The next morning Killua stood before the mirror in his bathroom, staring into his reflection. He saw what he always did: sapphire eyes, white hair, incredibly pale skin… but this time the bottom half of his face was not comfortably covered by a black cloth mask. He held said mask in his hands. Debating whether or not to put it on or not.
"It's nice being able to see your face!"
Killua's heart skipped a beat.
He met his gaze and made a decision.
…
"Killua! Your mask is off!"
Killua immediately blushed, he had already been feeling uncomfortable enough as it was, he didn't need Gon drawing any more attention to him. "Idiot! Not so loud!" Killua exclaimed. In truth he was secretly glad to see that Gon had noticed and was so encouraging.
For the first time, Killua ate with Gon. They both ate hash browns doused in ketchup with an assortment of fruit; and for Killua, a chocolate sundae to go along with it. Gon watched Killua with curiosity sparkling in his eyes as the silver haired boy took a drink of his blood.
"Why are you drinking blood, Killua?" he asked.
"Cause it's good," Killua said, voice muffled by the wine glass still covering his mouth.
"You're a carnivorous humanoid, aren't you?"
"Yup," Killua said, glad that Gon didn't ask any further on the subject.
Gon sat, staring into his hash browns as if they held all the secrets to the universe. Killua pulled his sundae in front of him, and took a bite. Gon was still just sitting there, his eyes sparkling with thoughts. Killua put more chocolate ice cream onto his spoon, then waved it back and forth in front of Gon's face. "Hello~, Killua to Gon? You still alive in there?" he asked teasingly.
The tan boy's eyes suddenly sparked with mischievous intent, and he snapped his mouth around Killua's spoon, not unlike a shark. "Uwahhh, hey!" Killua shrieked, ripping the spoon out of the other boy's mouth in a feeble attempt to save his ice cream. The Valkyrie looked in dismay at the empty spoon, and then looked in dismay at Gon, who was giggling and licking his lips.
"Strawberry is better," he said simply.
"Rude, bitch ass mother fucker!" Killua exclaimed, shoving Gon, who just laughed. "You stole my ice cream!"
"It was one bite!"
"It was still MINE!"
"You were waving it in my face!"
"That doesn't change the fact that it's MINE!"
"Ice cream for breakfast isn't healthy!"
"SUCK MY ASS!
"KILLUA," came a muffled voice from the office, it was Knov.
Killua simply stuck out his tongue and shot a bird in Knov's general direction.
Gon snickered.
Killua looked at his spoon.
He used my spoon! It was my spoon! Is he not weirded out by that? That was in my mouth!
He peeked out the corner of his eye at Gon, who was back to staring at his hash browns, at least he was putting them on his fork this time.
He's acting as if nothing is amiss. Is it just his culture? I know he was raised in a human village by his Aunt Mito, do humans just steal each other's food and eat off the same spoon all the time?
Killua was overthinking the situation, and though he knew he was spiraling for no reason, he couldn't stop the fall.
He's just moving on, so I guess it was nothing. But still, I don't wanna share my spoon with anyone, it's unsanitary. Plus there's something that feels somewhat intimate about eating after someone on the same spoon. I wanna go and get a new spoon, but what if that hurts Gon's feelings? Ajsdkkvnwoweioick, I guess I just have to do it.
Killua, with the air of someone taking a life risking stunt, gathered a bite of ice cream onto the spoon Gon had just recently claimed as his own. He held the ice cream up to his mouth, his heart racing for some reason. He tightened his tail around his waist. For some reason Killua felt as if he fell to the level of sharing spoons with Gon that their relationship would grow stronger for some reason.
As if they had a relationship in the first place! They weren't friends… as much as Killua wished that were true. They just talked a lot and generally enjoyed each other's company at breakfast and Killua's night shifts whenever they saw each other!
But if we share a spoon… does that mean we're friends? At least unofficially?
Emotions sparking against each other in his mind, Killua took a leap and ate the ice cream off the spoon, trying and failing to ignore the fact that the spoon had recently been inside Gon's mouth.
Once the spoon was in and out, and Killua had officially eaten after Gon who had eaten after him, the Valkyrie felt as if he had just jumped a hurdle onto a field of green grass, like he had just crossed a certain barrier into better territory.
Heart feeling strangely light and happy, Killua looked over at Gon to gauge his reaction (part of him hoping he would react but the other hoping he wouldn't react at all, further solidifying that they were close enough to just share spoons without a second thought).
But Gon was staring at his plate again, fork frozen half way to his mouth.
Back at square one, Killua put his victory spoon down and poked Gon in the arm, "Gon!"
Gon shook out of his stupor and dropped his fork with a clang. "Eh? Oh! Killua!"
"What're you thinking about? It's as if you're on a different planet!"
A sad cloud suddenly crossed Gon's features. "I… well. You're a carnivorous hybrid…"
Killua pretended Gon's use of the word "hybrid" didn't sting like a knife to the gut. For he was not at all a hybrid.
Gon continued, "I don't know what I am."
Killua's expression softened. He sensed an origin story coming on.
"I have this reddish skin color, face markings, horns, and teeth… but I just don't know what I am. I'm not sure what my blood is a mix of. I was raised in a human village by my Aunt Mito, and I was the only non-human person around. I got a lot of weird looks… and I would ask Aunt Mito if I belonged… She would tell me that I was her blood, that she was my aunt and that was all that mattered! So I know that I'm part human… but… in a way? It doesn't matter if I know that I'm part human, cause I'll always be part human, ya know? Even if I weren't blood related to Aunt Mito… that part of me that was raised by her will always be human. So… what I'm trying to say is… that it's the not human part of me that matters. It's what made me feel so distant and different from everybody else my whole life… what made me other. And that's the thing, Aunt Mito told me that when I was a baby my dad left me with her. He just dropped me in her lap and left. That's all I really know about my dad… other than he is Aunt Mito's cousin… and that he's not human. Two years ago, I left Whale Island (where I grew up with Aunt Mito) to go explore the world. For two years, I've been wandering around. I've been searching for my dad. His name is Ging, Ging Freeccs, and that's all that I know. I'm on this journey not just to find him, but to find myself. I wanna know who I am, where I came from!"
Gon looked up from his hash browns and looked Killua dead in the eye, it took his breath away. So much emotion swirled in those golden orange depths, and it was all just laid out there for Killua to see.
"I wanna find my dad, and discover what this mysterious part of myself is! I wanna know what exactly is in my blood that made everybody on Whale Island look at me funny, what made the other kids not wanna play with me!"
Killua's breath caught in his throat. How could anyone look at Gon and dis him? Look at him and decide they didn't want to be around him? How? How was that?
"So… what I'm trying to say is… I came here on another step in my journey. And…" Gon's eyes shimmered. "I gotta move to the next location. Today, I'm leaving today… I just didn't know how to tell you… so that's why I was staring at my food like that."
Killua's heart sank, and rose, and pretty much just fluctuated for a good fifteen seconds. He didn't know what to say. Gon had just told him his entire life story, had opened up to Killua in a way the Valkyrie had never seen before. He had never seen someone have so much trust in him, especially after seeing what he truly was: an assassin, a dangerous creature, a vicious killer. Gon made Killua feel… wanted. His whole life he had felt not enough, like he didn't belong. He hid who he truly was in an effort to alleviate that feeling… and hearing Gon talk about how he had always felt like he didn't belong either… something in Killua just soared. He wasn't the only one! Gon was just like him! By what miracle had they come together like this?
But at the same time… Gon was about to leave, leave this nameless oasis and continue his journey of self discovery. Killua didn't want him to leave. Well, it was complicated! He wanted Gon to discover who he was more than anything in the world! But he didn't want to see Gon walk out of his life.
Killua forced out some words, "What… time are you leaving?"
"Now." Gon looked down at his hash browns, thoughts dancing in the depths of his eyes. "I was gonna ask if you wanted to come with me. I mean- I'm not forcing you to come or anything! I know you love it here! I know this is where you belong but… I just, I have fun when I'm with you, Killua. I thought that my journey would be more enjoyable if you were there with me, rather than me being all alone."
Killua's heart just about stopped.
"Wha- how can you just say stuff like that, it's so embarrassing, man…" Killua trailed off towards the end. He angled his head down so that his face was hidden by his hair, he was trying and failing to hide his pink face. He could feel Gon's eyes on him, he was waiting for Killua to respond. He knew that Gon would wait for hours if that's what it took for Killua to think this through.
So Killua thought, he stared into his now melting ice cream and thought.
Gon was asking Killua to travel the world with him… to go on crazy adventures with him, like the ones he told Killua stories about. Gon said that he enjoyed Killua's company, that he had fun when they were together! Killua was having a hard time understanding that. Gon had fun with someone like him? He was selfish, cold, and empty. Nothing more than a runaway assassin, a mercenary prince too self absorbed to stay and fulfill his duty as heir to the throne of his clan. Gon was so… happy. And bright, if Gon was in full color then Killua was in black and white. Whenever he was with Gon though, he felt as if he was turning to full color as well. Gon made him happy too… maybe what he felt was missing in his life… was adventure, and a friend. A friend like Gon. What if this was exactly what Killua had been looking for?
Then Killua's negativity set in.
If Gon was in color and Killua was in black and white. And when Killua was around Gon he turned to color… then wouldn't that mean that Gon turned black and white when around Killua? Gon was so light, and Killua was so dark. All he would do if went with him was drag him down. Gon was better off without him. Killua wanted nothing more than to be Gon's friend… but. The truth of the matter was that they weren't friends. And that… Gon didn't need someone like him.
"I… I have fun when I'm with you too."
Killua felt Gon straighten up like a happy puppy.
"But… I'll do nothing but slow you down."
Killua felt Gon lower down like a kicked puppy.
"You're right, I… belong here. You belong out there, exploring the world."
"So…" Gon started.
"So…" Killua finished.
"I'll see you around?" Gon asked tentatively.
"Yeah, come by to visit if you get the chance, 'kay?" Killua said sadly.
The two boys stood up, looked into each other's eyes, and then turned in opposite directions. Gon walked to the door and the early morning light, and Killua walked to the bar and the shadows behind it.
…
Gon stepped out into the crisp morning air, the soles of his shoes clacked against the brick road as he walked. He hated to hear Killua talk about himself that way… but who was he to tell Killua what to think and how to feel?
He knew he didn't really know Killua that well, but he still felt like they were close, and would just continue getting closer. If for some reason Killua felt that it would be better for him to stay here, then who was Gon to judge?
Gon was just… sad was all. He would miss Killua. He had just had this feeling… that they just sorta clicked. He knew, and knew that Killua did as well, that they likely would never see each other again. Such was the nature of a life like Gon's.
Gon walked up the incline in the direction of his next destination.
He knew that if he looked back, he'd get stubborn and try to convince Killua to come along anyways.
AN: *is sad*
