Title: Dizzy

Author: Hawk Clowd

Disclaimer: So far as I know, I own nothing. Gravitation belongs to Maki Murakami and I wouldn't take it away from her for anything in the world. I just like to play.

Blood Type: Something flammable -- times two! -- simply because you could light a match and both Ryuichi and Tatsuha would be on fire.

Warnings: Very few.

Part: Six

Author's Note: No one ever said true love was supposed to be sexy. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. That said, please enjoy the sixth part of this story! I worked extra-special hard on it just for all of you.

---

Eiri and Tatsuha packed Tatsuha's luggage into Eiri's car while Shuichi watched, fuming, from the doorway of the parking garage. Since they were going out anyway, Eiri had decided to drive Shuichi to the studio for work, so the ride there was rather uncomfortable. When Shuichi left, he leaned over to give Eiri a quick kiss on the cheek and frowned pointedly at Tatsuha, who took Shuichi's seat up front once the singer abandoned the vehicle. Eiri and Tatsuha waited in the parking lot for a moment, until Shuichi had actually entered the NG building, and then started the long drive to Kyoto.

Hardly five minutes passed before either spoke.

"Do you think Shuichi is right?" Tatsuha asked his brother at last.

Eiri shrugged and stopped the car at a red light. He took the chance to fiddle with the radio station. Shuichi had changed the station to some pop rock driven thing that Tatsuha had rather liked, but Eiri's taste in music differed drastically from that of his lover and brother. He played with the radio dial for a long while and then, finally, turned the radio off, apparently having decided it wasn't worth the trouble -- especially if Tatsuha was just going to talk over the music.

Tatsuha tried a different question. "Do you think I'm a coward?"

Eiri shrugged again.

Tatsuha chewed on his lip and glanced out the window. "Do you think I'm giving up on something that would make me really really happy?"

Eiri stared straight ahead at the light and tapped his fingers against the wheel. He didn't even shrug this time.

Tatsuha thought again. "Do you think I should try again?" he asked.

Eiri sighed. "Tatsuha?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop asking me these things," Eiri said, "and start asking them of yourself." The light turned green and Eiri pressed the gas. Tatsuha noticed absent-mindedly that Eiri was not going very fast at all, despite his usual driving habits. Tatsuha didn't mind; he had a great deal to think about.

Was Shuichi right? Was he a coward? Was he running away from a battle he might be able to win -- or at least a battle in which he might make some headway? Should he try again? Tatsuha thought about it. Yes. Yes yes yes...

Yes.

"Aniki?"

"Hm?"

Tatsuha hesitated for only a moment before he spoke. "I want to go back."

Eiri did not seem annoyed. In fact, he didn't even seem surprised. "Oh?"

"I want to go back and try again," Tatsuha said. "And don't 'oh' me. You know damn well what I'm talking about, you manipulative son of a bitch."

A small smile passed over Eiri's lips, but it faded quickly. That, Tatsuha knew, was Eiri-speak for something similar to 'Who, me?'. He ignored it.

"All right," Eiri said. "Where do you want to go?"

Tatsuha thought about that for a moment. "Back to NG?" he tried.

"Fine." Eiri U-turned in the middle of the street, expertly ignoring the startled and angry honks of car horns and screeching tires, and went back to NG Studio. Tatsuha sat at the edge of his seat the entire time. When they reached the building, Eiri flashed a pass at a security guard outside the main garage and parked quickly. Tatsuha nearly dove out of the car.

"Wait here?" Tatsuha asked, even as he was walking away. "If I'm not back in ten minutes, you can leave without me, okay?"

Eiri shrugged. "Whatever," he answered, and waved Tatsuha on. He had not even started to move from his seat, obviously deeming the trek from the parking garage to the studio and back to be far too tedious, so this arrangement seemed to suit him just fine.

The inside of NG Studio was just as he remembered. Everything was clean and airy. Snatches of jumbled songs could be heard in the lobby, punctuated by the occasional gunshots and screams from upstairs, where Tatsuha knew Bad Luck's private studio was located. The reception desk was hidden in away in what was practically a maze of walls and chairs, but those people who knew precisely where to find it -- like Tatsuha -- could do so with relative ease.

The woman behind the desk smiled at Tatsuha as he approached. "Uesugi-san," she chirped. "It's so very good to see you again."

Slightly taken aback, Tatsuha stared at the woman. He didn't remember having ever seen her before in his life. Was she on something? No. Couldn't be; she had known his name. He frowned. Did he know her?

"Are you here today for Shindou-san or Seguchi-san?" she continued, obviously unperturbed by Tatsuha's bewilderment.

Ha. Tatsuha got it now. He smirked and quickly turned his baffled expression into a smile. She thought he was Eiri.

"Actually," he drawled, trying his best to mimic his brother, "today I have business with Sakuma Ryuichi."

"I'm sorry, Uesugi-san," the receptionist said. She frowned in a way that showed she wasn't really sorry, but she could pretend to be if that was the way Tatsuha wanted to interpret the expression.

"Why?" Tatsuha asked. He frowned.

"I don't believe Sakuma-san is in today," the woman explained cheerily.

"He's not?" Damn. That sounded far too childish. Tatsuha cleared his throat. "I mean... when do you think he'll next be in?"

"Oh, I really couldn't say," she answered. "Sakuma-san makes his own schedule, you know. He's only required to be here when the president asks him to be."

Of course. Tatsuha fought the urge to chew on his lower lip. Eiri would never chew on his lower lip. Not in public, anyway. "I see," he said.

"But if you'd like to leave a message with me, I can make sure it reaches him the next time he's in," the receptionist said.

"Huh? Oh. No. This is... more urgent than that." He frowned. "In that case, do you think you could give me his home address?"

The receptionist looked wary. Was she on to him? She had to be. Tatsuha cleared his throat again and tried to make himself look taller and blonder. It was difficult.

"I'm not supposed to give out addresses," she explained, half-apologetically. "If you want, though, I can call up to Seguchi-san's office and clear it with him, and then --"

"No!" Shit. Tatsuha tried again. "I need to speak to Sakuma-san on... a matter concerning Seguchi-san, actually," he lied. "It's..." He faltered.

"A surprise?" she supplied.

"Yes!" Tatsuha said quickly. "A surprise. If Tohma knew I was speaking with Sakuma-san, the surprise would be ruined, you see."

"Ohhhh." The receptionist tapped one long, manicured nail to her chin and paused, thinking. "Well, couldn't you just ask Mika-san for the address?"

Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit. Ummm... Tatsuha thought quickly. "She... It's a surprise for her, too!" he declared at last. "For both of them. It's... rather complicated."

"Really?"

"Of course," Tatsuha answered. Damn. He made a lousy Eiri impersonator.

"Well..." The woman seemed to think about it. "Okay, I guess. But you have to promise you'll keep it to yourself!"

Tatsuha smiled, trying not to look relieved. This woman was an angel. She was actually looking up and writing down Sakuma Ryuichi's home address, which she was going to give to him and --

"By the way," she said as she handed Tatsuha the slip of paper. "I think I preferred the blond look."

Tatsuha offered her a frozen smile and took the paper quickly. "Thanks," he said. He walked off with the paper slip clutched tightly in his hand and tried to look calm.

Bitch.

Back in the parking lot, Eiri was nursing a cigarette and standing outside the car, patiently waiting for Tatsuha to return. He gestured lazily with his free hand when Tatsuha approached.

"So?"

"I got an address," Tatsuha answered, holding up his new prize. "Think you can stand to give me a ride to one more place?"

Eiri nodded. "I think I can handle one more," he answered. He got back into the car and waited for Tatsuha to hop in as well. "Where to?"

Tatsuha read off the address. "Do you know where that is?"

"Sort of. I've been there once, but that was a while ago," Eiri answered. He moved his cigarette from his lips to his fingers and shrugged. "I'll find it," he finished, and he drove off, screeching out of the parking garage and down the busy streets of Tokyo.

It took a while, but the two did eventually find the building in question -- a small house in Higashi Kurume-shi. It was very small and plain, a white two-story surrounded by a stonewall. The wall was interrupted just in front of the driveway by a black gate, which had been left half-open. The garden in front of the house was not well maintained and was mostly dirt with a bit of green here and there. It looked very simple and struck Tatsuha as a complete about-face from the sleek and sophisticated apartment complex Ryuichi had lived in the last time Tatsuha was there.

Eiri parked in front of the gate. "You want me to wait again?"

Tatsuha shrugged and started to undo his seatbelt. "Just to see if he's here, I guess. If he doesn't answer, then we can drive back, but if he does you can just leave."

"You'll be all right on your own?" Eiri inquired. "I don't want a repeat of the other night, you understand. My credit cards can't take any more of your little adventures, and replacing the damn things is too much of a hassle."

"I'll avoid booze and handcuffs," Tatsuha promised. "If he answers, you can go. I'll probably feel like taking a walk once this is all over and done with anyway."

That was an urge Eiri understood. The blond nodded. "Don't do anything stupid," he ordered as Tatsuha got out of the car.

Tatsuha made a face and ignored his brother as he walked through the gate and made his way up the drive. Eiri stayed where he was, as instructed.

Tatsuha's hesitation at the door was very brief. He knocked loudly and waited. He fought the urge to bolt as the door opened...

...and Sakuma Ryuichi appeared.

Tatsuha vaguely heard the car engine gun behind him and heard Eiri drive away, but the sound was forced out of his mind as the man who had occupied Tatsuha's ever waking thought for years smiled at Tatsuha and stepped aside to let the teenager enter. He seemed a completely different person than the man who had led a model to dinner earlier in the week. He looked cheerful and pleasant and older than Tatsuha remembered, but he seemed genuinely happy to see Tatsuha and that was all that really mattered. Tatsuha stepped inside.

"I was hoping I'd get to see you," Ryuichi said happily. "Sorry I'm all gross looking, but Kumagoro and I were eating corn flakes by the TV and didn't know you were coming!"

Tatsuha tried not to falter. Sakuma Ryuichi, look gross? It was impossible. Tatsuha was sure of it. "That's... that's fine. Really. You look great."

Ryuichi beamed, but Tatsuha saw something gleam in the singer's eye. He dismissed it as a trick of the light.

"Do you want any corn flakes?" Ryuichi asked. "Kumagoro isn't really hungry today, so I don't think he'll mind sharing, na no da."

"Um... No, that's okay."

"Okay." Ryuichi's face looked a little different -- just a little bit more serious, perhaps, or older -- as he leaned in toward Tatsuha, although his expression changed only minutely and his voice dropped in pitch by only the slightest bit. Tatsuha recognized that expression. He tried not to let it shake him.

"Are you glad to see me?" Ryuichi asked. Then, almost as an after-thought, he added, "Na no da?"

Tatsuha gulped. "Yes," he replied in a throaty, nervous whisper. "But I wanted to --"

Ryuichi did not give Tatsuha the chance to finish. Ryuichi's hands were suddenly on him, feeling him and holding him. Tatsuha shuddered and leaned helplessly into the touches in spite of himself. His eyes slipped closed. This felt just as good -- better, even -- than he remembered. Ryuichi was everywhere at once, kissing and teasing every available inch of the younger man and toying with the unavailable bits as best he could. Tatsuha wasn't sure how Ryuichi was doing it. In order to do so many things to Tatsuha all at the same time, Ryuichi would have to have two million pairs of hands. Right?

Right.

Still, it was so very, very good.

"Sa... Sakuma-san..."

"Hm?"

The hands were relentless and seemed only to draw Tatsuha further in as the seconds -- the moments -- sluggishly trudged onward. Why had he come here? He couldn't remember. His mind was full of Ryuichi. His skin was ablaze with the heat of Ryuichi's touch. One fleeting kiss and Tatsuha's tongue tingled, salivating at the prospect of more. His heart thumped wildly and it was the only sound Tatsuha could hear. All he could see, all he could feel or taste or smell... Well, there was the faint smell and taste of the cornflakes Ryuichi and Kumagoro had been sharing earlier, but the only sensations Tatsuha really noticed came from Ryuichi. Ryuichi. Ryuichi. Ryuichi...

So when Ryuichi guided Tatsuha up the stairs, to the bedroom, corn flakes and Kumagoro temporarily forgotten, Tatsuha made no protest. Why should he? This was what he wanted, wasn't it? This was what he had dreamed of since he had first hit puberty, five or six years before.

Ryuichi's bedroom was just as Tatsuha remembered it, with the exception of the change of location, a bit more clutter, and a window with a much better view. The bedroom was still cramped. The same posters and pictures hung on the walls, although Tatsuha was almost sure there were more of them now than there had been a year before. Ryuichi still seemed to have a very extensive collection of dressers and nightstands, some of which were actually stacked one on top of the other in order to fit them all. Tatsuha still couldn't quite figure out why there were so many of the things, but his mind was busily working on other, more important matters, so he decided not to ask.

Ryuichi's bed was unmade and the covers were all falling off and spilling onto the floor. It was messy. The entire room was messy. Somehow, though, it seemed positively, absolutely, wonderfully perfect.

The bedsprings squealed as Ryuichi and Tatsuha fell to the bed, and the sound surprised Tatsuha enough to jar him partially out of his Ryuichi-induced fog. He took a quick, gasping breath and picked up on something.

A smell. A very distinct smell, in fact. Something flowery and heady that smelled a great deal like... like...

...like that of a woman's perfume.

Tatsuha bolted up and out of the bed. "No!"

"No?" Ryuichi looked puzzled, as though he had never been told 'no' before in his life. "What do you mean, no?"

"I didn't come here for this," Tatsuha said quickly. "I mean, it's nice and all, but I came here to ask you..."

"To ask me...?"

Tatsuha swallowed against the lump in his throat. "To ask you about that woman I saw you with. The model. The one you've been with since --"

"Since half a year ago," Ryuichi supplied. "What's the problem?" He notched a finger through the beltloop of Tatsuha's jeans and tried pulling the teenager closer. "She's just a friend. That's all."

"A friend you sleep with?" Tatsuha asked. He furrowed his brow. He hadn't come here to get laid, as nice a thought as that was, and he shouldn't have let his need to have Sakuma Ryuichi get in his way of asking what he had to ask and... and...

...and Ryuichi looked far too sexy for Tatsuha to complete that thought. What had he come here for again?

A flicker of surprise passed quickly over Ryuichi's face. "What makes you think I've slept with her?" he asked, and that snapped Tatsuha back into reality.

"I can smell her perfume," he said, voice quiet. The scent stabbed deeper into Tatsuha's heart than any knife ever could. Not only did Ryuichi have a girlfriend -- or at least a friend with humongous benefits -- but fate seemed determined to keep Tatsuha from forgetting it. He could never have Sakuma Ryuichi.

Ryuichi stared at Tatsuha for a moment and then sniffed the air. "Ohhh." He looked around, almost as if he were searching for other traces of the woman, and Tatsuha's eyes flicked from side to side in order to see whatever it was Ryuichi was looking for. There was nothing. At last, Ryuichi shrugged. "So what?" he asked. "She was only temporary, you know? I knew it'd be at least a year before I got to see you again. It's not like it was anything serious."

Tatsuha stared at Ryuichi. Not serious? He had to be joking. "You slept with her," he pointed out at last. "It had to be a little bit serious."

Ryuichi's eyes settled on the teenager and Tatsuha could see both an accusation and a question there. Hypocrite, that look said. Why are you saying things like that to me? How many of your one-night-stands were 'serious'? You can't fool me. I know better than that.

That was different, Tatsuha argued silently. One-night-stands were just for a night. They were temporary relief. Just sex. Ryuichi had been in an actual relationship with this woman, so it couldn't possibly be just sex. Just sex never lasted that long. That meant it was serious, and that meant Ryuichi was unavailable -- even if the singer seemed determined to convince Tatsuha otherwise.

"I don't want her anymore," Ryuichi said at last as he tugged on the beltloop of Tatsuha's jeans again, coaxing Tatsuha back. And in spite of everything, Tatsuha almost complied. "Don't be so silly, Tatsuha-kun. You know you're the only one I want right now."

Right now? Why? So he could be tossed aside just like the model when someone new caught Ryuichi's eye? Tatsuha knew how that felt already. It was the same hollow feeling he had suffered through for most of the previous summer. It was that deep, soulful hurt that had driven him to leave the restaurant the other night and get himself handcuffed to a toilet. He didn't want to end up like that again.

It was going to be just like last summer all over again, wasn't it? It couldn't be. That didn't make sense. Yes, things had started out badly last year when their brief fling had gone wrong, Ryuichi had rejected him twice, but they had agreed, at the train station, that things would be better the next time they tried. They had promised to grow into the relationship. They had promised that they would try it for real and that it would work, because things... because things would change. But they hadn't, had they?

Maybe that was really the problem. Maybe... Maybe that was why Tatsuha's brain was screaming at him even though his heart -- and his libido -- was urging him to just go with it and press another kiss to Ryuichi's beautiful, perfect, breathtaking lips.

Maybe it was about time Tatsuha paid his brain the attention it deserved.

Tatsuha stepped back and away from the bed, out of Ryuichi's grasp. "Nothing has changed, has it?" he asked.

Ryuichi did not seem to understand for a moment. He watched Tatsuha for a long while and then, at last, shook his head. "No," he answered. "One thing changed."

"What was it, then?"

"You grew up," Ryuichi murmured, "and I just got older." He stood. "I'll call a taxi to take you home."

Tatsuha shook his head. "No thanks. I'll walk." He had been dismissed. He didn't need any pity on top of that. Pity only made the knife twist twice as hard.

"Do you know how to get home from here?"

Tatsuha hesitated. The answer to that was no; Tatsuha didn't have a clue how to get to Eiri's apartment even from places he knew relatively well. "I'll find it," he answered. That said, Tatsuha turned and showed himself out.

Ryuichi did not bother to try and stop him, and Tatsuha tried not to wish he had.

--end part six--

Higashi Kurume-shi: Metropolitan Tokyo includes twenty-six cities to the west of central Tokyo. Higashi Kurume-shi is one of these cities.