Author's note: I couldn't help myself. The kitchen was just so fun. You may feel free to insert yourself as a random old woman. I don't usually like adding characters, but I promise they'll stay in this chapter and this chapter alone. (aside from J-ran. He's just an evil bastard and I didn't get many of those while playing FF8. There was the president, but he's dead, and I really couldn't screw with life that much.)

Disclaimer: Don't own the boys. The women are mine, and I'm sharing, unlike some huge gaming company… didn't your mothers tell you to share, Square Enix, not charge money?

I'm putting the (1) up here so you don't have to break the flow of the story at the end. (1) I found a place! I placed the story in a town! With a name!

Is this the end? Not a chance, but it could be. Wouldn't that be fun? Aren't I evil?

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The women of the kitchen were all very nice, and all past 37, and very much into Zell's personal life. They were just like his Ma, save for the Co-head cooks. One was a man named Justin who Zell thought looked at his ass from time to time, and one was a woman named Terra who didn't ask anything and seemed to avoid contact as much as possible. Most of the women had husbands in the "army" as they called it, and really couldn't explain why they had come here. Not one had done the ritual; instead their previous form of marriage had been enough.

Zell was peeling carrots by the hundreds as instructed. At first, he thought maybe there were hundreds of soldiers, and the woman next to him laughed. There wasn't much point in taking on Garden with hundreds of soldiers, was there? No, there wasn't. So instead, there were thousands, more than half of Timber(1) and some imported men from Deling City. The face was this was a gang or an uprising against Galbadia, but Zell knew from Seifer it was an excuse to return Ultimacia to this world. Unfortunately, the lady next to him patted his head and told him he was cute instead of believing him.

He finished the next row of carrots and placed them on the cutting board, where the brown-haired lady stood and cut them. She wore triangle-shaped earrings, as opposed to the lady to his right, who was blonde and had square ones. Then there was a lady with white hair, not from aging, with circular earrings next to the blonde, and back to his left a lady with kitten heads dangling from chains. He felt like he was in geometry class. Angles and lines and shapes, oh my!

"Oi! Lola, did you even wash these?" the triangle lady(Teresa) called. Lola, with the squares, flipped her off and spoke some very unlady like language.

"So, anyway, sweety," the Circle Lady (Jessee) said, pulling carrots out of a huge bag, "Tell us about this man of yours."

Zell blushed and kept peeling. It seemed none of the ladies here was homophobic, or if they were, they were in the minority. Instead, they were more worried Zell wouldn't have a good relationship due to inexperience and were determined to fix it up- all the way to telling what kind of condoms Seifer should use and what sweets tasted good with cum.

"Um…he's nice, and hot."

"They're always hot," the Kat Lady (Kat, actually) replied automatically. "That's the same thing you've told us all morning!" The other women agreed and Kat placed the chopped-up carrots in the fifth huge pot.

"Tell us more!" Lola stated, giving Zell a little nudge with her shoulder. "What's he like in bed?"

"Ohh, yes!" Teresa squealed. "Is he good to you?"

Zell turned darker. "We discussed this already," he mumbled. Did he say his Ma? He meant Selphie.

"So…how does he kiss?" Jessee asked. "Deep and fast? Pecks? Teasingly?"

"I love it when Brian teases," Lola murmured and Zell scooted away from her. "Yes," Zell responded automatically to the question. Rolling his eyes he added, "He's a good kisser in both places." Albeit Seifer had never done anything like that. They'd only had the ritual yesterday!

Where was SeeD? Zell wondered. SeeD should have been there yesterday. Now it was about two pm and he was stuck with crazy aged Selphies!

After the remark all the women had squealed with delight and demanded more information. How much pressure? Did he ever use champagne? Did he blow, too?

There was a sudden roar and everyone hushed. "FOR THE LAST TIME, STOP LOOKING AT HIS ASS AND FUCKING COUNT THE FLOUR!" Zell winced and turned around, looking and a very angry Terra and a bleeding Justin. "This is not fucking easy to bake, you know!"

"I should know! I taught it to you!" Justin roared back, and Terra raised the frying pan again. Justin got all flustered and then growled. "At least his ass is something compared to yours, you ugly bitch!"

The frying pan flew along teeth with as it hit. Then it became a frenzy of cooking women and two angry Co-Cooks, and several women had to pry Terra off him. Zell casted a curaga in the crowd and went back to the carrots. Kat shook her head, joining him.

"He's always looking at other women and men. Drives Terra nuts. They're bonded, you know." She nodded to Justin. "She loved him so he agreed, but he thought she was going to die. A sacrifice."

Jessee came back over. "Yeah, it gets pretty bloody, though it depends on which end. Terra survived her mission and she knew Justin didn't love her back. She's died emotionally. I think she feels guilty she did this to him."

Zell looked at Kat. "Why'd they do it if Justin didn't love her?"

Lola came back next, wiping her hands. "Terra joined, some sort of family threat, and Justin was on their deathrow. So it was alright she did this, because if she dies, Justin is free."

Jessee poked her head into the conversation. "He keeps killing her mentally, you know. Telling her insults and trying to get her to kill herself. It gets pretty ugly, but they can't break it. They've gone so far as to live in separate rooms."

Zell bit his lip. Justin was free if Terra died? Would that mean-

Suddenly Seifer's words made sense and the reason his face was so cold. /Don't worry about that./ Zell spun around to leave. He saw J-ran instead. "What's going on in here?" J-ran asked, shaking his head.

Terra held up the pan, ready to strike at the Co-cook. J-ran sighed and walked up to Terra. "Yes, Terra. We know you can hurt him. We know he's a bastard. Come here." He wrapped her up in a hug, somehow being a good person in charge despite the death threats and slaps and punches that had come from him. Justin growled from on the floor.

Terra flinched at the touch and then cried, and Zell noted for a moment that Justin's face flickered, though he couldn't tell with what. J-ran sighed and switched Lola with Terra, and Terra came and stood by him.

Zell swallowed. "Terra?" he asked, and she turned to him, with puffy red eyes. "Does dying really break the ritual?"

"He did it yesterday," Kat suddenly assured her.

"He's a lover," Jessee lied. Zell looked at her oddly and she shook her head at him. Terra wiped her eyes, washing the carrots. Then it got him, Justin was her lovely. Ooh, boy.

"If the lover dies, the lovely is free to go where they please and free to love. If the lovely dies, the lover stays here and is free to love." She didn't say anything more.

It was true, Zell realized. Seifer was going to kill himself. Suddenly he rushed out of the kitchen, dropping his carrots. The ladies waved him goodbye and thought up pestering questions to ask the next day. Justin watched and turned to Terra, who still hadn't let go of the frying pan.

"J-ran!" Zell yelled into the hallway, and J-ran smirked. Ahh, it was good to see the blonde was finally warming up to him. Unfortunately, it would give them lots of pain if he tried anything now, so he turned, stopping. "Yes, my little SeeD?"

"I need to talk to Seifer, now." Zell glared up at the man. J-ran laughed and Zell shook his jacket, hard enough J-ran was tempted to call security. "I'm serious! Seifer's going to kill himself!"

J-ran blinked and then hit his head. He had thought Seifer was being too simple in this, but he had been drunk at the time. It made sense now, Ritual Zell, and then kill yourself and Zell is free, making up for your error with Fujin and Raijin. J-ran nodded. "To your room, boy, and fly," he stated, running behind the blonde.

"Why the hell do you care about this?" Zell called to him as they darted down steps.

"Are you kidding me? He's Her knight," J-ran replied, and Zell darted into the correct hall. J-ran cursed himself mentally; he should have been able to see that! Zell made it to the door. He twisted the handle.

It wouldn't open.

"Seifer!" Zell yelled. "Seifer, open this door!" He pounded on it. Zell heard a drawer open. "Seifer!" he yelled again. "Seifer, hynedamn you, open the fucking door!" There was a chuckle. "Why, Chicken?"

"Because I want to see you!" Zell yelled. "I have to talk with you!" More pounding, and the chuckles faded away. "I don't want you to die!" Zell cried out suddenly. "I don't want you to go away!"

The footsteps stopped, then, at least. "Chicken, I'm-"

"No! You aren't helping me by killing yourself! You're just making me sad, because I love you, you ass!"

The footsteps returned to the drawer and the door opened. Seifer was amused. Zell stood, trembling.

"I was throwing away the feminine hygiene products standard to every room, Zell." Seifer wrapped him up in a hug. "But thank you." He sighed, and Zell cried into his arms.

"I thought…I thought I was going to loose you," Zell whimpered. Seifer shook his head, twisting his body to rock Zell back and forth.

"No, baby. Not a chance." Seifer kissed the top of his head, and for that Zell was glad he didn't have any gel. "Go get some water, huh? Let's talk about this, then." Zell nodded and entered the room.

J-ran stepped up to him. "I am not so easily deceived," J-ran hissed. "Know this: If you kill yourself, I will get Zell."

Seifer glared at him. "You can't. You have to set him free."

J-ran smirked. "I can do it with a tracer, can't I? I can pick him back up when he's walking in a park." The boss turned. "Have a nice day, Knight."

Seifer's fist clenched angrily and shut the door. Zell was waiting for him, with two glasses on a sofa. "Because I love you, you ass!". The words echoed through Seifer's head. How could Zell love him? How did Zell know about the death effect?

"Let's talk," Zell told him, and Seifer sat. "First off," Zell started, "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. Second, I want you to know I love you- I wouldn't have trusted you if I didn't. Third, don't give me this crap about loving other people, and the chances I'd have with them. I'm happy here, with you."

"Not here," Seifer remarked, taking a sip. Zell shook his head, patting Seifer's leg.

"With you," Zell repeated, and Seifer felt guilty again, and that stupid nauseating feeling crept up.

"Where'd you hear about the death effect, Zell?" Seifer asked, sighing, setting his glass down. "That thing isn't mentioned unless you're the lover."

Zell nodded. "Yeah, I know. Terra and Justin got in a fight and the nice, creepy old ladies explained it to me."

Seifer nodded, picking up the cup. The legend of Terra and Justin was well-known, and in fact, he had copied it. He'd gotten the idea from Terra as she fed him his prisoner food. She had told him, "Make sure you die," with this harsh glint in her eye.

"Oh." Seifer took a sip.

"They want to know about our sex life," Zell continued, causing Seifer to cough violently. Zell realized his mistake and amended it. "The old ladies! The old ladies, not Terra and Justin!"

"We don't have one," Seifer remarked coldly, and Zell looked down, biting his lip.

"Well…" Zell started sheepishly. "Um… they gave us plenty of ideas. Mainly about food."

"Their entire life is food," Seifer muttered. Realizing Zell was serious, he shook the tattooed blonde. "You want a sex life?" he asked incuriously. "Hyne, Zell, are you serious?" He didn't think Zell would ever want him willingly, not after his huge mistake.

Zell nodded.

"I still want you, Seifer." The words echoed with a magic of their own through Seifer's head, forcing him to take calming breaths.

"Ok," Seifer stated. "We can do that, then." The smile on Zell's face suddenly made it worth it, and Seifer was inwardly pleased he could make Zell smile instead of make Zell angry, or sad.

"Thank you," Zell told him. "Do you have anything else to say?"

Seifer inhaled. "Zell, SeeD's going to attack soon, you know." Zell nodded, sipping the end of his water. "When that happens…I want you to meet me here. The rooms are actually the safest place to go; the laundry chutes lead to a huge pile of laundry and back escape tunnels. No one knows that but a few, so there won't be bodies falling on us."

Zell nodded. "All right, Seifer. I'll do that." Seifer placed his drink down and Zell gave an evil grin, sitting on Seifer's lap. Seifer managed a smile and pulled Zell down to him.

"Shall we give those old ladies something to talk about?" He whispered, sending shivers of anticipation down Zell's spine.

Zell nodded, and Seifer chuckled. "Tonight, Zell. I've got a bit to think about, and I'll get more, I'm sure." Zell gave a whine and Seifer laughed some more. "You're cute, you know."

Zell gave a grin. "Thanks, baby. I'm sorry I…sorry I thought you were gonna off yourself."

"Don't be sorry. Go cook a fine meal, my little housewife." Zell gave him the up-yours and laughed, running down the hall. Seifer laughed and then got the glasses, rinsing them off. He let the water run down them, hands in sink, water climbing up his arms. "Seifer, Seifer, Seifer," he scolded himself. "What will you do now?"

This was stupid, he remembered. He'd talked to himself about this. Zell would go back to SeeD and Seifer to wherever the hell Fujin and Raijin were, and the two would drift apart. Zell would want to seek men in his own profession, other SeeDs, much more normal and nicer and more supportive than Seifer. But Zell couldn't be with those, due to this whole ritual. It kept Zell safe in the stupid cult, but not outside- it just hurt him.

He opened the drawer and took the knife he had earlier, watching as his reflection echoed across the smooth metallic surface.

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When Seifer had mentioned SeeD would attack soon, Zell didn't think it would be three hours later. The alarm had sounded and the Co-Cooks seemed to turn into one cook, Terra, the only person in the room with fighting expertise, aside from Zell.

"Ladies!" she told them, watching as they acted like chickens with their heads cut off. "LADIES!"

The women stopped, the halls eerily quiet aside from the alarm. Terra continued. "Groups of five, ladies. To the different laundry rooms. Remember where we'll all meet up?"

"Yes," they answered automatically. Lola took a handkerchief and tied up her hair in it.

"What?" she asked the looks of her carrot-making friends. "It's not like I'm going to live through this."

The others sighed and reluctantly also placed other rebel-looking articles of clothing, Jessee going so far as writing a "fuck you SeeD" tattoo in sharpie. Terra sent off a group, and they all listened as the group ran away. Soon other groups were leaving, too. Another group, the potatoes, fled the scene.

Justin turned to her, and she pushed him out the door. "I'll die this time, don't worry," she told him, and the women around him forced him forward. Zell got a creeping feeling in his stomach. Terra pointed to the carrots, and the sandwiches at the same time. "Go," she told them sadly.

They left quickly. "Oi! Boy!" Teresa told him. "You look like a fighter." There were shouts from up above, the complex building suddenly seeming like a deathtrap in the middle of Timber. There were shots, too- things that brought back Zell's SeeD test into memory. He really hadn't been in anything like this since then, when they were hopelessly outnumbered and afraid.

Looking at the hallway, Zell decided to go for it. He flew down the stairs to his room, praying Seifer would still be there.

The ladies hollered their goodbyes, bringing out hidden weapons from their bras now that the "man" was gone.

"Take a grenade, SeeD scum!" Kat shouted, rushing up the stairs.

Zell raced through the hallways, once again hoping for Seifer to be alive. He didn't think his heart could do this anymore. This corner was familiar, he noted, and the firing grew dimmer. Finding his room, he kicked the door open. Seifer sat in the sofa, calmly. The tv wasn't on.

"Oh. I didn't think you'd be home," Seifer said nonchalantly. There was a sudden inhale, a gasp. Something was wrong, Zell realized. Why wasn't Seifer hugging him because he was safe? Why wasn't Seifer helping him into the chutes?

"Seifer?" he asked, walking over slowly. Maybe he didn't want to know, his mind told him. Whatever the caution, he made it over and gasped.

There was a pool of blood on the seat, a hole in Seifer's chest. Seifer offered him a weak smile. "You weren't supposed to see," he told Zell calmly. "You were supposed to go back to SeeD. You were supposed to live your life and be happy."

Zell took off his shirt quickly. "We've got to stop the bleeding," Zell responded, pressing it against the wound. Seifer winced, that hurt a bit. "Maybe there's a SeeD medic or-" he trailed off. "Curaga!" he shouted suddenly, but the spell bounced off a reflect Seifer had cast.

"Seifer, what have you-" Zell asked, realizing as he looked to the kitchen counter, seeing the knife and the trail of blood that led to it. "I thought we had talked about this," Zell told him, and Seifer shook his head.

"I really liked this TV," Seifer remarked offhandedly. "It was a gift from Fujin, you know. I think it was." He cocked his head. "Ah, well, I suppose it doesn't matter now."

Tears were pouring out of Zell's eyes and Zell went for the hall. "Medic!" Zell screamed. "Medic, Class A!" There wasn't anything but a few shouts and screams. An explosion above made plaster fall from the ceiling.

"Don't, Zell," Seifer called to him, coughing. "It doesn't hurt."

"Medic!" Zell screamed again, voice cracking. More explosions, more plaster. A door in front of him fell over.

"Zell?" Seifer asked. Zell turned. "I want you here. It's…It's not safe outside."

Zell swallowed and came over, sitting next to him. "Seifer?" He pressed the shirt against the wound some more, trying to buy time.

"I want you to know," Seifer said, voice straining. "You were worth this. And don't let," he took another breath, "Don't let anyone else tell you different. You're wonderful, Zell, and I love you so much."

Zell shook his head. "I don't get it Seifer. I love you."

"You don't know that," Seifer stated, closing his eyes. It was getting cold. "You don't know if you love me. This could be Stockholm syndrome for all we know. I'm going to set you free, Zell, and I'll be watching and waiting."

Shouts in the hallway upstairs. Gunfire.

Zell nodded, crying. Seifer paused. "Zell, one more thing." He took a raggedy breath, almost as if going to give a huge speech. "Somebody had to be Ultimacia, understand? Otherwise… things wouldn't work. She…she was really…really…" Seifer gasped, suddenly coughing out blood. "Hold me, Zell," he pleaded. "It's dark."

"SeeD units, area three!" came a shout, but Zell could only hear Seifer's request.

Zell obeyed without question, his chest feeling funny. "I love you," Zell told him, and Seifer smiled.

"Thank…you," Seifer told him, looking happy. His breathing grew raggedy and Zell looked for Lifes in his head, but there weren't any. Seifer took a few short breaths and soon the blood stopped flowing with a rhythm and just flowed with gravity.

"Hands up!" someone called from behind him. Zell held Seifer tighter.

"Do you have any Lifes?" Zell called to the person. "He needs…he needs help."

"Zell?" came the reply, and the person walked up. Seeing Seifer they took a breath. "Yeah, I'll try." The rival gunbladist cast life, and the wound closed up instantly.

Zell squeezed Seifer, laughing. "Seifer, Seifer we're gunna be okay!"

Squall placed a hand on Zell's shoulder lightly. "He's not breathing, Zell."

"I know," Zell stated angrily, trying to perform a curaga. It chocked into his body, but did nothing. Squall let him continue for ten full minutes before speaking again.

"He's gone, Zell."

Zell shook his head. "He can't be gone!" Zell cried. "He can't be!" Tears flowed onto a cooling body, hands gripped ones in a way that would be painful, if those hands could still feel.

Squall cast life again, but nothing happened so he pulled Zell up. "Come on, Zell. There will be more survivors, and we need to know-"

Zell nodded, getting up. "Yeah. Let's…let's go." Zell picked up a familiar, folded trench coat and carried it with him. "I just don't…wanna leave him, you know?"

"Zell, I can get SeeDs to take the body, if you'd like." Zell shook his head, tears flowing, but Squall made a note to do that anyway. He'd choose someone to make sure no one disgraced the body.

Squall walked a tired Zell out of the building without any trouble. As they exited he saw the relieved faces of SeeD friends first. Xu gave him a wave and Nida managed to say hello. The library girl even was there, and she gave him a hug. Squall took him to the refugee/prisoner camp, and Zell saw Justin sitting against the wall. Zell walked over to him, surprising Squall.

"Where's Terra?" he asked, and Justin gave a humorless laugh.

"She told me she was sorry she didn't die the first time," Justin managed. "She…she still loved me, despite all…all I did, you know?" Justin closed his eyes. "Maybe I tried too hard to…make her gone."

Zell swallowed and nodded, trying not to think of the body back inside the apartment complex. Suddenly he regretted all those stupid fights he had with Seifer. He regretted the times he'd wished Seifer would die.

Hell, he missed telling Seifer to shove it.

Squall took his shoulder comfortingly, the way Rinoa had taught him to, and led him back to the temporary headquarters. Rinoa was the first one to greet him.

"I was so worried, Zell! I'm glad to see you're safe." She gave him a quick hug and smiled. "What's that?" she asked, and Zell's lip trembled. Fujin and Raijin raced up to him, seeing him.

"SEIFER. WHERE?" Fujin asked. Zell lost control then, falling to the ground and sobbing hysterically into the coat.