Final Hina Fantasy
Chapter 4: Through A Straw!
Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina, Mahou Sensei Negima, or Final Fantasy. They are all properties of their respective owners. I respect their ownership, I really do...what are you looking at me like that for?
You've probably noticed that the Final Hina Fantasy series are written in a simplistic way. Yes, it's done on purpose, to give it a comedial air
9…8…7…6…5…4…3…(Ku Fei suddenly realizes what the numbers meant and starts running. Rayce stays put and wonders…)…2…1…(Rayce realizes…too late)
The fire roared down the large exhaust tunnel behind them as they ran at freak-o-rific speed. Tears were streaming out of Keitarou's eyes as he tried to keep up with the rest of the group.
"GANG WAY!" Rayce came flying by and hit the ground running, slightly singed. "Hey, Keitarou. Nice day for a run, eh? Reckon we could go any faster?" He said.
"Shut up and run!" Lee shouted beside them, running with all his might.
"Hey, anyone got any jam, cause I think we're gonna be toast." Rayce shouts.
"Your jokes are seriously lame…"
"Time for a frost spell!" Makie shouted, "Blizzara!" She shouted. Water gathered around and formed a wall of ice behind them, blocking the roaring inferno. "Heh, who said I'm a useless good for nothing?"
The ice glowed for a fraction of a second before smattering into a million ice shards that flew out at the group. The fire continued to rampage down the tunnel, its flames licking at everyone's butts every now and then. Ice shards pelted down on them. Setsuna and Lee took out their blades and started deflecting the shards. Keitarou swung his zanbattou around into a whirlwind.
"Makie you idiot!" Fuuka shouted, jumping from wall to wall, disappearing every now and then to dodge the shards. Fumika moved in a similar fashion, following right behind her sister, "Yeah, Makie, you useless good for nothing!"
Rayce meanwhile didn't do anything as a hundred or so ice shards embedded themselves in his body. He didn't seem to be in the least bit bothered. He looked at one shard that had stuck into his shoulders and used it as a rear-view mirror. "Ehh…that fire is getting awfully close…sorry guys, gotta split." Rayce suddenly picked up speed and zoomed spiraling down the circular tunnel, leaving a trail of dust in his wake.
"Hey! Rayce! You traitor!" Lee shouted.
"Guys…is that the light at the end of the tunnel?" Setsuna asked.
"Hegh…it might be…let's find out…" Keitarou laughed.
"I can't see the comedy…" Lee muttered, "Wait, I see it now."
The metaphorical and literal light at the end of the tunnel turned out to be a huge robot carrying an even bigger flamethrower. It rammed its spider legs into the ground, took up a stance, and aimed.
"Ironical isn't it…" Motoko commented, trailing her katana behind her, ready to strike.
"Talk about out of the frying pan and into the fire." Makie said, whipping her ribbon out.
"Well…" Keitarou shouted, "Let's hope that thing is made in Wu Tai!"
"AAAAAGGHHHHHH!" Everyone shouted, charging at the huge robot.
The robot fired…whooomph!
Half an hour later…
"Ouch….man…I can't feel my legs…."
"Makie…that's my leg you're holding."
"Oh, sorry, Setsuna."
"Okay…first thing first…" A voice called out, "Will someone please tell me we brought a torch."
"I got some batteries!" A voice called out cheerfully.
"Oh, nice, now will someone please tell me we packed a torch." Keitarou's voice called out.
"I got a light bulb!"
"Okay…now, are you all going to tell me we set out on a mission without packing a torch…", Keitarou's voice bounced around.
"Hey, I brought a banana!" You can guess who this is.
"I've got an electro-discombobulator in my backpack!" Shouted another techno geek voice.
"Okay, so we brought everything except for the kitchen sink and a torch." Keitarou sighed
"I brought a kitchen sink!" A voice shouted out.
"Okay…I take that back, we're the only crazy twits freaky enough to go on a mission carrying everything including the kitchen sink minus a torch…" Keitarou said, trying to feel his way through the darkness.
"By the way! Question! Who tried to zap that flamethrower-bot with a thundaga spell?" Satomi asked, in a carefree voice.
"I did" Ako's voice floated out from the darkness. "I think someone also tried to use water and wind spells…"
"And what's more, someone tried to use ice and fire spells…" Motoko's voice said. "Ouch, hey…if you're a boy, you're dead."
"I'm not a boy…" Rayce's voice…
"DIE!" Something exploded.
"And what did we get from all those spells?" Ako asked.
"Well nothing much, really, they all cancelled out each other. But I think something struck that robots gas tank…which exploded and sent us to hell…" Satomi said.
"So…this is what hell's like…" Ku Fei mused.
"It will be in a moment if you lot don't start concentrating…" Motoko shouted. There was another scream from Rayce.
"Hey, I heard that some animals could navigate the darkness with ultrasonic sound!" Makie's voice resounded through the darkness.
"Ok, let's try that! High C everyone!" Fumika shouted.
"…C…c…cccc…M…m…mmmmmmmm….Thank you for the music…the songs I'm singing…thanks…for all the joy they're bringing…." Rayce's voice floated down from somewhere down the tunnel, followed by a clunk and an "OUCH!"
"Okay, that won't work…what now?" Setsuna said.
"Trust us to get ourselves in a mess…" Keitarou muttered. His voice echoed, "ess…asss….asss…asss..ass…"
"Oh cool…check this out…Kickass!" Fuuka shouted. "Asskick…asskick…asskick…asskick…." Her voice echoed.
"Yes, what we all need now is an ass kicking…" Keitarou muttered.
Pidstu!" Suu shouted.
"That's not a word!" Fumika said.
Suu's voice echoed, "Pidstupidstupidstupidstupidstu"
"That is…" Rayce said.
"Okay, enough, we need to think of a way to get through the darkness. Some of us do have nightvision capabilities, but we need at least a small amount of light to allow it to work. This place is pitch dark. Any ideas?" Lee said.
"Hey guys!" Barrett's voice approached. "It seems we fell down some old sewer system. I think we could get back to the upper sewer systems from here. C'mon!"
"A sewer system?" Fumika asked, incredulously.
"That's why it smells like shit in here….literally." Lee muttered.
"Do you know which way we're going?" Keitarou shouted.
"Yeah, I think I do. We studied this area for possible entrances to Shinra's reactors, but we failed. Apparently there was an entrance." Barrett replied.
"Okay then, let's get out of here!" Keitarou shouted.
"Yeah!" Everyone else shouted.
"Great, where am I?" Lee's head popped out of a manhole in the middle of a street. He looked about and noticed a car speeding down the street behind him. He ducked for cover, as the car bounced over the slightly open manhole, ramming the lid on Lee's head and sending him back into the abyss.
A few minutes later saw Lee slowly and cautiously emerging from the manhole. He looked about. "Man, those guys are so cruel…how can they leave me in the dark…" He muttered, as he made his way to the sidewalk. "Anyway…they said they'd hop aboard the train from here…that means I should go to the station…"
The station was brightly lit with hundreds of makko powered light bulbs. As Lee proceeded, looking about, he accidentally ran into something. Something elicited a tiny 'ouch'.
Lee took a step back to balance himself, before looking down and finding a girl with a basket of flowers. He immediately bent down to help her up. "Sorry about that miss, I must have been daydreaming again. Please forgive me," He said.
"That's all right…say, would you like to buy a flower? It's 1 gil each…" She offered up a flower.
"Uh…sure, I'll buy ten…" Lee handed over some money and picked out some flowers.
"THERE HE IS!" A voice shouted from the station entrance.
"Whoops…gotta run!" Lee placed the flowers back, "Keep them safe for me, please!" He started running towards the platform.
"Umm…hey! You haven't taken your change! You gave me a 100 gil note!" The girl called out after him. At least 10 shinra guards rushed past her, knocking her over in their hurry.
"Umm…come back, please…" She whispered.
Lee reached the platform and found that it was empty. The train had left. Keitarou and Rayce came rushing down the platform towards him.
"Hey guys! What…" Lee shouted, before he noticed a whole army, complete with tank-bots and the whole shazam, pursuing them.
"Don't run this way!" Lee shouted again, picking up speed. Rayce and Keitarou caught up with him.
"Hey Lee, I see you got out of the sewer too…" Keitarou panted, deflecting a few bullets with his zanbattou.
"Where are the others!" Lee asked.
"I thought they were with you!" Rayce shouted.
"Let's hope they got somewhere safe!" Keitarou said, looking back. They seemed to be preparing some sort of long range cannon on the robot.
"Hurry, jump over that bridge! They're gonna shoot something at us!" Keitarou shouted, picking up speed, before leaping over the parapet.
As they all leaped over the parapet, it exploded behind them, sending pieces of rock everywhere.
"Hey…this isn't a water…" Lee shouted. Something bright came out of the tunnel under the bridge and rammed into Keitarou who had jumped first. Lee and Rayce meanwhile had jumped slightly later. Rayce fell into a smoke funnel, while Lee skid over the rounded surface until he found a bar to hold onto. It was a locomotive, going at maximum speed, with maximum steam, which meant a world of hell to both Keitarou and Rayce.
Lee rushed over to the front of the train and looked down over the edge. There was no sign of Keitarou… "Oh man…he's dead…" Lee muttered.
"…'m ofler her…(I'm over here)" A voice called out, muffled. Lee looked down. Who wouldn't be muffled if they had a few tons of solid metal stuffed in their face.
Keitarou had been rammed by the train head on and had created a large indent in the train's front, in which he was now a metal relief.
Lee reached down and pulled him off. He made a really wet noise as Lee peeled him off the train's front. After pulling him up, Lee looked behind him and noticed for the first time that Rayce was also in trouble….in fact, he looked about ready to blow.
"Help…me…man…" Rayce managed, turning red. He was stuck up to his shoulders in the funnel. Lee and Keitarou rushed over to pull him out. They seized him (Lee got him by the ears) and proceeded to try and pull him out. "Hey, if I die here, keep the cause of death out of my epitaph, ok? I don't think my afterlife could support the humiliation…" Rayce muttered.
A low roofed tunnel loomed up in front of the train (and guess what, Keitarou and Lee didn't notice). As they continuously tried to pull Rayce, the tunnel roof drew closer, before smashing into them at the speed of a bullet. They both flew backwards, pulling Rayce out with them.
They lay for a few seconds on the locomotive's top. "Hey guys, are you guys still alive?" Rayce tried to get up. He looked at the tunnel that was growing distant behind them. It was collapsing. A huge crack had appeared across its middle, and a huge chunk down the middle had been cut out by something that looked like a really hard head.
"Hot damn…" Rayce muttered, looking down at Lee and Keitarou. "Ok, own up, which one of you destroyed the tunnel…"
"Let's get going…" Keitarou muttered, as both he and Lee got up and started proceeding down the train.
"Hey, where are you guys going?" Rayce ran to catch up.
"We've caught our train…" Keitarou said, jumping down a hole in one of the trucks behind the train.
Lee and Rayce followed suit, and found themselves in a truck full of crates and boxes. Clustered around them were the remnants of the exhausted SeeD team that had been sent in.
"Well…that was a pretty successful mission…" Rayce commented, taking a seat on a large crate.
"What's the plan?" Lee asked, sitting down on the floor.
"Well…we're gonna have to go back to destroy the remaining reactors." Barrette said.
"Not without my team. We've gotta extract our comrades first." Keitarou said.
"…Through a straw…" Rayce whispered. Setsuna whacked him with her sword scabbard.
"Well…you'd have to go to Shinra HQ. If they're still alive, then that's your best bet." Barrette said. "I've got other things to do…but you guys are free to use our HQ to rest. It's in the seventh heaven bar. I can take you there." He said.
"That would be great, thanks. I think we need a rest." Keitarou thanked Barrette.
Seventh Heaven Bar...Later on...
"Oh, you guys are back…" A young woman came out from behind the counter. "Welcome back!" She greeted them.
"Mitsune! Have you been drinking our merchandise again!" Barrette moaned.
"Hey…it's been a boring day." She protested. "Hiccup…" The air was permeated with the smell of alcohol.
"Whatever you do…don't light a match in here…" Satomi warned. And just as usual, someone tried it just for the sake of finding out what happened. This time, it was Fuuka.
"So…what now?" Lee said, while a large fireball lit up behind him.
"Daddy!" A small girl ran from behind the counter towards Barrette.
"Mei!" Barrett bent down and opened up his arms to receive Mei…who jumped, twirled, and…spin-kicked Barrett in the face. Barrett spun around a few hundred times before smashing into a conveniently placed watermelon stand.
"Well, here we are, home…" Barrette got up and picked up Mei, before landing a fist on the pinball machine on the side, causing the ground beneath it to crack and collapse, before giving way into a large hole (into which Barrette and Mei fell)
"Oh cool…" Fumika and Fuuka shouted, jumping into the hole, "Wheeeeeeee!"
"Well…what now?" Ku Fei asked Keitarou.
"Well…we…" Keitarou thought for a moment.
"It's obvious, isn't it, we're gonna go and save our comrades!" Setsuna said, walking over to them. Behind them, one by one, the members of the group slid down the hole.
"Well…that's a start…" Keitarou said, running over to help push down the blockage in the hole that was a result of ten people trying to jump into the hole at the same time.
End of chapter 4.
Please Review!
