Gon and Killua had been traveling through the forest for two weeks now. The plan had been for them to be at the mountains by now, but they had spent so much time messing around in the trees that they were only halfway through. A two weeks' journey had turned into a month's journey. But that didn't bother Gon at all. In fact, he was happy with it being this way.
He had never had so much fun in his life! Sure, it wasn't like he was surfing off the coast of Forniacali or cliff diving in JingBei, but even the simplest of things became loads of fun with Killua around.
However, something had been eating at him.
He was positive that his friend was having fun as well (even though he got embarrassed any time Gon would tell him how much fun he was having, or compliment him on… well, anything), but even so, he could tell that something was bothering Killua. There was something the silver haired boy wasn't telling him.
Gon considered himself confident in who he was, and comfortable in his own skin. Enough so that there was no possibility whatsoever of his encountering any negative psychological effects should he come across some alarming truths regarding his blood. The horned boy had grown up surrounded by adversity, and had learned the hard way more often than not the importance of self love. His current mental state was all credited to his upbringing, Aunt Mito had been his mother figure, and an incredible one at that.
But while Gon felt this sense of self confidence and self worth, he sensed no such feelings in Killua. If anything, Gon would go far enough to say that the timidness and anxious aura surrounding the boy came from a deep rooted self loathing. This was only speculation, of course. Aunt Mito had always been particularly intuitive towards other people's emotions. She had raised Gon to be the same way. For the majority of his childhood Gon had been impartial to other's emotions, selfish and simple minded. However, from the years 12 to 14 Aunt Mito had drilled into his head the aspects of compassion, self awareness, maturity, and the like.
Gon couldn't help but feel that, had he left home at 12 rather than 16, his journey would have gone a whole lot differently. Simply due to the factor of his new found emotional intuition that simply hadn't been there all those years ago.
The horned boy shook his head, dusting away the cobwebs that were speculations of a different lay out to his life's journey. It was not about him right now, it was about Killua. And Gon knew for certain that the other boy was hiding something from him; and that that something was eating away at him something fierce. Always having been one for action rather than biding his time, Gon jumped right to the point:
…
"Killua."
The two boys stopped walking, the Valkyrie in question turned his head in Gon's direction. They were currently walking along a lazy creek, the turquoise waters sparkled in the sunshine, twisting and turning in a way not unlike Killua's mind. His anxiety had been getting worse by the day. He and Gon did nothing but get closer, and he could feel the trust building up between them like a rope binding them together.
It just made his closely kept secret harder and harder to bear.
"What is it, Gon?" Killua responded, shoving the storm of negative emotions under a metaphorical rug.
"You're hiding something from me. What is it?"
Killua froze.
Wha-
No way-
How did he know-
Killua's mind was in a frenzy. Thoughts darted back and forth, knocking against the edges of his mind and sending waves of emotional pain through him like seismic tremors. Fear, shame, self hate, and above all dread.
What do I do? What do I do?! I can't lie to him, I have to tell him. But then he'll know that I've been hiding my species from him! The purpose of this entire journey is to discover his species! How will he react when he finds out that I already know my species and haven't told him?
Who am I kidding, I know how he'll react, he'll leave me!
I- I've only known him for about a month now, but I just can't bear the thought of losing him. He's my first friend, he means too much to me.
Killua's eyes burned with tears, he was shaking all over. He squeezed his tail around his waist so hard that he could feel his organs squishing together, but that wasn't enough to ground him. His hands were fisted and he dug his nails into his palms so hard that they drew blood, but that wasn't enough to ground him. He held his tongue bitten between his teeth, tasting blood, but that still wasn't enough to ground him.
Valkyrie Valkyrie Valkyrie Valkyrie-
The mantra paraded through Killua's mind, each time he thought the dreaded word another wave of self hate pumped through him.
"Killua."
The silver haired boy snapped his eyes to Gon's. They shimmered with amber light, determination set in their golden depths. Gon's eyes were essentially windows into his soul. He wore all of his emotions there for all to see. So different from Killua, who's emotions were kept locked tightly away in an iron cage, hidden deep behind a nonchalant mask so that no one could see his pain.
Yet it felt like Gon could see through that mask no matter how many layers he added.
"Killua, what is it? You can tell me."
His voice was so-
Kind.
Killua's heart skipped a beat.
His emotions froze in time, swirling to a screeching halt. He was locked in Gon's gaze, his ocean blue eyes held fast in his eyes of shimmering amber. In those iridescent tawny depths Killua found an emotion that he was unfamiliar with, one so foreign to him that it stung: empathy, empathy and genuine care for Killua's well being. The silver haired boy titled his head down, breaking Gon's gaze and hiding his eyes from view.
This is it.
The Valkyrie held his breath… and took a leap of faith.
"I… haven't been honest with you."
Gon sat quietly, patiently. Waiting and silently trusting that Killua would share his truth.
With shaking hands, Killua lifted his shirt up, exposing his tattooed belly and the tail wrapped tightly around it. Standing with pursed lips and in such a state of intense anxiety that he felt he could shatter at any second, Killua waited for the dots to connect. He waited in dread for Gon to put two and two together, he'd already seen his face without a mask. Any second now he'd realize that Killua was a- was a- a Valkyrie.
Gon's eyes widened, "Killua, you have a TAIL?!"
The Valkyrie yipped in surprise as Gon suddenly appeared on the ground before him on his knees, and gently yet swiftly grabbed his tail and unwound it from his waist. Killua ignored the brush of Gon's fingers on his bare stomach, shoving any thoughts on the subject into the deepest, darkest box he could find. He instead focused on repressing his reflex to snap his tail out of whoever touched its hands and slice their jugular with its razor sharp barb.
Gon sat back on his heels, eyes sparkling with wonder as he held Killua's tail up to the light. "Wowwwww~~~!"
The hyper boy darted back and forth on the ground, playing with Killua's tail and chattering incoherently about this new revelation. The pale boy stood in complete and total shock. Wasn't he horrified?! Why wasn't he running or yelling at Killua to get away?! What the actual fuck?!
When Gon held his tail in his fist it and ran his hand all the way up to where it connected with Killua's tailbone, the silver haired boy squealed like a mouse and yanked his tail away, "Alright, alright! That's enough! Give it back, ya idiot!"
Gon giggled like a child, grinning sheepishly. "Is this what you were hiding this whole time? It's just a tail, Killua! What's wrong with a tail? I think it's cool!"
Killua fought the smile that threatened to split across his face. Uncomfortable with his tail now exposed along with his face, he twisted it back and forth restlessly, eventually settling to twist it around his left leg. "It's not just a tail, Gon. The thing is… I'm not actually a hybrid."
This caught Gon's attention, he looked up and met Killua's eyes, giving the Valkyrie his full attention. Killua's stomach gave a flip, his anxiety was giving him hell… and maybe for other reasons.
"Like I said, I'm not a hybrid. I'm a full blood… a full blooded Valkyrie. That's my species."
Killua peeked at Gon from underneath his bangs in dread, but rather than finding disgust, or worse: fear, he found wonder and awe. "You're a Valkyrie?" Gon leapt to his feet and grabbed Killua's shoulders, shaking him back and forth. "That's so cool!"
"Er-" Killua sputtered, his face heating up, "Why are you so happy about this? Aren't you scared?"
"Why would I be scared?"
"Because I'm a dangerous, bloodthirsty, murderous Valkryie!"
"But you're still just Killua, being a Valkyrie doesn't change that. Also, I thought Valkyries had wings? Why don't you have wings?"
Killua choked on air. "What do you mean it doesn't change anything- and I do have wings, moron! They're just sealed with all those tattoos, I know you saw them."
"Oh yeah!" Gon lifted Killua's shirt up.
"Hey!" Killua protested, face burning. What the hell?! You can't just go lifting people's shirts up!
"Well, yeah, but you're my friend so it's okay, Woah! These tattoos are so cool! I was too distracted by your tail to really look at them earlier!"
I said that out loud?!
"Yep, sure did! Are these thorns? How do they work? Oo! Can I see your wings?"
"Damn it, I did it again!" Killua grumbled and yanked his shirt back down, slapping Gon's hands away from his tail and from where they had been tracing his tattoos. "Cut it out! Why're you so clingy all of a sudden?! Wha, never mind, that's not the point!"
Gon, finally being still, gave Killua his full attention once more. However, the Valkyrie kept the tan boy's hands locked in his own between them for safe keeping, he didn't want any more unwanted touching while he was trying to explain his life story.
"I'm a Valkyrie, but a Dragonite Valkyrie specifically. I am of the most powerful and most dangerous subspecies. My full name is Killua Zoldyck, as I'm sure you know by now, but what I have a feeling you don't know is that the Zoldyck clan is the royal family of the Dragonite Valkyries. My dad, Silva, is the Chief of the clan; the King, if you will. And that makes me a prince. But I just hate the Dragonite Valkyrie's way of life, I hate the killing and the assassinations and the violence. I just had to get away, so a little over a year ago I ran away from home to wander the world. That's how I ended up at the Clawthorne. I hide my face and tail so that no one recognizes me… but also so no one knows I'm a Valkyrie. I hate Valkyries! We're so horrible and cruel! We are nothing but cold blooded murderers! I am a trained mercenary and assassin, so I don't have any trouble at all keeping hidden, but still… I can't stand to let people know what I am. I sealed my wings away with these permanent sealing tattoos, they seal them completely so that I cannot extend and retract them even if my life depends on it. Wings are a Valkyrie's trade mark, and I can't stand to have them on me… I'm sorry I didn't tell you all of this before… I just… I was too scared of how you'd react. I hate myself for who I am, so I was scared that you would hate me too."
By the end of Killua's speech, he had released Gon's hands, reflexively hid his tail again, and had hidden his face behind his bangs. Tears welled in his eyes, Killua hated crying. This was so humiliating. Why had he felt compelled to dump his entire soul out to Gon? He had only intended to tell him that he was a Dragonite Valkyrie, but then all of a sudden it all just came rushing out! What the fuck is wrong with me.
"Killua," Gon murmured in an uncharacteristically soft tone. He rested his hand on the silver haired boy's shoulder. "You're my best friend, I could never hate you."
Blood rushed to the Valkyries face, "How can you say stuff like that out loud? It's embarrassing…"
"Maybe, but it's true. Look at me, Killua."
For some reason, Killua obeyed. He looked back up, eyes hot with unshed tears.
"You're my best friend, it's true! Never forget that. No matter who you are, where you came from, or what blood runs through your veins, I will always be your friend. No matter what. We're best friends now! I'll always be there for you. You say you're a runaway prince? I say that's badass! I'll help you hide from your family or any other person that shouldn't know who you are. But still, don't be ashamed of who you are."
Gon lifted Killua's shirt up again, and took his tail in his hands once again. This time Killua allowed it, overcome by the change in tone of the action. Rather than in excitement and with hyper energy, he unwound the tail from his waist with gentleness and caring. The Valkyrie's skin shivered as tan fingers brushed against his stomach once again.
The horned boy held Killua's tail up for him to see.
"You shouldn't hate yourself. You can't control who you were born as. I know that you hate your face and your tail and your tattoos and your wings, but those are a part of who you are, Killua. You shouldn't ever hate yourself." Gon's reddish tan brow furrowed in a sort of brotherly concern. "It pains me so much that you feel this way about yourself."
Killua swallowed hard, the fight against the tears was getting harder and harder with each word out of Gon's mouth.
"I've convinced you to keep your mask off," Gon continued, "I think that you should keep your tail out as well. Take it from me, no one will be able to tell that you are a Valkyrie just because of your tail and face. We both know that you are hiding those features for other reasons."
Oh shit, here we go with the waterworks.
Hot tears, unable to be held back any longer, spilled down Killua's cheeks one after the other.
Gon kept on speaking, "You hide your tail and face because you feel ashamed of who you are, and hate yourself for who you are. Killua, you need to be confident in yourself. You were born this way, out of a trillion different possibilities you turned out like this! That's incredible, and you should never hate yourself for your blood. Be proud of yourself, Killua! So what if you're a Valkyrie? Just because you were born in a Valkyrie's body doesn't make you just like all the rest of them. You are Killua. No amount of Dragonite blood will change that. So leave your tail out. Not for me, but for you. Display who you are for all the world to see, you deserve that much."
Killua's lip trembled and his shoulders shook as he held in sobs. Gon was holding his tail in front of him like a bouquet of flowers. His amber eyes sparkled with sincerity and care. How are you like this? How are you so amazing? You always know exactly what to say to reach me. You're practically glowing.
"Killua," the green haired boy dropped his tail and held his arms open. "Come 'ere."
"Huh?" the silver haired boy sniffled, his tail swishing to a halt behind him, for once unconcealed and free to feel the air.
Gon smiled, his face lighting up like the light of a million stars twinkling in the night sky.
"It's called being comforting, dummy," he responded.
Killua inhaled in insult, glaring through his tears. "Why you-"
The Valkyrie marched into the hybrid's embrace, he walked with spiteful steps, but inside he was trembling with emotion. Most prominent being thankfulness for having found such an incredible friend.
Killua slammed himself into Gon's embrace, the first time they had hugged since that sunset on the cliff when they had reunited. The tan boy locked his arms around Killua's slim shoulders, and suddenly the Valkyrie was enveloped in the most warm and caring experience of his life.
This hug was different from the other one; rather than being goofy, excited, and all in good fun, it was warm, caring, and reassuring. Killua melted into Gon's warm embrace, leaning against him and letting the walls he always had up fall away. He shuddered with the force of his suppressed tears. "It's alright, you can cry. Let it out," Gon said.
Killua sniffled and then slowly started crying. The tears fell silently at first, but his emotions spilled out at a faster and faster rate until they fell like a waterfall and sobs wracked his entire body. He buried his face in Gon's shoulder and wrapped his tail around the both of their waists, tying them together and making this embrace feel all the more permanent.
Having been raised to suppress each and every emotion, and tears being seen as a weakness, Killua was more embarrassed than he had ever felt in his life. But Gon was so incredibly accepting of his tears, he was encouraging and kind. The emotional outburst was one of release. Release of the tension built up from hiding his true self from his best friend, and relief from the lifted burden of hiding his tail, his most prominent feature (now that his wings were sealed).
Gon rocked the two of them back and forth and alternated between patting Killua's back and rubbing his hands in circles. "There there," he would say. "Let it out," "it's alright," "everybody cries."
Even though he was more embarrassed than he had ever been in his life, Killua was so inexplicably happy.
I'm so happy… that Gon is my friend.
…
Gon smiled to himself against Killua's fluffy white hair. He was so glad that he had been able to help his best friend. The emotional tension had been more intense than he had expected, the stress of it all was enough to bring Killua's walls down and reveal a side to him the tan boy had never seen before.
A Dragonite Valkyrie, I never saw that coming!
Gon truly was in awe at Killua's blood. It was so cool! Valkyries were awesome! Yeah, they had bad reputations, but Gon never judged based on reputations. Killua was Killua, and that was that. The tail was so cool! So were the tattoos! Actually everything about Killua was cool. Simply because it was what made Killua Killua.
I've never thought the word "Killua" so many times in a row before! Gon thought, with a mental giggle.
He continued rubbing the Valkyrie's back, doing for him what Aunt Mito had always done. Whenever something bad or other would happen, Aunt Mito had always been there to comfort him. She would hold Gon in her arms, alternate between patting and rubbing his back, and murmur comforting words. She would tell Gon that it was alright to cry, that he had a right to have these feelings, and that there was nothing wrong with tears. Aunt Mito had always known when Gon had been in pain, and had always been there for him.
Gon knew that Killua was in pain, so he made sure he was there for him.
The silver haired boy was usually so calm, confident, and composed.
The hybrid had never expected it all to be a thin disguise for the true feelings of shame, self hatred, and pain that all lay so close beneath the surface. Gon really did hate that Killua felt that way about himself, however, as Aunt Mito had said, everyone has a right to feel the way they do, even if they are wrong; and if they do happen to be wrong, then it is your job to help them see that.
Killua was trembling in his arms, and Gon could feel the tears leaving a soaked spot on his shoulder. Five minutes had passed, and the tears were slowing down. Gon took this as a sign to initiate moving forward.
He changed the tone of his words from comforting to playful: "There there, Killua, there's nothing wrong with crying! Your manly side does need a break from time to time~~~"
Killua sniffed and raised his head from Gon's shoulder, the horned boy could practically feel the other's scrutinizing glare.
Gon smirked, "Poor little baby boy, all alone, don't worry! Gon is here to take care of you!"
That had been the last straw, Gon cracked out laughing as Killua slapped him upside the head. He unwound his tail from where it had bound them together, and broke the embrace. "Jackass," Killua snapped good naturedly.
"Is baby Killua a grumpy boy today? Do you need your bottle?" Gon taunted, struggling to keep a straight face.
The Valkyrie growled low in his throat, rubbed his sleeve across his face to clear it of snot, tears, and spit, and stomped menacingly in Gon's direction. "You wanna die?" taunted back, trying and failing to hold back the smile that was slipping onto his features. His tail swished back and forth behind him as he approached.
Gon grinned, and sprinted in the opposite direction, "You'll never catch me! Never in a million years, baby Killua!" He then squealed and ran for his life as he heard a growl rising in his friend's throat and the tell tale sound of him crashing at full speed after him.
The two darted in and out of the trees, Gon ended up losing the game of tag, and paid for his sins when Killua strung him up from a nearby tree by the feet and sat idly swinging him back and forth as the boy pleaded for his release.
Killua smiled through it all, eternally grateful for having a friend such as Gon. A friend who would comfort him at a moment's notice and then cheer him all the way up with ease. Killua swore to himself that he would always be there for Gon, just as Gon had promised to always be there for him.
