Title: What He Wants
Chapter Title: Quote
Author: Penguins Stealing My Sanity
Disclaimer: 'Tisn't mine.
Summary: Jack faked his death, and now he's off to find Ennis and start their life together. But it's not always that simple… There's very little plot involved in this; it's mostly just an excuse for me to write a few explicit sex scenes between Jack and Ennis. ;)
Genre: Romance
Warnings: If you've gotten to this chapter, you know what to expect.
Rating: R
Setting: We jump ahead in time a few years, doesn't matter how many. Pick your favorite number between one and three. Jack and Ennis have their ranch, and are living together happily…or so it would seem…

This is what I think would have happened if they'd ever gotten a ranch together in the movie… It's not what I WANT to happen, mind, but it seems to "fit." This chapter is not going to be very happy, because I've now developed the plot I discovered in the second chapter, and it kind of had to take a grim turn. And I just plain like writing sad stuff. So DO NOT tell me in your reviews how much you hate the ending of this chapter, or how much you hate me for writing this, because YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. If you don't like sad/grim stuff, don't read this; if you do read this and don't like it, that doesn't mean you have to flame me. I don't like flames.

THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER. Just so you know.

Back to Evans Blue songs, this one "Quote." It's a very touching song. I love Evans Blue.

I only got one suggestion for a name (thanks, A Horse Called Hwin!) but then decided that this character didn't even really need a name. Sorry, Atanvarne, no planned threesome...though maybe in another fic...

- What He Wants -

"Quote"

"How's it look?" I called as I came nearer to the pen where Ennis was lookin' the sheep over. I leaned against the fence as he came over to stand near me.

"Not good," he said grimly. "Lost three more just last night."

I swore. Some disease—no one around could say what it was—had been killin' off our flock all through the winter and spring. We didn't even have half the number we'd started off with in the very beginnin'. "What're we gonna do?"

He pulled his hat off and wiped the sweat off his forehead with the back of his hand. "Best thing to do now would be to sell 'em, while we still can. Won't get nearly the price we could if they were all healthy…but it'll be better'n lettin' 'em all die and not getting' nothin' for it." I nodded; Ennis knew better than I did what to do in this sort of situation. We were quiet for a while more, and then he said, "I been thinkin'…we ain't got much money left, and even with what we make off the sheep, it probably won't be enough to see us through winter. But if we sold the whole place…"

"No," I said firmly, shocked that he'd even mention it.

"We've fixed this place us real nice, and we could get a good price for it—"

"I said no, Ennis. Sell the sheep if you want, but we ain't gonna sell our home."

He was clenchin' his jaw in anger, and I could see how much he wanted to yell at me, so I turned away and walked back to the house, tryin' to cool my own anger. How could he even think of sellin' the place we'd built with our own hands?

I'd learned a little from Lureen about money and bookkeepin' and that sort of thing, and it had become my job to make sure me and Ennis didn't go broke. I didn't know if I was doin' too good a job of it, since we had almost no money left. But I sat down at the kitchen table, and began makin' out a list of everything' we didn't need.

Quote, you are my soul, unquote
Now does that sound familiar?
You kiss the boy and make him feel this way

Quote, well this is me, unquote
And you have been so ugly you're entire life
So I changed now

When Ennis came in, neither of us were too angry anymore, and he leaned down to kiss the top of my head before sittin' down next to me. "Wha'cha doin'?" he asked, leanin' over to try to see the paper I was writin' on.

"Makin' a list of everythin' we don't need that we might be able to sell. I was thinkin' we could live on only what we needed for a while, till we get back on our feet again—"

"And how do you think we're gonna 'get back on our feet'? Even sellin' everythin' we can, we won't have enough money to buy and keep anythin' that would bring us in some money, and there's no jobs I can find 'round here. I went in to town yesterday, lookin' for a job; men I talked to, they said they weren't lookin' for 'someone like me', an' I could see in their eyes what they meant by it. We got no jobs, no way to make money, Jack. What we got now is all we're gonna have. If we just—"

"We're not sellin' this place, Ennis. It's ours."

"Think I don't know that, Jack? I don't wanna leave this place any more'n you do, but I don't see any other way we can get by."

"Damnit, Ennis!" I slammed my hands down on the table and pushed myself away, the chair topplin' over backwards as I stormed off into our bedroom. I paced around awhile through all the clutter, then turned and kicked the bed. Swearin' then—Fuck, that hurt!—I dropped down onto the bed and yanked off my boot to gently cradle my throbbin' toes.

"That was pretty stupid."

I glared over my shoulder at Ennis, where he stood in the doorway. "You weren't near enough to kick," I muttered just loud enough for him to hear.

Is this how you wanna go down?
Right before my eyes
You're the saddest sight I know
You're quiet, you never make a sound
But here inside my mind you are the loudest one I know

Quote, we never talk, unquote
And that's when I don't answer
Don't you dare ask why
Because you don't want to know

"Will you just let me talk for a minute, Jack? Just let me say what I need to?" He took my not answerin' for permission, and so he rushed on in, "You know how I feel about this place, Jack—sure, I didn't want it in the first place, but I love it now. You know that. I wouldn't even be thinkin' about givin' it up 'less we were in real deep trouble. An' we are, Jack. We ain't hardly got any money left, and anythin' else we can make won't last us too long. I'm just thinkin'…if we sold this place, it'd be enough to buy us each a nice little house in town, where places are cheaper—"

"Buy us each a house?" I repeated, and then gave a bitter laugh. I pulled off my other boot and threw it hard as I could against the wall. "You think that's gonna help us? Havin' to sneak around just to get a few moments alone… Yeah, Ennis, that's gonna stop all them rumors you're so worried about."

"Fine, forget that. But what if we sold some of our land? We don't use nearly half of what we got, and people're payin' good money for land like we got—"

"We bought so much land 'cause we wanted privacy, Ennis. We sell our land, an' there'll be people packin' in on all sides. It'd get to be as bad as your other idea."

"Then what're we gonna do, Jack?" he asked, soundin' frustrated and tired of the whole argument. "We keep on like this, we won't have nothin' left come winter."

I turned around to look him full in the face. "But we'll still have each other." I pulled up the covers of the bed and slid underneath them, my back to Ennis again.

After a while, the bed creaked, and he lay down under the covers next to me, puttin' his arms around me and pullin' me against his chest. "I'm sorry," he said softly into my ear and, for now, it was enough.


We sold the sheep first chance we got, for a reasonable price, and sold everythin' else we could. We made it through spring and fall, but by then, we were arguin' so much about the money we didn't have that it seemed like we didn't do nothin' but argue. We were havin' one of these arguments one afternoon when Ennis just turned away from me and stormed outta our house, kickin' the wheel of his truck before climbin' into it and startin' it up. As he backed it up and turned it out towards the road, I grabbed a handful of rocks and threw it hard as I could at the truck. The rocks clattered down harmlessly, and Ennis didn't even turn to look at me. Swearin' at him at the top of my lungs, I didn't turn back into the house till I couldn't see the truck anymore.

Quote, well woe is me, unquote
How different I've become
And no one understands, my dear, no one really cares

When I woke up the next mornin', Ennis still hafn't come back, but I couldn't say that I was really too surprised by it. This was how we handled things. We'd fight, get angry, and one of us would run off for a day or so; then we'd come back, fuck like mad, and everythin' would be back to where it had been. We handled our problems by never really solvin' anythin'…but it worked, and it was all we knew how to do.

Winter was comin' on fast, and I went out to chop some wood, hopin' it'd be enough to distract me for a little while. It was near noon when a new-lookin' car came pulling down the drive. A man who looked like he'd just arrived from way out East climbed outta the car and looked around for awhile till he noticed me. The hat sittin' on top of his head was a poor attempt to "blend in" with the local folks, and I couldn't hold in a snort as I leaned my axe up against the choppin' block and threw the wood I'd just split into the small pile I had. Fuckin' city folk.

"Is this the residence of a Mister Ennis Del Mar?" the man asked, soundin' just as East as he looked.

"If you mean does he live here, yeah," I called over my shoulder. "But he ain't here right now."

"Yes…I know. Who are you?"

I finally turned to face him. "Jack Twist. What do you want with Ennis?"

He ignored my question. "And you would be…?"

"Co-owner of this little piece of shit place. What do you want with Ennis?"

"Do you know, does Mister Del Mar have any family in the area?"

"He's divorced. Has two kids. They don't live anywhere near. Now I ain't gonna ask you again—what do you want with Ennis?"

The man sighed, and pulled his hat off his head. "Mister Del Mar's truck was found floating in the river earlier today."

It took a little while for me to actually understand the words, and then I just stood there starin' at the him, not believin' what he'd said. There was a buzzin' in my ears, and my voice was shakin' when I asked, "What?"

"It would seem that Mister Del Mar drove off the road sometime late last night. His body wasn't found, but we can assume he drowned.I was told I would find someone here who would know his last wishes—I can only assume that would be you. When you have some time, we will need to speak about where you want him to be buried, and how his assets will be divided." He gave me the address of the place where I could find him, but I hardly heard a word he said. I managed to stay on my feet until he was drivin' away in his fancy little car, and then my knees gave out and I fell to the ground, feelin' like my heart was bein' clawed slowly outta my chest.


(A.N.: A few days have passed.)

I stood in the bedroom, lookin' around slowly to make sure I hadn't left anythin'. It looked so different, so wrong, without mine and Ennis's stuff litterin' the floor. I'd gone into town a few days back, to talk to the Easterner about Ennis's stuff. The next day, I'd sold the little ranch we'd built. There was no reason to keep it; I'd only fought so hard for it because it had seemed like it was the only thing holdin' me and Ennis together. Turns out he'd been right all along: got more sellin' the place than it had cost to buy all the supplies to build it. I'd stay with Momma and Daddy for a while, till I got back on my feet again. But there was somethin' I had to do first.

Is this how you wanna come down?
Right before my eyes
You are the saddest sight I know
And you're quiet, you never make a sound
But here inside my mind you are the loudest one I know

And you were right, right from the start
It took everything you had, but you finally broke my...

I drove as far as I could, and then rode on a borrowed horse for the rest of the way. And up on Brokeback, at the place where we'd camped so many years ago, I pulled out the urn that held the ashes of some of his stuff that I'd burned, since I didn't have the ashes of his body, and held the urn gently against my chest, lettin' the tears flow down my cheeks and just livin' in the memories of this place.

/"I hate leavin'," I told him as we packed up after three days up on Brokeback. "I hate goin' back to real life…"

He wrapped one of his arms around my shoulders, pullin' me against him and kissin' the side of my face, just below my hair. "We'll come back," he promised. "We'll keep on comin' back till we can't no more. Brokeback will always be here. You'll always be here, and I'll always be here…"/

/"I never did like sheep."

"Not much about 'em to like," Ennis agreed, takin' a long drink of whiskey.

"But still…it wouldn't be too hard to raise sheep, as long as we had everythin' we'd need. I think we'd make a fine pair of ranchers, don't you think?"

He looked over at me, smilin' a little and shakin' his head at me. "Maybe someday, cowboy." He was too drunk to remember that he always argued whenever I mentioned us buyin' a ranch.

"We could spend the rest of our days together raisin' sheep. Just the two of us, on our own ranch…"/

/We lay together in front of the fire, me layin' between his legs with my back against his chest. There was a blanket wrapped around us, and I pulled it more snugly up under my chin, shiverin' a little in the cool air. He moved his head no nuzzle his nose just behind my ear, and said softly, "You hear that?"

"I don't hear nothin' but the fire," I said sleepily.

"That's what I mean. Night like this…no sounds, with the stars out… The world's stopped, Jack, just for us. Just for right now. Ain't nothin' can happen to us right here, right now." I tilted my head back, and he kissed me gently. "Right now, it's just you an' me, boy. Nothin' else matters."/

/"You awake, Twist?"

I was already half-asleep, and so I didn't answer, comfortable enough to just lay against his chest. His arms wrapped around me a little tighter, and he pressed his head down against the top of mine. I smiled, and shifted just a little so I could listen to his heart beatin' as we lay there together.

"I'm glad I met you, Jack," he said softly, and I was confused for a little while. He thought I was asleep, so why was he talkin' to me…? But as he kept on talkin', I realized he was sayin' things he'd never say if he knew I was awake: "I know it don't seem like it sometimes, and I know I ain't always as…as kind to you as I should be… But this time we spend together, I wouldn't trade it for anythin'. Just…just so you know…" He was silent for a while longer. "Don't know what I did to deserve you, Twist. Didn't think I'd ever done anythin' good enough to deserve you…but whatever it was, I sure am glad I did it. I know I can be a right ass sometimes, but…I do love you, Jack."

I closed my eyes, and just lay there against him, listenin' to his heart pound in time with his breathin'…/

And now the old flames will pass away
I saw your life once
Did you see mine?
But not all things will pass away
You turned your light off
So I turned mine
Away from your sadness
Away from the nothingness you feel for me

Is this how you wanna go down?
Right before my eyes
You are the saddest sight I know
You're so quiet and you never make a sound
But here inside my mind you are the loudest one I know
And you were right, right from the start,
It took everything you had, but you finally broke my ...

I pulled the top off the urn and reached inside, scoopin' out a handful of ashes and lettin' the ashes sift through my fingers to be pulled away by the wind. My tears still flowin', I spread the rest of the ashes on the ground, and stood there holdin' the empty urn as a wind picked up and sent the ashes swirlin' around me and around Brokeback, around the only place where me and Ennis were ever really happy together.

I put the top back on the urn, and stowed it safely back in my pack on the horse's saddle; then I climbed up onto the horse, and rode away without lookin' back.

Quote, hey listen cause I'll only say this once
I finally found the words
That mean enough to me
Goodbye my soul, unquote


A brief note: if you are satisfied with where this chapter ends, you need not read further; you will probably not like the next chapter. If you are unsatisfied, read the next chapter before sending me an angry review.

:>