I DO NOT OWN THE BREAKFAST CLUB.
Monday April 1, 1984. Shermer High School. Clarendon Hills, Illinois.
(Claire)
The frostiness between Luke and Daddy on the way to school was overshadowed by my apprehension about Michelle and Cindy and all the other girls. The idea of meeting them in the halls made me want to melt into invisibility. I wasn't ashamed of Luke. I wasn't! I swear I wasn't. But I felt all the shame of falling from grace. I had seen Michelle at work, ridiculing girls like Janie Thomas and Fran Hume just because they didn't fit in with us. Janie's teeth weren't really that big, I only noticed when Michelle made a beaver face behind Janie's back. And Fran couldn't help the acne.
But had I ever stuck up for them? No, I hadn't. I was shocked when Brian said he wanted to commit suicide. How could you feel so bad about yourself? And when I spoke to him, I was warm in my assurance he had inherent worth. But had I ever treated Fran and Janie like equals? No, I had not. I had never really seen them as real people. Just peons, people of the lower class. I thought they all looked up to us, but Brian said they had not. And why should they? We were never kind.
I was so deep stewing in these uncomfortable truths that arriving at school took me by surprise. I barely heard my father's goodbye. I snapped into focus again when I saw Luke wince, but didn't offer him help getting out of the car. He didn't like asking for or accepting help. But I could give him my affection and care in another way, so I took his hand and we walked together toward the front steps.
We had to run the gauntlet of staring students as Luke walked me to my locker. As on Friday, Allison, Bender, Brian, and Andy were there to greet us and I focused on their friendly faces. It made the stares and whispers easier to bear.
Andy had a smile for me and a gentle punch in the arm for Luke. Bender had Allison pressed up against the locker next to mine. It looked like he was talking dirty to her, from her intense blush. But when Allison caught sight of us, she disengaged from Bender.
"Goddamn richies," Bender said loudly as Cindy and Michelle walked by. They both shot him alarmed looks and sped up. "Mice. All of them mice. See how they run."
I laughed. I had never appreciated how advantageous it could be to have a scary friend. And outlaws didn't give a shit what other people thought. Maybe I was becoming an outlaw, too?
Brian, Andy and Allison had gathered around Luke as Bender and I watched Michelle and Cindy's progress. The warning bell for homeroom rang, and above the noise in the corridor, Andy shouted, "See you guys in the caf?" Wow, Andy was going to abandon the sporto table to eat lunch with the Breakfast Club?
Homeroom was no fun. I used to sit next to Anita, but since that day Luke had laid my earring on the floor, she pulled away from me in such obvious distaste, I found a new seat, in back, next to Janie Thomas. Janie was not friendly, but she did not recoil from me. And at this point, that seemed to be the most I could ask for.
The rest of the morning passed away quietly enough. I had no morning classes with any of the princess club, so there was no open jeering.
I had always thought of myself as a nice person. I never joined in Michelle's mean spirited teasing and ridicule. But absence of malice doesn't make you nice, and bearing silent witness without intervening isn't nice either. The Breakfast Club was tearing away many of my comfortable ideas about myself. It wasn't nice of me to ignore and ridicule the Breakfast Club that Monday morning. Nice, nice, nice. No, I was not a nice girl.
But this was my chance to be better, to achieve in actuality what I had been pleased to imagine before.
I stuffed my books in my locker and got out my lunch bag, one of my pretty boutique bags from the upscale mall. No brown paper bags for the princess. I held my head high as I walked past Michelle and Cindy.
"There's Claire," Michelle said unnecessarily. Everyone was already looking at me. "Going to sit with your scummy boyfriend? What's his name? Luke? Puke?" She turned to Cindy and said, "Whatever his name is, he's scum."
I stopped and faced Michelle. "Luke is talented and intelligent. Unlike you. The only thing you are good at is stepping on other people to make yourself look better. But all you do is show that you are ugly on the inside as well."
Michelle's face balled up in fury. "You'll regret that, Standish. You'll regret calling me ugly."
I continued on my way, head up and spine straight.
It's always easy to pick Bender out in a crowd, and I saw him first as I entered the cafeteria. I wove my way toward where he was sitting with Allison, Andy, Luke and Brian.
"I saw you talking to those girls. What did they have to say?" asked Allison.
"Bitches gonna be bitches," was Bender's contribution.
I laughed. "You're not wrong, Bender."
"I wouldn't want to be you, Claire," Andy said. "That Michelle is mean as a snake. Cindy isn't much better."
"Well, I told her she was ugly." I smiled with satisfaction.
Bender laughed, but Andy looked concerned. "Maybe that wasn't the best thing to do, Claire. She won't forget it."
"What was I supposed to do? Let her walk all over me? I don't care what she thinks." I actually did still care a little, a small part of me. It hurt to fall from the high pedestal I'd perched upon. I'd thought I was a ruling princess, and that made up for all the pressure my friends and parents put on me.
But this was a new life, the post Breakfast Club life. I had real friends now, friends who'd seen the inner me and still accepted me. No more folding to pressure out of fear. And it was Luke who saved me. The others would have accepted my defection, but Luke had not. He made me care about something outside my false world of perfection.
"I think you did the right thing, Claire." Brian was warm in his support.
Luke simply squeezed my hand.
When I opened my locker, I was hit with Andy's warning. He was right. There was ketchup squirted through the vents. It belted me in the stomach, this act of hostility. I was beyond tears. Why was Michelle this way? The ketchup mainly landed on my chemistry book, so I wiped it off with a couple of tissues from my purse. I got my books for the next classes and draped my lunch bag over the rest, to protect them. Next was English with Cindy. At least Michelle wouldn't be there. But Cindy was bad enough.
Cindy and I used to sit together at the front of the classroom, so I carefully skirted my usual desk and made my way to the far corner of the room. I was glad I'd arrived before her. When Cindy entered she looked around, found me and met my eye. Her cruel smile dared me to cry, but I wouldn't. I blinked and looked down at my book. She didn't turn to look at me again, and left the classroom with only one parting, malicious smile.
My final class was civics and Michelle and Cindy would be there, united. I hurried to get there before them, so I wouldn't have to walk by them on my way to my new exile at the back of the class. But I was not fast enough. Michelle and Cindy were already there.
Michelle greeted me with, "What's that on your shirt? Blood?" I looked down and was mortified to see a smear of ketchup on my blouse. Michelle and Cindy laughed. Our classmates looked on, some obviously enjoying the joke, others uninterested. With a burning face, I made my way to the back corner again. When Michelle and Cindy lost interest, I tried to wipe the ketchup with a tissue, but it didn't help, the ketchup had sunk in, ruining my favorite shirt.
I met Luke and the rest of the Breakfast Club on the front steps. When Luke hugged me, I grasped him close. His kind arms around me, I did what I had managed not to do all day. I began crying.
CAN CLAIRE STAY STRONG? REVIEWS NEEDED AND APPRECIATED.
