Blinded by the pain

Ok, I'm sorry if the last chapter offended anyone, but this story is rated, and if you don't like it, then you should leave, because this story is dark and depressing, very much like the world. If you don't like it, then I'm wondering why you started reading in the first place.

I've renamed the story, because I thought of something to expand on. Sorry if it bothers anyone.

Heya guys, thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate them and I have something to back up my theory, someone who cuts is the person who you really least expect, a person who cuts hides their scars, and their pain. And I know this first hand, so this chapter it dedicated to a friend of mine, his name's Tom, he hides, and he fights. And Tom…DON'T DYE YOUR HAIR!

I got a review saying that Raven is the most likely to cut…well can I just say for the record, that's not entirely true. Yes, Raven is kind of likely to cut because of not being able to feel and stuff, but if people assume because she's 'gothic' she cuts then you need to rethink things. If you know what it's like to feel depression and the need to cut a lot of people who actually do don't act depressed because they hide behind a 'mask' and they pretend to be happy because they don't want people to worry, and they don't want people to know they have a past or troubles. Sound like anyone? Sorry, but I needed to get that off my chest.

I DO NOT PROMOTE CUTTING OR BULIMIA FOR ANY REASON OR IN ANY FORM

Plus a message for flamers, I'd appreciate if you put your own message to flamers on your story or profile.

I'm sending this message about the whole flaming problem that Fanfiction seems to have, we've been talking about it and we think there should be something done about it.

So we'd like it if on your next chapter or story you put a message before or after it. Saying about your dislike (or hatred) for all flamers and that they should have no place on here, and bashers also. Any message will do, make it a ramble if you must! We just want something done, maybe if we discourage all flaming and bashing enough it'll stop. Especially influential authors who have a lot of readers, but even if you only have one; at least they'll get the message. We don't like all the pairings on FF but at least we respect them…most of the time. So…Help us by stopping flaming and bashing!

Thanks

Valda & D-I-WaRrIa

Remember to review!

Recommended song…room 409, Bullet for my Valentine. Or suffocating under words of sorrow. Or all these things I hate (revolve around me).

TT

The smile fades, everyone is worried but you don't care,

As long as they don't know you can take their stares,

You can evade questions and walk away,

This is how you're making them pay,

They're paying for all the hurt they've cause you,

But you know it's you who's paying too.

TT

Raven stood in the corner, cloak covering her thin body, her skin paler than usual, but her eyes remained calm. She stared at Starfire silently, not shouting, crying, and asking questions…

She never did

Raven simply walked over to Starfire and stared her down, her dark eyes letting no feelings escape them, and the ghost of a soul lay dormant behind Raven's eyes, her window. Starfire and Raven stared at each other, knowing, caring, and understanding.

"You did it again." Raven stated. There was a silence. Starfire didn't answer the question; she knew Raven wasn't looking for one. "You said you wouldn't."

"So did you."

"I felt the need to purge."

"So did I." Starfire finished, a frown gracing her features. Raven's eyes narrowed slightly. Her eyes being the only features visible, and she even tried to hide them. Starfire gazed at her wrists again, Raven's handiwork only went so far on her skin, lines and a few scars remained. But Raven couldn't heal of what she did to herself.

Purge

To purge, to expel impurities from something…or someone, Raven's covered body was a clue in itself. Raven didn't bleed…she purged. Unhappy with herself in many ways.

Raven looked upon pictures, people with long blonde or brown or red hair, normal skin, tanned, or dark, their normal bright eyes, their beautiful bodies…and then she looked upon herself, grey skin, short purple hair, violet eyes, and to her, her disgusting body. Raven thought that her disgusting soul made her disgusting in all ways. She didn't notice her beauty anymore; Starfire doubted she even saw what everyone else saw anymore.

If we were to look through Raven's eyes you'd see rough grey dirty skin, and no matter how hard she scrubbed it clean it would never rub off, she'd rub so hard it would turn red, skin would start to peel but all she can see is the dirt pilling up. She thinks her body is disproportioned and ugly, not seeing her perfect curves, only the fat oozing. Her hair to her is greasy and lank, and her eyes are red, and full of impurity. She wants to rid herself of the ugliness, trying to at least get rid of the fat.

Her cloak was abandoned on the bathroom floor, tears fall down her cheeks as she kneels in front of the toilet, her mouth feels sore, and hot, she can't do it again…she looks down at herself, her ugly body stares back at her, leering at her. Screaming with impurity

She takes a deep breath and grips the toilet with one hand, the other hand wipes a strand of greasy hair away from her face, and it then mouths towards her mouth. Two fingers are pushed to the back of her throat, she retches, her eyes widening as she feels the bile rise. The stomach acid burns in her; she removes her hand and squeezed her eyes shut as she purged herself…again.

"When did you do it last?" Starfire asked quietly. Raven flinched visibly, her frail body shook under her cloak.

"Last night." She whispered. Starfire couldn't see Raven's face, but she could see the veiled pain behind her eyes, no matter how hard she tried, Raven couldn't fully hide her feelings. "What's wrong with us?"

Starfire sighed, "We're blinded by our pain."

Raven nodded in answer, she already knew the answer to the question she asked.

TT

Starfire walked into the main room, Raven had retreated into her own room, Starfire didn't want to picture what the purple haired girl was doing, but it wasn't like she was much better. She walked over to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water; no one was in the room, so she let her smile fall, the gleam in her eyes faded instantly. She sighed thoughtfully.

Her and Raven were polar opposites yet they somehow ended up in the exact same type of problem. Self harm. What was worse about Starfire's case and she knew it was true, was that she knew she had a problem, but she refused to tell anyone, she refused to let the scars heal, she refused to stop the razor running up and down her arm, almost circulating like the blood that leaked from her open cuts.

Suddenly the alarm screamed to life, lights flashing around her, she watched the other titan's run in, Raven took her time, making sure her cloak covered all her body carefully, her face completely hidden from the world around her. But as Starfire looked closely she could see the redness of her eyes, she'd been crying, probably forcing every ounce of food she'd eaten that day. Robin ran past her to the computer, typed furiously for a moment before turning to them all.

"Big trouble downtown…TITANS GO!"

TT

A scream ripped through the rundown side of Jump city, the side people avoided, well most people. But the inhabitants of Downtown Jump were mainly the poor, the needy, the criminals and the sickos that prowled the streets. The Titans' heard it and followed the sound like leaves follow a gust of wind. The Titan's had just busted up a big drug party that had been situated in one of the abandoned offices, but many had ran, so there were a few drugged up thugs running around and now the Titans had to track them down.

Starfire flew through the air, concentrating on keeping herself up, this was what she always did, and she cursed her race for making her powers emotion based. She landed on the ground next to Robin's R-cycle as he climbed off it. He motioned for them all to be silent as another scream pierced the night air. He then made a slashing movement and they ran into the ally way.

Starfire froze.

There was a group of men, all looking merry off alcohol and drugs no doubt. One of the men, most likely the leader was straddling a poor woman; Starfire guessed what had happened here tonight and she felt so many feelings and memories hit her, harder then any razor could. She was obviously the one who had screamed murder. The criminals turned to look at the Titans. The leader climbed off the woman and pulled up and pulled her to him, tears streamed down the woman's face, her pale face glowing with fear.

"Let her go!" Robin commanded. The leader grinned.

"But I haven't let my friends have ago yet." He sneered. "Maybe one of your girls wants to swap with her?" He suggested, turning his gaze onto Starfire, who remained frozen to the spot, still staring at the place where the man had had the woman a moment ago.

Robin's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Titans! Take them down!"

The boy's leapt forward with pleasure; Raven floated forward, her eyes filled with anger at the man's suggestion, mostly disbelief. What man would want something like Raven? Even if he was a desperate criminal. But Starfire couldn't will herself to move. Voices filled her head, pains filled her body and once again she was overflowed. Once again she felt the need. And she was in the cell again. Her righteous fury left her, her confidence went with it and her happiness? It was never there to begin with.

Suddenly she felt hands grab her, her eyes widened. She was roughly turned to face the leader of the group, his eyes filled with lust as he looked at Starfire hungrily. Starfire was still frozen. She wanted to move, she wanted to fight, she wanted to. But her body wouldn't do what she asked.

"You know, innocent girl's like you shouldn't come down here." He purred maliciously. She pushed her against the wall. But Starfire didn't even feel it. She was in the past. The door opened, the monster appeared, and he pushed her to the floor and pain ripped through her body.

MOVE STARFIRE

The leader grabbed her by her hair and crushed his lips against hers, and only then did Starfire snap back to reality. He forced his tongue inside her mouth as she assaulted her. She felt tears fall down her face as he crushed her body to the wall, her powers no where to be seen. His other hand traced her breasts and she cringed. It was going to happen again…and all because she was too weak to stop it.

One of his knees nudged her legs apart, his mouth still crushing hers, she felt her lips split and blood fell onto her and her attacker, but all this seemed to do was encourage him and he grabbed her throat and squeezed slightly. Where were the other titans? Starfire tried to push him away, but without her powers she was nothing, the hand on her throat moved and forced her hands above her head. Starfire screamed into his mouth, praying to get the other titan's attention, anyone's attention would suffice at that moment.

She then faintly heard bullet shots all around her, that was why no one knew what the man was doing, they were busy with the thugs, they were to busy to help her, they were to busy to save her from his rapist. She heard a distant cry of pain; she screamed into his mouth again, it tasted like alcohol and something she didn't recognize. This man was going to rape her…

And no one could stop it.

TT

I told you it was rated. I freaked myself out with this chapter, I've never written anything close to rape, I'm not comfortable with things like that, come one, who is. But this is the sort of thing I was told by someone who was raped, and it is that horrible. I'm sorry if I upset anyone. I've upset myself if anything.

Please tell me what you think

Valda

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