-109-

Everything smells.

My apartment reeks of old takeout containers I never finished, stale alcohol and cigarettes, and that dusty, musty smell a place gets when it's been shut up too long.

And I smell too.

I can't even remember the last time I showered. I haven't left the house in over a week, so why bother?

The Chief forced me to take some well-deserved vacation time. The first vacation I'd ever taken in my life, and I don't even want to be taking it.

I don't want anything anymore. Except to be with Bella.

Angela won't even let me look in on her, having blocked her feed from my computer, and all she'll tell me about how she's doing is that she's safe.

I wish that were enough, but it's not. It never will be.

My eyes are crusty when I finally blink them open sometime around two in the afternoon, the sun streaming in through the window looking gray from all the filth. My hand scratches at my stomach, head pounding as I reach over and down the rest of the whiskey from last night's glass. The hair of the dog and all that.

I haven't slept in my own bed in over a month because it's where she was. Where I last had her. I can't touch it without smelling her, though I'm sure the scent is mostly imagination at this point.

And it hurts too much to smell her. Or think about her, for that matter, but I'm hardly able to stop that.

My bones creak when I sit up, no longer as young as I used to be, and my head rests in my hands while I give it a chance to stop pounding.

But my head isn't the only thing pounding.

Pain. So much pain when someone beats on the door. They sound like they learned from the police how hard they're hitting the cheap wood.

"Edward, open the fuck up! I swear I'll bust this door down if you don't!"

My sister. Fantastic.

"Fuck off, Rose!" I try to yell, but my voice hasn't been used in so long it's rough and pathetic instead of the menacing boom I'm going for.

"You fuck off, asshole! Mom and Dad are worried about you, and I'm not about to let you self-destruct like you're the only one who's ever suffered from a broken heart!"

Groaning, I get up and walk to the door. Because she's a Cullen, she absolutely will bust the door down if she needs to.

She stands there in all her perfectly made-up glory, her face twisting with disgust and her hand coming up to cover her nose.

"Jesus god, Edward, did you kill someone in here or something?"