Chapter 7: Breathe No More

Lately, Jin has been letting me go into the mirror room. Normally he goes in too, hoping I don't notice. But today, he left me in there, alone, with the girl. He would come back every five minutes to check on me and ask me if I needed anything. I would always reply by shaking my head and uttering the word, "No." but I did need something. I needed him to hold me, hold me tight; just to cradle me in his arms for a while.

I've been looking in the mirror for so long

They always laughed at me; The Wolf and The Voice, laughed for not have the courage to tell him what I needed. But she didn't laugh. She just stood there, staring. Jin had said she was in the mirror. I was building my strength, saving it to free her. They don't know that I don't need my wheelchair anymore, but I'm not going to tell them. I will show them.

I've always stood at the mirror. Now I stand in front of the mirror yet again. But this time, I'm not just looking. This time, I'm gonna do something about that girl behind the glass. Jin told me that the girl behind the glass is me but how could it be me if I'm right here. Surely I can't be in two places at once.

That I've come to believe my soul's on the other side

I lifted my arm gently, slowly. It crashed into the mirror's face. The mirror was cold, at first, but I didn't feel the cold but only for a second. After, I only felt pain. The pieces that broke off were scattered all around me. I was glad I had moved my chair back.

Oh, the little pieces falling shatter

I couldn't see the girl's face, my face. I looked down at the pieces as if expecting parts of her face to be on them. I didn't. Where did she go? Had she left me? Could she leave part of herself with me?

Shards of me, too sharp to put back together, too small to matter

I looked down at my hand. Blood trickled from where the glass hit. I'm sure Michelle will have it bandaged latter. I closed my eyes, still feeling the pain in my hand. It was an interesting feeling. It hurt but I kind of liked the hurt as I had once liked the dark. Perhaps someday I will change my mind on this too.

I couldn't see her face but I could see her body and parts of her face, especially if I moved to the side. She would follow me. I moved my body to the right until I saw half of her face. I touched her cheek with the tips of my fingers on my left hand. As I ran my fingers over her face, I felt the pieces starting, trying to shed from the rest of its body. One piece did escape from the mirror, but did not end up on the floor where I had expected it to. It went into my finger.

But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces, if I try to touch her

More blood came. I closed my eyes, knowing the pain would stop, if I could make it stop, will I to stop. Still the pain pieced me and blood leaked more with every touch of her cold glass skin.

It became hard to breathe when I looked at the blood. But I knew I had more flowing within myself rather than the red that was touch the air. I drew another breath. I knew that I could. I believed I could.

Take a breath and I try to draw from my spirits well

I knew she could never accept the way I am, the way I am now. No, Michelle was never around .Only Jin was. I knew Jin loved me. I don't think Michelle does. Michelle doesn't do much for me or with me. I miss her.

And yet again, you refuse to drink like a stubborn child

I turn my back to the mirror and sat up against it, to the right of the spot where it had shattered. I folded my knees in and hugged them to my chest, taking my head in my hands. Blood was getting on my face, I knew, but I didn't much care.

I don't remember a time when I wasn't like this. A time when I was like all the other mothers, caring and loving and taking care of my son. Jin is the one taking care of me. I don't remember when I didn't hear Its Voices or Its laughs and jeers. A time when I'd had a man at my side other than my son.

Lie to me; convince me that I've been sick forever

When these Voices go away, then will I understand everything? Will my brain register all that happened or will it still not function properly? I can't imagine, not hearing anything but my own thoughts. I don't know how to care for Jin, let alone myself. I don't know how to do anything for myself. I feel so helpless. The Voice told me that I am helpless and that I already know.

And all of this will make sense when I get better

Jin had told me that my reflection is what I look like to him. To Michelle. He told my that he loves me. He told me that, to him, I'm beautiful. I don't know why he told me. Did he tell only to see how gullible I am? To see if I believe him? Or does he really feel that way? I barely know my son. I barely know myself. I know myself, but I don't know who I am. I've never thought to ask.

I know the difference between myself and my reflection I just can't help but to wonder, which of us do you love?

Out of nowhere a voice called to me. Jin. "Mother," I looked up to see the shock on his face. He ran to embrace me, to pull me from the floor by my left hand, where there was less blood. Jin hugged me. "What happened?"

"It doesn't matter now. It's done." The scared girl was gone. I look to the mirror. Streaks of blood lay on my face, my right, Jin's left. My hand was still dyed with blood and the first finger on my left hand carried a few drops.

"Let's go clean you up," Jin said, heading towards the wheelchair.

I took a step and touched his shoulder with my left hand so as not to get blood on his shirt. "Jin. No." He turned to look at me and I stepped toward him.

It had taken up my nights for a few weeks. I practiced walking while Jin slept, seeing as how I couldn't sleep anyway. The darkness kept me awake. I would fall and get back up and I would fall again. But it was all worth it in the end.

After a few minutes of excitement from Jin, we walked to get a washing rag to clean my hands.

That night Michelle took out the glass.

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A/N: I took out the choruses because I didn't think they were important but the song is that of Breathe No More by Evanescence.