Chapter Five

Sunday night, Arnold and his grandpa were loading the washing machine with clothes for the following day.

"Grandpa, are you seriously telling me that it was Grandma who was always sticking tacs on your chair, and stomping over you and your friend's games, and making fun of you? Grandma? And you married her?" His face was twisted in shock and disbelief and he almost dropped the basket upside down.

"Oh, Shortman, you act like it's such a big surprise. We were kiddies back then--heck, we didn't even know left from right in my day. We eventually worked out our differences and realized we'd been in love all along. Maybe you and the little girl with the unibrow and the pigtails will do the same."

"What? Me and...Helga? I doubt that's ever going to happen." Arnold rolled his eyes and threw the last big pile of clothes in the washing machine, slammed the lid shut and turned the knob, and then turned to his grandpa. "She hates me! And I'm not particularly fond of her either."

"There are two things you should know about girls that act big and tough and scowl at everyone that walks past them. The first thing is that it's not always because they hate you. Sometimes they're insecure and don't really know how to act. Sometimes they want to be nice, and try to be nice, but are afraid of your reaction. The second thing is that they're awful cooks. So hire a chef!"

"But Grandpa, Helga's not afraid of anything. She's...Helga! And she picks on everyone, but me especially. I don't know what I ever did to her!"

"Maybe it's not what you did to her. Maybe it's what you did for her. Oh," he added with a groan, "Maybe eating that three week old sandwich was a bad idea. If you need me, I'll be in my office. Knock first!"

Arnold watched him go and then made his way upstairs to his room to get ready for bed.

The next morning, Arnold walked to school in the pounding, showering rain, as his grandparents had had to leave for the dentist early in the morning to get a new set of teeth. Arnold hadn't needed to take a shower that morning...he'd just brought the shampoo with him. Helga trailed along not far behind, and for the most part the two didn't say anything to each other.

Helga went inside and glanced up and down the P.S.118 hallways to see if she could find Phoebe anywhere, but was greeted by Rhonda instead. "So, Helga, I heard your parents lost you on the trip to your new city. It's too bad...the school could've been peaceful for once."

Helga growled under her breath. "I advise you shut your trap right now, Rhonda, before I have to shut it for you."

"I also heard you had to turn to your last resort...living with Arnold!" She howled mercilessly and gripped her stomach. "Won't it be fun to live with your worst nightmare?"

"Oh, don't even!" she snapped in return. "You know you had to once too--because you were poor, and don't even try to denyit!"

"Times have changed. That was long ago...this is now. And this little story has already spread throughout the whole school!"

Meanwhile, Arnold had run into Harold.

"So, I heard you're living with Helga! Oooooh, YUMMY! Living under the same roof with your treasured soulmate. How romantic! AH HA HA HA HA! AH HA HA HA HA HA!"

"Yeah, Helga Pataki!" Stinky pitched in.

"I heard when she gets mad enough, her eyes go pitch black and she transforms into a vicious beast that snaps her jaw and tries taking bites out of people. Is is true, Arnold?" Sid added with eager, glowing eyes.

"Cut it out, you guys," he replied flatly and kept on walking.

The three followed. "So, did anything happen?" Harold teased.

"I bet you kissed her and you're just not telling us!" Sid agreed.

"Yeah," Stinky said in his southern accent.

Arnold turned around and looked them in the eye. "Stop it. Now."

"We sorry, Arnold. We's just havin' a little fun; that's all," Stinky said.

"Yeah, we didn't mean anything by it," said Sid. "It's not like you'd actually like Helga Pataki. I mean, who would?"

"Come on, you guys. Let's go," Harold said as he gestured a hand for them to follow. "He's no fun."

Arnold shook his head and bent down to get a drink out of the water fountain. Much to his surprise (even though it shouldn't have been), Helga was standing behind him. Arnold felt a cold splash of water in his face and saw Helga pushing down on the nozzle and squirting water everywhere.

Arnold frowned and looked up, about to tell her to cut it out and demand to know why she was such a jerk; then changed his mind. He had a better plan.

"Oh, did you want a turn? Here you go, Helga," he offered and stood back.

She raised a half of her eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Pppffhh! Yeah, whatever, sure Arnold. Nice try. And real clever. Play the same prank right back at me."

"Not at all, Helga. It's just that, if you wanted a turn, you could've asked. I'd be happy to share the water." Arnold kept a straight face. Little did Helga know, he was testing her.

Flattered, her face relaxed and she almost smiled a little, but quickly covered it up by rolling her eyes, and then bent down to get a drink.

All of a sudden, Lila walked up and tapped Arnold on the shoulder. "Hello, Arnold. I've been thinking ever so deeply the past few weeks, and, well, I've realized something..." She snuggled up to him. "I'm in love with you, Arnold. I know I said I didn't like you like you--I just liked you, and well, that's changed...maybe we can just start this whole thing over."

Arnold held up a hand. "I'm sorry, Lila. You had your chance. I've also been thinking, and I'm in love with Helga."

"You are?" Helga gasped, looking up.

"Yes, my darling," he replied, and they wrapped their arms around each other. Lila burst out in tears.

Or, at least, that's what Helga was thinking about as she sipped her water. She just smiled to herself.

It was actually Gerald that walked up and tapped Arnold on the shoulder. "Hey, Arnold! Man, guess what? I just asked Phoebe out!"

Helga choked on her water and looked up. "What? Where is Phoebe?"

"Oh, she's in the cafeteria. Anyway, I asked her in a real smooth, cool tone, and she just giggled and said she'd love to!"

But Helga wasn't interested. Instead, she immediately interrupted, "Did you tell her I haven't moved yet? Does she know I'm here? Where is she?"

Gerald sighed and turned away from Arnold to answer Helga. "I said she's in the cafeteria, and yes, I told her. She wanted to know where you were, but I didn't know."

Helga hurried toward the cafeteria and scanned the huge crowd. Shuffling through the swarms of people, she finally spotted Phoebe staring dreamily at the ceiling and called out, "Yo, Pheebs!"

"Helga?" she said, turning in the direction of the sound. "Helga!" Phoebe ran toward her and gave her a hug. "I heard all about it...you got left behind--I'm so sorry!"

"Yeah, sure. Why didn't you tell me you liked Tall Hair Boy?"

"I don't know..." She trailed off. "I didn't really realize it, I guess. Well, maybe a little. But I didn't think you'd really care to know."

"Of course I cared to know. It's just a little ironic!"

"What is, Helga?" Phoebe blinked curiously.

"I...well...you know...that I...and that you...and we both...oh, nevermind."

"So Helga...are you living with Arnold now?" Phoebe asked, barely above a whisper.

"Ppssh! Yeah, and we can't get along. The food is disgusting, the boarders are even dopier than he is, the room is tiny and the bed's not comfortable, and don't even get me started on Arnold's grandma."

"Wow, Helga. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate."

"Yeah, I do. I mean, all I did was scowl at him and insult the boarders a few times. What's so bad about that? He just gets all mad and leaves and ignores me the rest of the night!"

"Well, Helga, I mean...you've been mean to him since pre-school, even after he complimented your bow, offered you an umbrella, and gave you his crackers, and now, so you won't be on the streets, alone in the rain, because your parents aren't responsible enough to come back and get you, he offers you a home in his boarding house even though he knows you'll make him miserable and the other boarders furious...so you will be happy."

Helga crossed her arms. "Whose side are you on?"

"Yours, Helga. Sometimes I think you'd be better off if you were too."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Helga huffed. "What? You think I'm not on my own side? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!"

"Helga...you want to be nice to Arnold, so he will see that you have a heart instead of just a black space...well, this could be the only chance you get. If he does this huge thing for you, and all he gets is what he figured, he's going to give up. He'll probably never consider doing anything for you ever again. I think he has a feeling that inside you really care about people, and I think that's what he wants to uncover. So how about show him the side I know you've shown me, your best friend?"

Helga just blinked. "But--"

"I have to go to class. I know you'll do the right thing, Helga." She turned off and headed down the hallway for class.

"Oh, come on! Now you sound like Arnold! Do you actually think I'll do the right thing? Phoebe! Phoebe! Get back here right now!" Helga sighed and threw herself into one of the lunchroom chairs next to a nerdy kid. The kid looked up at her quietly and curiously. "What?" she demanded, and he quickly went back to his assignment.

Helga sat there tapping her fingers on the table, rocking her chair, and kicking her heels on the ground. "Oh...I should...she's probably right...but I can't...what if I didn't? What if I did? What do I do? Grrrrrrr..."

The kid looked up again, and this time spoke up. "Looks like you need a little professional help. I'm good with that kind of stuff," he said with a wink and tipped back in his chair a little, spinning a keychain around his finger. "Come on, throw it on me. Pour your heart and soul into my trusted hands," he offered.

"What is your problem, FREAK? I don't even know you!"

"But you need some help. And my psychic senses are telling me you haven't got your parents to ask."

Helga narrowed her eyebrow. "What? What gives you that idea?"

"Hon, I got my ways. My senses are telling me...there's a boy...mmm...yes..." The kid was rubbing his temples with his eyes closed. "You're always picking on him...uh-huh, yep...he's becoming clear in my mind...yellow hair...weird-shaped head...hey, I know that kid!"

"What are you DOING!" Helga slapped him across the face. "Think you can use your psychic abilities to look into my private life? And don't call me hon!"

"Here's my advice, kid. Don't tell him. Whatever you do, don't tell him, cause he'll freak out and think you're sick and disgusting. DO NOT TELL HIM. That would ruin everything..."

"Yeah, like I'm actually gonna do that!" she said sarcastically.

"Good, good..."

"Yeah, I...uh, think I'm gonna go now," she said awkwardly, and got up to leave. As she was heading out the cafeteria doors, she ran into someone and they were both sent shooting to the ground.

"Hey, watch it, Mrs. Goody Two Shoes!" she snapped at Lila.

"Oh, hello, Helga. It's ever-so-nice to know that you won't be leaving after all. I noticed you sitting over there, and couldn't help but ask who you were talking to?"

"Don't know...never met him before. But let me tell ya, he's a real freak."

After staring a moment, Lila said, "Oh, I think I faintly recognize him. Isn't that Tony Smith?"

"Tony...Smith? Who on earth is that? Does he even GO here?"

"I'm ever so certain he does, Helga. He's sort of a quiet boy, so not many notice him--"

"Pssh! Whatever...Brainy doesn't ever talk, and I notice him. Or maybe that's just because he spies on me day in and day out," she scoffed, rolling her eyes as she started off.

"Like when you talk to Arnold's locket?" she whispered and winked.

Helga whirled around to face her. "What! What do you mean--where'd you get THAT idea! Have you been WATCHING me!" she roared, infuriated. "Or did Brainy tell you? If you even THINK about telling him, I swear I'll choke you until you're sorry you'd ever been born!"

Lila looked at her, surprised, and then smiled sweetly. "I would never go so far as to even consider the idea, Helga."

Satisfied, Helga relaxed and dropped Old Betsy to her side, because she knew Lila wasn't one to spread secrets. "And from now on, watch where you're goin'!" she snapped, and then walked off to class. But as she got to thinking, she wondered just who this Tony Smith was, and how he seemed to know her so well..