Part Three

"Hey! This idiotic mortal challenged me in my own temple! Do you think that I'd actually turn him down, 'Dite? Do you know what would happen if I said forget it?" Apollo suddenly appeared in the room and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'd never live it down! I'd be the laughingstock of Mount Olympus because I didn't compete against Jerkster the Not-So-Mighty!"

"You!" The Love Goddess rose to her feet and stormed over to the Sun God. She flicked his ear with her fingers before he could move away from her, making him howl.

"Somebody's in trouble!" Cupid said in a singsong voice, giggling.

"Be quiet, Cupie!" The Goddess tossed her gorgeous curls over her shoulder then turned back to her brother. She continued her abuse of Apollo's ear with relish, twisting the appendage mercilessly. The God's eyes widened at the pain shooting through his body and he yelled again. "Are you gonna lay off my boy Joxer or what? Well? Or am I going to have to get really rough?"

"Aphrodite, stop it!" Joxer put the harp down and rose to his feet.

Gabrielle sat on the bed, not saying a word. The bard watched in silent astonishment and more than a little discomfort as Aphrodite gave Apollo a little taste of what she used to do to Joxer on a regular basis.

The Goddess turned around, still holding Apollo's ear between her fingers. "Why should I? One wrong move and you're like his totally brain-dead lackey for the rest of your life! Do you really want to spend part of it washing those wicked skanky feet of his? EWWW! I'm not gonna let that happen to you, Studmuffin!" She twisted the God's ear again, making Apollo screech.

"Aphrodite, I appreciate what you're trying to do. I really do," Joxer said softly. "But I challenged Apollo fair and square to this contest so I can free Princess Meliai, and I won't go back on my word."

"What's to say that he won't and cheat just to get his way, huh?" Aphrodite queried. "This is the guy who used to like to put gum and glue on the seats when we were kids! Totally icky!"

"I won't!" Apollo squeaked. "I promise to compete with the mortal fairly!"

The Goddess gazed into her brother's eyes and she loosened her grip on his ear slightly. "Are you totally giving me the goods, 'Pollo?" she asked suspiciously.

"Yes! I promise to compete with Jerk-Joxer..." The God of the Sun and Music amended his words hastily when Aphrodite's grip tightened on his ear again. "...fairly. I won't take away his playing ability. Now please let go of my ear!" he finished with a whimper.

The Love Goddess glared at him for a moment before she gave one final twist of the ear before letting Apollo go. She watched as her brother rubbed at his ear before turning to look at Joxer. She gazed at the warrior wannabe for a long time, not saying a word, just staring into his dark brown eyes until he blushed and lowered his gaze.

Aphrodite's face softened again as she took in what she had seen in Joxer's eyes, and she sighed. "All right! You two can have this totally grody competition, but I still think that it sucks!" she agreed, throwing her hands up in the air. She turned back to her brother and snapped, "One wrong move, and it'll be more than an ear twist for you, comprende, 'Pollo?"

"Okay! Okay! I get the idea already!" Apollo held up his hands in surrender. Before Aphrodite could retort a smart-aleck remark, the room started shaking with the sound of thunder.

"Oh wonderful! Here comes more trouble!" Gabrielle mumbled under her breath as Zeus and Hera appeared.

"I have had enough of this!" Zeus bellowed. "I permit you to have this contest with the mortal Joxer, my son. I've chosen three Gods and one mortal to judge." Apollo looked surprised. "A mortal?"

"Yes, to be fair. I have chosen Ares, Hermes, Athena, and the mortal I have chosen is Hercules." Zeus looked at Aphrodite, who was about to say something. "Don't say anything, my daughter. You were not chosen for this contest because you have a strong attachment to this human." He gestured at Joxer before continuing. "However, you may stay to support him." He then motioned towards Gabrielle. "Xena's young friend may also stay to witness this contest and support her friend."

"But why Jerku... him? Why not somebody else?" Apollo protested. "Dad..." he whined.

Zeus glared at Apollo and the young God said no more. "I have chosen him, Apollo, and that is my final word on the subject. Now, are you two ready?"

Joxer bowed respectfully in Zeus' and Hera's direction. "I'm ready."

Gabrielle reached out and took Joxer's hand. Joxer turned around to face the bard. "Gabrielle, there's something I need to tell you," he said quietly.

"Joxer, can't it wait?"

Joxer shook his head. "No, it can't. Gabrielle, I want you to know that no matter what happens, you will always now and forever be in my heart."

Gabrielle smiled sadly. "Come on. If you're going to do this, then let's go."

"Well, it's about time you got a clue!" Aphrodite sniffed as she watched the two.

Gabrielle's head turned in the Goddess' direction. "What did you say?" she snapped.

Aphrodite giggled, but sobered up when Cupid joined her at her side and scowled. "I said that I was wondering how my boy Joxer was going to do!" she quickly fibbed.

Gabrielle nodded. "Okay." She turned around and continued walking next to Joxer.

"Mom..." Cupid whispered in his mother's ear.

"I know! I know!" Aphrodite sighed and they followed behind Gabrielle and Joxer.

The Gods all turned and looked as Apollo and Joxer came into the great hall from opposite directions. Some of the Gods cheered while others jeered. Apollo raised his hands and the cheering increased. "Come on, Apollo! Show that stupid human what real music sounds like!" a God yelled. The jeering and insults increased in volume.

Zeus stood up and suddenly it became silent in the great hall as everybody turned to face him. "This mortal named Joxer has challenged Apollo to a musical duel. These three Gods- " he said, pointing to Ares, Hermes, and Athena, "- and my son Hercules, to represent the mortals, will act as judges. They have all agreed to be fair and impartial during this contest."

Zeus turned to Apollo and Joxer. "These are the rules. You each will play three songs - one song apiece during three days of competition. Each day will have a theme that your songs must be based upon. The first day's theme is joy. The second day's theme is sadness, and the final day's theme is hope. The one that can make all the judges laugh, cry, and believe in the impossible will be the winner. Do either of you have any questions?"

Apollo and Joxer both shook their heads.

Zeus inclined his head forward. "Very well. The first part of the competition will commence, then. Who wishes to go first?"

Apollo step forward. "I do, Father. Joxer's the one who challenged me. It is my right to."

"Very well. Apollo, you may go first," Zeus agreed.

Ares leaned over to whisper in Athena's ear. "This should be a barrel of laughs! I can't wait until that jester loses this challenge."

"We do have to judge fairly. You know what Father said would happen if we didn't."

Ares sighed and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I know. Do you really think he'd make us mortals?"

"I wouldn't put it past him, so if I were you, I'd judge fairly. Besides, haven't you learned your lesson after you were temporarily mortal, Brother?" Athena observed quietly.

"Hey! Not a problem. There's no way that Jokester the Mighty Doofus is going to beat Apollo anyway!" Ares said with a huge grin.

Hercules looked towards Ares and Athena suspiciously but said nothing. Apollo took out his harp and began to play. As he played a fast and lively tune, the judges listened.

Suddenly Hermes began to laugh. Athena soon followed but only with a small chuckle. However, neither Ares nor Hercules changed expression.

Eventually Zeus raised his hand. "Enough! Joxer, it is your turn."

Gabrielle squeezed his hand. "Good luck."

Joxer smiled at her quickly, walked up to the center of the room and began to play. The four judges listened as the harp seemed to sing out with laughter and joy as Joxer played. Ares tried his best to keep a straight face but a smile broke out followed by a chuckle and soon Hercules began laughing too. Hermes and Athena were also laughing at Joxer's song.

"The first round goes to Joxer," Zeus announced. "The second round will be at the same time tomorrow."

Apollo stared angrily at Joxer, not believing that he had actually lost to a mortal. Joxer shuddered a little but turned around and left the hall to prepare himself for the next round, Gabrielle walking next to him.

"Xena! Please, you need to rest!"

"If you don't let me up, I'll tear you apart!"

Apollo's follower backed away. Jett smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "She can be a bit of a grouch sometimes," he said for an explanation.

Xena grabbed Jett by his tunic collar. "We need to get to Mount Olympus!" Jett had explained everything to Xena when she woke up the next day and he stared at her as she reacted to his explanation. "And how do you propose that we do that, huh?"

Before Xena could answer him, they both found themselves sitting next to Aphrodite. "Yo! I never thought I'd turn into a mortal transportation service, but I figure that Studmuffin could use all the positive karma he could get up here!" she said to them with a gorgeous smile.

Xena gave no reply as they sat and watched but her eyes were bright and alert. Apollo was staring at Joxer, wondering how such a lowly mortal could have beat him in the first challenge. He knew that he had to do better this round. Making a God cry, especially Ares and Athena, was going to be hard and he needed a song that would work. He closed his eyes and began to play.

Hercules tried his best not to cry but a tear escaped his eyes. Hermes also cried. Ares and Athena stared for some time at their brother, but then Athena sniffed. Ares remained unmoved.

Zeus ordered Joxer to go next. Joxer reached into the recesses of his very soul, reliving memories of his childhood and allowing those feelings to influence his playing. The soft, haunting, yet sweet melancholy of his song filled the hall. Gabrielle felt her heart jump into her throat and her eyes began to burn. Everyone in the great hall fell silent as they listened to Joxer's playing and tears came to their eyes. However, Joxer's playing resulted in the same reaction that Apollo had gotten: all wept except for Ares.

Zeus raised his hand to indicate that Joxer should stop playing. "Since neither of you made Ares cry, this round is a draw."

Gabrielle stepped forward. "Joxer made all the other Gods in this hall cry!" she protested.

Zeus looked at her sternly. "They are not judging this contest, mortal, and I suggest that you keep quiet."

"But how can you say it's a draw?" she protested.

"Because it is. The final round is tomorrow."

The four friends returned to Joxer's room. Joxer looked at Xena and smiled in relief. "Xena, you're all right!"

Xena returned the smile and nodded. "I still feel a little weak, but yeah, I'm all right."

"A little weak?" questioned Jett. "I'd hate to see you totally weak!"

"Xena, what are we going to do? Joxer's been doing great up there, but this last challenge was a draw. If Apollo wins the next round, then what?"

"I don't know." Xena turned to Joxer. "Explain what the rules are."

Joxer and Gabrielle told Xena everything. Xena thought for a moment. "The last round will be the hardest. Gods don't believe in faith and it will be very hard to convince them."

"I just don't understand why Ares didn't cry," Joxer said quietly.

"Because he has no heart," replied Gabrielle.

"No, Gabrielle. He does have a heart. In his own way he loves Xena, and you need a heart to love," said Joxer.

His friends and his brother stared at him in surprise. "You're right, Joxer." "Thanks, Xena!"

Xena saw that Gabrielle still had her chakram. "Gabrielle, could I have that back?"

The bard looked at her and sadly shook her head. "No. Not until Apollo takes the spell off, and he won't unless Joxer beats him." Xena nodded as Joxer sat down on the bed to practice.

Apollo paced up and down in his chamber. "How could that idiot beat me in the first round and then everything ended in a draw in the second round?"

"Calm down, will you?"

"Don't tell me to calm down, Ares! I've got to win this or I'll be the laughingstock of Mount Olympus!" Apollo shouted. "And you will... Look. This helps me too," Ares said in a soft voice.

Apollo frowned. "How?"

"If Joxer loses to you - and he will, you get him as a mindless slave. I get him out of Xena's life. Then, without him, his brother goes back to his old ways and eventually gets his ass hauled back to prison and I'll get Xena."

"I don't see how you can say that. Joxer's playing is great!"

Ares placed his arm around Apollo, who shook him off. Ares just smiled before he replied, "Joxer plays well because of you, my dear brother. You were the one that gave him that ability in the first place. All you've got to do is take it away from him," he pointed out.

Apollo stared at him. "I said I would win this fairly, and I will. If I can't beat Joxer without having to resort to tricks, I don't deserve to win."

"I'm glad to see you decided to play fair, Apollo."

Both Gods looked up as Hercules entered Apollo's chamber. Ares growled at him. "No one asked you to be here! I can't believe that Mother could possibly be glad to see you here! I know I'm not!"

"I could care less what Hera thinks. I'm here for my friends."

Suddenly the room began to shake and a very angry Zeus appeared in the middle of the room. "ARES!" Ares gulped at the furious glare on his father's face. "Do you think I'm deaf and can't hear what you're planning? I had thought that you would be fair, but I see I was wrong."

"Hey! I'm the God of war, not music. What do I know about music?" "I chose you because you are one of my higher Gods but I will not tolerate cheating of any kind during this contest! You do remember what I said, don't you?"

"Father, I can't survive as a mortal!"

"You brought this upon yourself, my son."

"Zeus, wait! Why not just take him off the judging committee and pick another God?"

"I don't need your help!" Ares growled at Hercules.

Hercules rolled his eyes. "I'm not helping you. I'm helping mankind. You're not a pretty sight as a mortal."

Zeus rubbed his chin, considering Hercules' words. "Very well. Ares, I have decided upon the following punishment for you. Your powers will be removed while the contest goes on. This way I can insure that you do nothing to disrupt the competition. I will return them later - at a time of my choosing." Before Ares could say anything to protest, Zeus held out his hands and a bright light surrounded the God of War. Ares gasped as his powers were taken away and his body sagged forward. "Now Ares may judge."

"Is that wise? He might still cheat," Hercules pointed out.

"I've heard Joxer play and I'm glad I'm not judging. I must return to Hera now. She, well, let's just say it was the only way she agree to behave herself while you were here, son." Zeus winked at Hercules and then vanished.

They all watched as Zeus left. "That was something that I just didn't need to know!" the demigod mumbled. Apollo nodded in agreement, making a face.
Ares picked up a vase and threw it against the wall, where it shattered into several pieces. "DAMN HIM!" he bellowed.

Suddenly they heard a strong and angry voice. "Ares, that was one of my favorite vases! I want to see you right now!"

"But Mother...!"

"NOW! AND STOP THAT WHINING!"

Hercules shook his head "You should have known better," he said as he leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Oh shut up, you half breed!" Ares snarled as he stormed from the room.

"Well, there went Dad's nookie out the window," Apollo observed as he watched Ares leave. Then he shuddered, realizing what he said. "Oh, ick!"

When Ares came into the throne room, he saw that his parents were seated on their thrones. Hera's ice blue eyes flashed with anger as she stood up and pointed at Ares. "Zeus was easy on you, but I will not be so merciful!"

"M-M-Mother?"

"Zeus took your powers away to punish you, but I'll do more than that! No one breaks something of mine, not even my son, and gets away with it!"

"Aw! Come on!"

Hera raised her hand. Sparks flew from her fingertips, engulfing Ares. When the sparks went away, a raven stood in the place where the temporarily mortal God of War had been standing. She reached down, grabbed him before he could fly away, and put him in a cage. "Zeus, I believe that you will need to pick another judge due to extenuating circumstances." She then gazed at her transformed son. "Oh, and by the way, even if Joxer becomes a mindless slave and Jett goes back to prison, that will not bring Xena running back to you."

Zeus turned to one of his servants. "Please ask Hestia to come and see me now." The servant bowed and left the throne room. He searched for a bit but eventually he found the Goddess. "Zeus wishes to see you," he told her. Hestia nodded and followed the servant back to the throne room.

Hestia walked in and bowed in Zeus' direction. "Yes, my brother? How may I assist you?"

"Ares is no longer one of the judges for the music contest between Apollo and the mortal Joxer. I have chosen you to take his place for the final round tomorrow."

Hestia bowed again and replied, "It will be done by your command."

"Thank you. You may leave," Zeus said. He turned to face Hera as Hestia left.

"What chance do you think Joxer has against Apollo in the last contest?"

Hera studied her long nails before answering him. "Why do you ask this, my husband? We already know who will win. After all, we are the King and Queen of the Gods. I will be waiting for you in my chambers." She rose to her feet and began to leave the room, but turned around to look at Zeus as she stood before the threshold. "Do not fail to show up, or I may have a new trophy head on my wall." She walked over the threshold and continued with a soft, "And Zeus, make sure that you feed Ares."

Gabrielle paced back and forth in the room that she and Xena were provided with for their stay on Mount Olympus. Xena sat on her bed and watched her with a raised eyebrow. "Do you mind?"

"Xena, the contest is in one hour! Do you think Joxer can win? Yeah, silly question! Of course he can win. But then again, making the Gods believe! They make their own faith..."

"Gabrielle, will you stop ranting? It's getting on my nerves!"

Gabrielle stopped her pacing and stared at Xena, a blush staining her cheeks. "Uh... Oh. Sorry, Xena."

"It's all right, Gabrielle. Look, why don't you go down to Joxer and Jett's room and see him before the contest?" Xena suggested.

"Yeah. Jox could use your company."

The two women turned around as Jett entered the room. "Hi, Jett. How's Joxer doing?" Gabrielle asked.

Jett frowned a little. "He's fine, but I think he's a little nervous. Right now, he's singing." He paused for a moment. "It's kind of sad in some parts. I had to leave before I lost it," he admitted quietly.

Gabrielle quickly left the room. If Joxer's singing a sad song, then he's definitely upset, she thought to herself. As she hurried down to his room, she heard his voice as it drifted through the halls. She then stopped and leaned against the wall to support herself as her knees grew weak when she realized that the words to the song told a familiar tale.

Steeling herself, Gabrielle pushed away from the wall and walked towards Joxer's room. She slowly and quietly entered his room and saw that Joxer was sitting on the bed facing the wall with his head bowed. She listened as Joxer sang and her eyes welled with tears as she listened to him singing about how she had become an Amazon.

Joxer slowly realized that he wasn't alone in the room and he stopped singing. He raised his head and turned around to see who was with him. His face turned even paler than normal and his eyes grew wide.

"Why did you stop? It was so beautiful," Gabrielle whispered.

"Gabrielle..."

The bard walked over to Joxer and sat down on the bed next to him. "Joxer." Gabrielle couldn't find the words to continue, so she reached out and held his hands.

He smiled sadly. "I guess you're wondering about the song?" he asked.

She nodded.

"Well... You see, I'm not a fighter like you and Xena and I needed another way to make money since I gave gambling up," Joxer slowly began. Gabrielle squeezed his hands gently and waited for him to go on. "So, I began to sing your stories for other people. It brings in a good crowd."

"How do you know them so well?"

Joxer scratched behind his ear, bit his lip nervously and gazed at Gabrielle.

"I've got this sort of curse, at least that's what Father calls it." "Curse?"

"I can hear something once or twice and remember it word by word."

"Joxer, you never told us you could do that."

Joxer pulled away from her. "It's a curse, Gabrielle. Why would I tell you about a curse?"

Gabrielle gently pressed one hand against his cheek while still holding his other hand. "Joxer, having the ability to do anything that beautiful and wonderful isn't a curse, no matter what your father's told you!" She looked at him. "Please sing another one for me," she requested.

Joxer looked at her and gently squeezed her hand. "Are you sure?" he asked.

Gabrielle nodded. "Yes. I'm sure."

Joxer nodded and softly sung the very first story Gabrielle ever told him. As he sang, Gabrielle found herself moving towards him, putting her arms around him and holding him close to her.

A throat was cleared and the two turned around to see a female servant standing in the doorway. "I hate to interrupt, but the contest is ready to continue," she told them.

"Thank you. We will be there soon," Joxer said.

The servant nodded and left them.

Joxer looked at Gabrielle and sighed. "Gabrielle, how I make my money has been my secret for a long time," he said quietly as he rose to his feet.

Gabrielle smiled at him as she rose to hers. "And now it is ours. I promise that I'll never tell anyone - not even Xena. It's your choice to tell it when you're ready."

"Thanks, Gabrielle." Joxer sighed. "Well, we better get going."

The two walked into the hallway. "Are you nervous?" Gabrielle asked.

"I'd be lying if I said no, but I came this far and there's no turning back now," Joxer replied.

Gabrielle took his hand and together they left the room. Xena and Jett were waiting for them outside. "Well, Jox. Today's the big day. So as I once heard Jace say, break a leg."

Joxer frowned at his brother's words. "Jett, why would you want me to break my leg? That's the last thing I want to worry about!"

"Jox, it's just a figure of speech. It means good luck," Jett explained patiently.

Joxer rolled his eyes. "Then just say good luck!"

Jett snorted with laughter. "Okay then. Good luck."

"Thanks."

"Gabrielle, Jett and I are going to our seats. We'll see you after the contest."

"Let's just all go in together," the bard suggested.

Xena nodded in agreement. "All right, Gabrielle."

The four friends walked down the corridor and entered the great hall. Xena and Jett walked over to their places next to Aphrodite, who gave them a thumbs-up signal and a gorgeous grin as they sat down next to her.

Joxer and Gabrielle went over and sat down next to Apollo. Everyone started talking at once. A servant eventually came out and announced Zeus and Hera. The King and Queen of the Gods entered the Great Hall and everybody was surprised to see that Hera was carrying a birdcage with a raven inside it and it was squawking up a storm. Zeus leaned over and whispered to his wife, "Did you really have to bring him?"

"And what? Have him miss the final contest? Don't be silly," Hera replied. She then took her seat and placed the cage on the stand beside her.

Zeus shook his head and sighed as he raised his hands for silence. "Today is the last contest between Apollo and the mortal Joxer," he began.

Zeus motioned for Apollo and Joxer to stand. Once they did so, he continued explaining the rules. "For this final part of the competition, you must do something that can't be done on Mount Olympus. It may be anything you wish, but you must make the judges believe the impossible and that you did it without anybody's assistance." He turned to the rest of the assembled Gods and Goddesses. "One more thing: we have a new judge - my sister Hestia, who has graciously agreed to take Ares' place. He defied me and was punished for it," Zeus said as he pointed at the squawking raven.

Xena smirked and murmured, "It couldn't have happened to a nicer guy."

"HA! That's nothing! Daddykins should've let me take a crack at Mister War on the Brain! By the time I'd have finished with him, he'd be wishing that he was sitting in that cage next to Cow Face!" Aphrodite sniffed.

Jett gazed at the Warrior Princess and Love Goddess with wide eyes. "I'm glad I'm not your enemy," he mumbled.

Gabrielle looked over at Joxer and noticed that he was flinching. She reached out for his hand and squeezed it in reassurance. He looked at her and smiled weakly.

"Apollo, you may go first," said Zeus.

Apollo stepped forward and began to play as Joxer sat down next to Gabrielle. His music was fast and furious in tone. The wind began blowing hard and the sky overhead became dark and menacing. Then, rain suddenly began pouring down in sheets inside the great hall. The Gods and Goddesses tried their best not to get wet, but for some unknown reason they couldn't.

Xena shouted over the raging storm, "WHAT'S GOING ON? WHY IS IT RAINING LIKE THIS?"

Cupid replied as loud as he could, "IT'S NOT SUPPOSED TO! APOLLO MUST'VE DONE IT WITH HIS MUSIC!"

"'POLLO, YOU'RE DEAD MEAT ONCE THIS CONTEST IS OVER! YOU LIKE TOTALLY RUINED MY BRAND NEW OUTFIT!" Aphrodite screeched, pushing her soaking wet hair away from her face. She squealed indignantly when she stamped her slippered foot on the floor and got splashed by the water from the huge puddle that had formed there.

Apollo stopped playing eventually, but the rain continued to pour down inside the great hall. He walked back over to where Joxer was sitting and gave him a smug look as he took his own seat. Joxer swallowed hard, but stood up and went before the dripping wet judges. He bowed to them in a gesture of respect, and once given the signal, he began to play.

Joxer's music was strong but gentle as the rain continued its heavy downpour inside the great hall. Suddenly the rain stopped and the sun broke through, shining down on everyone. The Gods suddenly began to cheer Joxer instead of jeering him.

Jett stood up and whistled his approval. "I knew you could do it, Jox! I never had a doubt!"

Xena looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "Not even the slightest bit of one?" she asked dryly.

Jett shrugged his shoulders. "Well..."

Zeus stood up and raised his hands for silence. "The judges will now leave here to debate about who is the winner of this competition and they will not return until a decision has been made."

It was an hour later before the four returned to the great hall and took their seats. Hestia stood up and faced everyone once the hall was silent. "This was a very hard choice for us to make," she began in her soft and gentle voice.

"Apollo and Joxer made us believe in the impossible and both of them played their best in the competitions that were held over these past three days. However, we have chosen Joxer as the overall winner of this musical duel, for he made the sun come out and since Apollo is the Sun God, Joxer shouldn't have been able to do it, but he did."

Gabrielle hugged Joxer tightly and whispered, "I knew you could do it!" as cheers rose up in the great hall and the transformed Ares' angry squawking increased in volume. Joxer smiled and blushed a little as Xena, Jett, and Aphrodite joined them.

The Goddess was bubbling over with joy. "Yay, Studmuffin! Way to go! WOO HOO!" she crowed.

End of Part Three