Dwight: (hovering over printer with the tray open, carefully loading paper)
Dwight: In order to make the best impression possible, I'm printing on my own customized stationary. I carry it in my bag at all times just in case. For example, what if I... solved the riddle of the pyramids? Very valuable information. Obviously. I would write it down on my stationary. Then, what if that were stolen by knowledge-hating terrorists? Then what? The president would order the CIA to infiltrate their base and steal back the paper. The CIA would.. blow up the enemy base... probably using plastic explosives. But they'd manage to avoid the paper, although I ordered the paper with an extra glossy finish to protect it so it'd probably be safe anyway. They would recover the paper, and lo and behold, what do they see? (holds up stationary, points to writing near the top) "Dwight K. Schrute: International Genius." (smiles) Copperplate Gothic font, size 12, bold.
Jim: (glancing over at Dwight's printed out survey) What's the point of using stationary? Didn't some of the questions just print over your name?
Dwight: The point is to send a message, Jim. What do you think it's saying to corporate when they see I'm using my own personalized stationary on their Employee Evaluation?
Jim: Thaaat... you work for a paper company and you have tons of stationary to use up because you got a discount and ordered too much?
Dwight: Allright, well how about this. (takes out bottle of cologne) Case in point. Donald Trump's new scent, "Ego". (daubing it on survey) Guaranteed to leave an impression.
Jim: God, it smells like that blue stuff they soak combs in at the barbershop.
Dwight: No... no I think it smells like... success. (grins at Jim)
Jim: (shakes his head, looks back at survey)
Michael: (working on survey, looks up at cameraman) Okay, listen to this, how does this sound: under "strengths" I put, "comedy, inspiring people, poetry, problem-solving, making friends, weight-lifting, art, and style." Now... do you think it would be cocky of me to add "appearance" to the list? And should I make it rhyme to prove that I'm a good poet?
Kevin: (knocking door as he walks in) Michael, I need some help with my Employee Evaluation.
Michael: Kevin, I really don't have time right now, I was just—
Kevin: I don't get some of the questions.
Michael: What could you possibly not get?
Kevin: On the parts about quality of the work environment, would it be better to tell the truth or to lie?
Michael: Of course—why would you have to lie? Of course tell the truth, say that you're having a great time, that your boss makes it easy to work here... you don't have to mention my name, everyone already knows—
Kevin: So I should lie?
Michael: No! That's what I'm saying! Don't lie, they can tell if you're lying. Just talk about how great it is to work here.
Kevin: But—
Michael: Wait wait wait, what are you saying about me on that?
Jim: (muttering while writing) "His general incompetence... is only matched... by... his ability... to alienate... his employees."
Pam: (walks over to Jim's desk) Hey.
Jim: (looks up) Hey Pam.
Pam: Uh, I'm not interrupting anything important, am I?
Jim: I'm just doing the Employee Evaluation thing, so... nah.
Pam: (smiling) Great! Well, I'm bored. Can I do my survey over here with you?
Jim: Uh.. sure! Yeah, pull up a chair, partner.
Pam: (getting a chair) I'll be quiet as a mouse, promise.
Jim: Nah, don't worry about it. In fact, maybe we should be comparing answers.
Pam: Fun!
Dwight: Uh, excuse me? You can't do that. This is a silent, individual task, and cheating is expressly prohibited.
Jim: Dwight... number one, what does that even mean? Number two, you can't cheat on a survey. And number three, who said this has to be silent?
Dwight: Well, I need to concentrate, and since I have more power than you, that makes me in charge—
Jim: No it doesn't.
Dwight: Yes it does. Law of the jungle.
Jim: We're not in the jungle.
Dwight: ...corporate jungle.
Jim: Allright, well, I don't even know what power you're talking about—
Dwight: I'm the assistant regional manager.
Jim: --but majority rules. So, all who say Pam can stay and talk as loud as she wants and make fun of Dwight's stationary, raise your hand. (raises his)
Pam: (raises hers) Sorry Dwight. I was pulling for you.
Dwight: Doesn't matter. I have more power so my votes count for more.
Jim: Dwight! ...allright, whatever, I'm ignoring you. (turning to Pam) So have you already started the survey?
Pam: Yeah, actually I was about halfway through page two when I realized I had stopped writing and started playing Spider Solitaire.
Dwight: (yelling over them) You can't ignore me! I have more power than you! I'll tell Michael!
Jim: You know, it's weird, the wind is really noisy today.
Pam: Is that what that noise is? We're not even near a window.
Jim: Crazy weather.
Dwight: Allright! I'm going to Michael! I'm going! (walks over, starts banging on Michael's door) Michael, I need to speak with you right now.
Michael's voice: Ugh, Dwight, go away, I'm concentrating!
Dwight: Michael—
Michael: If it's something about Jim, I overrule you and you have to be nice to Jim, okay?
Dwight: (stares at the door for a few seconds, turns on his heel, walks back to his desk, grabs survey without saying a word, strides into the conference room and locks the door behind him)
Jim: (looks at Pam, trying not to smile)
Pam: (walks over to Dwight's desk and sits down) Hey Jim, it's me Dwight. (blinks) Wanna talk about ninjas?
Jim: (laughs) You know Dwight, there's something different about you today. Are you going for a new look?
Pam: Ugh, wait a second, what does it smell like over here? It's like... God, like listerine and windex.
Jim: (leaning back) Ah, the smell of success.
