I really don't understand what happened yesterday and despite his calm and indifferent exterior, I don't think Tala does either. He had to think too hard about how to answer, and then seemed surprised by the answer he gave. I don't think feelings such as love or lust have ever even been considered by him, so for him to act so impulsively, it must have been instinct, though his instinct seems to be better trained than his normal self. He gave nothing away and seemed to be playing everything, yet I don't think he meant to do it, the way he was at the park, I truly believe that his actions had frightened him, the question is, why?

I suppose I should be more concerned about how to handle him in the next session, I don't know what I should do or say to him. Would it be best to try and talk to him or to just avoid the subject completely? I really don't know what to do. The worst part was that I enjoyed it and I would be willing to take things further, considering my position, it's completely unacceptable, psychiatrists and their patients do not enter into relationships, ever. He is exceptionally attractive though and he's smart and interesting, he's not like anyone else I've ever met, plus that kiss, the second and very much more real one, was amazing, I have never felt anything like that before.

I'm going around in circles here, want but can't touch, but want…this is so frustrating. I have to decide what I'm going to do about this. Really, in terms of him being my patient, I don't want to refer him to someone else because I think it would be a bad move, they wouldn't handle him right, Tala isn't like most people, he does know how these therapies work, so to him it probably comes across as patronising.

Then there is also the fact that I want to understand him. If I were to refer him elsewhere, I wouldn't have the opportunity to talk to him. The way Tala was raised is completely unknown to me and I want to understand how that affected him. I haven't seen enough in just one session and it will no doubt take far longer to understand him. Though really I'm just being selfish, my main aim isn't in helping him, it's satiating my own curiosity, which is a mistake I've already made with him once.

Then there is the final part, well, parts, first is that I don't really believe that he needs psychiatric help at all, especially after having seen him at the nightclub, because he's already making friends and participating in normal social activities. Second is the fact that I'm absolutely undeniably attracted to him. I have to admit that I had been thinking of such things before he kissed me, but everything became much more real after that, hell, I nearly kissed him back!

While I really want to get closer to him, is it really such a good idea to get carried away by lust? Nothing good could come from that, but then, is it lust? Feelings like that…I'm not so sure it's that simple, but what's the other option? I can hardly claim to love him, I've only just met him, so what then?

All I can really say is that there is an attraction there and it's obviously mutual, yet at the same time, it frightens both of us because it shouldn't be there, or at least, that's how we both feel about it. Perhaps it would simply be best to ignore this issue and carry on in a normal, professional manner? Unless Tala brings it up of course, then it's on his terms and he has to lay the rules down himself, rather than me having to try without knowing where I stand. After all, he already knows that I'm attracted to him, he said so himself. I'm so confused; I don't know what to do. Which option is the right one to make? Since when do I doubt myself so much? Right, I am going to leave the ball in Tala's court, decision made so stop thinking about it. Though really, I don't think it's going to happen, I am still going to stew over this until it's resolved knowing me.

Why does he have to be so attractive and flaunt it? Clothing really doesn't need to be that tight, it's too enticing. I'm not meant to be thinking like this! I am not like everyone else! But neither is Tala, he's exceptional, he really stands out from everyone else, not because of his looks, but because there is something special about him. He's one of these people who 'shine', though apparently so am I. I really don't know what is going on in my head anymore, all because of one kiss. I'm normally in control, what is it about Tala that takes that away from me?

I still can't figure out why he seemed so distracted at the park, did I interrupt something? I don't see that I could have done, unless he was waiting for someone? No, he seemed to be looking around, maybe someone was there, I mean, it isn't unconceivable that the police or someone else could be keeping an eye on him. Then again, he wasn't all that concerned, could he have known the person? I suppose considering that no one from Russia is meant to know where he is, it would be slightly odd if the person watching him was familiar to him. Though of course, this is all speculation, I really have no idea at all. Maybe I should ask him about it in our next meeting?

I really need to stop thinking about him; it isn't doing me any good at all. I don't have any of the answers I want and I can't make them magically appear, though that would certainly be nice. It's too late to do anything now, but I can't sleep either, I need to find some way to stop myself from thinking. I can't afford to stay up too late or I wont be able to concentrate properly tomorrow.

Speaking of which, I don't even know what clients I have tomorrow, I can't believe I forgot to check before I left. Question is, do I go and check now, or just go in early tomorrow morning? I don't think I'll be able to sleep, so that could be a way of combating it, but then, I do have a habit of getting too involved in theories and spending more time working then I should, which means I'll be pretty much a zombie. Then again, if I have to get up early in the morning and haven't been able to sleep, I won't be able to concentrate on what I'm doing anyway. Why do I just seem to be going around in circles tonight?

I really should be sleeping already, it's just getting later and later, my head just seems to be incapable of switching off tonight, is this all really just because of one kiss? It's hard to believe that one simple thing could cause so many problems. I really want to talk to him about this, no; I don't think I want to talk at all. I can't believe that I'm acting like an OTT hormonal kid. This really isn't me…

I'm beginning to think that Tala was definitely too much for me to handle. He elicits too many emotions in me, too many bad traits, most of which I never even realised I had. His intelligence is far higher than I thought it would be, he puts me to shame, but then, is that because I find him so interesting and distracting, rather than my own lack of intellect and skill? I think it is, at least mainly, I really don't seem to be able to concentrate properly around him, but then, he is absolutely gorgeous.

Well, sleeping seems to be a lost cause, so I suppose I might as well go to work now, I can always get some sleep there if need be. I mean anything has to be better than sitting here and driving myself insane right? Hard to believe this is all because of one stunning Russian redhead, who happens to have a taste for well-fitting clothing and doesn't look like a trap doing it, or even gay for that matter, but after what happened at the club he has to be at least bi-sexual. I was not meant to be thinking about Tala anymore! I swear he's addictive… Anyway, no more of this tonight, time to go to work. I get the feeling tomorrow is going to be a bad day, no, I keep saying tomorrow, but it's actually technically today…Kai, just shut up already.

-

As Kai arrived at his office, he was surprised to find a person stood outside, upon closer inspection, he realised it was Tala, who looked equally surprised by his presence. Kai hesitated slightly before slowing his approach to the building.

"A little early for you to be going to work isn't it?" Tala asked, clearly not really caring for the answer.

Kai shrugged a little and stopped walking, only a few feet from the redhead. "I forgot to look at the schedules and since I couldn't sleep, I figured that I might as well check now."

Tala smiled slightly before turning his attention to their surroundings instead. "Guess we both had that problem. All my fault too huh? To be honest, I don't know why I acted like that, anyway, sorry."

"I'm going in, you can too if you like, it's a little cold out here."

Not waiting for Tala's reply, Kai unlocked the door and walked inside, bypassing the reception and heading straight for his own office. He hadn't expected Tala to be there and he certainly hadn't expected his admission. That was what made him uncomfortable though, because he no longer knew where he stood with the Russian and that was not a feeling he liked.

"Kai…are you angry?"

The bluenette looked round, surprised by the question. "No, I'm not angry. A little confused and a little unsure, but certainly not angry."

"About what I did earlier…will you have to get rid of me now?"

"No. It is recommended that I do, but I don't have to."

Tala nodded, fiddling with his jacket nervously. Kai walked over to him and stopped him, turning his attention back to Kai. Tala was hesitant, almost afraid, not a trait he had seen in him before, and not one he had expected to see.

"Do you like me Kai?" Tala asked, his voice only a whisper.

"I thought you had that answer?" Kai retorted, though careful to keep his tone light.

Tala shook his head. "No. I know that you're physically attracted to me, it isn't the same thing."

Kai looked at him quizzically, not because of the reply itself, but the way in which it was said. He sounded very young and child-like, but was again, there was fear in his tone. Kai was sure that he fear was not connected to his answer however, but something else, though what that something was he couldn't say.

"We shouldn't be having this discussion." Kai replied finally.

Tala frowned slightly, clearly not happy with Kai's response. "Kai, just answer me."

"I don't know you well enough to be able to answer you Tala. Certainly there's an attraction there, as you said, but I don't know about anything else. Tala, what's wrong?"

Tala moved forward, making Kai back into the wall. "Nothing. What, I can't ask you things, only tell you things?"

"You know that isn't what I meant Tala." Kai replied, trying to hide his unease of being trapped.

Tala smirked, moving even closer to Kai. "Yes, I do know what you meant, but that doesn't mean I'm going to answer you. Besides, there are much more interesting things to do than talk."

Tala pinned Kai's arms to the wall and closed the gap between them completely. Kai didn't fight him, but didn't respond either; he was too busy thinking to really care. Tala's mood seemed to have jumped again, it was almost like he was schizophrenic, but he didn't hold any other symptoms of that disorder. Up until the evening, Tala had seemed to be perfectly normal, yet since their meeting at the nightclub, Tala's behaviour had been very unusual.

Tala pulled away slightly, though he was still close enough for Kai to feel his breath on his face. "I confuse you, don't I? I'm disappointed really, I expected you to handle things a little better."

Kai looked at Tala gone-out, finally understanding what he meant. "I'm not used to dealing with people such as yourself Tala, I am relatively new to this. Besides which, here, people don't play people around, nor do they have the knowledge and ability to do so to your high level."

Tala frowned slightly. "I'm not trying to cause harm Kai, you don't have to be so harsh. I'm just trying to understand you, that's all. Though I really didn't mean to kiss you at the nightclub…"

"This is no good Tala, not at all. Maybe I should refer you to someone with more experience, and whom you're not attracted to…"

"I don't need counselling Kai and you know it. I'm not traumatised, I wasn't treated badly and I'm learning the way things are done here. It isn't as though I never had any dealings outside the Abbey, unlike everyone else. Can't you just stop this psycho-babble and deal with this normally?"

Kai sighed, stepping away from Tala and walking into his office, knowing that Tala would follow. He was confused and too caught up in things to look at the situation from an open perspective. "I guess we're both pretty good at hiding behind our training. It's all well and good complaining to me, but you're just as bad."

"Then why don't we start fresh? Get to know each other and see how things go? I really do like you Kai and that isn't normal for me."

"Tala, I…"

Kai's sentence was cut short, as there was a large crash at the front of the building. Looking at Tala he was surprised to find that he wasn't shocked at all, though there was a slight haze of fear, the same he had seen at the park and only a few minutes ago. Whatever was happening, Kai assumed it would not be good for either of them.


Finished at last and not exactly what I'd expected either. I wonder what my head has planned for them? Hopefully it won't be too bad…

The ficisn't rushed so much, I'm just having a little trouble with it, but hopefully it's okay despite that. Look forward to knowing what everyone thinks, considering the rather unexpected turn it's taking.

Hope you all enjoyed! Later!