MORTAL FLAW

Chapter IV:

Celebration Part Two: Knowing and Having

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

This chapter was really hard to write; strange thing is, as I write this, I just released chapter III the day before; I'm already finished with it.

This might conclude it, I'm not sure. I think it can go any way now. I really wanted to include the want and desire that we have as human beings when it comes to someone else; it might be a bit.. much.. but I think it's on the right track. It's one of those chapters that made me sigh in sadness and in happiness within the same sitting!

Edit: Ok, I corrected the "Riddel"'s, lol.


Look at me. Look at me. C'mon, look at me.. Meet my eyes. Lift 'em.. Please.. God, you're so beautiful.. The way you sit there, head down, pouting ever so slightly.. I wish you'd look at me a little. No! Don't look down anymore; look at ME. I wish I could take your face in my hands, rub your cheeks carelessly, kiss them, kiss away the doubt.. Nah, that's corny, isn't it? Baby, what do you see? Why are you moving your thumbs one over the other, one over the other, one over the other, over and over again? I wanna take your hand in mine and move my own over it, fingers through fingers, intertwined.. Why are you starin' down still? Quit starin' down! Stare at me.. Get your eyes up and look at me a little, so I can view the colors, take in the sight.. God, your bottom lip is so full.. You keep sighing.. Tell me what's wrong.. I can't stand seeing you so perplexed..


"Aren't the festivities absolutely gorgeous?" Riddel asked the two young men sitting on each side of her as she ate from a pink, paper cup, spoon digging into layers of pale-orange cheese, folding over the bits of seared Beeba flesh which surrounded the seasoned Heckran meat like a blanket. "All that planning.. Isn't it nice to see your own handiwork undergo realization, become three dimensional? These people have not had a good reason to celebrate lately.. Everything is so peaceful.. It is such a pleasure to give them a reason." She smiled sweetly up at Karsh who returned it in turn. However, the smile had a puzzlement to it, seemed almost distant. Riddel frowned. "You are doing it again, Karsh. Tell me; what's troubling you as of late?"

If I told her, she wouldn't understand, he thought, so he smiled in return as if he was clueless to what she was going on about. "Why d'you ask, Lady Riddel? Everything's great. Better than I thought it'd be."

Riddel gasped. "Why, Karsh! You believed it would be awful, did you not? Do not lie! I can see you did!"

I'm glad she can't see into my mind. "Nahhh! I knew it'd go good. Really, I did! Really..!" He caught Glenn cradling his head in his hands; he was obviously deep in thought. "Hey, buddy. You ok over there?" And there went his heart, dropping into his stomach like a hard, lumpy stone. Buddy! That word was tormenting him.. It was excessively distant, not passionate, very commonplace.. It did not sum up his feelings that poured water-like through his body. Not at all.

Glenn shrugged without bothering to look up from his place. Karsh felt the ache pass through him again. Glenn... Don't tell me you've forgotten what happened a few minutes earlier.. You couldn't have! Not now.. I.. God, that's so damn weird to think.. Gahh! Weird!

"Say something, sir Glenn!" Riddel teased with her softest, most soothing voice. "We are here for you if there is anything you need." She laid her delicate, pale fingers upon the young man's shoulder. "Did you hear me? El Nido to Glenn.. He's not answering me, Karsh."

Karsh felt the stone drop again, harder this time. Glenn.. What was he thinking right then and there? Why did he look so.. Oh, Glenn! Say something, dammit!


You don't know me as well as you thought.. I do not want you and her to marry.. I love you too much to let that happen..Why do I interfere? I just cannot stand the way you look at her.. I have never felt this way about anyone else before.. To have you hold my hand like that, for you to put your head against mine and smile your sweet, goofy grin, for me and not for her.. It hurts.. It hurts so bad. I know you better than she does, do I not? You and I, and Dario, were best friends during childhood.. I may have only been his little brother, but.. I always admired you. Always thought of you as some.. White Knight, a hero.. When I grew older, yes.. as mine.. You, belonging to me and me only.. Me, belonging to you, and you only.. All of me.. All of you.. Every bit and piece.. I cannot believe I am JUST coming to terms with these feelings. You feel the same, do you not? You held out your hand, your rough, scarred fingers hardened by years of swordplay.. Your eyes were filled with so much... longing? Pain? What was it? Tell me.. Hold me hard against you, and let me hold you..


"Hey, Glenn.. Hey! Wait up already!"

Glenn found himself resting against the smooth, cold rail outside what used to be his quarters, looking over the deep, blue El Nido sea. He had been lost in thought when Karsh had seen him there; now, his mind was blank, worrisome, a bit tired.

"Glenn.." Karsh stood before him, hands on his own knees, panting. "We gotta talk.."

"About what?" Glenn asked with a flat tone; had he attempted normal, there would have been a note of sorrow in it. "What is there to discuss? You want my blessing, do you not? Well, you have it.."

"No.." Karsh replied as he stared deeply into the young mans eyes. "No, that ain't it at all.. Glenn, I wanna know why you said what you said.. Why can't you let me marry Riddel?" Karsh moved a little closer; he did not dare get as near as his body will him to be. "Glenn-"

"It is nothing. I was only surprised, that's all."

"I don't believe that. You gotta have somethin' else to say to me." Karsh's fingers trembled as they reached out to rest on the boys shoulder. "Tell me.. Whatever you have to say.. Let it out.. Spill your heart.."

Glenn bit back tears and turned to look at the purple headed man, who eye's were kind, searching. He leaned further against the rail while watching him, his head bowed slightly. He was having a horrible time searching for words to say.. What could he do now? He was cornered, he couldn't get away; Karsh had to know now.. Oh Karsh.. He breathed in deeply, closed his eyes, and opened them when ready.

"How long have we known each other? All these years and you've been waiting for Riddel to take notice in you, in some other way than friendship. So, naturally, what happens? She falls in love with my brother, does she not?" Glenn smiled weakly at Karsh's pained expression. "Let me ask you one question..Among those two people, who do you care for the most?"

Karsh closed his eyes this time. You, he thought. You.. Riddel- she's a dream, a fascination of mine, and I could never have her.. But could I ever have you? If I can, how much will you give me in turn? I love you.. I've been striving for Riddel, but when I look it dead in the face, when the feeling is presented to me, you're all I see.. I want you so bad, it kills me.

"Honestly," the older man replied, "the other. I do love Riddel, don't get me wrong. I always have. She's amazing; everything she does sparks my interest. Her way of speaking is extremely beautiful, her face.. God, her face is like a damn angel. Marriage is something I've told myself to go towards when it comes to her.. I've been set, even when she and Dario were gonna.." Karsh laughed angrily. "But.. Then there's the other part of me.. The part which pulls against Riddel, which drags me to-" He bit his lip in fear, feeling them tremble over his pearly whites. Oh shit, was he gonna say it? Naw, I can't! I just can't, dammit!

"Karsh..!"

"Glenn.. I.. If I tell you this, you gotta promise me not to be.. displeased, at least in front of me. If you can't bear it, then dammit, tell me now.. So I can spear myself the shame.."

"Karsh, I... I.."

Karsh held out his hand once more. "I love you."

"That.. That can't be.." Riddel whispered. "I don't believe it.."

The two young men turned to face the intruder who'd been spying on them whose eyes were filled with shock, wonder, whatever it was.

"Karsh.. This is.. I'm so happy for you!" She smiled though the sadness was apparent. "I am a bit.. stunned. I never thought you would swing in that winds direction."

"Riddel.."

"No.. I do admit, I was developing something else when it came to you and me, but.. You know my resolve. I want to find Dario.. So, this is a blessing in disguise.. At least, I'm willing to believe it is so."

Karsh let his hand drop back to his thigh. He'd admitted it. It was supposed to feel exhilarating, wasn't it? That's the first step to acknowledging your difference, and yet.. He felt like Riddel had ripped out his heart and stomped on it, leaving it there on the ground in a bloody mess. He turned to Glenn who, too, had let his own hand drop back down. What was he supposed to do now?

"Karsh.. I love you, too..!" Glenn whispered breathlessly. "What shall we-"

The purple headed man turned his face away from the younger man. He needed time to grieve, dammit.

"Karsh?" Riddel asked. "Why are you so silent? Take Glenn's hand. Here." She stepped in between the two as if her being there would help the silence die away. "Give me your-"

"Riddel, please. I just.. I gotta think for a second."


Dammit, man, what the hell's wrong with you? Why are you sittin' here, crying about a woman? He's waitin' for you.. He wants you to go to him, take him in your arms, kiss him hard, rough, and make love to him. What are doin'? Whining over worthless, childhood fantasies.. Get with it, man.. C'mon, snap out of it! He needs you more than she does.. He lost his brother years back, he needs someone to love him, he doesn't have anyone else.. Why aren't you there? Get off your ass and go to him.. Please, legs, quit trembling.. Eyes, quit floodin'.. Hands, stop shaking already! Let it all go.. I.. I..

"Karsh.."

"Glenn..?"

"Get up."

"I.. I just can't.."

"Please get up.. Karsh, here."

"It's ok now.. I love you.. I love you.. Here.."

"Don't stop kissin' me, Glenn.."

"I won't."

"You swear to god?"

"Yeah, I swear."

"Glenn.. I need you."

"I need you as well.."

"I can't stand.."

"Karsh.. Try.."

"I can't.. Glenn.. You're so warm, so beautiful.."

"Get ahold of yourself!"

"I love you.."

"I know that already! They're waiting for us.."

"What's happenin'?"

"Do you not remember, love?"

"No, babe.. I can't remember anything right now.. Only you and your lips.. Damn, don't stop kissin' me.."

"Ok.. Here, let me hold you."

"Don't you need me to hold you?"

"What..?"

"Don't you want me to be strong for you?"

"We can be strong for each other."

"Alright.. What's happenin' that we're needed?"

"Speech."

"I don't care about all that.. Get me inside.. I wanna show you something.."

"Oh, Karsh.."


"So?" Karsh smiled over to his lover. "Was it good?"

"Very.. Amazing.. I have never experienced anything so.."

"Mmm. You like it when I do this for you, don't you?"

Glenn laughed to himself. He took hold of the hand offered and kissed it lovingly. "I do.. You know I do.."

"Shall I do it again? Is it what you want?"

"Isn't it everything a man wants, love?"

Glenn smiled as Karsh laid another plate steaming plate of Squid Gut Pasta in front of him.

"Hope you can stomach seconds!"


The rest of the festival was spent in utter silence. Karsh held Glenn close to him on Termina port, overlooking the stars which bloomed eternally in the summer sky. He smiled down at him; he belonged to him.. There was nothing that was gonna snatch him away.

"Karsh..?"

"Yeah, babe?"

"When we get back to the manor, do you want to share a bed?"

Karsh smiled. Of course he did! What kind of question was that?

"There is only room for one, but I thought.. Maybe.. We could try-"

"You want me to make love to you? Glenn, baby, you know I can do that.. I don't think the manor is for us anymore, though. I mean, sure; we're still Dragoons.. But don't you want someplace private? Some place where only we are there?" Karsh hugged the younger man close. "Where we can be as loud as we-"

Glenn poked his lover hard in the ribs. "Be nice, love. I do not wish you to only make love to me; I want to be able to do the same for you, to you.. All of me for all of you."

"Agreed."

The blonde-haired man leaned against him and took in the deep, masculine smell Karsh possessed in abundance. "All I want to do is sleep now.. Why is that..? Why do I just want to fall asleep right here, with you, on this pier?"

"The feeling is mutual.. You in my arms, against the soft, incoming breeze.. Just us.. Just-"

With that, he yawned into his fist and wrapped his arm around Glenn tighter, letting the wind blow across their sleepy, supine bodies.