Dying to Dance

2. Never dance again

30 minutes later Angel and Cordelia rushed into the hospital. They had been told over the phone that Anna had had an accident, but had no idea about how bad it was. So, they were extremely worried of course. Although Cordy was so busy keeping Angel calm that there was hardly no time left for her own worries. 'Stop panicking. You don't even know 'what' is going on! She probably only has a few cuts and bruises!', she said, trying to sooth him a little.

'Cuts and bruises!', Angel panicked, terrified of his little girl being hurt just the slightest bit.

Cordy walked over to the information desk with him and asked the nurse sitting behind it what was going on. The nurse told them to go and wait in the waiting room because the doctors weren't finished with Anna yet.

'Come on. They're still examining her.', Cordy said, and led her close-to-hysterical-fiancé to the waiting room.

"I need to see her!', Angel said, allowing Cordy to put him on one of the uncomfortable little plastic chairs. The whole hospital made him feel uncomfortable, but the chairs were the worst. They just seemed to scream' Feel uncomfortable!'.

Not really what Angel needed right now.

'Coffee?', Cordy offered.

'I could actually use a drink.'.

'I don't think they serve Lorne's Sea Breezes in a hospital.', she said, and threw some coins in the coffee-machine. She filled two cups with coffee and handed one to Angel.

'Thanks..', he said with a sigh.

'Why is it taking so long!', he exclaimed after only a few seconds. Cordy sighed.

'You won't speed up time by asking that the whole time, you know.'.

'I'm sorry.'. A nostalgic smile appeared on Angel's face. 'Do you remember when she was only one year old and hit her head on the table side? Then we were sitting here as well.. But at least then we knew what was wrong with her.', he said sadly.

'They will come and talk to us soon.', Cordelia promised him. It didn't comfort Angel a lot though.

'I shouldn't have let her go out with those.. those.. boys.'.

Before Cordelia could defend 'those boys' the door went open and Holly stormed in, followed by Wesley who was having trouble to keep up with her.

Holly's long brown hair was not or hardly brushed and quickly put in a ponytail. She was wearing an old denim jeans and a white cashmere sweater. The white of the sweater made her shocked face even paler. The high-school Cordelia would say she went out of bed in the middle of the night and took no or little time to work on her appearance. The nowadays Cordelia thought that she looked like she just got out of bed in the middle of the night with the message her children were in the hospital.

And she could understand that so very well.

Wesley didn't look much better.

He recently started to wear contact lenses recently, but now he didn't have had time to put them in, so was wearing his glasses again. He was wearing a pair of jeans as well, and a dark green sweater. His hair was even more messed up than usually.

'What the hell is going on!', Holly yelled, making her way over to Angel and Cordelia, who almost dropped her coffee when Holly started yelling.

'We know just as little as you do.', Cordy said.

'Calm down, darling.', Wesley soothed her, putting his hands on her shoulders, massaging them lightly. 'It'll be all right. I'm sure they're fine.'.

'I really hope so..', Holly replied with a sigh. She sat down with Wesley on the much hated plastic chairs and leaned in to him. She closed her eyes and tried to ignore the migraine that started to show up again, like always on much wanted moments...

After several minutes she spotted both of her children walk through a door into the waiting room, followed by a doctor.

'Bryan!' 'Jennifer!', she exclaimed, and ran over to them. She pulled both of her children into a hug so tight it made them gasp for breath. Eventually she let go of them and turned to the doctor.

'Are they okay?', she asked him, still a bit panicky.

The doctor nodded. He shook Holly's hand.

'My name is dr. Michaels', he introduced himself.

'Your children are fine, Mrs...', he paused and looked at the medical record in his hands.

'Mrs. Warner.', and smiled.

Holly didn't smile back and wondered what the man wanted from her.

'You'll probably want some time to talk to your children. But after that the police would like to talk to you.'.

Holly slowly took in the words, and eventually nodded. She waited till the doctor had left and Angel and Cordy went to the information desk to ask why it was taking so long.

Wesley wasn't sure if their relationship was serious enough for him to stay, so he hesitantly and rather insecurely headed for the door.

'You can stay, Wes.', Holly told him, with what could be a smile in any other occasion on her face. She eyed her two children, who now were sitting on the plastic chairs, looking timid and possibly somewhat frightened for what was to come.

Bryan looked up when his mom didn't say anything, but it was like Holly had been waiting for this moment, because it was then she started to yell.

'What the hell- I mean heck- did you think you were doing!', she shouted.' Didn't I warn you! Didn't I tell you a thousand, no, a million times NOT to drive after drinking! Didn't I, Bryan Joseph Warner!', she continued her outrageous tirade.

Bryan swallowed. 'You did, mom.', he said quietly.

'Then WHY! Bryan, why!'.

'Mom.. your car. I'll pay everything back..', he promised sadly.

'You bet you will! But that's not the point... It's Anna! Anna is the point. What if it's bad with her!'.

Both Bryan and Jennifer looked at the floor, finding their shoes suddenly rather interesting.

Wesley watched it all, feeling uncomfortable and unsure what to do. And so, he started to get coffee for all of them from the coffee machine.

'Mommy.. ', Jen started. She couldn't stand this much longer, to watch her mom yell at Bryan for something he didn't do. She started to cry again and a pitiful look appeared on Holly's face. She walked over to her daughter and put her arms around her.

'O sweetie. Don't cry. None of it is your fault. I shouldn't have let you go with them in the first place. You're my sweet little girl.', she smiled and stroked Jennifer's hair.

'Mommy..', she sobbed again.

'I was..-', before Jennifer could confess that it wasn't Bryan but her who was driving that car Holly had already stopped her again.

'Shh, I told you it's okay. Why don't you go and drink some coffee with Wesley?'.

Jenny let out another sob and slowly walked over to Wesley.

Holly took place next to Bryan and had gone silent by now.

Jennifer still wanted to confess what she had done, and so she looked at her brother for some help and support, but he just shook his head at her. She stared at the coffee in her trembling hands. She 'really' had to tell.. If she wouldn't do this right now she would probably never be able to find rest again!

'It was me who was driving, mom. Not Bryan.'.

Bryan looked up at her sharply, and Holly turned even more paler than she already was tonight. 'No sweetie. You're just in shock, you don't know what you're saying.'.

Jenny looked up now.

'I 'do' know what I'm saying! Mom I was driving that car! Please listen to me!', she cried.

'No, you listen to me, Jennifer.', Holly walked over to her and looked her in the eye.

'You were 'not' driving that car, understand?'. She had said it with such a persuasion in her voice that Jen and everyone else in the room almost believed it.

Almost.

'Your brother was driving, a little bit beyond the speed limit, and he didn't notice that corner because it was too dark. There are no lights on that road, so this is all the fault of the government. Understand!'.

'Holly.. I don't think that...', Wesley started.

'Shut up, Wesley. If we stick to this story, we'll only have to pay some money and no jail is involved. But when we tell the truth, Jennifer will get a record, go into prison, and spoil her entire future! Don't tell me you think that is the best thing to do!', she said.

Wesley swallowed, he wasn't used to Holly yelling at him.

In fact, he wasn't used to Holy yelling at anyone.

She was always very sweet, and loving, and hardly ever raised her voice. She was a psychologist, so she knew what to do in crisis situations too. But when it involved the future of her very own children, it was all very different. She now had to choose between the easy, yet wrong, lies, and the hard, but honest truth.

What would you do?

'They'll find out..', Bryan said.

Holly shook her head. 'Not if this stays between us.'.

Jennifer clung to her mother, she was really scared and didn't want to lie to the police at all!

'But Liam, and Anna...'.

'Liam and Anna are in shock. They won't, or won't want to remember much of the accident. So, will this stay between us?', Holly questioned them, first looking at her daughter, then at her son, and eventually at Wesley, of whom she knew he still had doubts about this.

'Yes mom.', Jenny answered, and Bryan nodded, agreeing as well.

'They won't hear anything from me.', he promised.

Wesley was still a bit hesitant, but he could see Holly's point.

'All right.', he eventually gave in.

Every minute Angel's nerves increased. Cordy wasn't really calm anymore either by now. After lots of endless minutes, finally the door of Anna's room on the ER opened and dr. Michaels walked out.

'Are you Anna's parents?', he asked them.

'Yes.', Angel quickly said, without any hesitations, and even thought they were in a really bad situation right now it made Cordy smile. She really did consider Anna as her own daughter. The doctor and Angel and Cordy introduced themselves to each other.

'You may want to step into my office.', he told them, and they walked into his small and uncomfortable, badly decorated office.

'Have a seat.', dr. Michaels said, sitting down behind his desk.

They sat down.

'I just examined your daughter..', he glanced at the medical record again, the man's best point definitely wasn't remembering names of patients. 'Anna.'.

'And?', Angel asked impatiently.

'Is she okay?', despair sounded through in his voice, because the look in the doctor's eyes didn't promise much good.

'I'm afraid to say that she's not.'.

Cordelia put her hand on Angel's arm.

'Then what's wrong with her? She will be okay right?', she asked, sounding desperate as well.

The doctor's best point also wasn't telling bad news, so he started to talk about difficult medical terms they wouldn't possibly be able to understand without spending 6 years at university.

Angel coughed. 'What?', he asked, with a confused frown. It all sounded like Chinese to him. Well not Chinese. He spoke Chinese, so another difficult language he didn't speak. Mandarin, perhaps? Was that even a language? He had no idea, his head was all messed up and he could only think of one thing; Anna.

'Just tell us in normal English.', Cordy said hesitatingly. She didn't understand a word of it either.

Dr. Michaels took a deep breath.

'Your daughter is paralysed.'.

Cordy turned pale, and Angel was shocked, he had a look of disbelief upon his face.

Paralysed.., he thought.

Then she won't be able to dance anymore! Dancing is Anna's life! And if Anna can't dance...

He swallowed hard, trying not to let that thought enter his head. He wondered how he could possibly tell her this. It would break her. He stared at Cordy, but she was just staring at the doctor, who was looking quite nervous.

'H-how...', Angel asked.

The doctor started to talk about Anna's spine that got badly damaged, but Angel couldn't really listen to it. He hoped Cordelia was, or that the doctor would repeat it to them later.

'Paralysed...', he said again.

'For now.', Dr. Michaels said.

Both Cordy and Angel sat up in their chair and stared at the doctor. 'For now?'.

'For now, she's paralysed from the neck down. But we expect that with the necessary amount of therapy she should be able to move her arms again.'.

'But her legs?', Cordy informed, trying not to get her hopes up too much.

The doctor shook his head.

'I'm afraid that that's out of the question.'.

'Can we see her?', Angel asked, wanting to leave this office right away. He couldn't stand to hear this man talk about his daughter like this. Like she was.. just a patient, one among thousands of others. But she wasn't! Why couldn't he see that! Why couldn't he treat Anna better, longer, than all the others! She was special, she was HIS girl! She would be a great ballerina, and then he could proudly say; That's my daughter.

And then Cordelia could frown at him and tell him not to say that to every stranger, because it would make Anna shy. That always had been his future vision, he never looked further than that, he never dared to think that when Anna would die sometime, he would still have to spend eternity without her. And he was afraid the he wouldn't be able to do that...

His future vision was all gone now, destroyed by one terrible car crash.

One night.

24 hours ago he still watched Anna train, dance a piece from Swan Lake, followed by something from another composer he couldn't remember the name of. Why did this happen to Anna! Why to HIS Anna!

It wasn't fair!

'One of you can see her. No longer than five minutes per hour though. And I think I should warn you, she's in a private room on the ER, so please be aware of Anna's condition. She's unconscious right now, she has been since she was brought in here, so she doesn't know about her being paralysed yet..', the doctor said, and stood up.

'I'll show you her room.'. He left his office, followed by Cordy and Angel, and led them to Anna's room.

'When I know more, I'll contact you.', he promised, and left them behind, in front of a closed door.

'You can go..', Cordy said.

Angel shook his head. He wasn't scared easily, but the thought of his little girl in there... not being sure how she really would look..

How she would be...

Would she still be his girl?

That really did frighten him.

'No, you go.', he said.

Cordy sighed. 'She needs you, Angel. You're her father.'.

'But you're her mother!'.

A pause.

'No, I'm not..', Cordelia eventually said, rather softly.

'But Anna considers you to be so!'.

'May be, but she needs her father right now. You two are so close together!', she smiled a bit.

It was, really special, the bond Angel and Anna had together. And still have, she was sure of that. She didn't want to stand between that right now. Not now, not ever.

'Don't be scared, she's still your girl.', she encouraged him.

'But what if she..'.

'Go!', Cordelia said, and Angel complied, he entered h is daughter's room, not sure what to expect.. Not sure what he would find in there... Would it be Anna? Or.. or not?

Where was she..., Anna wondered. There was a room, completely in white, no doors or windows in it.

Was she dead now?

Then, if she was dead, why was she wearing red shoes, and the costume of the main character in her favourite movie 'Red Shoes'?

And why was she feeling so good then? So very.. alive.

She heard music.

Music like in 'Red Shoes'.

It had been her favourite movie since she was only 4 years old. When she was it for the first time, she realised; 'I want that too! I want to be like the lady in 'Red Shoes'!

And here she was.

Same costume.

Same music.

Anna started to dance.

Same dance.

Several weeks ago, when she had trouble with a new dance, Helen had told her; 'It's not about dancing the dance, Anna. It's about the dance dancing 'you' When you can do that, then, and only then, you can call yourself a 'real' ballerina.'.

Back then, Anna had never understood that, and had just nodded when Helen spoke to her. But she understood it now, though. She could feel herself surrender to the irresistible music. She danced better than she ever did.

She 'became' the dance, and she wanted this delightful moment to last eternally.

It soon came to an end, though.

Suddenly, her body stopped dancing. Anna was rather frustrated, whatever she tried, from the neck down, she was paralysed! Not a muscle she could move!

While she was so busy with why she could no longer dance, she felt a wet, warm substance run down her body.

She figured out it was blood when she forced herself to look down at it.

It was her blood.

She panicked, she wanted it to stop!

Why couldn't she move!

She watched the blood run down her stomach, her sides, her legs, her feet...

It just kept flowing!

The white, perfect marble floor was soon completely covered in blood.

But Anna stayed alive...

'Anna... Anna..', she heard, but where did that voice come from? It was a familiar voice, but she couldn't open her eyes to see who it belonged to.

'Anna..', Angel said again, he sat down next to the bed Anna was laying in. He took her hand in his, and stared down at her with a worried expression upon his face. He sat there for a while, it was almost like 'he' was the one who was paralysed, instead of Anna.

He wished it was true, then she wouldn't be laying here right now.

After what seemed an eternity, Anna finally opened her eyes. She glanced around, taking in the room with boring white walls, a closet, white as well, and eventually, the bed she was laying in. White and light-blue sheets on it.

'W-where am I?', she asked, only then recognizing her father sitting by her bed.

'Daddy? Where am I?', she repeated the question.

Angel swallowed again. Now he had to tell her.. There was no way back now. He tried to remain calm, for Anna's sake, and for his own.

'You're in the hospital sweetie..', he told her gently and carefully.

A frown appeared on his daughter's face.

'In the hospital?', she thought for a moment, and then suddenly remembered what had happened.

The accident.

She remembered the fear, the loud noise of the car crashing, the pain...

And then there was nothing.

Or was there?

There was...

She remembered the dream as well. But what did that dream mean?

She wasn't dead or something... Yet she was overwhelmed with panick when she realised she couldn't move her arms!

She tried her legs.

No reaction either!

Just like in the nightmare...

'Daddy..', she started, tears forming in her eyes. 'Daddy.. I can't move..', she cried softly.

Angel had trouble not starting to cry as well. He sat on the edge of her bed.

'It's true.. isn't it? I'm paralysed..', Anna sobbed.

'I'm 'so' sorry.. Anna.', Angel said, reaching out to stroke her long, soft blond hair.

'I just.. I would like to be alone right now..', she said quietly. Anna found it really hard to try and deal with this with her dad next to her trying not to cry as well.

Angel nodded. He actually wanted to stay with her, but he understood that she didn't want him around at the moment.

'I'll be right out if you need me.', he told her, and left the room.

Anna stared at the closed door, a blank look in her eyes. Tears started to run down her face.

She would 'never' dance again.

Never.

She already got in to Juilliard, and that would all be out of the question now..

She felt like her heart was ripped apart but she could only cry a little bit.

It could be compared to a closed bottle of coca cola.

It was full, like her head was filled with tragedy, and her eyes with tears, but it was hard to be opened. Hard to release her sadness. Hard to accept the ending of her world.

She wanted to cry, o she really did. But she couldn't force the tears out of her eyes..

So, she just let the very little amount of tears go, and spend the rest of the time thinking about her dream. It had been quite a predicting dream.

Cause she really did become paralysed.

The word shot through her head like someone had just hit her really hard.

She was paralysed.

And she would 'never' dance again.

Never.