nose, nearly putting her in a daze. He served her some of the roast's vegetables before finally filling up a bowl of étouffée and putting it beside her plate. "Wow…" She chuckled nervously. "I'm at a loss…" She then stopped. "Wait… You didn't… I'm sorry, but this isn't…meat from another… you know…"
Alastor laughed in amusement, putting an entire roasted leg on his plate in the meantime. "How amusing! The idea that I'd convert someone into such delicacies against their will! Heavens no! I cannot serve you anything cannibalistic unless it was of your own volition! This is merely a roe deer, a Hellborn wildlife that I just hunted for tonight's dinner. I tend to shop at all the meat shops I find in Hell, my personal favorites being in the Cannibal Colony, but hunting one's own dinner is far more entertaining! Have you ever hunted?"
"Not really. Unless you include hunting untouchable goals, unachievable expectations, or people who try to kill you…" Audrey shrugged.
"Ha! Quite the card, aren't you?" Alastor cut off some of his roasted venison leg and ate a small portion. Audrey noted how bloody and raw his meat was compared to her juicy, thoroughly cooked shoulders. The demon savored his meat, his mouth perfectly shut in a smile; Audrey dared to imagine his teeth acting like a miniature slaughterhouse against the chewed game food.
Not wanting to provoke him with her observance, she ate the food on her plate. It took every rational sense in her brain to keep her composure; the demon REALLY knew how to cook! She could understand now why Bayou and Indigo talked positively about his cooking and his desire to make his kitchen one of his forbidden rooms. Audrey wasn't even sure if she loved the roasted venison or the étouffée best. Heck, the étouffée the demon cooked made the one at Tiana's Palace taste like amateur cooking.
"I am relieved that you have made your way in relative safety, but you can imagine my lack of communication with you fully justified until now," Alastor said. "I am not ready to absolve your previous behavior on my goddaughter…"
"Oh, that…" Audrey sighed. "I… I don't know if apologizing will be enough for you… I'm not happy with what I did… I just got exasperated with Beatrice's compulsive lying."
"She omits the truth!" Alastor corrected. "She hides it, true, but she doesn't cover it with some nonsense for others to foolishly accept. Lying and omission are far different in how they are applied and the consequences that follow them. Liars face the burdens of the truths they carry hardened by the lost trust of others. Those who listen to those who omit face the consequences of falling for such honey-coated traps."
Audrey stared at him. "What a great concept, I never would have come up with it," she said drily. "Do you omit?"
"A fifth of the time," Alastor casually admitted. "I did it when I was alive and it is a frequent skill-set in the deal making process. I take pride in my non-fraudulent contracts but not without giving my clients a good old-fashioned lesson about having ends meet and consulting the fine print."
"A sort of 'be careful what you wished for' Aesop," Audrey concluded. She thought he was picking up on Alastor's game. Alastor was probably warning her to be cautious with whatever the terms of their contract would be. "I'll conclude that it'll be the long game for setting up the terms of our contract."
"I tend to be straightforward with my clients on the terms, but you are no ordinary client." Alastor admitted after eating some étouffée. "And as petty and beneath me as it may seem, I still do not take kindly your treatment of Beatrice, your previous take-and-no-give behavior, and that dirty curse we share… I'll make this game a little harder for you."
"Fair enough." Audrey nodded.
"I won't tell you what I want. It's far more entertaining to see how long it takes for you to find out what I could possibly desire on my side of the contract before you may decide yours. The deal will be sealed once those ends have been met."
Audrey nodded. Doctor Strange had warned her that she needed to be careful with Alastor. "Any other repercussions?"
"Actually, yes!" Alastor gleefully tilted his head. "I do intend on preparing these for you and the boys!" He flicked his hand and the illusion of a skeleton key and a crystal ball appeared in the green flames dancing on his palm. "My staff uses these for communication and transportation. I do not plan on leaving you cooped in my chateau under constant watch. Truthfully, I do anticipate some times during which you'd be at my radio station, the Hazbin Hotel, or anytime I'd feel the need of your company during my company. BUT you've been traveling for such a long time…" Alastor clenched his fist, ending the light show. "I'm afraid you won't be going on outings right away. YOU, Audrey, will have to wait about 6 months before I grant your outing privileges. The boys will get theirs much before you. How does that sound for my first repercussion?"
Fantastic. He was basically grounding her for the equivalent of half of a demon year. Last time she had been grounded, it was when she was seven, for attempting a horseback ride in the middle of a storm and returning back to the castle with a muddy coat. "I understand."
"My second repercussion is a reminder that unless I give my permission, not even you can step inside my restricted rooms. You may use any resource you desire in your research and I can gladly provide clues, but do not abuse my trust and privacy."
"Of course. I… Wait a minute, why do you think I'd try breaking into your kitchen?" Audrey frowned. Was Alastor worried that she'd try stealing his personal stashes or something else? She didn't see him as a cookie hoarder.
"I value where I cook, and I find personal offense in either my staff or my guests assuming they can find potential poisons in my preferred area for culinary performances. Celia Facilier learned that the hard way… after an amusing failed attempt to sabotage my gumbo with mistletoe. How naïve she was, thinking that a poisonous plant with potential hazardous threats during mortal holidays would kill a demon like me. Especially when I can sniff it out. Bella and Levia have been watching her like a hawk ever since that accident."
Audrey found herself stiffening. Celia… attempting to poison someone? She primarily knew Celia for her charged fortune-telling, errand running for Hades, and occasional pickpocketing back in Auradon, but she was a sweet kid. What on earth could have tempted the young VK to try poisoning an all-powerful demon in one of her failed escape attempts? And if what Alastor said was true, that mean Celia only had her feline bodyguards because of said attempt… and Alastor had more use of her alive than dead.
"Of… course," she said. "What else?"
"Third repercussion: do not mention to anyone at the hotel, not even your friends, that Celia Facilier is here."
Audrey frowned. "Are you that angry with Facilier's unpaid debt that you're hiding his daughter's kidnapping from Charlie? Why?"
"It's pragmatic thoughtfulness, my dear. Your friendly group had to be split to avoid attracting a crowd. Had I told Charlie, she'd have insisted that I bring the human under the hotel's protection, which would have caused more problems for the group. The hotel's work and reputation makes it hard enough for the princess to protect ONE human from unsavory characters with their own greed-based desires on putting a living mortal in the market," Alastor pointed out. "Honestly, Celia is much safer here, in my estate concealed at the heart of a maze-like forest near the mountainous borders of the Pride Ring that at the hotel in Pentagram City. If I created my estate in such a location… Well, why do you think that is?"
"So enemies don't find where you live?"
"Very good! Which leads to my final repercussion!" Alastor snapped his fingers. In a cloud of green flames, the dirty dishes and leftover food were cleared out. Audrey had a clearer view of Alastor and his red eyes that started changing into radio dials. His teeth and antler seemed sharper. "Should I find out that you associated or allied with any of my enemies against me, I will not hesitate to ignore our transaction in favor of wiping you off the planes of existence. If you even dare to kill me or bring any harm to my staff, the hotel, or Beatrice, I will have to start planning out my next 4 course meal! Or would like me to start describing you the ingredients of Audrey Jambalaya, Charles Loin Chops, Celia Sauce Piquante, and Amar Suckling Pig?"
Audrey gulped, her finger nervously trailing to her collar. Back on the train, her anger had brushed off his death threats. But now? In person? His face threatening to get monstrous and his warning to outright feast on her and her friends was terrifying. And despite the tone of anger and burning threats in his voice, that jovial smile was still plastered on his face. Why was this so scary? And why did her cheeks burn at his threats?
Alastor took a deep breath and dropped down the radio dials in his eyes back to normal. "Speaking of which, why is Amar Blight-Noceda in my house?" He asked curiously.
Audrey frowned. "Lucifer decided to have him come here. Why?"
"Merely his unexpected arrival. When Lucifer first warned me of your impending arrival, he just mentioned Charles accompanying you. He never brought to light the addition of Democles Pines-Cipher's anarchic associate." He paused. "I heard he made Celia cry and made Ines uncomfortable."
"I've only known him for 24 hours, I can't vouch if he does this all the time. But I promise he won't trouble the others again. He doesn't mean to hurt other people."
"So I'm lead to believe…"
"Look, I have no problem with the repercussions and the cannibalistic threats of potential betrayal, I had that coming, but we're going to have a problem if your tone's suggesting that you have no issue harming an eight-year-old just because he bugs you." Audrey finally spoke firmly, her threatening tone matching her hair's glowing pink roots. "And don't forget, Alastor. I'm accompanied by a demon hunter AND a sadist with apocalyptic tantrums. I won't clean up their messes if YOU provoked them, and if I find out you tried to harm them for ANYTHING, your own shadow won't even eat what's left of you!"
The shadow hissed. It shot a look of worry at Alastor. Radio static was all to be heard as he kept smiling, words sinking in and fingers tapping against the table. Time seemed so slow as they waited for him to react. Maybe he'd hit Audrey for her impertinence.
Instead, all he did was laugh hard.
"Such audacity you have, my dear! I think you and I will get along entertainingly!"
Minutes later
Audrey didn't mind the lack of desserts at the end of the meal. Quite frankly, she was stuffed. Though she wasn't sure why, she started feeling drowsy. From what Alastor concluded, despite the living and afterlife's 'time differences', newcomers suffered a lot of tiredness. And all the traveling and dangerous life threats Audrey had endured must have worn her out far more than anticipated. Alastor escorted her to her room.
"I'd suggest that you sleep in as much as possible tomorrow," Alastor said. "Nearly two months of traveling!"
"I'll be fine, thank you." Barely after reaching the staircase, Audrey's legs started to wobble. She groaned as dizziness filled her. Alastor caught her, scooping her in his arms. Audrey struggled to feel anything as he carried her up the stairs.
"Master?" From the third floor, Bayou gasped when she saw Audrey in his hold. "Milady!"
"A dizziness, Bayou," he said. "Have her settled in. And do not let anyone disturb her."
"Of course." The small imp followed the Overlord to the last floor. Audrey had completely given in and fallen into unconsciousness. Bayou freaked out at the sight. "Great Devil… She looks so lifeless… My Lord, are you certain she's alright?"
"A carried-on legacy from Sleeping Beauty's curse, I'm afraid." Once Bayou opened the door, Alastor carried Audrey inside her room, delicately placing her on her bed. "Her powers and her recent transformation. I need to fetch a daily elixir for her like for my goddaughter. Everything is a bit too much for her. I won't repeat myself, Bayou. Let her rest as much as she needs to. She may be staying in here until the contract's complete, but she has plenty of time."
Bayou raised her hand but the Overlord got up. "And do not get your silly thoughts get the best of you, my dear Bayou! I am but a mere gallant host, not some soft-hearted fool!" He casually laughed.
"Soft-hearted! Good one, master!" Bayou chuckled. "No, I wasn't trying to question your generous black heart. I was going to ask what you want me to do with the boys."
Alastor stopped in front of the exit. "What of them? I'm not being a soft-hearted fool on any of them either. I merely gave the hell goat to Charles Frollo as a needed reward. And Amar Blight-Noceda will most likely need some disciplining here and there."
"I think the boys don't fully trust us, master," Bayou admitted. "Charles is currently sleeping on the floor with his pet. Why? I have no idea, and he has a bed! And Amar… I don't know what's wrong with that child, but the shadows seem to fear him."
Alastor looked at his imp housekeeper, glaring at her through his smile. "Are you suggesting that my minions are afraid of a child?"
"I honestly do not know sir… The same way I don't understand how he knew of Ines' life and of my cousin. Or how he insulted Celia. The shadows are careful when approaching Charles due to his holy weapons… but something about the littlest boy scares them away from them… further than your own 5 foot rule. And…"
Bayou presented to her master her own skeleton key. Her master always ensured to personalize the keys based on his staff. Bayou's key had been crafted from the bones of an imp. When she showed him her key, he was surprised by the presence of black liquid on the key.
Alastor took the key from Bayou. "What happened, Bayou?"
"Amar Blight-Noceda… He said he dislikes people stepping in his room. I tried to give him a stern talk after he refused to touch the food we've provided for the boys… and this happened when I tried unlocking it. Master, he blocked the key's magic with his own!"
Alastor took a quick sniff at the key. It smelled of blood. Very ancient blood. The smell of blood was never something new for a demon like Alastor, but the fact that the blood was impossible to decipher was worrisome. Nevertheless, he kept his appearances. "I am positive we have nothing to worry about! The matter will be resolved, my ever-loyal Bayou! Please do make sure that Audrey gets her rest! Some business is required before the demons get some shut eye!"
"Of course. Good night, master." Bayou curtsied before her master. He returned her key and she went back to keep an eye on the sleeping Audrey. The radio demon closed the door and went down the stairs, each step echoing the delightful, agonizing whispers of his victims' dying breaths. He reached the third floor, the area of the boys' guest rooms. With a snap of his red-tipped gloves, Alastor had the lights snuffed out from the chandeliers. His shadow's features glowed like neon blue fireflies. When Alastor pointed at the doors, the shadow immediately slithered under the door to Charles' room. With the sentient being slithering in the shadows and out of sight, Alastor saw through his shadow's eyes that Bayou hadn't lied. Blanket and pillow pulled off the bed, Charles Frollo was basically using his carpet as a mattress. He was trying to sleep as far away from the empty fireplace as possible, hugging his new pet goat as if she might get snatched in his sleep. His satchel was resting a few feet from Charles' pillow, just underneath the coffee table, but through the shadow's eyes, Alastor spotted the white halo glows of the holy weapons stuffed in his satchel.
Alastor could imagine that the boy would sleep with his arsenal in a demon's house; he could appreciate the boy's attention to detail. Still, he felt a pinch of frustration at the display of ingratitude. After all, Alastor was quite convinced he displayed enough gratitude on his end, Charles Frollo would have trusted him far more than he feared his father Frollo's treatment.
Then again, Alastor knew that feeling of paternal hatred. He summoned his shadow out of Charles' room. "We'll have him tucked in properly once we check on the other one."
He finally walked to Amar's door at the end of the hallway. Alastor understood what Bayou meant when she said the shadows were scared of the boy. Somehow, they distanced themselves from his door, almost creating a sphere of protection in the darkness. He noticed the bat finger-paintings on the door. Not even a few hours in his chateau and the boy was vandalizing his doors. Alastor was going to have a stern word with the boy.
Then he smelled it. The smell coming from the finger paintings were the same as the smell he had picked up on Bayou's key.
Alastor's shadow hissed something at its master. "I noticed, my friend. Why would a living boy paint bats on his door with ancient, dried-up blood?"
He reached for the doorknob. Barely after touching it, the finger-paintings suddenly glowed in rainbow hues and ghostly bats emerged from the door. Alastor remained unfazed while the ghostly flock of bats scared away whatever shadows were lurking in the hallway. Alastor watched the glowing cease. A piece of paper slipped under the doorway. Curious, he picked it up.
I DON'T WANT ANYONE IN MY ROOM! IF THE BATS OF CAMAZOTZ AND MAQUETAURIE GUAYABA CATCH SOMEONE TRYING TO GET IN MY ROOM, THAT PERSON WILL DIE! BUENAS NOCHES!
P.S: I USED BLOOD FOR THAT PROTECTION SPELL, IT'S NOT A JOKE!
Alastor smirked. The boy was clever, he'd give him that. Who Camazotz and Maquetaurie Guayaba were, he had no idea. But one thing was certain.
Amar Blight-Noceda's magic had ancient levels that somehow leveled up against his own.
Another piece of paper slipped under the doorway. That one caught Alastor by surprise. Unlike the precious one written in crayon, this one was written in blood.
SAVE YOUR QUESTIONS FOR ANOTHER TIME! I WANT TO GO TO BED! OTHERWISE, AUDREY WON'T TRUST YOU WHEN I TELL HER THAT YOU TRIED TO EAT ME IN MY SLEEP, SEÑOR ALASTOR.
