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EPOV

Bella spends the whole day at the hospital. With my family. Talking and laughing like she belongs, because she fucking does. And it doesn't make me feel like an outsider because she still includes me in her conversation.

But it physically hurts not to reach out to her. To dance around her and stop myself from putting my hands on her. Even in the simple ways I used to do unconsciously. A hand on the small of her back, squeezing the back of her neck with reassurance, putting my arm around her to soak in her warmth.

And fuck, could I use her warmth right now. Because I'm fucking scared.

I don't know how I'll survive losing Mom. Until Bella, she was the number one girl in my life. The rock I leaned on, the one I went to for advice, who lifted me up and caught me when I fell and helped me get back up again.

The doctors told us there's nothing abnormal on her CT scan, and they're chalking how she feels up to the effects of cancer on the body. But something about the way they talked...I think there's more to it they just can't say yet.

Either way, she's too fucking strong to die like this. To be decimated by this disease that's slowly taken everything from her...and from us.

The only thing I know is...if I'm going to get through this, I need Bella.

Even if it's just as a friend, I have to keep her in my life in some capacity.

"Hey, Bella?" It's the first time I address her directly, pulling her into a conversation that's just the two of us.

"Hm?" She steps closer to me, brushing back a strand of hair that fell in her face.

"Can we...can we just talk? Go somewhere and get coffee?" I feel like I'm walking the plank when I ask, but I know I have to do it. It's imperative.

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, we can do that."

For the first time since she broke up with me, I feel hope. I try to tamp it down because, let's be real, I'm not sure any amount of groveling will ever win her back totally. But it's still there, blooming in my chest.

I'm going to make the best of this situation as much as I can. Even if that means always dying to pull her into my arms. As long as she's there, I can deal.

See you tomorrow!