9. Nothing but a shadow

Everyone in Helen's dance class was glad that Anna started to train again. When their dance teacher announced that she would slowly start joining the group-trainings again they were even more thrilled.

Except Jennifer.

She really wished Anna all the luck of the world, but she'd only recently started to get some appreciation for her improvement..., and now Anna would come back and she'd be nothing but a shadow again.

She just smiled at Anna when they saw each at her, and they even had some small talk, but the good friends they once were had disappeared.

Of course the teenagers in the dance group and Helen weren't the only ones who were thrilled. Anna herself was head over heels too! She could 'dance' again!

Things actually went a lot quicker than she had expected. Once she joined the group again it was like she'd never been gone! Okay, so maybe she had more pain and had to rest more often, but that would eventually pass as well.

Anna was more serious and goal-driven than ever. She was working on a dance- choreography for a new Juilliard audition, and a new winter performance in Helen's group was coming up to. On the day of the audition for that she met Jennifer in the changing room.

'Hey Jenny.', she greeted her while she started to put on her dancing clothes which consisted of a black pair of trainings trousers and a lilac- coloured top.

'Hey.', Jenny said. She had already put on her dance clothes and was now busy looking for her toe shoes which had to be somewhere in her bag.

'So, ready for the audition?', Anna asked her, tying her blond hair up in a classical bun.

'Sure.', Jennifer replied. 'More ready than you, hopefully.', she muttered under her breath.

'Excuse me?'.

'Nothing. I'm ready, what about you'.

'As ready as can be. I've never danced 'Carmen' before, but I'm very anxious to do so. I really want to get the main part! I really worked hard for it.', Anna said, so into her own determination to reach her goal that she actually forgot that maybe Jennifer wanted the main part as well!

'I bet you did.', Jennifer replied, turning her back on Anna so she could roll her eyes.

'What's wrong?', Anna frowned.

'I'm fine. I'm up first, so I'd better go.'.

Before Anna could say a word, she turned around and left the changing room. Confused and not understanding Jennifer's sudden attitude Anna finished changing and followed Jenny into the dancehall several minutes after. She took place on a bench along with the other teenagers and watched as Jennifer did her audition. She was rather surprised to find out it was actually very good. In the time she'd been back in the group Anna had never really taken the time to notice the improvement of the other dancers. She'd been too busy with herself...

Both Anna and Jennifer gave Helen a really hard time deciding who would get the role of Carmen. Jennifer was still really good and kept surprising her with sudden improvement of difficult techniques, but Anna worked very hard as well, which was, in her condition, worth a praise. Both deserved to dance the main part.

Yet only one of them could.

'Ok, mes enfants! Everyone gather over here!', Helen exclaimed the next day when she had finally, after a long night she had spent pondering, made her decision. She liked both girls and hated to have to disappoint one of them.

'Remember, children, there are 'no' small parts, only small dancers.'.

Every nodded impatiently, wishing she would just get this over with.

And so she did.

'Let's start with the boys.', she said. A lot of boys had done audition for the male part of Don José, so they waited slightly impatient.

'Don José: Liam.', Helen announced, and Anna's heart skipped a beat. She really had to get this part now! She wanted to dance with Liam again so badly, it seemed like ages ago! Thrilled, she listened to the other boys getting their parts.

'Escamilio: Thomas. Zuniga: Alexander.'.

The rest of the boys got smaller parts, yet not unimportant. And then, finally, it was the girls' turn.

'Carmen: Anna.'.

Anna smiled, not really surprised, just happy. Jennifer was forgotten now, her , Liam, and the ballet were all that mattered now. In that exact order, she wondered afterwards.

Jennifer got a part too, of course. You could say that after Anna she was the most important female character. She was happy with her role, but still thought it wasn't fair. Okay, maybe it was. Anna had indeed done her best for this, but so did she! Jenny was sure 'her' audition had been the best, and that Helen had only given Anna the role because she'd been through so much and everything. In that case, it wasn't fair at all. Anna was good, yes. But 'not' good enough.

Not this time.

The following weeks were very busy for the young dancers. Their school expected them to put school on the first place, while Helen expected them to put ballet on the first place. It was a constant dilemma for everyone to find a perfect balance between those two things. A week before Christmas, it was performance night. The whole day everyone was in the dance school; rehearsing, helping getting all the decors ready, or just enjoying the familiar and somewhat comfortable tension of the pre-performance ambiance.

It was Anna's first performance since she had come back, and she was more nervous than she would like to admit. 2 hours before the 'moment supreme', she locked herself in Helen's dressing room to think about everything. She soon came to a conclusion, and went to find Jennifer in the main changing room.

'Hey, Jen?'.

Jennifer looked up, barely able to hide her jealousy. 'Hmm?'.

'We should talk.', Anna said seriously, and sat on the floor. Jennifer took place next to her.

A silence followed.

'What happened to us, Jen?', Anna eventually asked. 'We used to be such good friends. How did we end up like this?'.

Jennifer shrugged, shocked to have Anna starting about this right before such an important happening. 'Do you really want to know?'.

Anna nodded.

'Fine. You're selfish, Anna.'.

'What?'.

'You're selfish, and you 'always' get what you want, only because you're you and smile that pretty smile of yours!'. She was almost in tears now, but it was good to show Anna how she felt for once and to let all the anger out. 'All you care about is dancing, and so that's what you'll do no matter who you hurt with it!', she continued, crying.

Anna staid surprisingly calm, although she couldn't deny this was rather hard for her to hear.

'Maybe you're right, maybe I am selfish. I just have a goal and I'm determined to reach that..'.

Both girls were crying by now.

'I... I guess sometimes I'm pretty jealous of you.', Jennifer admitted.

It was Anna's turn to be surprised now. 'You? Jealous, of me? But I'm jealous of 'you'! I wish I'd grown up in such a happy family like yours, I wish 'I' had your looks, and 'your' brains and talents!'.

'You're just lying to make me feel better.'.

'No, I'm not. And I think you should dance Carmen. Your audition was better, I just think Helen didn't want to reject me or something.'.

'So do you mean.. Are you saying...'.

Anna nodded with a smile. 'Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. I know you can do it, I've seen you dance it. You deserve this, Jennifer.'.

'But what about you?'.

'I'll dance your part. There are no small parts, only small dancers, remember?'.

Anna danced Jennifer's part , and felt good about it. She knew she had done the right thing. She wasn't the only 'leading lady' anymore. Things had changed, and Anna accepted that now. Eventually.

Also, Jennifer danced Anna's part. She did the best she could and danced even better than in 'Coppélia' last year.

After the performance, Helen ran over to them immediately. 'Girls! Girls! There was a man from Juilliard watching us! He wants to say something! ', she exclaimed with the enthusiasm of an excited little child.

All turned to the man on stage, curious for what he would have to say. He took the microphone and started.

'Good evening. My name is Edward Brooks, and as you might know I'm from the performing art school Juilliard. I was sent to several dance- performances to find 'that one new, young talent', and give him or her the opportunity to express that talent on Juilliard, with the help of a scholarship.'. He paused for a moment to let his words sink in.

Anna and Jennifer exchanged a surprised look.

'After seeing, indeed, a 'lot' performances, I finally made a choice. I choose a very fresh, young, talent. Jennifer Warner.'.

All the people started clapping, and as in a dream Jenny walked forward and got on stage. Edward shook her hand and passed her the microphone, giving her the opportunity to say something. Jennifer really couldn't believe 'she' had actually 'won' something! For once, she was not just a shadow.

She took the microphone from Edward and desperately searched for the right words.

'Sometimes...', she started. 'Sometimes life doesn't go the way you want it to... Sometimes no matter what you do turns out wrong. And sometimes, it goes so terribly wrong that you'll never be able to make up anymore. That happened to me, too. I screwed up so badly I still can't believe it. Because of my selfish desire to fit in, I almost killed a friend. Almost. She survived, and forgave me. But apparently, I hadn't screwed up enough yet. I did a lot of things to hurt her, and still she doesn't hate me. She even gave me the opportunity to dance her role, so I can stand her tonight instead of her...', Jennifer paused to breath, and to allow a tear to run down her cheek.

'I don't know... why... I did those things... and I also don't know how to make up for them. But I do know something else: I don't belong here. I'm not as determined to become a ballerina as my friend. I don't have the skills. And I have never put dancing as my number one priority either. Who really knows me knows dancing isn't my life, my destiny, or my greatest desire. And that's why I would like to give this amazing opportunity to someone who in fact 'is' all these things, to someone who really does deserve it. Anna Chase. She hasn't danced the main part tonight, but as my dance teacher always says: 'There are no small parts, only small dancers.'.

Surrounded by the sound of applause, Anna joined her friend on stage. She hadn't forgotten the day she'd told Jenny she wasn't sure whether she'd be able to forgive her.. With a little yet happy smile she took the microphone.

'Jennifer's right, life doesn't always go the way we want it to. She may have done silly things, she's not the only one...'. Anna put down the microphone and turned to face Jennifer.

'I forgive you.', she whispered.

The audience was thrilled, and they showed it.

Both girls went off stage together. And while Anna did so, and glanced at the clapping audience, she met Josh's eyes.

The End


Thank you all for reading my ficcy! I hope you all enjoyed and stuff. There will be more Anna-stories probably. Any ideas? Review and tell me, I'm having a bit of a writers-block. Hopefully you'll read more from me soon!

xxx-