Author's Notes: Yeah, yeah, I know I said I was going to stop the updates for a while, but I just couldn't help myself. I had to write this chapter…it was going to keep me awake at night until I gave in and sat down at my computer. So here it is! Actually, after I took about a week or so off from writing and focused on nothing but school and college stuff, I got myself surprisingly ahead, and decided to reward myself by writing another chapter. So I hope you're all pleased. Just keep in mind the fact that updates might still be a little sporadic for a while, until my life slows down enough that I can have a regular schedule again.
In this chapter all you lovers of fluff should finally be satisfied. And I mean really, really satisfied. Some of the moments, to me, feel a little awkward, but maybe when I eventually go back and edit this story, I can fix that. For now, this is as good as it's going to get, and I hope that's good enough.
You might notice that I leave a few plot holes rather widely open, but I just want to assure you that I know full well what those plot holes are, and that they will be filled in the next few chapters. But for now, I just wanted to bask in the romance of our favorite couple for a little while, since I haven't really been doing that so far in this story, so I hope you all can forgive me for that. That's all I've got to say. Enjoy!
The Inu-Pup: Honestly, I'm not exactly sure how long this story will be. It's certainly not too close to ending yet because I still have a lot to work through, but I do know at the very least that it's over halfway done. Yeah, I know, really vague, oh well. Unlike some stories I've written, this one didn't come with a chapter plan, so I'm kind of winging it, but still, I'll know when it's done, and like you said, I won't continue just because the reviewers want me to. Thanks so much for your review!
Myriadragon: Of course…that's exactly why the grammar was wrong. (…)
Jav-chan: Eighteen credits? Yikes! That makes me feel a little better. And thanks for the suggestions, I'm taking all of them to heart.
Title: Impossible Dreams
Author: dolphingirl0113
Chapter: Twenty-Two
Rating: PG-13 (rated for language, violence, and implied sexual situations)
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.
DEDICATION: For Ted Dorsey, the greatest coach I will ever have, the most wonderful and patient mentor I will ever know, and the best friend I could have asked for. Thank you for everything you did for me in my life.
Light…so incredibly light…as though she were floating on clouds…Kagome had never felt so weightless, so completely free of worry, in her entire life. But it was a false sense of comfort. She knew that somewhere, some place she couldn't quite reach, there was someone she had to get back to…someone she knew would be worried about her. But who…?
"Is she alright?"
A voice came wafting through the warm, dense fog of her mind, surrounding her, caressing her, and bringing her slowly back to reality. Unfortunately, with reality returned the weight of the world, and of her own mortality, and suddenly Kagome felt like she was being pushed into the ground by a thousand pound weight.
No…she wasn't ready to return yet. She just wanted to rest a little longer.
With that thought, the heaviness retreated, leaving her feeling light and warm once more, but also wondering why her heart felt so empty.
"Damn it, why hasn't she woken up yet?"
That voice again…that familiar, sweet voice pulling her down off her cloud and back to the real world. The heaviness returned, and Kagome found herself struggling to open her eyes, which seemed determined to remain shut. She felt stifled…
"Kaede, you said she would be awake by now!"
"Patience, Inuyasha…you must give her time to heal. She was severely injured."
Inuyasha…
Kagome felt everything return then, the weight of the world crashing down on her with the force of gravity pushing her down into the earth. The warmth faded, the light, pleasant sensation disappearing into nothing to be replaced by the chill of the nearby wind, her shoulder aching terribly.
Her eyes trembled, refusing to open, and Kagome heard herself groan in protest. "Inu…yasha…?"
There was the sound of something rustling nearby, and then she was gently being lifted up, her head now resting in someone's lap. A familiar smell, that of pine trees, assaulted her nose, and as she slowly forced her eyes to open at last, she was greeted by his beautiful face, the last person she'd seen before passing out and the first she was now seeing as she woke up.
She sighed. "Inuyasha…"
"Kagome," His voice was full of worry, and she felt his fingers touch her cheek hesitantly, as though unsure of what to do. "Kagome, are you alright?"
She chuckled. What a ridiculous question. "What do you think?" She tried to joke, everything still hazy. "My shoulder is dislocated, I'm cut up all over my body, and I can't think for the pain…"
The hanyou squeezed his eyes shut, not appreciating the joke as he took her hand in his own and squeezed it tightly. "I'm so sorry, Kagome…"
"For what?"
"For not protecting you like I promised."
"Inuyasha, don't…" She stopped him short with a warning look, and he went silent, gazing at her intently. "You did protect me. You found me when I needed you the most. That's all that matters."
A smile came to his face at that, and it was genuine, reaching his eyes and lighting up his entire face. "Kagome…"
"Inuyasha…" She couldn't stop smiling, and Kagome found that she desperately wanted to tell him everything, to damn the reality that he probably didn't feel the same way about her and confess that she loved him anyway. Perhaps, if she did, he would change his mind…and then he could hold her like this forever.
With that thought in mind, she opened her mouth and started to speak. "Inuyasha, I want to tell you something…"
"Kagomeee!!" A loud, childish cry pierced the air, stopping Kagome short of what she had been about to say as she felt a ball of fur launch itself into her arms, and she instinctively went to wrap her arms around Shippou's small body, instantly regretting it when she was reminded of the fact that her right arm wasn't in it's usual condition.
But even so, she realized that, while painful, her shoulder now seemed to be working properly, and that caused her to really open her eyes and take in her surroundings, using Inuyasha as a brace as she struggled to sit up. He put an arm around her back in support, and once she was sitting, he still didn't move, which meant now she was, quite literally, sitting in the hanyou's lap. The thought caused her to blush a bright shade of red.
She was in the demon exterminator's cave, she realized, and surrounded by dozens of tiny fires where people were sitting in circles discussing this and that, their mumbles creating a gentle rumble that soothed her. But how had she gotten here? Surely she would have woken up at some point on the long journey…or at least the pain of correcting her shoulder would have brought her out of dreams, wouldn't it?
Looking back down, Kagome saw that Shippou was still staring at her with concern, though he had a smile on his face, and he touched her hand gently, brushing Inuyasha's as well since the hanyou's fingers were still laced possessively in Kagome's. "Are you…okay now Kagome?"
He looked like he would cry if she said no, and Kagome hurried to assure him otherwise. "Yes, Shippou, I'm feeling much better now."
"Good." He glanced up at Inuyasha. "Because we were really worried about you, weren't we, Inuyasha?"
"Keh," the hanyou averted his gaze, as usual, but for once didn't deny the statement, which caused a warm pool to form in the bottom of Kagome's stomach. He had worried for her?
There was a slight commotion from nearby, and then suddenly Kouga was all but shoving Shippou aside, albeit unintentionally, to get a good look at Kagome's conscious face, as though to assure himself she was alive, before he broke out into a huge grin and grabbed her tightly around the waist, pulling her tightly against his body. "Kagome…my woman…you're alright! I was so worried…"
"Ko…Kouga," she gasped, the air having been forced from her lungs in his strong grip. "Kouga, I can't breathe…"
"What? Oh!" He instantly released her, blushing slightly, though the smile didn't leave his face. "Sorry about that."
She giggled. "It's alright. And I'm just fine now, so you don't have to worry any more."
"Are you sure? You were asleep for so long…I mean, Kaede gave you some medicine to keep you asleep so you could heal, but still…"
"Kaede?" So that was why she'd slept for so long.
"Yeah, the woman apparently still has a lot of knowledge about healing, and found some herbs to take care of you while Miroku set your shoulder."
"Miroku…?" Why did she still feel so lost?
"Keh, yeah, the monk fixed your arm," Inuyasha huffed again, "But I made sure that was all he touched." There was protectiveness laced into his voice, along with something else, and Kagome saw his eyes soften slightly as he looked at her. She blushed, feeling suddenly warm, but didn't look away.
Inuyasha…
"So you're awake," A deep, velvety voice came from out of nowhere, and Kagome craned her head to see who it was, only to find Kagura, the wind sorceress, standing and leaning against a wall, a large bandage around her midsection, her normally immaculate dress ripped and torn...and generally showing that it had seen better days. She smirked. "I was wondering how long it would take for those herbs to wear off."
"Kagura!" Kagome winced as her shoulder jolted, but met the older woman's gaze anyway. "Is Kanna…"
"Kanna's fine, though still bound to the mirror since you haven't been able to do anything."
Kagome blushed. "I'm sorry."
The dark woman rolled her eyes and swept her hand in a circle as though to say it didn't matter. "So long as you can fulfill your promise to me eventually, it doesn't matter. All that does is the fact that you helped me get her away from Naraku."
Kagome couldn't help but smile slightly at that. "I thank you, Kagura."
"For what?" She seemed genuinely surprised at that.
"For helping me escape. I couldn't have done it on my own." Kagome turned and looked at Inuyasha. "She helped me, Inuyasha. Without her, I wouldn't have been able to find my way back to you."
The hanyou's amber eyes hardened at that as he flicked his gaze in the direction of the woman who had caused him so much trouble. "Keh, don't be too happy, Kagome. I'm still not sure this isn't a trap, and that she and Naraku planned the entire thing together."
"Inuyasha!" Kagome gasped, but it was Kagura who snapped.
"How dare you imply such a thing? I may be heartless, and I may have the blood of hundreds on my hands, but I am no backstabber. What I do, I do openly."
The hanyou grunted and narrowed his eyes, telling Kagome this was undoubtedly not the first time there had been this argument. "You work for the most devious and traitorous man I know, who defeated my father only by using a network of spies and ignoring the rules of war." He smirked. "And you expect me to believe you?"
The wind sorceress straightened her spine as though someone had cracked a whip behind her back, and her glare turned icy as she raised her deadly fan in warning. "I…am…nothing…like…him…" She hissed. "Don't you ever compare me to that horrible monster."
Inuyasha shrugged and turned back to Kagome, but not before muttering under his breath, "You are a monster."
"Inuyasha!" This time Kagome's voice was laced with warning. "How could you? After all that she did to help me, this is the thanks you give her?"
This time the hanyou's rage was instantly turned on her, and everyone in the cave had stopped what they were doing to watch the turmoil unfolding before their very eyes. "So now you would defend the woman who kidnapped you in the first place? The woman who forced me to come looking for you? The woman who killed your mother?"
Kagome stiffened at that implication, and looked away. "Everyone makes mistakes, Inuyasha. Kagura was a prisoner as much as I was."
"She was no prisoner." Inuyasha spoke as though ridiculing a child, and Kagome didn't like the feeling very much. "She could have stopped what she was doing at any time."
"Naraku was threatening her with Kanna's very life!"
"And so she was willing to kill hundreds in order to save one?"
"Yes!" Kagome felt tears in the corners of her eyes, furious that such a tender moment between them had, yet again, turned into a raging inferno of anger. Why couldn't he just hold her and be calm? Why did he always have to make things so difficult?
And what was worse, everyone was watching…everyone could hear…
Inuyasha grunted. "And you think it was worth it?"
"Do I think what was worth it?"
"You think all the lives that were lost were worth saving that little wench?" He indicated Kanna, who Kagome noticed for the first time sitting off in a corner, as always clutching her mirror to her chest like a normal child would hold a teddy bear.
"Inuyasha…you don't understand…" Kagome began to cry openly, but for once Inuyasha seemed unaffected.
"I do understand. You have such a pathetic heart when it comes to these things…always willing to forgive and forget. How could you, Kagome? How could you betray your family in such a way? It is partly Kagura's fault that your father was killed, and it is entirely her fault that your mother was killed!"
"But Inuyasha…"
"And since you're willing to forgive that, then perhaps you are not as loyal as I thought you were!"
"Inuyasha!" Kagome felt her heart rip in two.
"Maybe you weren't worth risking my life to come and save you, if you would change your loyalties and opinions so quickly, just because of one little favor!"
"Inuyasha, that's enough!" This time, the voice was not Kagome's, but rather, it was Sango's. The former demon exterminator, dressed once more in her old attire from the plantation, stepped forward with an infuriated gaze, her hands on her hips, her breath coming in short, erratic gasps. She would not stand for her best friend, nay, her sister to be insulted in such a way. "You'd better shut that insensitive mouth of yours before I have to shut it for you!"
The sound of a new voice seemed to break whatever protective bubble that had been surrounding the hanyou, because he suddenly seemed to hear everything, including Kagome's shuddering sobs.
He was stunned.
Glancing up, he saw that Sango had been joined by Miroku, who, for once, had no friendly look on his face, but rather looked just as infuriated with his arms crossed, and Shippou had jumped onto his shoulder looking like a bird that had ruffled its feathers into a round puff ball.
Good god…the hanyou gulped, unsure of what to do, and feeling helpless with Kagome shivering and shaking in his arms. What had he done? How could he have said such a thing? He had just been so worried about her while she was missing, and now, when she was so willing to forgive Kagura…his heart just had a hard time taking it.
But that didn't mean what he had said was any less painful, and having been the subject of cruel words before himself, Inuyasha wanted to kick himself. How could he do such a thing? How could he make someone feel so low? And to Kagome no less, the woman that he…that he…
His eyes opened up wide in shock as he realized, truly, for the first time what his heart had known for at least a month. Kagome…sweet, pure, innocent Kagome who always seemed stronger then she appeared, who always defended the weak and was willing to take on the world if she felt justice had to be done…she was the woman that he loved.
He loved her! He loved Kagome Higurashi!
But rather then feel warm and elated at such a revelation, like he should have, Inuyasha's ears flattened against his head in shame and all he could manage was a deep sense of fear at the knowledge that she would possibly hate him now.
He'd lost her. Surely after what he had said she would leave him and never return. Surely now she would think him a horrible, cruel monster with no heart. And what woman could possibly love that?
"Kagome, I…" He felt panicked now, and very unsure of himself. Touching her shoulder, he flinched when she snapped it away from him, whimpering at the pain the movement wrought.
"Don't you touch me…" She managed to grate out between her clenched teeth, the sound like the warning hiss of a snake ready to strike, and with that, rose shakily to her feet and stumbled out into the fresh air of the evening, clutching her shoulder as she went.
For a moment everyone just stared, unsure of what to do, and Kouga was the first to react. He turned his glare away from the hanyou and softened his eyes immediately as he took off in Kagome's direction. "Kagome, wait!"
Everyone's eyes followed him out the cave entrance as well before once more returning their scolding, smoldering looks upon Inuyasha. But he could have cared less. Suddenly, he cared about nothing other then the fact that he had probably just lost the one woman he would ever love. And what was worse, another man was now chasing after her to give her comfort.
Kagome heard him crying out after her, was well aware of the fact that Kouga was trying to catch up with her as she ran…though to where, she didn't know. All she knew was that she had to get away from that stifling, horrible place where the man she loved had literally ripped her heart from her chest and crushed it under his feet…and in front of everyone, no less.
Inuyasha…his very name was like a knife twisting deeper and deeper into her soul.
It was raining, rather hard, but Kagome didn't care. She ignored the way the hard droplets assaulted her skin, causing her arms to sting where they were not protected by the fabric of her dress. Her hair seemed to grow heavy with moisture as well, causing her shoulders to sag, and her footsteps slowed somewhat as she heard the sound of water slapping against water, knowing she had reached the stream.
The stream where Inuyasha had held her; where he had promised to always protect her and then allowed her to sleep wrapped safely in his red jacket, his strong arms keeping her safe from all evil.
"Inuyasha…" She couldn't hold it back; she could no longer hide it. Tears spilled over her cheeks, warmer then the rain on her face, and she fell to her knees in the mud, ignoring the chill that was fast seeping into her bones. After all, what did such things as warmth and comfort mean when your entire world had collapsed?
The sound of feet pounding into the mud, that gushing noise created by the suction of wet earth, reached her ears at last, breaking her out of her solitary reverie, though Kagome did nothing to acknowledge Kouga when he finally reached her side and sat down beside her.
"Kagome?" He swallowed, his bright blue eyes sparkling with worry. She didn't respond, and he reached out to hesitantly touch her cheek with one of his calloused hands. She jerked at the contact, but he didn't pull away. "Kagome…whatever the mutt said, he didn't mean it."
She sniffled at that. "Yes he did."
"No," the wolf seemed to think before continuing, "Or, at the very least, if he did, then you should pay him no heed. You have to know by now that he's a thick dumb ass who would be cruel to his guardian angel if given the chance."
That, for some strange reason, brought a smile to Kagome's face despite her dreary mood as she thought about a miniature Inuyasha, dressed in white with a golden halo and angel's wings, arguing with the real hanyou about the differences between right and wrong.
Kouga saw the light flicker in her eyes, and felt his own lips curve up at the corners as he grew more confident, his voice soothing as he spoke. "Now that's more like the Kagome I know." He winked. "You never did look good with a frown on your face or with tears in your eyes."
She smiled again, trying to smile just for him, and nodded, wiping her eyes. "Thanks, Kouga. I know you didn't have to come out here in the rain…and I'm sorry for being such a bother."
"What bother?" He laughed, and it was so warm and genuine she couldn't help but feel herself respond to his positive attitude. "Kagome, I would sit in the rain with you forever if it meant making you happy."
The good mood instantly vaporized as Kagome felt the tone of their conversation shift from innocent to suggestive, the look in the wolf man's eyes turning into one of adoration…the kind of look she wished with all her heart she could receive from Inuyasha…but not from him. "Kouga…"
"Kagome, I've been wanting to ask you something for a long time now, and I guess since we almost lost you, I don't want to wait any longer."
He took her hands in his, and Kagome felt strangely stifled despite the fact that she was outside with the fresh air and rain pelting her face. Her skin felt suddenly hot, though not in a good way, and she wanted to hyperventilate. She knew what was coming, and didn't like it one bit. "Kouga, don't…"
Putting a finger to her lips to shush her, Kouga turned on his knees so that he was facing her directly. "Kagome, since the first moment I met you on your father's plantation all those years ago, I knew there was something special about you. And ever since, all you have done is proven me right time and time again. You're strong, you're brave, and you're just about the kindest person I've ever met." His gaze softened. "No one else in this world could have forgiven Kagura the way you have."
God, she just wanted to pull away! This was the most romantic moment she'd ever had with a man, and all she wanted to do was turn and run like a frightened animal! "Kouga, please…"
Again, he interrupted her. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that, well, for a long time now, I've been in love with you, Kagome Higurashi." Her breath hitched in her throat, and he unfortunately misinterpreted that as an encouraging sign. "And, well, before anything else possibly happens, I want to ask you, um…" He blushed. "I want to know if, perhaps, when this whole thing with Naraku is over, if you would consider being my mate…er…that is…I guess since you're a human, what I mean to ask is if you would want to marry me?"
Oh god, she hated being right about these things! Kagome felt her heart leap into her throat, her instincts telling her to turn and run and never look back as she looked up and met Kouga's kind blue eyes, which were brimming with hope. She didn't want to hurt him…she really did like him, after all…but at the same time, she could never love him the way she loved Inuyasha, and she just couldn't see herself marrying anyone if she couldn't marry her beloved hanyou.
"Kouga, look," she swallowed, not sure how to begin, "You're a really wonderful guy, and I think you'd make a great husband, er, mate, but…I'm just not ready for that kind of commitment right now. There's too much left undone in my heart." That was just about as cryptic a reply as she could have managed, but Kagome didn't care. She just didn't have the heart to come out and say that she couldn't marry him because she was madly in love with his rival…at least, not when she knew Inuyasha didn't love her back. "Do you understand?"
The wolf prince looked at her for several seconds in silence, as though silently processing everything that she had said, before finally nodding, slowly at first, and then faster, with more conviction. Unfortunately, to her utter dismay, he didn't seem at all put out by her answer, but rather, only seemed more hopeful. "I understand perfectly, Kagome," He squeezed her hands, "And I promise to give you space and time until you're ready."
"Wha…?" Kagome felt her mouth drop open.
He laughed. "What, are you that surprised? Does it really surprise you to know that you're worth waiting for?" He smiled and pecked her on the cheek. "Kagome, I know that we'll be happy together eventually, and knowing that you'll be happy with me in time is enough. I can wait."
"Huh?" She seemed only capable of making dumb, animalistic noises at that point, but she couldn't help it. Since when in the hell had she ever accepted his proposal? When did she ever give him reason to believe that she wanted to marry him, but not yet?
As she busied herself going back over the words she'd said, Kouga rose to his feet. "You've made me very happy, Kagome," He said with vigor, his eyes sparkling. "And just so you know, as my woman, only you can make me this happy!" He laughed and twirled about, but Kagome just wanted to suffocate herself in the mud. God, the man was dense!
"Um, Kouga, look, I don't think you understand…" She tried to speak, but he interrupted her…again…
"I understand, Kagome, and don't you worry about a thing. I will wait for you forever. You just let me know when you're ready for marriage, and I will be at your side in an instant." He started walking away.
"Wait!" She extended her arm as though to stop him, her expression one of pure confusion. He turned, his gaze expectant, and she had every intention of telling him he had it all wrong, but in the end, exhausted as she was, all she could manage, in a squeaky voice, was "Where are you going now?"
He chuckled indulgently, as though the answer were obvious. "Why, to tell everyone else, of course!"
"Every…one?"
"Yes! I want everyone to know that you're mine, and mine alone!"
"But…Kouga…"
"Just you wait and see, Kagome. We'll be so happy together! We'll be so happy!" And with that, he took off at a run back towards the cave, leaving her sitting in the mud, staring after his retreating figure with a look of utter loss on her face.
Kouga and Kagome had been gone for too long, especially since it was practically a thunder storm that was raging outside, and so, finally, Inuyasha gathered his courage and stormed out of the cave with the sole purpose of finding Kagome and bringing her back where it was dry. She may hate him, but that didn't mean he would just let her die of hypothermia after nearly losing her once already.
It was raining harder then he'd realized, and as he walked the hanyou was forced to pull his red jacket up and over his head to protect his sensitive ears, which flicked in annoyance every time they were pelted by a rain drop.
Unfortunately, the storm made it nearly impossible to pick up the scent of anything, but finally, after several minutes of standing and getting drenched, Inuyasha managed to detect, faintly, the familiar scent of vanilla that was Kagome, and took off at a run in the direction of the smell.
Along the way, he was suddenly passed by a blurred figure moving quickly in the other direction, and the hanyou realized that had to be Kouga, for no one else moved that fast (save for him). What the hell had him moving in such a hurry?
Inuyasha groaned, almost afraid to know the answer as he willed himself to keep moving, vanilla seeming to surround him now, and he realized that she must be by the stream.
Sure enough, he found Kagome on her knees, her already soiled gown now positively filthy thanks to the mud, her entire body soaking wet, her ebony hair falling enticingly over the bare skin of her chest in curled, damp tendrils. Inuyasha had to shake his head to clear it of such thoughts, ignoring the way her dress hugged her body, showing off her curves for all the world to see.
God damn it all! He swore to himself. With the realization of love, it was as though suddenly he could think of nothing but her!
And yet, another, softer side of him realized with a gentle smile, Kagome did look beautiful, even now, with the cloud of sorrow hanging over her head, her eyes downcast. He winced, knowing he was the cause of such a mood.
But she didn't seem to notice him, which was curious since he hadn't exactly made a point of being silent. He knew humans weren't that deaf, and so, puzzled, walked closer, hearing her murmuring something, her tone annoyed. "The nerve! The man is positively the most dense, thoughtless person I have ever met!"
Inuyasha stiffened, assuming it was him she was talking about, and felt his ears droop beneath his jacket, which he was still holding over his head for protection.
Afraid to hear any more, he decided it would be better to get this over with, and coughed rather loudly to get her attention. She froze, as though having been struck from behind, before slowly turning her head to meet his gaze, her dark eyes widening in surprise. Clearly, he was the last person she had been expecting to see…not that he could blame her, in all honesty.
"Inu…yasha…" His name flowed haltingly off her lips, her voice cracking.
"Kagome, I…" He wanted to declare that he loved her, to fall to his knees and take her in his arms right then and there, but something within caused him to freeze in absolute terror, feeling suddenly unsure of himself, of her feelings…and generally feeling afraid of the emotion known as love.
It was something he had avoided ever since his mother had died, something he had scoffed at, something he had thought would never be his. Love made you weak, he had decided long ago; love made living much more painful, especially when you lost those that you loved. And besides…he was a hanyou. No one could love a hanyou, an abomination that was neither demon nor human.
Now, even with Kagome before him, her eyes expectant, as though hoping against hope that he would say something to assure her that he hadn't meant anything that he'd said back in the cave, Inuyasha felt all that insecurity return, and he stiffened on instinct. "Why are you out here anyway, wench?" He snapped. "You'll catch your death, and then who will look for the jewel shards with me?"
Oops…that had been the worst thing he could have said.
Kagome's eyes, normally so kind, hardened, and she rose to her feet, her mouth set in a grim line as she walked forward until she was mere inches from his face. Then, unexpectedly, the back of her hand connected with his cheek, and Inuyasha felt his head snap to the right in pain.
"You unfeeling bastard!" She shouted at him as he staggered back in surprise, dropping his jacket to the ground as he held his smarting cheek. "How dare you speak to me that way after all the things you said!" Tears were in her eyes…he could smell them more then see them thanks to the rain. "You think I don't have feelings? That I can just stand by and let you insult me like that? You think I don't care?"
She had walked forward, and was now pounding on his chest with surprising strength. Inuyasha did nothing to stop her, for the first time speechless. No sarcastic remark, no smart ass reply…he just stood and took what he knew he deserved.
Her fists slowly began to lessen in their severity against his chest, and he felt her body sag against his in exhaustion. Surprisingly, he instinctively put his arms around her, holding her close, protecting her, even though, ironically enough, this time he was the one she needed to be protected from.
"What about my heart, Inuyasha?" she whispered, her cheek to his chest, and if not for his sensitive ears, he wouldn't have heard her at all. "Why do you always insist on breaking it?"
"Kagome…" His voice cracked, all confidence gone, replaced instead by the insecurity of a boy who still understood very little about love and trust.
"Why?" She pulled away and looked at him, though his arms remained around her waist. "Why do you always have to hurt me?" Her lips quivered, and then she smiled sadly. "And why can't I just hate you for it and move on?"
"You…don't hate me?" He wasn't sure why that was the question he needed to ask, but still, there it was, out in the open and waiting for her answer.
She stared at him, and her eyes flashed in anger once more. "I should hate you, you know!" She smacked his chest again with the back of her hand for good measure. "I should hate you for all that you've said to me these past few months! I should hate you for doubting me, for insulting me, and for breaking my heart!" The energy seemed to leave her again, and she looked away. "But then…" She smiled. "Then you do something like this, and stand in the rain with me, or you promise to always protect me, or you comfort me after I have a nightmare, and I just…can't…"
"Kagome…" Without thinking, he pulled her tightly to his chest, never wanting to let her go, feeling overjoyed and guilt-ridden all at the same time. He was responsible for her tears, he was the reason for her sadness…but she didn't hate him for it! Perhaps he still had a chance…if he had the guts to take it, anyway.
Swallowing, feeling her shift against him, trying to pull away, he held her tighter, and gathered his courage. "Kagome, I…I didn't mean what I said to you back there." She froze, and he hoped that meant she was listening. "I was just so worried about you when you were gone that I was angry when you so willingly forgave the woman who had given me cause to worry in the first place."
"Inuyasha…" Kagome blinked, hardly daring to believe what she was hearing, and yet feeling a small part of her heart begin to warm, daring to hope…
"What if you had died, Kagome?" Inuyasha's voice was like a whimper. "What if I had lost you, and it was all thanks to Kagura? What then?" He squeezed her tightly to his body, as though to pull her into his own, to become a part of his very soul. "It was just too much for me to handle when you said you forgave her…just like that…and then expected me to do the same."
There was a long silence that stretched between them, broken only by the sound of the rain on the nearby running water, their own bodies long since soaked. But Kagome didn't care. All she knew was that, yet again, her heart was being pulled back down into that warm place of love, and knew that she was already beginning to forgive him.
"Inuyasha…why can't you just tell me these things? Why do we always have to fight about it instead?"
He swallowed again. "Because I'm not like you, Kagome. I've never been very good about dealing with people. They've always had a reason to hate me, and so I've always automatically hated them too. I can't just forgive and forget…and until you, I never had any reason to trust another human being, except for maybe Miroku."
Kagome felt her eyes water again as she hesitantly reached up to touch his cheek, bringing him around to face her directly since until then he'd been looking away, almost as though he were ashamed. "Inuyasha, please don't ever be afraid to trust me, or tell me things. I…I don't want to fight with you any more. I care about you too much, and it nearly kills me when we fight."
"Kagome…" Her name was like a balm for his soul, and Inuyasha felt his heart leap. Had she said she cared about him? She truly cared, and meant it? "You…care about me?"
She blinked, and, surprisingly, pulled away, a look of shyness tinged with a deep hurt etched into her features. "Of course I do, Inuyasha. Why else do you think I've stayed with you for so long? Why else would I risk my father's wrath? Why else would I have put my faith in you to protect me, and leave my grandfather's safe home and come with you instead to fight Naraku?" She turned and looked at him fully, and the hanyou thought he had never seen a more pure, innocent look then hers was at that moment. "I want to be with you, Inuyasha. I want to be with you forever. I want to protect you, to keep you safe, to take care of your wounds. I…" she trailed off, and a deep blush painted her cheeks as she seemed to cave in on herself, hugging her body protectively with her arms.
"You…you want to stay with me?" Inuyasha couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Even after everything I've said and done, you still want to stay with me?"
Kagome looked over at him, seeing the absolute shock on his face, and felt herself swell with pity and with love for this man who was so much like a lost little boy at times, full of confusion and inner turmoil. "Yes, Inuyasha…if you'll let me, I want to stay with you forever."
There, she'd said it. She'd come as close as she dared to admitting that she loved him without hearing him say something in kind to her. She just wasn't quite that brave…yet. She had to know what was in his heart before she risked putting her heart on the line again. It had been trampled on too much already.
Inuyasha stared at the ground, his hands tightening into fists, his face scrunching up into confusion as he tried to puzzle through her words. She wanted to stay with him…forever? Did that mean that she loved him too? His heart leapt at the thought, though that fact caused him to blush.
Why did he have to love at all? Why did he have to feel so about her? It was so much easier when he didn't know her…when he didn't have to worry about whether or not she was safe, whether or not she was happy, and whether or not she still cared about him.
And yet, he knew deep down he'd never been more content then whenever she was near him, her scent surrounding him like a soft blanket of security, telling him that all was right with the world. She had become something akin to a shield, protecting him from the hurtful things that had happened to him in his life, the painful memories he harbored deep within his mind, and the wary glances of the humans who feared him as a hanyou.
To be blunt, he felt, in a strange way, safe when Kagome was around. And it wasn't so much because she would protect him against evil, the way he did her, but more because he knew…he really knew…she would defend him against whoever spoke against him, and knew that she would take an arrow through the heart if it meant saving his life.
So…was that the great mystery to love? Was that what it meant? To feel safe and warm? He couldn't be sure…but he did know that what he had come to feel for Kagome Higurashi was powerful, more powerful then anything else he'd ever known…and frankly, the thought of losing her caused his gut to clench painfully.
"Forever?" He finally managed to croak out in a whisper of a voice.
Kagome, having resigned herself to the fact that he would just go without responding, looked over in surprise, and tried to figure out what was going through his mind at that moment. God, she wished he was more open about his feelings, like she was. That would make things so much easier. "Yes, Inuyasha…forever." She said it carefully, as though afraid he would bolt if she said the wrong thing in the wrong tone.
"But…" He shook his head and looked up, meeting her eyes, shocking her with the confusion she saw. "Why, Kagome? Why me?"
The question was so innocent, so pure, so without a hidden motive, that Kagome found herself drawn back to him, to his warm body, his strong arms, and his intense amber eyes. She stepped up so that she could touch his chest again with the tips of her fingers, and felt him jolt under the contact.
"I don't know why, Inuyasha," she replied honestly, deciding honesty was always the best answer. "I don't know why my heart insists on forgiving you, or why my soul feels only half alive whenever I'm too far away from you." She touched his cheek tenderly, wiping away a stray lock of hair that was plastered to his face, his skin slippery from all the rain. "But I do know that I'm happy when you're with me, and that I feel safe and secure like I never have before."
"Kagome…"
"Inuyasha," she looked at him and decided to take the plunge, to risk everything in this one moment, knowing his reaction would either make or break her heart. "I love you."
The hanyou jolted, stunned, his amber eyes going wide in disbelief, and it was his turn to step away from her, as though afraid that she weren't real but merely an illusion trying to trick him. "You…love me?" He looked at her strangely, the words awkward on his tongue. "But…why?" Suddenly he sounded desperate. "Why would you love someone like me?"
"Because, Inuyasha…" She stepped toward him, realizing that he wasn't rejecting her, but was merely confused.
"No!" he stepped back a little further. He had never felt so confused in his life. One moment, all he wanted was to hear her say those very words, but now that she had he felt so afraid, so very afraid, that he couldn't handle it. "I don't deserve your love, Kagome. I've done nothing to deserve it. Nothing!"
"Nothing, Inuyasha?" She smiled at him warmly, and he felt his defenses collapsing steadily as she moved toward him once more, her arms outstretched to embrace him. Since when had their roles reversed? Wasn't he supposed to be comforting her after what he'd said? "You've saved my life numerous times, you've defended me when no one else would, and you've trusted me to be loyal…what more do you need then that?"
The hanyou looked at her as though she were speaking in Greek, and frowned, furrowing his brow, resembling a lost little boy now more then ever before. "But…I've been cruel. The things I've said…"
"I forgive you for that," she interrupted, reaching him and putting her arms around his waist, putting her cheek once more against his chest and sighing as she smelled the scent of fresh pine trees wafting off him like a comforting breeze. "And I love you for it, too."
"But how?"
"Because if you didn't insult me, if we didn't argue, then you wouldn't be who you are…the man that I love."
She said that word again, and Inuyasha felt his heart officially melt this time, and he could do nothing more then put his own arms around her and pull her tightly to him, resting his chin atop her head, smelling her, assuring himself that she was real. "Kagome…" He wanted to tell her, to say he loved her too, but for some reason his mouth went suddenly dry. Why was he so afraid to tell her?
Sensing his hesitation and his nervousness, Kagome did something she would normally not have dared. She pulled back and, hesitantly, almost reverently, placed her lips lightly on his chin, kissing him gently for no longer then a second before pulling away. He froze and looked down at her in shock, but she merely smiled in return. "I love you, Inuyasha. I love you for your kind heart," she kissed his chin again, "I love you for your strong spirit," she feathered his cheeks with her lips, "And I love you for your iron will." She stopped her ministrations and looked at him, waiting for him to say, or do, something.
Inuyasha had never felt so incredibly warm, as though he were sinking down into a bathtub full of hot water and bubbles, forgetting about the fact that he was, in all actuality, out in the middle of a rain storm, his body wet and chilled.
Kagome…
Every time her lips made contact with his skin, he felt as though he were on fire from the inside out, a shock running through his nervous system, emotions and desires that he hadn't known existed suddenly bursting forth from his heart and making themselves known.
He loved her. The reality hit him full force, and caused that blanket of security that she offered him to tighten on his shoulders, giving him a sense of peace unlike anything he'd ever known.
Looking down, Inuyasha met a pair of expectant, dark, doe-like eyes that were waiting, hoping for him to respond to her declaration and to her actions. It had taken courage, he recognized, for her to do such a thing, and he admired her for it, for Kagome had done what he so far had not been able to: she had admitted her feelings, and more. And now, it was all up to him.
Without thinking, and knowing he had little to no experience with things like this, Inuyasha allowed his instincts to take over, and Kagome suddenly found herself crushed against his body, his lips on hers in a hesitant kiss.
It was the sweetest thing either of them could have known. It was a kiss full of virgin innocence and insecurity, on both sides as neither of them had done such a thing before, full of bumbling and awkward moments as Kagome felt her nose bump against his before she finally figured out that she could avoid such a problem by turning her head slightly to the side. And yet, it couldn't have been more perfect, and as they pulled away, Inuyasha found himself smiling…truly smiling…for the first time in a long time.
"Kagome," Inuyasha pulled her head down so that it rested on his shoulder, and he started stroking her hair absentmindedly, reveling in the feel of her body pressed against his own. "I love you too…"
She opened her eyes wide in surprise, hardly able to believe that she had heard, at long last, what her heart had been longing for. And he'd said it so hesitantly, still so clearly unsure of himself, that her heart melted completely, and she squeezed him around the waist tightly.
They remained like that for a long time, just enjoying one another's company, basking in the sunlight of newfound love, before Kagome shivered, finally realizing how cold she was, and Inuyasha pulled away to give her a look of concern. "I'm sorry…we should get inside before you get sick or something."
Kagome giggled, getting sick thefarthest thing from her mind, and he raised an eyebrow in question at her reaction. She just touched his cheek. "I'm not cold, and never will be, so long as I'm with you."
It was the dumbest, sappiest thing she could have said, something that a romance writer for a dime store novel would say, and yet it seemed so right, so perfect in that moment. And what was more, it worked, because Inuyasha replaced his look of concern with another genuine, beautiful smile, and put his hand behind her neck to pull her close for another kiss.
This time Kagome felt such scalding passion it was as though her entire body was on fire, his lips teasing hers, his hot breath mixing with her own. It was erotic. She should have been embarrassed. And yet, suddenly, all her shyness faded into nothing as she put her hands on his head and pulled him closer with abandon, running her fingers through his long wet silver hair and pressing her body closer to his, their damp clothing making it seem as though there was nothing between them at all.
Inuyasha held her tightly to him as well, reveling in this new experience that was kissing and wondering why he had ever avoided love in the first place. Perhaps it was because he had been waiting for Kagome? Perhaps he had known, deep down, that he couldn't fall in love until he met her?
Either way, the hanyou couldn't have been happier now with the woman he loved in his arms, holding him as though he were a precious treasure that she cherished. No one, save for his mother, had ever cherished him before. The thought caused him to whimper slightly against her lips, and she responded by holding him to her, almost cradling his head in her hands, allowing that safe, warm feeling to return, replacing all the sorrowful memories deep within his breast.
None of that mattered any more, he decided. Not now that he had Kagome. He would never feel sad or lonely again. And so, for the first time, Inuyasha was willing to admit that perhaps he had been wrong…that perhaps love was a beautiful thing after all.
