Happy Monday! Enjoy!
-110-
It's a sad, fucking pathetic thing when your sister has to force you into the shower.
Literally, she shoved me in here and demanded I not come out until I was clean and had shaved the 'mole rat' off my face.
Can hardly argue with that, right?
When I finally emerge, it's amazing how much progress she's made in the house. The dishwasher is running; the rotten food has been shoved in bags and taken to the dumpster. Dirty clothes have been gathered in a pile for me to work through, but there's one load going already.
"Rose, you don't have to clean up after me."
"Sit down and shut the fuck up, Edward," she snaps. But I know that tone. It's the same tone she gives Mom when she thinks she's pushing herself too hard.
Rose loves harder than anyone I know. When one of us stumbles, she takes it as her personal mission to get us back up.
I'm honestly surprised it's taken her this long to show up.
A few minutes later, she carries in two steaming cups of coffee, passing mine to me before sitting on the coffee table in front of me so she can look me right in my stupid eyes.
"Talk to me, Edward. Talk to someone. Do something. Bella wouldn't want you wallowing like this."
My laugh is bitter before I speak.
"Bella doesn't give two shits about what happens to me."
"You know that's not true. But I understand you're hurting right now, so if it's what you need to tell yourself. Either way, Edward, you gotta figure out where you're going from here. You can't just hide in here and wither away."
The coffee is still too hot; it burns my throat when it touches my tongue and slides down my throat. But it's a welcome reminder that I can still feel something beyond empty.
"Fucking watch me," I bite.
I jump a bit when Rose presses her hand to my knee. The last time I was physically touched was by her, and I forgot how comforting it could be.
"If you're not going to do it for yourself or for me, do it for Mom."
"Mom's doing great."
"Do you really want to take the risk in case she has a relapse? Besides, you know as well as any of us, none of our time here is guaranteed."
Fuck, she's right. I hate when she's right.
"I don't even know how to begin to pull myself out, Rose," I sigh, long fingers wrapping around the mug to absorb the warmth.
"Well, that's what we're here for. Your family, Ang, the Chief. We love you, Edward. All you have to do is ask, and we'll toss you the rope."
Nodding, I fix my eyes on the black surface of the mug. She's right. I may not know what needs to change, but something does need to change.
"Can I ask you something?" She hedges softly.
"You've already busted into my apartment, forced me to bathe, and cleaned my mess; by all means, don't stop intruding now," I grumble, waving my hand.
"Did you ever really want to be in Human Intelligence, or did you just look up to Dad and followed in his footsteps?"
I have to think about that for a moment. I guess there really never was a time I made a decision on what career path I would follow. It just...happened. Effortlessly. I knew there was a job waiting for me. I knew I admired my dad. It just seemed like the logical thing to do. And then I threw myself into it so hard I never even gave myself a chance to consider anything else.
"I guess it was something I just kind of fell into," I shrug.
"And do you enjoy it?"
"I did, once. But...no, I don't think I do anymore."
Rose nods, sipping at her coffee while she thinks.
"What is it that you liked about it?"
"Uh," I scratch the back of my neck, thinking. "I liked protecting people before they knew they were in danger. My brain is really good at sorting through information and seeing what's important, tossing aside what's not, so it came so naturally."
"But Edward, there are tons of jobs in the FBI that can still give you that. I think you need to talk to the Chief. And come to dinner Sunday. Let Ma see with her own eyes that you're not dead."
I force myself to look into her eyes then, so sad and full of worry, and I hate myself for putting that look there.
Rose is right.
It's time to sort out my massive pile of shit and start living again.
