The Alchemists and the Fellowship
Chapter 2

Disclaimer: You know the drill. I don't own my characters, sadly.

A/N: I didn't bother to change the title in the first chapter. I do it eventually. This chapter's still not very long, but it's longer than the first one. Enjoy!

"So you make me an arm that can't withstand anything—" he pointed to his maimed automail, "—and you call me a bean sprout midget! Anything else you want to add to your list of insults?"

If this had been a normal situation, Winry's blood would have been boiling with rage. However, given the circumstances, she couldn't contain her laughter at the flecks of dust floating down from Ed's behind where he had fallen. Behind them, whispers could be heard that sounded suspiciously like "She didn't say he was a bean sprout midget," which finally brought Ed's, Winry's, and the newly arrived Al's attention to the strange newcomers behind them.

They stared at each other awkwardly. "Um…may we help you?" Ed inquired hesitantly.

A dark brunette (or was his hair black? It was hard to tell through the grease) man seemed to appear out of nowhere next to the other strange people. "Yeah!" he said loudly. "Do you by any chance—" he was cut over by an elbow to the ribs by the tall one with pointy ears.

"I'll handle this, Aragorn! You're not so good with words," Pointy-Ears said. He cleared his throat as he turned to the alchemists and Winry. "Allow us to introduce ourselves. I'm Legolas, the tall, blonde, handsome Elf with a bow and arrows along with various other good-looking weapons to match my good looks," he paused for dramatic effect, "and this is Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin." He added the last names quickly and unimportantly.

Winry's eyes appeared to take on the shapes of hearts. She, of course, was staring at Legolas while he basked in the female attention. It was apparently what he lived for. He's not good at living for much else, Gimli thought with distaste.

They were back at the awkward state, hoping that if they stared at each other long enough, information would start pouring. Somehow. The silence lasted until Legolas randomly decided to look down to find only two hobbits instead of four. He sighed with frustration.

"Where did those hobbits run off to now?" He said as though the two ran off every day of their lives. This would justify Legolas's tone of voice, since the hobbits did run off every day of their lives. And Legolas's life.

Ed took the opportunity to lightly slap Winry upside the head for seemingly falling in love with someone she didn't even know, and who was apparently an "Elf." Whatever that was. Unfortunately, Ed realized that he used his right hand after he'd already hit her, and the hard steel (what was left) made it seem like he'd hit her twice as hard. His hand hung in midair as he stared in horror at Winry clutching her head.

Ed's hand still in midair, Gimli watched from the ground as Ed's right sleeve sank slightly from his wrist. Gimli screamed and suddenly found himself in the arms of a certain blonde Elf, who stared at the dwarf with a face contorted with surprise and disgust. Legolas immediately let his arms' contents fall to the ground. It was the second time Gimli landed on his back in the dirt in a span of five minutes.

The frightened dwarf pointed to the alchemist in the brown jacket. "H-h-his a-arm!" he stammered. "He's n-not h-human!"

Ed decided that the incident was perfect for "forgetting" that he had hit Winry, and laughed at Gimli's comment. "It's automail," he explained. "An artificial limb."

"Yeah," Winry gasped through pain. "I made it. His left leg's automail, too." She normally would have continued to babble incoherently about the structure and design and materials and Lord knows what else, but the throb in her head prevented that. Despite himself, Ed was slightly glad he'd slapped his mechanic at that moment.

The two remaining hobbits and Aragorn gasped. "Really?" Aragorn cried, utterly fascinated by the advanced technology.

"Yeah!" Winry jumped upright, and to Ed's dismay seemed to forget about the headache that he caused. She jerked Ed's jacket off of him and rolled up his sleeve to reveal his mutilated automail. She stared at it, suddenly remembering the previous experience by the forest. She quickly rolled the sleeve back down. "Well, let's look at his leg, shall we?" she said, and looked at Ed expectantly.

He returned her gaze ignorantly until he realized what she wanted him to do, and memories of Rush Valley roughly four years ago came flowing back to him. The unwelcome images of Winry forcing Ed to stand in his boxers in front of masses of people so she could show them the automail were replaying themselves slowly. Ed cringed and backed away from his mechanic.

"Ohhh no, I'm not stripping again for your benefit! If you want to show off your skills, you can take them to your hou—" Winry was either not listening or she just flat didn't care, because at that moment she interrupted by what is commonly known as "pantsing." She yanked Ed's trousers to his ankles, revealing his light blue boxers. Ed went pale and let out a small shriek.

"I thought I told you never to make me do that again!" he shouted, and reached down for his pants, but not before Winry knocked him on his butt so she could completely remove his garment. As she completed this task, two town residents walking down the road stopped briefly to observe both the strange people and this girl undressing some guy. Ed met their eyes just long enough to blush with embarrassment and anger, then the couple moved from the scene as fast as they could.

Winry tossed Ed's pants to the side. "Hey!" he cried and began to stand so he could retrieve his clothes, but Winry thrust her hand out to stop him. He sat on the ground helpless and pantsless as his captor demonstrated and explained what seemed like each square centimeter of Ed's left leg. Aragorn and the hobbits listened with eager fascination, while Gimli still shrank with fear and while Legolas laughed hysterically at Ed. This world is too much! The Elf thought as he prepared to fall to the ground due to the pain in his sides.


I reread this after I posted it and nearly had a stroke because I caught a...a...(gasp) MISTAKE! Nuuuuuuu (runs away) Anyway...Review Review! Should I keep going or just give up? I still have a lot more ideas, hopefully it'll get funnier...and better...