Hey everyone!

Dani here, and I want to apologize for being gone so long (again)

I'm going through a lot personally. A divorce, finding a new place to live, all the mess that comes with all of that. I'm okay. In fact, I think I'm gonna wind up better than I've been in a long time. But it's gonna take me some time to get my life back on track.

I'm handing over posting to the amazing Lily Jill, one of my very best friends, so Redactward and Snarkella can get their happy ending. I'm not sure when I'll be back to writing, if at all, but I'll come back around eventually. Hope you all like what I've done and are all doing well. Thank you to those of you that reached out personally, I'm going to try very hard soon to reply.

All my love,

Dani x

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BPOV:

When I was sixteen years old, my best friend, Carmen, kissed my boyfriend at a party neither of them was supposed to be at.

I never talked to either of them after that.

When I was eighteen, I finally handed my virginity to my then-boyfriend Seth, only for him to tell me he was gay.

I was so crushed I walked out of the room and never saw him again.

When I was twenty-one, I signed up for an internship that could have changed my life, but it went to my rival, Lauren Mallory, instead.

Not that I talked to her much, to begin with, but you get the point.

I don't trust easily, and it's even harder for me to forgive.

Not because I've ever been through any sort of terrible trauma that destroyed my heart and forced me to build iron walls around it, it's just not who I am. I'm not soft or easily won over for anything deeper than a couple of dates and a romp in the sheets.

So the fact that Edward was able to penetrate me...heh...means a lot…

Meant a lot.

Because now it's over. All those things I mentioned before? None of them hold a candle to the betrayal I feel at the hands of the man I'm positive I was in love with.

Let's be real; I'm still in love with him, but...it doesn't matter.

He lied to me. He watched me. He came while watching me get myself off, and that should make me feel a whole lot dirtier than it actually does.

But it's still wrong.

It still hurts. So bad that I can't even stand to go back to the bar where he used to sit and watch me work for a solid week after we break up.

I wash my sheets more times than I care to admit, but I still smell him on them.

I find his shirt in my laundry and stuff it into the back of my drawer.

The pictures we took with my phone are shoved into my trash bin...but I don't empty the bin to get rid of them for good.

And still, every time he calls, every text I don't open, every time he knocks on my door…

There's that little part of me that wants to cave. That needs to feel his lips on mine again. Even just feel his body against mine, tuck into that safe space that made everything else go away.

But I can't. My heart can't afford to. We won't ever be the same, won't ever be able to build a lasting relationship on this foundation of lies.

So finally, on week three, I block his number.

And start looking for a new apartment.

See you tomorrow!