Disclaimer: Not mine. No money exchanged. No offence or infringement intended. Doing this just for fun.
A/N: Those who are reading I hope you're enjoying. Review and let me know what you think. Standard warnings...and Thanks to those who've reviewed already. Again, for dairygirl.
4.
The next month passed quickly, but well. Dad recovered from his cold, much to the relief of everyone. We spent most of our time together…out in the gardens, on daytrips to Muggle London, we visited with Granddad James, Grandmum Lily, Uncles Sirius, Remus and Severus, and had an afternoon with Little Siri too. Aunt Hermione came every day for Dad's check-ups and the rest of the aunts and uncles and Grandmum Molly were frequent visitors as well. Our days were bright and beautiful, filled to brimming with love and laughter. Yet at the back of everything was a rushed feeling—like we were packing our days with memories, because we only had so much time…and well, I guess we were.
The month after saw the beginning of Dad's decline. Day by day he grew weaker, finally having to rely on a floating chair. I know he hated that. The time we could spend out grew shorter as he worked harder and harder to fill his lungs—and still he sheltered me. What I know must've been incredible pain registered to me only as a dull ache.
We were all very nervous when we hit the three month mark. And it was only days in before Dad collapsed at the breakfast table. Dishes flew everywhere and tea splattered as we each rushed to reach him. In the blink of an eye, Father pulled him into his arms and flooed to St. Mungo's where he stayed for a week. I knew then that the end was coming and as Claire had said, I was afraid, well and truly afraid.
Losing Dad was going to be the most painful thing I'd ever experienced. No one I'd loved had ever died before, not like this when I was old enough to really understand loss and have death effect me in a way that would tangibly change my day to day living. After all, Grandpa Arthur, Uncle Sirius, Granddad James and Grandmum Lily…I loved them but they'd all died long before I was born. Little Siri—I loved him too; he came into the world with Claire and I and left it before we were three days old. Deep within me I'm sure I have memories of those days and of my time with him as we lay nestled beneath Dad's heart, but they are not ones I can access with my conscious mind. His absence is a silent ache I have long grown used to. I cannot bear to think of losing Dad. It hurts more than any pain I've ever imagined. To lose them both though…I could not-would not-accept it. It was unfathomable. But before he'd shuttered them, I'd clearly seen Father's eyes when Claire and I arrived at Dad's hospital bedside. There was a fatal sadness there, and in that moment I knew that he was planning.
It took four days from his return home after that horrible week in hospital for me to speak to Dad alone. They were four very long days. I finally had a chance to sneak in while Father bustled Claire off to attend to some business at Gringotts. I had a very ill feeling it had something to do with inheritances, which lent speed to my steps as I crossed the threshold of my parents' bedroom. Odd how their bed seemed so vast with just Dad propped up in it.
"Dad?"
He immediately opened his eyes and grinned wickedly, "You caught me out Alex. Don't tell your Father I wasn't sleeping."
I smirked, "I won't tell." He patted my hand in gratitude and all my mirth fled. "I-I needed to-um-talk to you about something." I hesitated trying to make the words come, but they seemed stuck in my throat.
Dad cocked his head, looked at me intently for a few moments and nodded. He raised his hand, tucked a loose lock behind my ear and sighed as his fingers traced down my jaw to land gently on my lips. "I already know" he said. "I've got it covered."
I shook my head and spoke around his fingers, "No Dad, you don't understand. I-I'm trying to tell you…Father-he—"
Dad pressed against my mouth more firmly, "Shh. It's covered." His hand shifted to my cheek. "Merlin, you look just like him. Spitting image at this age."
Tears started to burn as I realised Dad wasn't exactly with me anymore, but I had to get this out I needed his help. "Dad," I said softly, needing to get through to him, "Father is-he's—".
"Alex," he heaved an exasperated sigh. "Gods and goddesses have you always been so stubborn? I've told you. It's all been taken care of; now stop worrying yourself about your Father. He's not going anywhere."
I blinked. He did have it covered. I'm not sure how he knew—I am the family's only empathic telepath after all, but he did know, thinking on it later I figured I must've inherited my abilities from somewhere, why not Dad? Apparently my surprise was rather obvious because Dad chuckled and shook his head at me.
"Alex I have loved your father for twenty-two years. Do you honestly think I wouldn't have known? That I wouldn't see it?" He cocked an eyebrow at me and I blushed. "He'll…survive. He'll need you both, more than ever. But he'll live." A dark and determined look crossed his face. "He'd better." He added softly and pinned me with a look. In that moment I was caught in the brilliance of emerald fire. Even dulled with pain, Dad's eyes are incredibly beautiful and mesmerising. "You know I am shielding you—I can't for too much longer and once you feel it all, he'll know how bad it's been and it'll damn near kill him. I'm trying to give him time," he whispered, "time to figure out how to grieve and go on living. But he's not ready yet Alex. He's not nearly ready."
His control slipped and a hard tremor coursed through him, causing a major twinge in me as well. "But you are ready—bloody hell Dad how long?"
He turned his head away. "I have never lied to you," he began, his voice thin, "I won't ever—but that's a hard thing to answer. Too long, not long enough, it's the same either way." He pressed his lips together as another wave of pain washed over him and closed his eyes.
I raised his hands to my lips and kissed them. "Dad let me help. Please!"
Opening his eyes, he shook his head, "There's nothing for it my sweet boy. Save your strength." He closed his eyes again and a tear slipped from beneath his lashes. "Go on now love. I'm havin' a kip."
I kissed his hands again, stood and headed for the door. His soft voice stopped and caressed me as I laid my hand on the handle.
"Alex—he-he's not good at…it's hard for him to say…but he loves you. So do I."
"I know Dad," I said not turning to face him.
"Remind him of that."
I pulled the door open and stepped into the hallway, letting it fall closed behind me. Breathing hard I shut my eyes and worked frantically to keep the tears at bay. I could not break now. I would never be able to put myself back together again if I did.
Luck, it seems, was not with me, for just when I thought I'd gained control everything went to pieces. I opened my eyes to find Father standing there in front of me, concern weighting his eyes.
"Alexander?" his rich voice wrapped around me and before I knew what I was doing I'd thrown my arms around his neck.
"Don't leave us. Please, don't leave us too! If you love us you'll stay! You'll stay with us!" I sobbed so hard my frame shook and all my attempts at suppression, all my control, shook loose with it.
Suddenly it was all too much and I was falling, caught up in a maelstrom of swirling frenzied emotion. Overwhelming hurt, anger, pain, loss, and fear—oh sweet Merlin the fear! It all knocked against the walls within me and rebounded and rebounded and rebounded and I was drowning. The weight of it all was crushing me and I couldn't breathe. Some tiny bit of me knew it was empathic overload and screamed that I needed to retreat behind the walls of my magic, retreat to that place of solace and refuge—my still-point. But that voice was lost in the cacophony of chaos. It was happening too fast, it was too late to scrabble for control, I couldn't stop it, dead at 17—I was going to burn out… And then as happened those times I was stricken as a child, a voice rang out, cutting through the madness. That voice—a strong anchor to sanity.
Alexander hear me. Hear me and heed my voice. Find the still-point Alex. Lead me, it is here. You are not lost. I am here and I will not leave you. Lead us to safety.
And I could not help but obey. That voice was strength and warmth and home. It was the promise that I was never alone. Father was here and everything would be fine. And we made our way, and as suddenly as it began it was over and my mind was still.
Tbc…
