Chapter Eight
Present Day
Danny woke up on the cough when the sunlight decided to infuriate him. He looked around and remembered the commotion last night. After Sam had blacked out he went to the kitchen and threw away all the sleeping pills she had.
He stood up and decided to check if she hadn't done anything during the night. He tiptoed to her bedroom and found her lying down exactly in the same position he had left her. He sighed in relief and decided to wake her up and see if she needed anything.
Gently approaching her, he kneeled beside her and brushed a few hair strands out of her face. Her eyelids moved, but she didn't give a sign of waking up. He moved closer to her, before he realized what he was doing, and gently brushed his lips to hers.
He was expecting her to wake up and slap him, but instead, he felt her slowly responding to his kiss. A wave of relief rushed through him making him feel light-headed. He felt like he had been waiting his whole life for that moment. Her lips felt familiar, just like going back home.
He pulled away slightly to take his breath, but when he did he felt her hands on his shoulder pushing his face back towards her. He sighed and lay by her side hugging her tightly as their lips danced an innocent and tentatively rhythm.
The innocence was completely lost in a few minutes. Sam seemed to wake up to a whole new sensation, deepening the kiss to desperation. She moved her hips under him, moaning and gasping for air. If she realized she was driving him nuts in the process she didn't care. In their twenty two years they had never experienced such intensity.
Danny tried to push her lips away from his once before completely giving up into the sensation. He gave her one long, hard kiss and noticed that she had started working on his clothes, trying to take them from him.
It was so wrong… but for the first time in a whole year Sam noticed that maybe she could make it.
Five Years Ago
"Hello beautiful."
"Danny, I'm still mad at you for the other night."
"I wanted to say I'm sorry."
Sam was caught completely by surprise dropping her books in the middle of the corridor, when she heard Danny saying that. She turned around to look at his face for the first time after three days ignoring him. He looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep since their fight.
"What's happening to us?" he asked her.
"What do you mean?" She asked in a low voice so that the other students wouldn't hear them.
"We never fought, Sam and suddenly we're having all this bickering." He started. Sam smiled, completely understanding what he was saying. She had thought about that, too, but she had accepted it and it looked like Danny didn't want to do the same.
"It's just that we're not sharing the same interests anymore." She explained, gently touching him in the arm. "You are busy with Valerie, Tucker is busy with Star and I'm sort of the third wheel."
"You're not-" Danny started, but Sam sealed his lips with a finger.
"Don't interrupt me." She warned. "It's healthy that you'd be interested in girls and I completely understand that, but that's something a best girl friend can't share with you. I'm bored sometimes and in order to do something – anything – I found a club and a few people I could hang out with while you're in your dating obligations. I smoked? Yes I did. I've been smoking for two years now but I barely reach a pack per month. I do it when I'm upset, just that."
"That's a still a lot." Danny groaned. "It bothers me to see you doing that."
"Well, I'm going to stop for now because it's ruining my voice and… well, soon you'll see." She grinned. "I drink socially, but I promise you I'm not in the road for alcoholism. And just to make sure you didn't get the wrong idea, I'm not doing drugs. Does that make you feel better?" He nodded. "Good and now I hope we're cool again."
"We are." He brushed her fingers gently, feeling all the stress he had been feeling being flushed down the toilet.
"And I'm sorry, too." Sam said, blushing slightly.
"What are you saying? I started the fight."
"I'm sorry for inviting you to my 'Gregor Samsa night'."
"Your what?" He half laughed, not catching the joke.
"It's just that some days I wake up like a horrible insect." She smiled at him.
"Danny!" Valerie called his name in a warning voice. She probably saw him touching Sam's hand.
"I guess I better go." Sam said, waiting for Danny to confirm that she should go and quick. "I'll see you around." But before she left she called him one more time. "You're still my best friend."
Present Day
Sam sat quietly on the kitchen as she watched Danny going through the fridge to prepare breakfast. She had been out a whole week so mostly of the food she had left was completely rotten. He had left quickly while she was in the shower and bought milk, pancakes and eggs.
He looked his happiest.
She still was embarrassed.
He put a plate with pancakes in front of her and another one across her where he sat after pouring them both some milk. He sat down and ate with the hunger of a lion. She could barely swallow the first bite.
"Danny… about this morning…" She started, but he interrupted her with a kiss.
"Don't think about apologizing. I dreamed about it for years." He said, sincerely. "I already said I love you and this is not going to change."
"What did I do to deserve you?" Her eyes filled with tears.
"C'mon Sam, don't cry." He tried to calm her down. "I wanted you to feel better, not worse."
"I know." She replied, wiping her tears and giving him a small smile. "Thank you."
"Do you have to go work?" He asked, carefully, he didn't want to upset her.
"No, I have two more days off." She said.
"I was wondering why you didn't try a carrier in music" He started, playing with his food.
"That's not a stable profession. I had to think of my kid." She answered quietly.
"You got a letter from that audition, did your mother tell you?"
"No, I never gave her chance to."
"I think they accepted you." Danny smiled, finishing their calm interlude.
"I guess I owe you." She sighed.
"You don't owe me anything, don't even think about it."
"I'm alive." She said. "If you hadn't shown up I'd be dead by now." She looked at him incredulously. Did that man just give her another chance to live? Had he just given her the first drop of happiness she hadn't felt for so long?
Was he even real? Was he really her teen crush? Her first love?
"We don't have to talk about it if you're not ready, yet." He said quietly. "But I'd like to know someday." She gave him a small, pained smile and stood up.
"Finish your breakfast, I'll get some photos and wait in the living room."
Danny felt his heart skip a beat. She was going to tell him everything. She was finally going to share with him all her secrets. She was going to tell him about Allan, wasn't she? How she got pregnant and anything else that was necessary to clear her conscience.
He stood up and put his plate on the sink, thinking of leaving to do the dishes later. He crossed the kitchen that looked way bigger than before, the corridor that seemed even longer and finally arrived on the living room where Sam was sitting with four different albums.
"Here." She patted the small space by her side. "I'm going to tell you everything."
She opened the first album. It had a title on top 'Allan – first year." He saw a picture of small baby breastfeeding.
"When I found out that I was pregnant…" She started.
"I was in the bathroom when my father saw the test's packages in my bed. He pulled me out of there and threw me on the bed. My mom came running inside the room and saw when my father slapped me across the face. She saw the tests that indicated that I was pregnant and ran after my father.
I was crying when he returned to my room a few minutes later. He held a belt and he started hitting me. I turned around until I was facing the bed so that he wouldn't hurt my baby. From the moment I realized that I was protecting him that child became the most important thing in my life.
My mother stopped him and that night I heard him crying and asking my mother what they had done wrong, why I was such a rebel child. I think that hurt more than the belt. In the morning, when I was alone, I packed my bags and decided that I had to go away, but I confess that I didn't want to go away by myself.
That's why I stopped by your house before leaving. The idea of being alone in the world with a child frightened me, but when you said you wanted to be with Valerie I understood that that was the right choice. The right order of things. I couldn't steal your future away from you like that, it was my responsibility and I would do it alone.
I drove until I reached New York and from there I moved to Canada. I felt horrible the first time I stepped into this country with nowhere to go. It felt like there was nothing left in the world. Anyway, in the same day I found an apartment with furniture in the suburb, near a few clubs. I was scared at first, but I got used to it because I saw that there was no danger at all.
The money I had left was enough for a week. I tried to get a job as a waitress, but I didn't have the time for that because I had just gotten into a special summer school to finish my studies. One year in three months, it was special for adults who didn't have a good education and for kids that in my case didn't have condition to finish high school in regular basis. Anyway, I heard of a strip club that paid enough for me to live all summer. I went in there, stripped, got the money and tried to not think about it. Before you ask, no, I didn't sleep with anyone, I just stripped.
I did my finals and got high scores. I applied for college and got in. It was a course that lasted only two years. I worked part time in a restaurant and when my stomach started showing some older girls in the campus offered me some help. There's a special law for pregnant students. You can be excused from class as long as you keep studding at home and do some special researches that you send to the teachers instead of doing exams. I had four months license and did fourteen researches.
I gave birth on the first week of my license and had amount of time to catch up later. I had one year license from work and was receiving my salary normally so I wasn't worried about money. He was born exactly a month after I turned seventeen.
When Allan was born I lost a lot of blood so I had to stay in the hospital for a few days and so did he, later when I woke up the doctor explained to me that he was born with this heart disease and that he was very weak. The doctor was very sincere and said he didn't know if Allan could make it or not.
I couldn't even breastfeed him properly because he'd get tired so easily. I was able to take him home after a few weeks and I always had to return to the hospital for tests, ECGs and stuff.
But Allan was a very strong boy and he played normally, he slept a lot, too, but the doctor said it was normal. He made it to his first birthday and it was when he said his first word, he called me 'mommy' as soon as he woke up that day.
It pained me that I had to take him to baby school everyday because I had to study and work. I swear I almost gave up studding because I had to be more than ten hours away from my baby daily. I talked to the principal and due my high scores he allowed me to take classes during the night when adults usually studies and I was allowed to take Allan with me as long as he didn't disturb the classes. They offered me a well paying job at the university doing research. I could quit the restaurant and was able to work at home, watching Allan full time.
The next year I had my BA degree and a teacher helped me to get the job in the Magazine. Since my payment was higher I moved to a better apartment. Allan was two years old and started going to school. I was called there several times because he ran out of breath and could barely play games with the other kids.
I remember the first time his teacher saw me, she thought I was his big sister and I had to tell her the embarrassing fact that I had been a mother when I only seventeen. I explained to her his heart disease and that the doctors thought he had a good chance to grow up and be a normal kid.
At home I played with him as if he was a normal child. He never got tired playing with me. He was a very smart child and loved to watch cartoons. He was completely addicted to stories that had Prince Charming and Princesses.
One day he came to me and said I was his princess and that he'd protect me. He was already three years old and he bounced around the house like a little hero. He took a taste in acting and always asked me to play different princesses for him to save.
I loved it when he asked to sleep in the same bed as me because I would cuddle with him the whole night like he was a teddy bear.
Two months before he turned four, his teacher called me in the work saying that he had collapsed in the middle of the class. An ambulance had taken him to the hospital and I met him there. He was at the ICU for three days completely unconscious.
The doctor explained to me the heart was failing him and that he needed immediate surgery and that it was very risky, but if they didn't try he'd die by the end of the week. I spent the night by his side caressing his hand. The first thing in the morning they took my baby to the surgery, but he didn't make it."
Danny felt his heart being squeezed into his chest. Sam was sobbing next to him when she showed him the last picture of them together, Allan had big smile on his face. Losing a child was something horrible and the last thing he expected was Sam to have such misfortune.
What if Allan had never been born? It was cruel to think like that, but if Sam had a miscarriage in the first months of her pregnancy and never met her child she couldn't have had the time to love him, to know him as a person. A miscarriage was a tragedy, but maybe it was better than to watch your son grow up and die when he's barely four.
"Sam… that's why you tried to kill yourself, right? I understand and I won't be mad at you anymore." Danny said, holding her tightly and letting her cry on his chest. "Cry all you want."
"Danny I'm so horrible!" She cried.
"You're not horrible, what are you talking about?" He caressed her back, playing gently with her hair, hoping it would calm her down.
"I am horrible, listen," She broke free from his embrace, drying her tears and looking into his eyes as if she was ready to face her own death. "I have to tell you something very important about Allan." She explained, saying each word slowly, tasting the bittersweet irony on her lips as if it was a knife cutting deep into her heart.
"Just say it already; I'm here for you no matter what." Danny insisted, her conversation was freaking him out.
"Before I tell you this, I must thank you for everything you've done for me and that I understand if you stand up and walk out that door and never want to see me again." She managed to say in a raspy voice that sounded like she had a sore throat. Her crystal tears gently ran down her porcelain face.
Danny nodded; sure that whatever she said there was nothing that would make him want to leave such a beautiful creature ever again. He gently wiped a tear away and kissed her lightly on the lips. That gesture only made her cry even harder.
"You see, Danny… Allan… he… He was our son."
Please... don't kill me.
