Author's note: And this is what happens when I check my email after a long day and decide to write in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping. I somehow take a suggestion for 'most gruesome case' and turn it into 'most ridiculous arrest.' Oh well. Thanks anyways, mrspencil. Maybe I'll get to the gruesome in a later chapter.


"I had to arrest someone for stealing an umbrella once." Hopkins offered as Watson reached the table.

"I had to arrest someone for assault with and umbrella." Jones countered, and Hopkins made a face.

"What's going on? Watson asked as Bradstreet motioned for the two to sit down at the table.

"Most ridiculous arrest." He explained. "Whoever wins gets tomorrow off."

"What happens tomorrow?" Watson wondered aloud.

"Chief Superintendent Dickens pays a visit." Gregson supplied. "I once arrested a girl for impersonating herself." He added, earning himself a dark look from Jones.

"Holmes was once hired by the same person he was asked to find." Watson put in.

"Wait. He hired Holmes to find himself?" Hopkins was sure he wasn't that drunk.

Watson nodded. "He wanted to see how good his disappearing attempt had been." He explained. "It wasn't good enough."

"Kidnapping a nun." Bradstreet offered, causing Hopkins to nearly lose his composure.

"Stealing a parakeet." Gregson tried again. This time Hopkins did lose his composure.

"Attempted murder with a pocket watch." Jones countered.

Gregson stared. "The chain?" He guessed.

Jones snorted. "The watch."

"How on earth…" Gregson trailed off, preoccupied with trying to work out how exactly one went about beating someone to death with a pocket watch.

Watson suddenly realized that Lestrade had remained silent through the entire discussion, or at least, as much as he had been present for.

So did Jones. "You're awfully quiet, Lestrade. Nothing to add?"

Gregson choked. "Oh, he's got one." He said. Then he swore. "I'd forgotten about that one." He glowered at the smaller Inspector.

"What one?" Hopkins wanted to know. "What was it?"

Lestrade smiled and finished off his drink.

"Public intoxication, public indecency, assault with a bouquet of flowers, and attempted murder with a chamber pot." He said nonchalantly.

Everyone stared except Gregson. "You have to explain that one, you know." He said pleasantly, and Lestrade rolled his eyes.

"He was drunk." He said. "And naked as a jay bird when he walked into the restaurant. He grabbed a bouquet of flowers from a young lady and attacked with them. When they were removed from his person he started brandishing the chamber pot he'd gotten from who knows where and had actually been carrying with him for some reason that only God knows."

"So you arrested him." Bradstreet said, to be certain he had the story straight. "For public intoxication, public indecency, and assault, but attempted murder?"

Lestrade shrugged. "He told me to rot in hell right before he swung the chamber pot at my head, and when he missed and fell he started screaming that he would kill me." Lestrade looked thoughtful. "I forgot to charge him for biting my ankle."

"He bit your ankle?" Hopkins was skeptical.

"It got infected." Gregson recalled, defending Lestrade. "It was deep, too, if I remember. Didn't you spend a week or so limping?"

"It left a scar." Lestrade added absently. "I use it for demonstration purposes when the Rookies refuse to believe that the human mouth can be dangerous."

"Wish someone had told me that." Jones complained.

"Who bit you?" Gregson wanted to know.

"My daughter." Jones retorted. "So Lestrade wins, then?" He asked. The others complained, but nobody argued with Jones' decision.

Lestrade grinned smugly, excused himself, and headed home. The others watched him go.

"I think he deserves to win after going through something like that." Bradstreet declared. "When did this happen?"

"My first week as an Inspector." Gregson replied. "It was an interesting week."


Disclaimer: Sherlock and the boys do not belong to me.