Update 2 of 2 for today. Make sure you've read the previous update for today before diving into this one :)

-116-

BPOV

I'm not a fan of hospitals. Who is, really? Unless it's the birth of a baby, good things don't really happen here.

It's sterile and modern and feels like they're trying too hard to be a bright, open space when so many people in this building are having the very worst moments of their lives.

But it's not my mother dying of cancer. I'm not here for me, so I let my feet push me forward because there's something in me that makes it imperative I show up for the Cullens.

They may not wind up being my future in-laws, but in the short time I knew them, they made their way into my heart.

When I make it to the room, the door is open, but the curtain is pulled, so I knock against the door anyways.

"Come in," I hear Rose say.

Esme looks so small in the bed, sleeping but hooked up to IVs with an oxygen tube in her nose. The monitor beeps to let us know her heart is still beating, but it feels wrong. She has such a huge presence; it's not right that she be reduced to this...tiny little fragile thing.

Carlisle is the first to approach me, his warm hand on my shoulder. "Hello, Bella. Thank you for coming."

Looking up at him breaks my heart because he's broken. The woman he loves is dying, and there's nothing he can do about it. I can't imagine the pain. When I hug him, it may be a little fiercer than I normally would, but I want to try and see if I can lend him some of my strength.

Just a little bit.

I make my way around the room, hugging Rose and Emmett and speaking in hushed whispers about what's happening to their mother, leaving out the fact that I saw Edward on the way in.

Or how good he looked...or how my heart launched toward him so ferociously it was so fucking hard not to go with it and crash into his arms, damn the consequences.

"Bella?" Esme's voice is weak, shaky, and when I turn to look at her, her eyes are blinking open, chapped lips spreading into a smile.

"Hey, gorgeous," I say quietly, making my way to her side to squeeze her hand. There's a cup sitting on the tray beside her bed with a straw, so I help her take a drink to wet her mouth, my chest tight as I watch her shake at the small effort it takes.

"I can't believe you're here," she whispers, a faint smile on her lips.

Emmett scoots a chair closer, so I can sit down, and I share a smile with him as he jerks his head to let me know they'll let us have a moment.

"Of course I'm here," I assure, scooting as close as I can. "How are you feeling?"

"Overall, I'm okay. I've been better, but...it could be so much worse."

"Esme, you don't have to put on a brave face for me."

Her hand comes up to my cheek, cold but soft, and I can't help but lean into it. Something about a mother's touch, you know?

"Oh, sweet girl," she croons, sadness in her voice.

"Do they know?" I ask, referring to our talk in the kitchen.

"Carl does," she nods shakily. "The kids don't. Rose would be angry, and Edward...well, he's softer than he looks, you know? And he's been having a hard time lately as it is."

Her words are slow and quiet, digging knives of guilt into my chest.

"You must hate me," I murmur.

"No, not at all, sweetheart." She shifts her hand from my face to grasp onto mine. "If anyone understands the stressors that job can put on a relationship, it's me. Carl and I were already together when he took the job, so he was able to be honest from the start. Edward didn't have that luxury, and...well, I know my son. I doubt he handled it appropriately. He's not so good with emotions and things."

"No," I breathe out a laugh, "he's not. But Esme, it wasn't even the job that bothered me. He was watching me. Did you know that? I was one of his...missions, or whatever."

"I did, after the fact, and that certainly does change things. Life sucks sometimes, huh?"

"Yeah," I nod. "It does."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, anything," I perk up, and I mean it. I'll answer anything for this woman. Do anything she asks of me.

"Are you happy?"

"What?" Her question catches me off guard because...well, my happiness doesn't exactly matter right now.

"You heard me. Be honest. Are you happy not having my son in your life? Can you see yourself being happy?"

I don't have to think about the answer. What I do have to think about is whether or not I should be honest with her. This is his mother; she's a bit biased. But she's also such a caring, genuine soul…

"No. I'm sure somewhere down the line, I could figure out how to be happy again, but I'm miserable without him," I finally admit.

She smiles, but not in a way that shows happiness with my answer. More like understanding.

"What's holding you back from forgiving him, sweetheart?"

I don't want to admit that forgiveness isn't something I do. That once I'm out, I shut down so hard that there's no way anyone could get back in.

"I don't know how to." It's the most honest answer I can give her.

She squeezes my hand, her hazel eyes so fucking earnest when she looks into mine.

"Take it from me. Life is too short to let happiness slip through your fingers. It doesn't come easily. Even Carl and I have had problems that have devastated me. But you have to work for it. If he's what makes you happy, you owe it to yourself to try. I don't say this for him, even though, of course, I want to see him happy, but this is about you. You have to fight for what makes your life full."

"I'm scared to. He hurt me so badly...what if he does it again?"

"Then he's human, sweetheart. You'll hurt him, too. It's a side effect of a lifetime partnership. But I promise you, the good will outweigh the bad tenfold."

I don't know what to say, so I don't say anything.

"Just think about it, okay? Talk to him."

"Yeah, I will."

GO TALK TO HIM NOW, BELLA.

See you tomorrow!