The Secret
Chapter Nine
Here I am again
Talking to myself
Sitting at a red light
Both hands on the wheel
How am I supposed to feel?
So much running through my mind
First you wanna be free
Now you say you need me
Can't make signals in signs
It's so hard to let you in
Thinking you might slam the breaks again
CHORUS
Put the pedal down
Heading out of town
Gotta make a getaway
The traffic in my brain's driving me insane
This is more than I can take
You told me that you loved me first
Then throw your heart into reverse
I gotta getaway
I can't keep coming back to you
Every time you're in the mood
To whisper something sweet in my ear
It's so hard to move on
'Cause every time I think you're gone
You show up in my rear view mirror
Is this just a detour?
'Cause I gotta be sure
That you really knew what you said
It's so hard to let you in
Thinking you might slam the brakes again
REPEAT CHORUS
To a place where I can be redefined
Where you're out of sight
And you're out of mind
But the truth is I can't even say goodbye
Here I am again
Talking to myself
Sitting at a red light
Both hands on the wheel
How am I supposed to feel
So much running through my mind
REPEAT CHORUS
Getaway, getaway, getaway
Getaway, getaway, getaway
Getaway, getaway, getaway
As I hit the gas pedal of my small Volkswagen and proceed forward, I watch as my mother's figure disappears.
I wish she cared for me, like Haley and Peyton do. When I told them I was leaving, the amount of tears that flowed from their eyes were absolutely endless.
I couldn't stop myself. I had started crying too. I really didn't want to leave, but it wasn't my choice. My father had full control of my bank account , and there was no way he'd let me show my face in Tree Hill.
I sigh, stopping at a red light, wiping away the tears I can already feel coming on. It was a shame I was leaving because honestly, I loved it here. Tree Hill was my home, and it was my favorite place in the world.
I would never admit it , but every time I'd come home from camp, or from a summer trip, I'd feel so happy to be back.
Believe it or not , Tree Hill had a lot that you could only notice by living here full time. Like for instance, you can't do anything without running into at least one person you know. If you go to the mall, expect to see at least two people from school just lounging around.
Tree Hill even had a smell. Not a bad smell. It constantly smelled like flowers, yet like there was a barbeque going on somewhere. I used to sit on my front porch just sniffing the air, as weird as that sounds.
I break out of my trance when I hear my phone ring.
"Hello?" I'm distracted , can't this person see? I'm trying to think.
"Brooke!" It's Haley, and she sounds really excited.
"Tutor Girl, you don't have to sound that happy that I'm leaving." The sun looks like it might be setting sometime soon, and I feel like my heart's going to drop. My last sunset in Tree Hill.
"Brooke, you don't understand! Nathan and I are getting married!"
I slam my foot onto the break, and feel my baby kick in anger as I fly backward into my chair.
"Excuse me?"
"I said, I'm getting married! We're doing it now, and I want you to be my maid of honor. There aren't many people being invited.."
"Haley! You're getting married!" Suddenly the sun doesn't look like it'll be going anywhere for a while.
"Yes, now get your ass over here!"
"Over where?"
"To the beach!"
"How romantic…" I coo excitedly.
"It won't be if you aren't here."
"First, thanks for the compliment. Second, you know that isn't true. Third, I'm on my way out of Tree Hill right now, so you better make this something for me to remember for the rest of my life."
"It will be. Brooke, I'm getting married!" She squeals.
"I know!" I can't help it , I'm squealing now too. My little Tutor Girl is getting married!
I swerve my car around so quickly, every car behind me breaks insanely. I wave at them before zooming off to the Tree Hill Beach, just about to witness something beautiful happen.
I stop the car, running towards the beach, hoping I'm not late. As I stop and catch my breath, I suddenly see Haley, wringing her wrists nervously.
Stupid girl, doesn't she know something amazing is about to happen with her and Nathan?
I embrace her tightly, and she returns the hug. "Brooke, I'm so glad you came."
I nod, but find myself telling her what I'll be doing soon anyway. "I'm going to be gone soon, Haley. You know that, right?"
She shakes her head 'yes', and I see tears form in her eyes. "Haley, don't worry! Do you think I'd leave if I knew you weren't going to be taken care of?"
"No."
"Then trust me. He loves you, I know he does."
"Me too."
"Then don't be afraid."
"I won't be."
The marriage itself made me cry, and during the vows, I was completely balling, damn hormones.
When I finally left Haley and Nathan, I slid into my car, hitting the button that would start up my stereo, and I sped away into the darkness.
I wished so badly that Luke would have asked me to marry him. I wish more then anything he would have loved me, but it's too bad. It's too bad because I know he'll never love me, but I'll always love him.
I pass the 'Leaving Tree Hill' sign, and tears fill my eyes, and pretty soon, I'm crying out loud, because I'm so scared. I don't want to leave, I don't want to be unloved, but more then anything, I don't want to be alone.
But I'm sure I actually won't be alone, not anymore. Baby Davis will always be there for me, and love me unconditionally.
Inside I know though. I know that I'm just trying to run away.
I'm trying to get away.
