Author's Notes: Hey everyone! First, I just have to say congratulations to this story for reaching the 1,000 review mark! I can hardly believe it, and even though I've had stories do this before, it's still an absolute dream come true for me. And the wonderful thing is that, unlike other authors I've seen who get tons of reviews, I don't have anyone sending me cruel or threatening comments…you're all so wonderful, and I just want to say thanks to everyone. It's a dream come true for me!
Now then, I apologize for the slow updates lately, and the fact that they are continuing, but I'm just really busy right now, and that's the honest truth. When I'm not doing homework I'm singing, and when I'm not singing I'm at physical therapy, and when I'm not at physical therapy I'm at a college audition for scholarships. But I wouldn't have it any other way.
I auditioned at U of O and one of the adjudicators, a world famous mezzo-soprano, is interested in me, and went so far as to call me at home to invite me to a concert where I would get backstage passes. So I'm officially being recruited. I've also been promised scholarships at three different universities, and am waiting for results from the last two, one of them being my number one choice, St. Olaf College, and I'm leaving for there tomorrow afternoon and won't be home until Sunday. It's so exciting! And the really awesome thing is that, more and more, I'm feeling like I would like to go to the University of Oregon just as much as St. Olaf, and what could be better then having been accepted to two different schools, and having to make a choice between two great destinations? Honestly, I never thought I'd be in this situation, but now that I am, I'm loving it.
But my life isn't all sun and roses…I've had my bad days (and weeks) too. Last weekend, for the first time, I didn't win my district solo competition and go to state. For the first time I didn't score the highest score possible (1+), but rather, was given a 1- by the adjudicator. It was a hard pill to swallow, even though I know such competitions are highly subjective and there are no guarantees. And besides that, it's meant that a lot of the kids who don't like me in my school choir because they think I'm arrogant are even worse now because I didn't make it to state for the first time. Oh well…grin and bear it…that's the only thing I can do. And, as Anne Boleyn (a woman who we all know suffered greatly) said, "Onward and upward, Anna Regina!" All I have to do is change the name, and I can turn that into my new motto.
But enough about me; lets get back to the story, shall we? This chapter is a lot shorter than the ones I've been writing, but if I'd added it on to the next part of the story, the chapter would have been too long…so that's just the way it goes. It will be focusing on Kagura and Sesshoumaru, which should make you all happy, though I can't help but smile when you all think you know what's going to happen in that relationship. You've all got different ideas, and I'm not going to tell any of you if you're right or not. That may be harsh, but I just love torturing you all that way…lol
So anyway, thanks as always for the reviews, and I hope you all continue to enjoy the story. Below you'll find a few maintenance things, and then the actual chapter. I'm sorry this chapter is shorter, but there will be another update coming very soon. Thanks, and enjoy!
Public Thank You
I just wanted to tell all of you how much I appreciated your support when dealing with the plagiarism issue. You all stood with me, and in the end the author admitted that she'd received the story from a friend not knowing it was mine, apologized, and removed it. Now she is reading my story and giving me advice, and in my mind it couldn't have worked out better. So thank you all so much for your wonderful support! I love you all!
Question/Answer Session
As I stated in my other story, this is something that will be posted on my upcoming (nearly finished) website, where viewers can email me any question…and I mean any question…that they want and I'll post an answer on the website for all to see. Since I need some questions to get started, I'm asking all of you to give me some. So if you've ever had something you wanted to know or ask, now's your chance! And below you'll find the answers to some questions I've already been asked, since I don't want to make you all wait until the website is published (though the answers will be posted there as well). Thanks in advance for your help!
Question: On average, about how long are your updates?
In all honesty, there is no one length, though I will say that my chapters are getting longer and longer as I become more and more experienced. And I truly think that is the reason why: experience. There is no such thing as a chapter that is too short, so long as it has a purpose and includes detail. There are a few classic novels that have chapters only one page long! I'm serious! So never worry about length, that is the last thing one should think about. The first is plot and character development, and then detail.
Question: How long does it take for you to write a chapter? Does three hours make me "slow"?
This really varies according to what my muse is doing. I never get writer's block, per say, but life does get in the way, which can sometimes cause my motivation to write a chapter to fade out for a while. That doesn't mean I don't know what to write, it just means I don't write for a while. But when I do finally sit down, usually it takes me about a couple hours to punch out the actual chapter, and then I'll wait a day and go back to edit so I can put some distance between myself and the writing (and even then I don't edit everything perfectly). And no, three hours is not a slow amount of time for writing a chapter. Everyone writes at their own pace. In an article about Steven King, he stated that he makes himself write twenty pages of the story he's working on a day, that way he can be sure to produce a book for his editor on time. Personally, I think that's a serious amount of writing, but then again that is his profession, so he has nothing better to do. Never feel like you have to produce in a certain amount of time; always write at a comfortable pace for you so that you can produce the best work possible.
Jav-chan: Thanks as always for the comments; I'm taking them all to heart for when I do the official edit of this story in the future. Always appreciated!
Killabri: I hope I answered your questions, and thanks so much for dropping comments in my blog, I love getting them. It's fun. I'm not as awesome as you think…believe me when I say I have my own issues to deal with, they just happen to be avoided in my stories. But thanks for the incredibly wonderful compliment anyway. And for heaven's sake don't be so worried about me reading your stories; we're all learning here, and no one is perfect. All that matters is that we learn from the comments and writings of others, so if you have another story to post, that's great! I understand about waiting, though…I did that with the first several chapters of 'The King's Mistress' and it saved me a lot of trouble. Thanks so much, as always!
Drake22: I couldn't agree with you more about your views on men. I'm not that way all the time, but when they get exasperating, well…yeah, I feel the exact same way. Anyway, I was wondering if I could get your advice on something; I read your profile page, and your views about people writing stories about the Holocaust. I agree with you that there are a lot of writers who don't respect it and write about something they understand, and that is exasperating for me as well, someone who is Jewish by blood (though I admit that I don't actually practice the religion). Anyway, I had family in Germany in World War II…I'm German and Jewish, now tell me how that would have worked out if I had been there in that era…and I was contemplating writing a story about living life after the Holocaust had ended. It would not be about living in the camps because, frankly, it's too painful for me to think about my beloved family going through any of that, but rather about moving on and continuing to live, because I've heard plenty of stories from my grandparents to understand how hard that can be. Do you think this would still be inappropriate? I figured asking someone with a similar background to mine would be a good place to start, because honestly I've been tossing the idea back and forth in my brain, and was having a really hard time figuring out if it was a good idea or not. Let me know, and thanks for the review!
The Painted Lady: I don't know if it's the same college…that would be pretty cool though. Thanks for reviewing!
Title: Impossible Dreams
Author: dolphingirl0113
Chapter: Twenty-Four
Rating: PG-13 (rated for language, violence, and implied sexual situations)
Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.
DEDICATION: For Ted Dorsey, the greatest coach I will ever have, the most wonderful and patient mentor I will ever know, and the best friend I could have asked for. Thank you for everything you did for me in my life.
The spring wind carried with it the sweet scent of blossoming lilies and roses, and as Kagura walked up the hill, searching for her sister, she couldn't help but pause and lift her nose to smell the beautiful fragrance. She so rarely had the chance to appreciate anything beautiful, most of her life surrounded by unfortunate ugliness, and she wasn't about to pass up the chance now.
"Kanna!" She called, looking out at the rolling hills of grass before her, trying to spot the white child somewhere amongst the endless sea of green. A little girl's laughter came to her ears, and Kagura couldn't help but smile as she saw her sister appear over a small rise, clutching a modest bouquet of daisies in her left hand as she waved with her right.
"Here sister, these are for you!" Kanna exclaimed happily, extending her grimy hand towards Kagura, offering her the daisies.
Kagura smiled kindly and took them in her hand, making a show of smelling them and pretending that she actually enjoyed the scent of daisies. "Thank you, Kanna." She looked around. "Is this what you've been doing all day? Father's wanted to know where you were."
The white child looked down at her bare feet, clothed in nothing but a pearly little dress that fell to her knees. "I wanted to play…is he angry with me?"
In all honesty, their abusive father was furious, and Kagura knew exactly what he wanted to do to Kanna for disappearing so early in the morning while he was still passed out from the night before.
But the older woman would never tell her sister that. She would always protect her beloved, innocent little nymph from that cruel man's rage and so, as she had done many times before, Kagura lied. "No, little one, he's not angry. He was just…worried, that's all. And so was I." She pinched the child's cheek affectionately, watching as the skin turned slightly pink under the attention. "We just don't want anything bad to happen to you because you're our little treasure."
Or, at the very least, she said inwardly to herself, you're mine…
Kanna perked up at that and nodded her four year old head happily. "Okay, I'm sorry for making you worry. I won't do it again."
"See that you don't," Kagura emphasized, pulling the girl into her arms affectionately, feeling her tiny body under her hands, every bone as delicate as that ofa bird.
They remained that way for several minutes, neither moving, simply enjoying one another's company as the wind blew about them gently, the grass tickling their feet, the daises still dangling from Kagura's hand.
"Kagura! Where are you?" A loud voice bellowed from somewhere far away. The older woman instantly stiffened, her instincts telling her to run from danger but knowing she had to protect Kanna first.
Pulling away from her sister, she looked the little girl straight in the face and touched her cheek, feeling as though it were silk, not skin, beneath her fingers. "You'd better run and play some more, Kanna…the day will be over soon."
The girl smiled, but then frowned. "But I want to play with you!"
Kagura sighed and looked over her shoulder, as though expecting a hideous monster to appear at any moment. And, in a way, her father was no better than a monster…
"Maybe later," She finally replied. "But for now I want you to go and pick me some more daisies, alright?" She was purposefully sending Kanna to the meadow, which she knew was far away.
"Okay!" The child brightened instantly. "I'll bring back lots of daisies for you!"
"You'd better hurry then!" Kagura tried to keep the strain from her voice, for she knew children somehow sensed when there was trouble. "I want you to run all the way there, because it will be dark soon."
Kanna nodded. "I'll run as fast as I can!"
"Good. Now go." She pushed the little girl away from her, and Kanna didn't need to be told twice before she was quickly disappearing over the hills and down to where Kagura knew there was a sweeping meadow…and safety from the coming storm.
"Kagura!" The deep voice bellowed again, this time closer, and the dark-haired woman, dressed in naught but a brown dress sewn from cheap burlap, rose to her full height just as her father appeared over the rise. She refused to turn and look over her shoulder to make sure Kanna was gone, knowing if she did so she'd draw attention to the girl, and instead simply prayed with all her heart that her little sister had done as she was told and ran as fast as she could.
Their father was not an ugly man; rather, he was the exact opposite of the frog prince. He was handsome, with a face that, in sleep, looked innocent and kind, hiding the monster within. His shaggy, handsome wealth of hair was dark, like hers, and his eyes were chocolate brown. His shoulders were broad, and his arms chorded with muscles thanks to years of working as a blacksmith, his right arm bulkier than the left as it was the arm that wielded the hammer.
She shuddered, knowing how powerful that right arm could be when swung her direction…
"Father," she acknowledged, trying to pretend that nothing was amiss.
The man stopped a few feet away from her, looking around like a predator seeking its prey, and she felt herself glow in triumph knowing he wouldn't find what, or rather who, he was looking for. "Where is Kanna? I sent you up here to find the little bitch over half an hour ago."
Bristling at the way he referred to her sister, Kagura raised her chin proudly. "I couldn't find her." It was a blatant lie, and they both knew it, but she refused to tell him. She would never let him lay a finger on such an innocent child, even if that meant she would take the beating instead.
The man before her raised a finger and pointed it at her threateningly. "That child will not benefit from you hiding her, Kagura…I'll find her eventually."
She glared back at him, her dark eyes dangerously cool. "Not if I bring her back after you've drunk yourself into a coma."
"You shut up!" He lunged forward, his temper always so easily provoked, and she sidestepped, knowing his level of awareness would be severely decreased thanks to the hours of drinking he'd done the night before. He sent her a smoldering look. "You'll regret this, Kagura."
She smirked and crossed her arms. "I don't care how much you beat me…you'll never lay a hand on Kanna." She spat at him. "She's so much better than this life, and I'll be damned if you ruin her chances of happiness later in life by scarring her mentally and physically."
"And I'll bet you think you're better than me too, don't you, you little bitch?" He spat back, smirking at her cruelly as he moved forward, looking every inch like the predatory monster he was.
Kagura backed away slightly in spite of herself. "No, I'm nothing, just like you. But Kanna is different because I can protect her." She looked away, thinking of her mother, who had died in childbirth. "I had no one to protect me."
"As if anyone would want to protect you, Kagura," He laughed, mocking her, circling her, and she tensed, preparing to defend herself if necessary.
"As if anyone could ever love you," she spat back, knowing how much he hated to be reminded of the fact that his temper drove away any woman he ever wanted, and before she could do anything he lunged at her again, this time succeeding in knocking her to the ground, bringing his fist towards her face…
Kagura blinked, raising her head, feeling one of the cracks in the wall jutting into her back uncomfortably as she shifted where she stood, looking out at the crowds of people littering the dirt floor of the massive cave of the ancient demon exterminators.
Shaking her head, she tried to understand what had prompted that memory to surface when she had much bigger things to worry about, such as Naraku coming for Kanna and taking her back. And yet, she had to admit, they were all connected; her father, Naraku, their cruel eyes, how both of them had used her for their own desires and needs…how they'd both beaten her down in their own ways.
Forming a tight fist around her fan, which was dangling from her wrist, she felt its smooth surface comfort her, knowing it was one of the few "gifts" Naraku had given her that she was honestly grateful for. She could still remember the day he'd come in all his newfound glory, asking her if she would like to ride with him on the wave of success.
She'd initially blown him off as crazy, and for nearly two weeks she didn't see or hear from him again, until one afternoon when he arrived and actually saved her from a beating at the hands of her father. After that, Kagura had been his completely, willing to do anything as he fed the roaring flames of hate she harbored for her father, the man who had caused her so much pain in her life. So it wasn't really any surprise that she took his offer when Naraku gave her the fan, promising to turn her into his deadliest assassin, renaming her the sorceress of the wind.
"Hn, wind sorceress indeed," she grunted, pulling away from the wall and heading for the entrance to the cave, covered by the thick animal hide to keep out the wind, feeling the sun on her face the moment she stepped outside.
Tilting her head slightly, like a woman leaning into a lover's caress, she thought back on how after she'd avenged her pain by killing her father…her first true murder…she'd learned the painful truth of what it meant to accept the help of the demon Naraku.
It meant a life of servitude, either willingly or against her will.
"Kanna…" She closed her eyes, trying to shut out the pain that always surfaced as she thought about the fact that her sister's current situation was all thanks to her own stupidity and desperate, hasty need for revenge against her father. If only she'd been more patient…more aware…listened to her instincts…
But then the wind sorceress shook her head, knowing, at the very least, that no matter what her sins, she could not take them back. They were hers, her cross to bear, and the burden would get no lighter by dwelling on the possible ways she could have avoided such a life in the first place.
"Not that I was ever worthy enough for a good life to begin with," she thought, recalling all the things she'd done to scrape by when her father wasted the money he earned as a blacksmith on alcohol. "But at least then I still had my pride, and my honor."
The sound of a twig snapping underfoot caused her to turn, and Kagura caught her breath as she came face to face with a pair of golden eyes…eyes that had enchanted her since she first saw them so many years ago through Kanna's mirror.
Back then, she never could have dreamed…never could have hoped that one day she would come face to face with the owner of those eyes, that long, beautiful silver hair, that strong body, those sharp, chiseled, masculine and yet feminine facial features. And now that she was, his very presence caused her legs to turn to jelly, and Kagura, the mighty wind sorceress, had to resist the need to sink to her knees.
"Se-Sesshoumaru…" She stammered his name, which felt like the most beautiful music on her lips. He regarded her steadily, and she had the feeling he'd heard everything she'd said aloud, and no doubt understood everything going through her mind.
"Kagura," he replied simply, his deep, masculine voice sending a quake through her body from her head to her toes. God, her body felt like it was on fire! But on fire for what..? She didn't understand…
They gazed at one another for a few moments in silence before the mighty demon lord turned to leave. Desperate for his presence, which intoxicated and empowered her all at the same time, Kagura found herself stepping forward slightly, thinking of something that would detain him even for a few extra seconds. "I suppose you heard everything I was saying."
To her delight, he did stop, but didn't turn. "Yes," he said simply.
Blushing and wishing he'd say more, she decided to push the topic a little, even if it meant belittling herself in the process. She could handle that. "Do you find it ridiculous that a woman talks to herself all the time?"
"No; I find women are frequently in the habit of doing that."
She should have bristled at that, taken offence even, and yet, for some strange reason, Kagura felt the desire to throw her head back at the incredibly blunt, and incredibly true statement. Thankfully she suppressed that urge and continued speaking again. "And what would you do if you were in a situation similar to mine?"
"I would not be upset should Inuyasha be in your sister's position."
She knew that the brothers didn't get along, but this comment still surprised her, and Kagura blinked slightly. "Why? He means that little to you?"
"It's not that…I just would be pleased he wouldn't talk so much any more."
Again, that urge to laugh…and again, she repressed it. "I see." She looked away, trying to think of something else to say, but no words came, and she expected him to walk away.
"You still have pride."
"What?" She shot her head back in his direction as fast as the crack of a whip. Had he said what she thought he said? It couldn't be…
And yet, before her very eyes, the mighty Sesshoumaru, groomed to be the heir to the Western Lands of his father since his birth, who had been humiliated and forced into slavery at the age of seventeen, turned around to face her directly, his expression firm but not cruel. "I said you still have pride, and honor."
"You…" She gulped. "You do?" Coming from him that was the greatest compliment she ever could have received from anyone.
"Yes."
"But…how is that possible?" She looked away again, this time in shame. "I let my own desires get in the way of my sister's life, and now her soul is trapped in a mirror."
"Soon to be freed."
"But that doesn't change the fact that I let it happen."
Sesshoumaru didn't even bat an eye. "A person with no honor would not own up to such a mistake as you are now."
Kagura still refused to look at him. "And I've killed so many…"
"To keep your sister alive."
"But I've still killed hundreds."
"And you did it without any desire other than to save your sister. You did not murder simply for the pleasure of doing so, or because of a bloodlust. You are not a murderer."
She sighed, wishing with all her heart that it was true, but knowing it could never be. "Unfortunately, I have killed too many, and my smirk was always the last thing they saw. I offered them no pity, and they no doubt died with a great hate for me in my heart, much like I'm sure your father did when he died at the hands of Naraku."
Sesshoumaru stiffened and narrowed his eyes. "You are nothing like him."
"Yes I am."
"No, you are not." There was something in his voice that caused her to look up. "You did not kill anyone simply because you could. Naraku craves power…all you craved was freedom from your abusive father, and safety for your sister. That is the only reason you have ever killed. Not for the sheer pleasure of having blood on your hands." He looked at her steadily. "The fact that you're so guilty is the greatest proof that I am right. If you were like Naraku, you would not feel any guilt over what you have done."
"Sesshoumaru…" She felt tears at the corners of her eyes, but for once they were tears of joy. No one, save for Kagome, had ever actually defended her actions, and coming from him it meant so much…
"It is nothing," he replied in his usual brisk manner, no emotion in his voice.
"I understand," She replied, her lips unwillingly curving up into a smile as she understood his hidden message: I don't normally do anything to boost anyone's ego. "And I appreciate that."
He stopped and turned to look at her once more, and in that moment Kagura though that she had the first chance to truly understand Sesshoumaru, the man who she had secretly admired from afar for nearly five years.
Personally, she would have been content to remain like that, gazing at one another in comfortable silence, forever, but fate was not meant to be kind, because just as they moved slightly closer a joyous laugh pierced the air, and the pair jerked their heads in unison towards the approaching figure of a young woman.
Kagura instantly recognized her as the woman who had been hanging around Sesshoumaru ever since she'd arrived, and the two clearly knew one another very well, because unlike anyone else, the demon lord made no attempt to keep the human girl away.
The wind sorceress had to admit as she watched the girl who she knew was called Rin approach, that she was very beautiful. She wasn't well toned like Sango, the former exterminator, whose belly, arms, and legs were all solid walls of muscle, and she didn't radiate an inner strength like Kagome, but she was still beautiful in her own way. Her entire body seemed soft, her simple yellow cotton dress practically giving her white skin a glow, her warm brown eyes almost too big for her body, gazing out at the world with an innocence that Kagura had only ever seen in Kanna when she was younger. Her laugh was pure and kind, and her smile was full of light.
The complete antithesis of Sesshoumaru; which was perhaps why they got along so well.
"Lord Sesshoumaru!" The girl exclaimed when she finally reached his side, gazing up at him with adoration. "I was wondering where you went. Jaken and I were trying to pick some flowers when you suddenly left."
To accent her point a bouquet of roses hung limply in her hand, and Kagura felt her face grow pale as the memory from earlier resurfaced, with the image of Kanna running towards her with daisies in her hand taunting her very soul.
"Excuse me, I'll leave you two alone," she stated firmly, not meaning to sound unkind, though her voice had dropped at least an octave. She didn't hate Rin, but rather, she reminded her of Kanna, and what her little sister might have been like at this age. Kagura didn't even honestly know what would happen once her sister was freed now; for all she knew, she'd been ruined for life the moment her soul was trapped in that mirror.
"Oh please don't go because of me," The young woman exclaimed, and in spite of herself the wind sorceress found herself turning around to face Rin in all her innocent glory. "You're Kagura, right? The wind sorceress who rescued Kagome?"
"Hn," she grunted and looked away, "I would hardly call it a rescue. We both benefited from the others help, and that was the point."
The brunette before her shrugged her shoulders, her wavy brown hair falling down to her waist, held at her neck by an ivory clasp that looked like it had seen better days. "Then you rescued each other. Either way, I've wanted to tell you that I think what you did was very brave."
Now that caused Kagura to stop and do a double take, and she found herself looking at this girl in a new light. "You do?"
"Yes; I doubt I'd have the courage to take on someone as cruel as Naraku all by myself. That's what Kagome says you did, all so that she could get away with your sister to safety."
"Well…" She didn't really know what to say to that. "It was nothing."
Rin giggled at that. "Maybe not to you, but for someone like me it's a very admirable and brave thing that you should be very proud of."
Kagura finally decided to just concede and accept the compliment, much as she had accepted Sesshoumaru's a few moments earlier. Perhaps those two were more alike than she'd first thought. "I thank you for that."
The girl nodded and her smile broadened. "You're quite welcome."
Kagura finally turned and headed back for the cave entrance. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to see if Kagome can tear herself away from her new lover for enough time to free my sister's soul from the mirror."
It was meant as a sarcastic gibe, and even Sesshoumaru felt his lips curve up slightly at this strange, dark woman's sense of humor. Even though she couldn't see it, she still had a zest for life and a pride about her that was admirable. Her back was straight, and her head was always held high in the air.
He grunted.
If that wasn't pride, he didn't know what was.
"My lord?"
Sesshoumaru turned and looked down at the woman beside him, still having a hard time believing that she was the same helpless child he'd saved from Bankotsu all those years ago. And yet, he'd known it the moment she'd stepped forth to defend him when Inuyasha had left him in charge of the cave while the group had gone to save Kagome.
Rin…
Everything about her was pure and innocent, and in so many ways she was still the same girl he remembered in his mind…save for the fact that she was no longer a child, and now had the curves and desires of a grown woman.
In all honesty, the demon lord wasn't sure what he felt for her, or for Kagura, for that matter. He knew he felt a need to protect where Rin was concerned, and perhaps even an ounce of camaraderie knowing that she had lived through slavery with him and still survived this long. But as for Kagura, he had no idea what emotion had spurred him to say the things he had to her…and frankly, he hoped she left before he had the chance to find out.
After all, he had much more important things to worry about than getting involved with a woman. After all, women were nothing but a hindrance, something that needed to be protected, and that clung to you all the time, begging you for a compliment or a kind word…
And yet, Sesshoumaru remembered very well the silent dignity of Inuyasha's human mother, his father's wife. She had always walked about in silent beauty, radiating confidence and intelligence, never clinging to her father and only going to him when she sensed it was the right time. And she always guessed right…
Rin already seemed to do that with him, knowing when it was alright to speak, and when it was not. And Kagura seemed to understand the hidden meanings in what he said.
Thinking about it caused Sesshoumaru to shudder slightly, and, for the first time, he who feared nothing felt truly afraid. Afraid of this vice-like emotion called love. Afraid of what it would do to him if it were to take a hold of his heart. Afraid, frankly, of the unknown…
