Blinded by the pain

I DO NOT PROMOTE CUTTING OR BULIMIA FOR ANY REASON OR IN ANY FORM

FLAMING AND BASHING IS BAD! DON'T DO IT OR I'LL BASH YOU! BWAHA!

Thanks for all the reviews! I love you all! Now to clear some questions…

Am I a professional writer? I wish I gotta say! Nah, I'm just a fifteen year old girl from Britain who writes who must have issues cause I write this stuff! I worry myself writing it!

I wish Star could show some affection to Robin…but I reeeeally don't think she'll be in the mood to in this story to be honest, maybe though.

I wish this was on everyone's favourite list! I really do! But I don't think everyone enjoys morbid writings of this type.

I am sorry to say there won't be any star/rob lemonies! Lol

Yes, yes I did write this, I am the type of person to write this sort of thing…damn me

EVERYONE loves it when Robin goes loco its like 'hehe that dudes gone nuts! WhOoP!' anywho!

I would put a dilemma for each character but it would make it to soap opera sorry and I hate soap operas! But I'll try not to leave anyone out!

I wouldn't write a story unless the person's reasons for self harm were valid; I hate people who write things like she wanted to die…but then put no reason, not a pull length story anyway.

I've known Raven was a child of rape, and I did think of it while writing, but Already have something planned, and I don't want to pile the problems on, or it'll seem messy, but oh do I have something planned :cue evil grin:

YES! I have reached my goal! I have shocked and freaked out…12 reviewers from the last chapter! MUHA! I probably would have more if all my readers REVIEWED!

I CANNOT LIVE OFF SALAD ALONE! FFFFEEEEEEEEDDDD MEEEEE!

Ok…sorry about that! He he

The real reason I'm rambling like an idiot is because I want to show you all that I am human! Honest! I'm not some depressed kid who writes this because they're obsessed with death, I just think up stuff like this because I have a lot of shit in my life, but no worries people! I love writing for you guys!

TT

"Raven…" Beastboy stared wide eyed at the girl.

Her hair looked like it would fall out if a strong wind swept it, her skin looked like paper that had been trampled on, and her eyes were sunken into her head, her bones standing out on her face. She stared in horror at the green boy, and he stared back. Raven blinked and stood up; before the others could look at her she threw up her hood and glared at the boys with malice.

"I told you to stay outside." She growled.

"We were worried." Robin snapped in return, not appreciating Raven's attitude.

"She's our friend too." Cyborg put in. Raven tried to ignore the fact that beneath her cloak she was shaking furiously, luckily the cloak hid that from the others, she was hurting at the moment and it took all her patience not to break down, leaving none for the boys.

"I said GET OUT!" She snarled, her eyes flashing. The boys glared at her, all accept Beastboy, who stared at her as though he'd never seen her before. They then trooped out, the door snapping shut behind them.

As soon as she knew they were gone her knees buckled beneath her, she drew a shuddering breath, clawing at the bed for support, her eyes welled up with tears, and she tried to regain her footing but simply fell again. Raven wondered how Starfire was even surviving, Raven only had flashes but they'd torture her until she was gone. She took another shuddering breath and grasped the bed post, pulling herself up gradually. She felt horrible, she felt as thought someone had ripped her to pieces, and was lighting each shred one by one.

She looked over to Starfire; she looked like she was still in pain, even in unconsciousness. Raven herself wanted to go and crawl into her bathroom and purge every painful feeling out of her, as well as the imperfections, she caught her reflection in the mirror, and she flinched as four red eyes shone back out at her. She looked away quickly, in fear of more tears. She turned back to the sleeping girl. She had a job to do.

TT

Raven exited the infirmary without a word or even a glance at the boys who were sat in various places around the room, she walked out the next door and turned to lean her head on the wall next to her, she sighed heavily, she lifted her head and banged it gently against the wall, she felt so sick, worse than normal, the imperfections were always making her feel ill, but now she felt sick everywhere else. She silently groaned.

"Wanna explain a few things Rae?" Came a quiet yet commanding voice.

"What did I say about calling me that?" Was her only reply for the green changeling.

"Whatever Raven, don't avoid the question." He said crossing his scrawny arms across his chest. Raven stood and turned to him, there probably wasn't an imperfection in him, no black maggots crawled around his heart…no dark creatures clawed at his insides.

"What question?" Raven said her eyes boring into Beastboy's as if challenging him silently. His eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Why I can see your bones coming out of your face." He stated, his eyes never leaving Raven's. Raven didn't answer, she prepared to turn and leave him there…but something prevented it. Her head started to hurt badly, as though something was stabbing it repeatedly. She groaned and gripped her hood.

"Raven!" Beastboy rushed over to her, supporting her. "Raven? What's wrong…Raven?" Raven's eyes widened and she drew in a shuddering breath.

"Get off of me!" She screeched, pushing Beastboy to the floor.

"Raven! What the hell is wrong with you?" Beastboy asked, frowning as he climbed to his feet. Something didn't seem right, Raven's eyes seemed different, they were clouded, and they were filled with fear and anger.

"You…you stay away!" Raven snarled, backing up, still clutching her hood. Beastboy took a step towards her. "STAY AWAY!" She screamed, Beastboy flew back into a wall and slid to the floor, spots danced in front of his eyes.

You see, Raven wasn't seeing Beastboy anymore, she seeing herself, everything she thought was herself, red eyes gleamed with malice, with every step she took she left blood behind her, blood dripped from her hands, unknown substances oozing from her cloak. Raven turned to her left to see the door opening once more, and Cyborg stepped out, only it wasn't Cyborg anymore, it was the hulking form of Trigon, Raven screamed again.

"Raven? BB you alright man?" Cyborg asked, worried. Raven backed up again, not hearing those words.

"You're like me daughter; evil…it lives within you, clawing at your insides…your black insides."

"I…I defeated you." Raven said desperately. "You're not here…you can't be here!"

The light bulbs above them burst and rained glass upon them, they cut into Raven's cloak, making rips, she turned on her heel and fled the scene. BB climbed to his feet staggering slightly.

"Raven!" He shouted, before running after her. Cyborg ran after him, his mind going a mile a second.

"What the hell is wrong with this tower?" He asked no one.

TT

Robin stared threw the glass, he watched Starfire move, she must have woken up, his mind was telling him to run in there, but he wasn't sure if it was safe for him to do so. He didn't know how to handle this situation…this was larger than your villains…this was real life, this was rape.

"So much for being able to do anything boy blunder." Robin muttered to himself. He couldn't even protect his team.

He watched Starfire sit up and peer around anxiously, she looked a lot better now, she was cleaned up and she was no longer crying, but it didn't take a genius to know that her mind wouldn't let her recover anytime soon. He sighed inwardly; all he wanted to do was bang his head against the wall repeatedly.

"Is someone there? Anyone?" Came her voice through the speakers, there was a small silence; there was then a slight sniffling. "I do not wish to be alone right now."

That was all Robin needed, he shot out of his chair and went to the door, preparing himself for what ever she did, and he'd fix this, no matter what it took. The door slid open and he took a cautious step inside, her eyes shot to his mask.

"…Hey Star." He said carefully choosing every word. She didn't answer him. "I…" Robin stopped; he didn't have a clue what to say to her at all. She stared at him, as if trying to figure him out, trying to figure out if he was going to harm her, or if he was going to be there to comfort her, or would he rape her?

No Starfire! This is Robin the hero he would never do what they did never…ever. I hope. Tears welled up in her eyes once more as she thought about the events of the night; she tried to shut them out but to no avail. You've been through this before Starfire, you've been raped, and this shouldn't bother you, why does it bother you?

"You…will not harm me." She choked up; she looked so fragile to Robin at that moment, her small frame wrapped in her blankets, her eyes huge and afraid.

"Never," Robin said, he was sure of what he was saying now. "I'm just…so damn sorry."

A silence passed, Robin stared at his feet, angry at the world and its impurities, while Starfire stared at him still.

"Robin." She said quietly, her voice barely a whisper, Robin's masked eyes shot to hers. "Could I share something with you?" He nodded in response, hoping he'd be ready for what she was going to say. She secured the blankets covering her.

"I…well I." She sighed. "I loved you Robin." Robin's eyes bulged slightly at this remark, he didn't interrupt though, he knew she had more to say, and he had a feeling in his gut it wouldn't be good, as if in response to his thoughts a tear escaped her fearful eyes, and slid slowly down her face, Robin followed it's path down her cheeks, unable to meet her gaze.

"But…I…I cannot cope with these feelings at these pre- present time, everything hurts and I cannot feel this way towards…you, I am to confused to…to why…he…to why he…" She couldn't continue, tears were running to fast down her face, her body started to shake; she bit her cut and bruised lips painfully. Robin carefully reached out to place a hand on her shoulder but her eyes widened dangerous and he recoiled out of worry.

"Starfire, you're not ready to talk about what happened, it's too soon." Robin said his body stiff.

"But…Robin, I have to say this…I cannot love you, I cannot…even face any male at this point, even now, I fear of what…you're capable of-"

"I would NEVER do that to you!" Robin said, his eyes narrowed, then he realized he'd become angry. Causing Starfire to recoil from tremendously, all he could hear were her quiet sobs of fear and sadness.

"P, pl…please…leave." She choked out taking shuddering breaths. "I…can…not take this, right now." She didn't emerge from her covers until she heard the sliding of the door. She sat up, wiping furiously at her tears. She sat so she was facing away from the glass, she then revealed her arms from the sheets, her naked arms, and the half healed scars throbbed in the cold of the room without her arm wear.

She then raised her hand, concentrating on her nails mainly, she started to claw at the scars, begging them to catch and rip blissfully. One scar obliged and she bit her cut lip hard, causing it to bleed, her lip and her wrist bled in unison, she breathed in, then aware of the blood that had dripped into her open mouth, the coppery taste of blood on her tongue. She watched the trail of blood drip onto her sheets, only to be absorbed, leaving only a red stain.

TT

Raven shut herself in her room, her eyes still looking around wildly for a sign of life, seeing none she collapsed on her dark carpet, wheezing slightly, another shooting pain shoot through her and she bent over trying to block out the pain that was clawing at her, she whimpered as her head throbbed again. To Raven the impurities were becoming to much, she stumbled to her bathroom, she fell against the door frame and slid to the floor, then causing herself to crawl to her toilet.

She grasped the sides, with her pale skinny fingers, still wheezing she brought two fingers to her mouth and roughly forced them down, letting the impurities rise and burn her mouth like acid, she coughed and collapsed on the floor and stared up at her ceiling. To Raven it was the impurities.

But if Raven's mind hadn't faded away…you see Raven had slowly worried herself to insanity…her paranoia of her evil insides, convincing herself she had to purge it all up had caused anorexia. And if anorexia wasn't seeked out and dealt with immediately slowly your body wouldn't be able to take solids or liquids anymore, her stomach had shrunken to a dangerous size.

Raven sat up and looked into the toilet again, her bile wasn't the wiggling maggots or black acid she saw through her delusional eyes…it was blood.

Raven's body…was eating itself…and she was too insane to save herself.

TT

Now go review! Or you won't see Raven to REALLY insane…and I haven't forgotten about Starfire…oh no, I have something special planned, MUHA! I'm going to drive you all INSANE with this story's suspense and freakiness!

Luvz ya

Valda

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GO AND REVIEW!