Chapter Nine

Five Years Ago

Sam and Danny were laughing in the backseat of Danny's car while Tucker and Star had their share of their drinking game in the front seat. They parked under a tree in a dark side of the park so that no one would see them drinking.

Danny had to admit it was fun. He had tried alcohol before, but unlike Sam he had never drank too much, not to reach the point of getting drunk. But tonight it was a good idea, he was among friends, he had fought with Valerie and he had seen how beautiful Sam was singing her heart out in that green dress.

It didn't help the fact that she was very near him, with her own bottle of booze, a bottle that she happily (and drunkenly) shared with him.

"I'm going to pass out." Tucker said, leaning against the seat.

"Oh, no you won't." Star said, kissing him until he was awake again. "I bet you can't catch me." She said, running away from the car and into the park.

"Tell me she didn't do that." Tucker groaned, getting out of the car and running after her, too.

Sam watched the scene incredulously with her mouth hanging open.

"That was the oldest trick, ever!" She said, laughing and leaning back into Danny's arms, sitting on his lap, while he lay across the seat that was long enough to make it comfortable to stretch their legs.

"Trick?" Danny asked, confused, embracing her comfortably, his chin resting on top of her head.

"They're going to have sex in the bushes." She laughed.

"What?" It was Danny's turn to stare at where they had disappeared incredulously.

"Leave them alone." Sam said, grinning. "They'll be back by dawn." She took another gulp of her drink and passed the bottle to him to finish it off.

They spent some minutes in silence and Sam felt her head spin in like it always did when she was drunk, she could barely keep her eye open and she knew Danny was feeling exactly the same. There was no way they could drive back home.

She chucked softly when she realized how drunken Danny was. He was very cute like that. She felt when he took his chin off her head and bent down his head to caress their cheeks together. She giggled when his eyelashes tickled her.

The giggles died down when Danny planted a soft kiss on her neck. She would have missed it if he had kissed her only once, but soon he kissed her again and again and again, each time he spent more time touching her skin. He gently bit her and she took a sharp intake of breath suddenly aware that her body was on fire.

She turned around in his arms until she was completely facing him, their bodies pressed together chest to chest, hips to hips. She shivered when she looked into his eyes. His eyes were misty, as if he was in some kind of dreamland. She wondered if he was even seeing her.

"Danny, what are you…" She started, but he shut her put with a kiss.

"Sam, I know it is you." He said, making her wonder if he could read her thoughts. "Nobody tastes so heavenly." And he kissed her again and her mind completely shut down to the resistances.

Unfortunately her brain also shut down from memories. She closed her eyes and when she opened them again she found herself half naked on top of her best friend who was sleeping, also half naked. She sat up on him, looking puzzled and just with that movement she noticed that they were still connected.

She panicked completely. Her eyes filled with tears when she realized that their friendship would be ruined forever. In the middle of the despair and being able only to think what the hangover permitted, she made a choice to not let him know what they had done in the middle of their drunken party.

She carefully crawled out of his lap, her eyes watering from pain. She put all her clothes on and walked out of the car, covering Danny with his discarded jacket. The sky was slightly orange meaning that the sun was about to show up in the horizon. She grabbed her bag and wrote a note "I had to go home before my parents realize I'm gone." And simply walked back home, her heart was hurting each step she took. She had her first time and she didn't remember it.

She just hoped he wouldn't remember anything when he woke up as well.

Present Day

Danny felt his heart stop. He was dizzy.

The girl in his arms cried softly as she watched his expression change from puzzled to disappointment, then to complete confusion. He shook his head and his eyes moved quickly, looking around the room as if he was remembering something that wasn't supposed to be real.

"I'm sorry." Sam touched him lightly on the cheek, but he brushed her hand away, stepping away from her just like she had predicted.

He tried to stand up, but his legs were weak and he fell on the couch once more. Sam wanted to hug him, but she didn't dare to touch him again. He didn't say a word, even though he opened his mouth more than once to try to say something, but the words wouldn't come out.

He had to think.

He had to think far away from Sam.

He stood up, walked to the door and left, exactly what Sam was prepared for. It hurt to see it, but Sam knew she had done something horrible and that she'd have to face the consequences. She was going to give him all the time he needed to think about it.

She had never realized how horrible it sounded. She had taken his child away from him! He never had a chance to meet his own son. She had made the decision for him; she never asked him if he would like to be a parent, she just assumed he'd be better with Valerie, since he loved her so much.

She was a horrible person. She didn't deserve to be forgiven.

Danny realized he was standing in front of Allan's grave and he had no idea how he had gotten there. He grimaced and buried his face on his hands. How could he have not noticed that Allan had his features? His nose? His mouth?

Sam could be right; Allan could be his son, but if he was how come he didn't remember sleeping with her before that morning? Had they done it more than once? She had never been with anybody else?

He didn't doubt her word, but he didn't remember any of it. In Allan's grave was written he was born in February, it meant that if they had slept together it had been sometime in April… five years ago. There was no way he could remember that.

He sighed heavily. What had she done? Why she had never told him? Was she scared he'd call her a liar and never talk to her again? It hurt him more than knowing he would never see his son, the fact that she didn't trust him with the truth.

He had never been so confused in his life. Allan had looked like him, but he had no evidence he had been with Sam five years ago and after all Sam was very disturbed, she was psychologically unstable and she might as well have imagined that whole story. Maybe when she calmed down she'd remember who the real father of her child was.

Still, he had a feeling that that boy was his. The only way he could remember was if he talked to her, but really, at that moment, he felt more like being alone. He had to think, he had to know how to act in front of her.

His cell phone rang; he wasn't on the mood for conversation. He picked it up to see who it was and felt slightly better when he saw that it was Tucker. He wiped a tear and sniffed, doing his best to not sound like he had been crying.

"Hello, Tuck."

"Danny, your sister told me you're with Sam in Canada!" Tucker said, his voice showed that he was surprised and worried.

"Yes, I am." Danny sighed. "What did she say to you exactly?"

"Everything! That her father died, that she had a son who is also dead! Man, she must be a mess." Tucker said, thirsty for news.

"She's really depressed; I'm trying to help her." He said. "How was your honeymoon?" Danny tried to change the subject, but Tucker wasn't very interested in letting the subject drop just yet.

"It was great, but Danny, tell me about Sam, how is she doing? Will she ever come back? Why she never told us she was pregnant?"

"Tucker, do you remember anything special that might have happened in an April, five years ago?" Danny asked, deciding that he needed help to sort it all out.

"I don't remember, man… but I can check my PDA, my web journal archives." Tucker said and Danny heard that he was already checking it.

"She told me something that I need to make sure its true before doing anything." Danny started.

"That includes telling me, right? Hang on I'm reading it." Tucker said and spent the last minute in silence. "Look, it seems that the thing that happened concerning Sam in that April was around the last week when she invited us for that audition."

"Holy shit, the audition night!" Danny's eyes widened. "We went out and drank, right? Isn't that what happened?"

"Well, I remember I had the time of my life with Star." Tucker laughed. "But what does it have to do with anything?"

"I don't remember much about that night. I remember Sam had disappeared when I woke up, but that's all. Listen, Tuck, it's very important that you tell everything you remember." Danny said, sounding almost desperate.

"Ok, let's see, I remember we parked in the park and we drank until we passed out. I woke up with Star when the sunlight disturbed me and we walked back in the car where you were asleep." Tucker explained.

"Was I naked or something?" Danny asked.

"Well, you were a mess…" Tucker finally understood Danny's concern. "Whoa! Wait! Are you saying that you and Sam did something that night?"

"A mess how?" Danny insisted.

"I don't remember exactly, you didn't have a shirt on, but I don't know much more, even because Star was with me and she was much nicer to look at then you."

"Tuck… do you think it's possible that Sam and I had sex that night?" Danny asked carefully.

"She said it's your son, didn't she?" Tucker replied sadly.

"Answer the question, Tucker!" Danny yelled on the phone, hearing his voice echoing all over the hill.

"Yes, Danny, I think it's possible and probable." Tucker sighed, he heard Danny breathing sharply. "Do you need help? Where are you now, man?"

"I'm standing over my son's grave."

Five Years Ago

Sam had gone away for two months already and it was the middle of summer break and Danny was bored. He wasn't going out with Valerie anymore, but Tucker still was with Star and Danny was feeling all the loneliness Sam had described on her web journal.

She had changed her account to private and he wasn't able to access it unless he had her password. It took him three days to figure out that her password was 'Phantom'. He left Tucker a message on his cell phone telling him the password, then he fully concentrated on reading the diary.

The layout was dark and had a dark book in the center with a bloodied cross on top of it. The last post was the one he had already read the day Sam had gone away. The last post date was by the end of April, the audition night; she had written she had a surprise for her friends.

Danny started checking the whole journal; there was a link to the archives, the last entries. Her journal's first publish date two years old. He decided to read everything and organize his memories, he needed to know when he had started hurting her like she claimed in the last post.

His hands were shaking and he had this feeling on his stomach when he knew he was doing something wrong, immoral. But he had to know what had happened to his best friend and at that moment he wanted the morals to go to hell.

1st. Entry: Test

2nd. Entry: Looks like this web journal thing works, at least now I can stop buying paper and strike against the industries that sells paper made out of innocent trees.

Yesterday was my fifteenth birthday and I can't believe how weird it was. First, it was an ordinary day, Danny and Tucker hadn't remembered and when I was mad and went away they must have realized it. I can't believe they said it was a surprise! They think I didn't notice it, but I'm not complaining; they gave me flowers! It was the first time I ever received flowers.

They followed me to the Gothic Poetry Club. I'm still a bit shaken up for the fact that they saw me smoking. Really, it was the first time I tried it and bang, there they were to see it. Danny was pissed off. I had one or two cups of Tequila (I had never tried anything stronger than Wine, but really, this stuff is great!) and they saw it, too. They must think I'm a junkie now.

Anyway, we were talking outside the club when these policemen saw me… of course they noticed I was underage and guess what? They knew my father! When they read my ID they immediately took me home and my father was so angry I thought he was going to hit me. I think I was drunk… because I don't remember much of the fight. I noticed I had a bruise on my arm when I woke up this morning. My mother just came in saying I am grounded for a month, it means no internet and no telephone. I'm going to call Danny quickly and explain everything.

3rd. Entry: Oh My Gosh. Danny and I kissed! Ok, from the start: we were waiting for Tucker on the roof for star gazing and he asked me if I felt anything when had our two fake-out-make-out and I was about to hyperventilate. He caught me completely by surprise I almost ruined our friendship right then and there.

Sometimes being sarcastic is good because you can be confused and people will think you'll just been smart-ass. I think that's what Danny thought because he was a little impatient. I tried to explain to him that our kisses weren't special because we're not in love, but then he pulled me down and kissed me!

I thought we were just going to press lips together like we did before, but… oh dear, it makes me blush just thinking of it, we deepened the kiss, touched tongues and everything. I managed to break away, I didn't want him to notice I was enjoying it, what would he say? I told him I didn't feel anything, but… I think I felt more than I realized.

Danny blushed when he read that. He remembered that night clearly. It was his first real kiss and he bet it was Sam's too. He had loved that kiss. She was as confused as he was that day. He sighed and decided to jump the entries to current year. He looked for text she had posted last summer.

20th. Entry: I can't believe I let Danny and Tucker see my tattoo! I completely forgot about it (well, luckily they didn't see my other one). I think they were surprised… Danny couldn't close his mouth, I think he caught about five flies or more. LOL.

I can't believe school starts next week, I loved the summer and I want more! I think he forgot about Valerie for while, really, that girl pays no attention to him and he still follows her around like a trained poodle! It's so irritating to see him like that. It's like he completely forgets dignity. Anyway, I gotta go, my grandma said she'd show me an ancient book or something like that.

21st. Entry. Jeez, I haven't written for a month! I had nothing out of ordinary to tell, but something happened today, well, actually, two things.

I skipped school because nobody woke me up and I was really late. Danny showed up after school and guess what? I was completely bare when he walked into my room. It was embarrassing, but I forced to think of him like my best friend and quickly got dressed. It wasn't his fault. And it's not like it's a big deal, he's after that little bitch still, I doubt he saw me at all.

We walked to the Nasty Burger and when we were having Sundays my cell phone rang and my father said grandma had just died.

It was the strangest feeling. I had never had someone so close to me to die. It feels like a dream, too surreal to be true. She was the only one I ever talked to in this stupid house. I think I can say she was my friend. I told her so many secrets. I'm sorry she's gone… she used to say she wanted to live to see me getting married (I told her I won't get married, I won't surrender to social conventions of a hypocrite patriarchal society!)… and now I'm feeling like I've disappointed her.

22nd. Entry: today is Christmas (and Hanukkah, my mother sent me a reminder) and I was supposed to be completely by myself on my PJs, slippers and Christmas movies, but when I woke up it took exactly five minutes for Danny to show up. He gave me a bracelet and I won't take it off ever. It's beautiful! I gave him a watch and he said he liked it, too.

It was going great, really, but then he told me he was going out with Valerie. I was so surprised that I almost blew my 'best friend' mask right there in front of him. I'm so ashamed now. He likes her, it's not my business. I'm not getting in between them, as much as I want to rip Valerie's hair out to take out my stress, it's not her or Danny's fault. It just happened.

23rd. Entry: Finally the winter is over. I had a talk with Danny and Tucker about the whole 'girlfriend' thing, I said I was afraid we'd fall apart and they promised we wouldn't, that every Tuesday we'd meet and keep with the friendship. I have one day of the week while their girls get all the other days. I won't show them how jealous I am; I can't let them see it.

I got invited to a party, it was a mix of punk and gothic people. I didn't want to go alone, Jason was going to be there (Jason is the only guy I talk to in the Gothic Poetry Club), but I decided to call Danny and Tucker, too.

Before they arrived I admit I was already drinking too much. I had sensation on my brain… like it was spinning and I was pretty sure I didn't understand whatpeople were saying. My second drunk day! You know what? I like it. I smoked, too, but I think I don't like it very much; I get this horrible taste in my mouth after…

When Danny saw me he was pissed. We fought and it was ugly. I'm so angry right now that I don't want to look at him for the next month! He has no right to treat me like he own me or something. He reminded me of my father that moment. I think that's why I'm so angry. I need to cool down before I talk to him again.

24th. Entry: I spent three days without talking to Danny and finally he came to me and apologized. I think we talked for about five minutes before Valerie snatched him away.

The last entry was the one she wrote on the audition day. There wasn't anything else that could help him find her. She had never premeditated going away.

Ok, now that I have explained a lot of things... you must realize that this fic is comming to an end. Tell me what you think about it before it's too late!

By the way, I am writting about a backpacking travel I did last summer throught Italy and in case you're interested I'm posting it in this URL: H t t p / m i k i l a n d i a . b l o g s p o t . c o m Each city will be a different entry and I update weekly.

Thanks for reading!