Killua and Gon had been traveling through the forest for a week now, and after spending every second of that time together, the two boys had grown close fast. Killua's whole life he had been raised under the assumption that friends were terrible, only a nuisance that would drag you down and make you weak. But now that he was friends with Gon, the young Valkyrie had fully determined that that assertion was complete and total horseshit.
Killua had never been happier in his entire life.
He and his horned friend spent every waking moment talking, horsing around, competing, existing. Killua looked over at Gon, who was chattering incessantly about the various different types of tree bark. The silver haired boy's mind started to wander, reminiscing over what had transpired four days prior.
"We make a pretty good team, don't we Killua?" Gon had exclaimed with the widest of grins.
The two of them had just managed to catch an enormous pterodactyl-hawk, a nomadic carnivorous raptor that prowled the skies of the entire globe. They were a great source of protein, but were nowhere near easy to catch. Gon had smelled it on the air - impressing Killua with his razor sharp senses - and the two had immediately rushed up to the top of the canopy, determined to kill and eat this bird.
The thing had been far too big to catch with Gon's fishing rod alone, so Killua had come up with a plan.
They had sprinted through the trees to get ahead of the bird, then the two of them pulled one of the sturdiest branches of one of the various trees back like a slingshot. Killua had positioned himself atop their makeshift catapult, and Gon had used his incredible strength to aim and maintain tension. Once the bird had gotten close enough, Gon had released the branch and Killua had been launched through the sky like a human cannon ball.
The Valkyrie had extended his claws, and taken out the bird in one fell swoop. Gon had run and caught Killua and their falling prey before they hit the canopy, and now the two of them were gutting the creature and prepping the fire for its inevitable cooking.
Killua smiled, "we do make a good team."
The green haired boy continued his work on the bird, occasionally slapping Killua's hand away when he attempted to snatch a bone or organ. The Valkyrie watched his friend work, being a carnivorous humanoid, he always ate his prey - be it an animal or a being - raw; and therefore was unfamiliar with the process of gutting and cooking an animal. Gon on the other hand, could not just eat the bird from the inside out. He had to have all of his meat properly cooked.
Killua looked at the tan boy's face, alight with determination and focus. His brown facial markings were like spots on a baby deer, dusting his nose and cheekbones like stars across the sky. His horns were black and matte, they seemed to absorb light in a most ominous way; completely contrasting with his bright, optimistic eyes.
"We're…" Killua paused, "We're friends, right?"
Gon paused his work to look Killua in the eye. "Yeah, of course! Didn't you know that?"
Killua hid his eyes behind his hair. "Well… I just wanted to verify."
Gon slapped him upside the head.
"Hey! What was that for-"
The reddish-tan boy stuffed a random organ (the spleen based upon the taste) into Killua's open mouth. The Valkyrie released a noise of surprise. "There's no need to verify anything, Killua. You should have known we were friends ever since we first met!"
This feels like a scolding…
"We're friends, Killua." Gon stared deep into the Valkyrie's sapphire eyes, his own amber ones shimmering like solid gold. "Don't ever doubt that."
Killua's eyes widened, it was as if Gon was reading right into his insecurities, as if he knew exactly what went through his mind every day. How does he always know exactly what to say?
Killua smiled around the spleen in his mouth, then spat a mouthful of half-chewed raw organ into Gon's face.
The other boy squealed in a mixture of disgust and surprise, then slung a splatter of blood and gristle into Killua's face. The Valkyrie licked his lips, and grabbed a handful of intestines from the discard pile. He gave Gon a wicked, bloodstained grin.
The horned boy darted away, and Killua ran after him. After a quick game of keep away, Killua caught up with Gon, hoisted himself up into the air using the other boy's back as a balance, and slapped the handful of mess into his face.
The ensuing food battle had been gruesome, due to the ammunition material, but fun all the same. Killua had had a smile both on his face and in his heart, so very glad to have someone he could officially call his friend.
"Killua, Killua are you listening to me?"
The sound of Gon's voice drew the Valkyrie from his thoughts.
"Yeah definitely," the silver haired boy rescinded with a cat-like expression.
Gon gave him a knowing and slightly annoyed look. "But tree trunks are interesting…" the horned boy pouted, lower lip stuck out.
"Maybe to you, and every other old ass man out there~~"
"Hey!" Gon shoved him, and Killua shoved back.
The green haired boy giggled then trailed off, eyes shimmering with thoughts as he gazed off into the distance. "Ya know, there are so many different types of tree bark. Just like there are so many different types of humanoids out there. Just like the trees could hold any combination of bark from the gene pool, I could hold any combination of blood. It's just so interesting to think about."
Killua hummed in response, faking nonchalance, when in reality his stomach was twisting with guilt. Whenever Gon would bring up the question of what type of hybrid he was, the Valkyrie would dodge the question, his shame over his species hovering over him and casting a thick shadow. What would Gon think if he knew Killua was a Dragonite Valkyrie? A runaway prince? A trained assassin and mercenary? A bloodthirsty and cruel monster?
He hated hiding something like this from Gon…
Here Gon was, on this journey of a lifetime; out traveling the world to discover who he was, and here Killua was alongside him. Ashamed of his blood, hiding it with such intense shame and anxiety. Even now his face itched for the cloth of the mask over his features. It was only because it was Gon that he was able to bear being exposed like this.
Gon was searching desperately for the answer to who he was, and here Killua knew exactly who he was, and hid it from him.
How selfish is that? I'm a horrible person. But still…
"Gon?"
"Yeah?"
"What if…" Killua paused, gathering his thoughts. "What if… you find out the contents of your blood, and you discover that the species you belong to is one that is inherently evil?"
Gon's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"What if the blood you carry in your veins is evil? What if the species that you belong to, your evolutionary home and place of resting is evil?" Killua stuttered as Gon's face of confusion did not change, "L-like the Chimera Ants or the Blood Shadow Elves! They are both indisputably evil species! How will you cope with, or rather, how will you continue on, knowing that what you are is evil?"
Gon's face settled into one of careful contemplation. The two had stopped walking, and now stood still in one of the many spaces between two of the enormous trees. Sunlight trickled through the blue-green leaves to warm the reddish colored dirt; the mosses and miniscule plants that grew there drank up its light, knowing nothing other than the fact that the sky gave them life. The ones in Killua's shadow sat powerless and stuck, trapped in a cage of cold, blocked off from the light of the sun and their source of existence.
The mosses and greenery sat in desperate wait, just as Killua did, waiting for Gon's response.
Finally the amber eyed boy answered. "Well, in order for that to be an issue I suppose I'd have to believe that some groups of people are inherently evil in the first place." Killua breathed in a small gasp, his friend's response drawing him aback. The spiky haired boy gazed off into the distance, likely towards one of those tale-telling tree trunks he found so fascinating. "I don't believe that some people are just evil no matter what. I mean… how can someone be evil just because of the blood that runs through their veins? Chimera Ants can't help that they are born a Chimera Ant any more than a bird can help that it was born a bird, or any more than a man born into a woman's body can change who he truly is. Who someone is is who someone is, and I find it impossible to believe that tiny, insignificant strands of DNA laced together at random hold any such jurisdiction over what a person is defined as.
"That's like saying that, just because someone is a Blood Shadow Elf, that they immediately and unconditionally believe and agree with every aspect of their society, just because that is the location their soul happened to take form in. It is like saying that, if someone is born in a specific location, that their favorite color has to be blue, and that there is no way or reason that their favorite color would not be blue; because they are from that region so that means that their favorite color is blue.
"People can have their own ideas, their own ideals. It is those ideals that make someone who they are. It is those ideals that determine whether someone is "evil" or not. Someone could have been born a high ranking Chimera Ant, but they could disagree with the order of their society, and truly feel opposed to what goes on there. Just because someone is a Chimera Ant, doesn't mean that they agree with that way of life.
"Do you see what I'm saying Killua? What I'm trying to get at is this: I was raised in a human village by my Aunt Mito. I was raised a human, so I will always be human. In your way of phrasing, I will always be 'inherently human.' Discovering that the blood that runs through my veins is one of, say, a Chimera Ant's will not suddenly change who I am. It doesn't matter what my blood is, see? What truly matters is who I am as a person. That's what defines me. So… the answer to your question is that I wouldn't cope with it at all, because there is nothing there to 'cope' with in the first place. Or at least, that's how I see it."
Killua looked at Gon with an expression of pure, unbridled astonishment on his face.
Such eloquent and logical words… all from this boy who steams at the ears when he looks at a set of numbers for too long.
Gon looked Killua in the eye, golden orange eyes sparkling with determination and faith in his beliefs. They were beliefs that conflicted with Killua's own ideas so violently that it made his stomach turn with anxiety. Gon's way of thinking was so incredibly light. That was the only adjective the Valkyrie could come up with to describe the effect Gon had on the world around him, he was like light. His presence and state of mind were pure light.
"I suppose… I, err…" Killua grappled for words, but none came to mind. "I never thought about it that way." The boy hid his face behind his silver bangs. "That's such a… interesting perspective."
Interesting perspective indeed. The way he sees it- looking through the lens at which he views the world- I'm more than just a ruthless killer? More than just a cold blooded monster? How can that be-
Gon smiled, his expression radiating warmth.
Killua was taken aback, the scrambling in his mind was brought to a screeching halt.
The tan boy threw his arm around Killua's shoulders, the Valkyrie pretended that he hadn't stiffened at the touch, and Gon pretended that he hadn't noticed. "Yeah," Gon said with a smile as they continued walking, "It is an interesting way to look at things, but that's just the way I see the world! You have to keep an open mind, Killua!"
The Valkyrie felt the beginnings of a smile turning up the edges of his lips.
"You're quite the optimist," he simply responded.
He's concerned less with whether or not something is right or wrong, but more with the reality of that something, how it affects the world, and namely his own existence. Rather than looking and judging based off of what caused the ripples in the lake, he looks and judges based upon the ripples themselves. It is such a backwards way to look at things… so different from the way I was raised to think.
Killua's stomach gave a flip.
I wanna tell him but-
His entire body twinged with anxiety, his heart raced erratically and he felt his face pale.
Killua tightened his tail around his waist.
I wanna tell him, I know he will accept me… but even so. There is this voice in the back of my mind telling me that if I can't even accept who I am, then there's no way he will be able to accept who I am. I can't- I can't-
Killua's lip trembled, his anxiety still persisting. He could never tell Gon… he hated keeping things like this from him, but he just couldn't afford to lose him. The silver haired boy took his mind off the knot in his gut and focused instead on the arm draped over his shoulders, on the smile on the face beside him, and on the twinkling laugh that rang out through the surrounding forest.
Killua looked away from the darkness within him, and let Gon's light lead the way.
AN: I will not get the chance to post anything for the next few days, but I will return on Friday
