Title: Dizzy

Author: Hawk Clowd

Disclaimer: So far as I know, I own nothing. Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami and I wouldn't take it away from her for anything in the world. I just like to play.

Blood Type: Something flammable -- times two! -- simply because you could light a match and both Ryuichi and Tatsuha would be on fire.

Warnings: Very few.

Part: Three

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Tatsuha's first night of making nosy phone calls and inquiries proved fruitless. He quickly discovered that Ryuichi had, about a year ago, moved out of his apartment to some anonymous place, and no one would tell Tatsuha where. The people who knew were keeping quiet about it, even after he told them who he was and assured them that yes, he really did know Sakuma Ryuichi, and no, he wasn't just some raging fanboy trying to track down his idol of the moment. And then once those people knew who he was, they would still refuse to give him a hint! Even Ukai Noriko, who had helped him a great deal the last time he had talked to her, wasn't saying a word. Tatsuha simply didn't understand why, and he eventually fell asleep with the phone still pressed to his ear, discouraged but still determined.

He would find Sakuma Ryuichi. He just had to. They had made a promise, and Tatsuha (almost) never broke promises.

It was the sound of something breaking in the kitchen that startled Tatsuha awake the next morning. Upon awakening, the first thing Tatsuha did was fall out of bed. He lay there, stunned and tangled in a mess of bed sheets, for a long while as he regained his bearings. He heard Eiri's footsteps hurry in from the master bedroom, a hurried explanation from Shuichi, Eiri's exasperated "can't I leave you alone for two minutes?", and then a frantic, mumbled apology from Shuichi. Tatsuha sighed and got to his feet. At least this place was rarely boring.

When Tatsuha tentatively entered the kitchen, Eiri, dressed in his pajama bottoms but nothing else, was down on his hands and knees, lumbering around the kitchen floor to clean up what looked to be the remains of a ceramic bowl, one hand covered by a wet towel. Shuichi was dressed in boxers, a t-shirt, and socks, and looked both guilty and a little flustered where he stood by the sink and was, to Eiri's obvious annoyance, still apologizing. Eiri periodically interrupted Shuichi and insisted that the apologies were unnecessary, simultaneously telling Shuichi to be quiet and stop worrying about a stupid bowl. Tatsuha watched the scene for a few moments and then cleared his throat loudly. Shuichi jumped a little and looked over to see Tatsuha, whom he had apparently forgotten. Eiri noticed Shuichi's jump and turned over his shoulder to see Tatsuha, cutting his finger in the process. He cursed, put his wounded finger into his mouth, and continued to clean with his uninjured and towel-covered hand.

Shuichi tried a smile. "Did we wake you up? I'm sorry! I was just getting ready for work and stuff and I knocked the bowl off the table and it broke and made a huge mess everywhere and then Yuki woke up and I guess --"

"Shut up and pour me some coffee," Eiri ordered, effectively silencing Shuichi for the time being.

Shuichi quickly scrambled to do as he was told, dodging the bits of ceramic still on the floor to collect a coffee mug, grounds, and, of course, the coffee maker, which was apparently in the habit of misplacing itself. His silence did not last long; as he jumped over Eiri's pile of ceramic shards, he started talking again.

"Did you sleep well?" he asked Tatsuha.

Shuichi skidded a little when his socked feet met the floor again and Eiri hastily dropped his handful of pottery and removed his injured finger from his mouth, grabbed Shuichi's arms, and adjusted the singer to help him regain his balance and keep him from falling to the floor. Shuichi didn't even seem to notice and, once Shuichi was back on his feet, Eiri went wordlessly went back to picking up broken shards of ceramic. Business as usual.

"You're the first person to sleep in that bed, you know, and so you should let us know if it's bad so we can go get a different one or something. Then you can test that one out for us, too! I tried testing them out in the store, but Yuki wouldn't let me jump on them properly or anything -- not that I think you should jump on them. Please don't. We get enough complaints from the people downstairs as it is, you know. But in any case, I couldn't test them out in the store and we just bought one because Yuki said it looked okay. Like you can tell if a mattress is any good just by looking at it! You would think he was the world's leading expert on mattresses or --"

Eiri interrupted smoothly. "Aren't you running late for work?" he asked as he dumped shards of the broken bowl into the trash.

Shuichi paused and then, after he looked at the clock and eeped, ran off to the bedroom to finish getting dressed while the coffee brewed and Eiri finished cleaning up the floor, tossing the wet cloth onto the counter by the sink once he was done with it. Tatsuha watched Shuichi go and then shifted his gaze to Eiri. He could already feel the beginnings of an idea nagging at the corner of his thoughts.

"Brat," Eiri mumbled when Shuichi had disappeared. The singing started almost immediately, and Eiri rolled his eyes as snatches of song trailed out of the bedroom and back into the kitchen. "He can't do anything without singing about it."

Tatsuha laughed a little and listened to the tune for a moment. It was a familiar tune, one he recognized from the radio, but the words were mostly nonsense and involved, at that particular moment, something about putting on socks. "At least he isn't half bad," Tatsuha pointed out.

Eiri snorted. "Whatever."

"You don't hate it as much as you say you do," Tatsuha said.

Eiri ignored him.

Tatsuha paused. "The mattress sucks, you know."

"I know," Eiri said. "I'm trying to discourage people from staying for more than one night at a time."

The two brothers glanced at one another and smiled as they shared a brief but silent confidence. Shuichi darted back in not long afterward, still humming the tune of his sock song, and went immediately to the coffee maker to pour out a cup for Eiri, who suddenly feigned interest in the cut on his finger. Shuichi poured the coffee as he walked.

"Have you ever had one of those mornings where you wake up and just know you're going to have a bizarre kind of day?" Shuichi asked brightly. "I mean, when you look out the window and bam! It just hits you?"

"The window hit you?"

Shuichi shot Tatsuha a disparaging look. "You're being silly."

Tatsuha simply shrugged. Guilty. He paused and then, at last, put his hastily-sketched plan into motion. "Shuichi?" he began.

"Hm?" The singer passed Eiri the coffee mug and blew a breath of air upward to get some hair out of his face. When that didn't work, Shuichi swiped at the hair instead.

Tatsuha hesitated for only a moment. "Can I go to work with you today?"

There was the slightest of pauses as the question registered and then, suddenly, the carafe Shuichi had been holding in his hand fell, hit the floor, and broke apart. Glass and coffee skittered across the floor and Shuichi jumped away so as not to get splashed. Eiri cursed, set his mug down on the table, and reached for the recently discarded wet cloth by the sink so he could clean the kitchen floor for the second time in fifteen minutes.

"I'm sorry!" Shuichi exclaimed. "It just slipped out of my hand and went ker-rash and I promise I'll --"

"We'll buy a new one," Eiri interjected. He sounded far less annoyed than Tatsuha had expected, but Shuichi sounded a great deal less worried about the carafe than he had been about the bowl. Eiri glanced in Tatsuha's direction. "Tatsuha will help me find a replacement," he continued.

Tatsuha started to protest, but Eiri and Shuichi exchanged what looked to be a meaningful glance and he decided not to, if only because of what he saw in that look. Shuichi had looked thankful. Eiri had looked as though he understood why. Tatsuha wondered -- for neither the first nor last time that day -- what was going on.

It would be several days before Tatsuha found out what that might be, however. Eiri did indeed drag him to the store to find a new carafe for the coffee maker, and he was strangely particular about the damn thing, too, so he managed to waste Tatsuha's entire day. And then, to top it off, Eiri's sudden interest in his company continued! Every time Tatsuha concocted a plan to get close to Sakuma Ryuichi, Eiri and Shuichi would already have something else in mind. The next time Tatsuha asked to go with Shuichi to work, Eiri told him he had already purchased tickets to a show on the other side of Tokyo. When Tatsuha not-so-subtly suggested that the three of them go to a concert featuring a new band -- an event no NG professional would be likely to miss -- Eiri and Shuichi suggested, equally not-so-subtly, a dinner out with some of Eiri's friends.

Tatsuha hadn't even known Eiri had friends.

Things eventually got to the point where Tatsuha was afraid to request a trip to the bathroom, just in case the disastrous duo guided him down a long hallway in the opposite direction. Eiri was spending more time with Tatsuha than Tatsuha could remember having spent with his brother in their entire lives. Shuichi was making a point of having days off on the days Tatsuha just knew Ryuichi would be in the studio. It was impossible to escape. And, really, it was all very suspicious.

Almost a full week after Shuichi broke the bowl and carafe, Tatsuha was carted off to dinner with Eiri, Shuichi, and some girl one of them knew from somewhere Tatsuha couldn't quite remember. The girl was obviously meant to keep his mind off of other important matters, like finding Sakuma Ryuichi, and she was doing a good job of it, too. The chick had a huge rack, the finest ass in Japan, and a pair of legs that even Eiri was continuously straining his eyes to see. Her other features weren't bad, either, and Tatsuha found himself having a hard time keeping his mind on anything other than her... uh... assets. It almost worked, too. Indeed, it probably would have worked. The girl, whose name was possibly Yumi but Tatsuha couldn't quite be sure, had Tatsuha engaged in a fantastic conversation throughout the evening and Eiri and Shuichi were continuously requesting that more drinks be brought to the table, perhaps to aid Yumi in completely numbing Tatsuha's brain. Tatsuha was halfway through his fourth glass of something tall, green, and sour when he heard Shuichi whisper 'shit' and saw Eiri half-turn to see what Shuichi was looking at. The word and the half-turn were accompanied by the sound of the doors behind Tatsuha and Yumi opening, so Tatsuha turned to look as well.

He didn't understand, at first, why Shuichi had cursed. Coming through the door was none other than his idol, his dream, his love: Sakuma Ryuichi. Tatsuha's heart trilled and he even started to stand up to greet the man of his dreams... when he realized there was a young woman hanging onto Ryuichi's arm.

A very pretty young woman.

Who was smiling at Ryuichi like an idiot.

At whom Ryuichi was idiotically smiling back.

Who was wearing Sakuma Ryuichi's jacket -- the one he had worn in the "Be There" video with the little rhinestones on the sleeve -- like she owned it, or like it had been given to her.

Who had Ryuichi's arm -- his own personal arm! -- wrapped around her waist.

Who was quite obviously Sakuma Ryuichi's date.

Tatsuha gaped at the sight. As Ryuichi and his date walked by, the living legend's eyes swept over the table at which Eiri, Shuichi, Tatsuha, and Yumi sat. He smiled at Shuichi and Yumi and nodded his head at Eiri. To Tatsuha, he did nothing.

Nothing.

Tatsuha stayed still for a long moment, still half in and half out of his seat. He was stunned. Ryuichi had acted as though he didn't know Tatsuha at all. As though they had never exchanged emails or never kissed or never even met before. He acted as though Tatsuha didn't mean anything to him at all! He acted like... like...

For the first time since he had met the singer, Tatsuha wondered if maybe, just maybe, he really didn't mean anything to Sakuma Ryuichi.

Ryuichi and his date faded out of sight, ushered into an exclusive VIP room by a maƮtre d'. Tatsuha stayed frozen for a moment, still partially out of his seat and ready to greet a man who no longer even acknowledged his existence. It didn't make sense. It just didn't make any...

No. What stung so much, Tatsuha realized, was that it made perfect sense. It made abso-fucking-lute perfect sense. Sakuma Ryuichi couldn't care less about Uesugi Tatsuha. He simply didn't give a damn. Why should he? He was a star. Famous. Loved. Adored by millions. Tatsuha was... just Tatsuha. A teenager with siblings who knew how to get what they wanted but who couldn't quite master that ability himself. Okay, so maybe they had had something once, for a little while, but time had passed. The ship had sailed. It was over.

Shuichi broke the silence and, with it, the spell that kept Tatsuha frozen in place. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "We didn't want you to know just yet."

Tatsuha sank back into his seat and then, after a moment, got back to his feet. Shuichi hadn't wanted him to know. He hadn't wanted Tatsuha to know that Sakuma Ryuichi had only thought of him as a game, a toy that could be tossed aside at a whim. Shuichi hadn't wanted Tatsuha to know that he didn't matter after all, that all his dreams and the promises he and Ryuichi had made didn't mean a thing. To make matters worse, he had suckered Eiri, Tatsuha's very own brother, into keeping the truth from him as well.

Well. That was just... wonderful.

It all made sense; the pieces fell together and hit Tatsuha like a punch in the gut. He gave his brother, Shuichi, and Yumi a tight smile and then pushed his chair back. Then, without saying a word, he walked to the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" Eiri asked, voice low and steady.

Tatsuha did not bother to answer his brother's question. He walked out, hailed a taxicab, and left. Neither Eiri nor Shuichi moved to stop him. To be honest, he would have been shocked if they had.

Later that night, for Tatsuha had plenty of time to think these things over, he imagined the scene that would have played out after he left. Shuichi would probably sit stunned for a moment or two before he turned to Yumi to try and explain away Tatsuha's behavior. Eiri wouldn't want to hang around for long afterward; he probably gathered their things, paid their check, and ushered everyone out. At that particular moment, however, Tatsuha couldn't have cared any less about the ruined dinner engagement. His new-found knowledge of Sakuma Ryuichi's disregard for last summer's fling -- which was, Tatsuha realized belatedly, probably all it had been to the singer -- was still fresh, strong, and hurting. The man who had promised to write and to wait for him was gone and had already forgotten. Tatsuha was alone.

Tatsuha, after leaving the restaurant, instructed the cabbie to take him to a bar -- any bar, he didn't care -- and he stumbled out of the taxi without noting the name of the place. He was wearing one of Eiri's older jackets, since he had not brought any suitable attire of his own with him to Toyko, and there was a credit card and a collection of Eiri's spare change in one of the pockets, abandoned there by Eiri's usual absentmindedness. It was more than enough for Tatsuha's intentions.

At the bar, Tatsuha met Ami and Cho, two scantily clad women who told Tatsuha he was cute and offered to cheer Tatsuha up with a night to end all nights -- one that would help him to forget his current troubles. Tatsuha wasn't nearly as smooth with the ladies as Eiri was, so he silently applauded himself for having attracted their attention. After a few drinks, Tatsuha took them up on their offer. He used Eiri's credit card to rent a motel room, followed the girls up the stairs, and prepared to forget all about Sakuma Ryuichi.

It didn't quite work the way he had planned, but at least it was something.

---end part three---