AN: warning for the end of the chapter, we start living up to our rating


Late at night, Kurapika finally made his way back to the apartment. He took the stairs to the top instead of the elevator. He was deep in thought. He needed to get this done. His clan. His revenge. The Scarlet Eyes. There was nothing on his mind but these things. He'd walked home instead of taking a taxi, darkness swirling in his mind and bile burning in the back of his throat.

Stupid Chrollo.

Why'd he always have to show up and try to get involved.

It's not like Kurapika needed the help.

It's not like he would have lost himself without that wakeup call in the hallway…

The Kurta shoved his key into the lock, and let himself in. His mind felt fuzzy, and he was feeling dissociative. The scene within the apartment was so happy and carefree. What was Kurapika doing here? Why was he here when he had revenge to seek? When he had only a month to become a Master Sorcerer? When Chrollo had tossed him a bone and he was taking it like the dog he was–

"Kurapika! What the hell took you so long?" Leorio yelled over Gon and Killua's noise. The younger boys were hyper as ever, screaming at the tops of their lungs as they played some racing game on the television. Mario Kart Kurapika thought it was called? Leorio was in the kitchen, surrounded by food. He had clearly been cooking ever since the three of them had returned, and had been struggling to keep everything fresh and warm as Kurapika took his sweet time getting back to the apartment…

The Elf felt bad.

He had been obsessing over his revenge while his friends were cooking for him.

They didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve him.

Kurapika glanced over at the two innocent boys on the couch. Gon was carefree and happy as a butterfly, never having seen the darkness in his life. Killua had already seen so much. This was his safe place, his pocket of warmth and light. Neither of them needed Kurapika there impeding on it.

And then there was Leorio. Always picking up the slack Killua and himself left behind with their brooding or depressive impulses. He watched over Gon like a father, keeping him in check and out of too much trouble (though it was near impossible to keep that handful of a boy out of all trouble). He even stepped in for Killua, jumping to his side and offering him the advice that emotionally stunted Kurapika simply could not give.

What did Kurapika offer to the table?

Nothing.

He was better at helping and being there for the head of the Spider than he was for his own makeshift family. And that's what this was, just a measly replacement for the clan Kurapika had lost. The others… they didn't deserve that. They didn't deserve to be nothing more than a placeholder.

"I've been keeping this food warm for hours now!" Leorio complained, bringing Kurapika back to the present. He walked into the kitchen to join the Goblin. "Where the hell were you?"

"Apologies, it took longer than expected to sign up for my next battle."

"Why'd that?"

"I was placed higher than I had anticipated. I walked home instead of calling a taxi."

"Well that explains it! What the fuck, man, the least you could have done was say something! He Gon! Killua! Get your asses in here, mom's home!"

Two heads peeked up over the back of the couch. "Mom?!" the gasped, before cheering "Kurapika!" and sprinting into the kitchen. Gon lofted up and over the counter at the bar, using Kurapika's shoulder to balance on the way down. Killua skipped around like a normal person, roughly embracing Kurapika from behind and lifting him off his feet for a moment. Leorio leaned over and shoved him in the shoulder, still annoyed but grinning all the same.

Such a warm greeting.

What had Kurapika done to deserve this?

Nothing, that's what.

But still he smiled and ruffled Gon's hair. He side hugged Killua. He patted Leorio on the shoulder and inspected his cooking. He partook in the usual playful banter. He smiled and laughed, eating with the others and discussing everything that had happened over the past three months.

"I still can't believe we're Sorcerers now!" Gon exclaimed once they finished running over their observations from each of the battles.

"Half Sorcerers," Killua corrected, flinging a spoonful of peas into Gon's face. The hybrid squeaked in surprise, and was about to fling back a handful of mashed potatoes back his way when Leorio yelled at them to stop.

Kurapika chuckled to himself.

He loved this barely organized chaos so much.

How he wished he could just stay here in the moment… ignore the Spiders, ignore his revenge and the duty he held to resurrect his clan. But he couldn't do that. He could never relinquish his rage. He was already struggling enough in that department. He couldn't let this distract him, no matter how much he wanted to allow it.

He hated to do it… but Kurapika couldn't stay here.

Not until he reached his goal.

He needed to leave, and he needed to leave soon.

Tomorrow night.

He'd leave tomorrow night.

He'd stay with them one more day. A measly apology, but an apology nonetheless. Because in the end, this didn't matter. All that mattered was Kurapika's revenge… and he knew how wrong that was… but simply would not allow himself to succumb to such weakness.

Besides, he didn't want to burden the others with his drama.

They had enough on their plates as it was.

They'd be better off without him anyways.

Leorio watched Kurapika across the table. That shadow across those eyes… he didn't like it. He knew he was the only one who could see it. He was the only one who ever watched Kurapika that closely. He was the only one who knew him well enough to tell.

Leorio wasn't the strongest of the group, that much he knew well. If anything, he was a burden to the other's progress. But he'd never let that stop him. So what if he wasn't a freakishly powerful being? He loved these guys, so they'd have to deal with him! They needed somebody to watch their backs! They needed a healer around, a love language specialist!

That was what Leorio brought to the table. He kept them together, he kept them grounded. And he could tell that Kurapika was in an iffy mental position. Ever since he'd gotten back… he'd been acting strangely.

And Leorio didn't believe that half-assed story for a second.

Something more had definitely happened, and Leorio was going to get to the bottom of it. He'd let Kurapika get some rest, they had another beach day planned for tomorrow. But tomorrow night, he was in for the earful of a lifetime.

Leorio really cared about Kurapika.

The Elf… meant a lot to him.

He'd hated him at first, but there was just something about him that Leorio couldn't help but admire. Leorio had always liked girls, he'd known he was bi but girls were just his thing. He'd never really liked a guy that way… until Kurapika.

Kurapika was the only one for him, he was certain of it.

He was so calm… yet so passionate and raging at the same time. He could handle both Gon and Killua at the same time, keeping them from destroying private property and out of trouble like it was nothing. Those two boys were a handful… and Kurapika was a master at keeping them in check.

Leorio looked up to him. The blonde was so serene and wise. He was a little emotionally stunted, and wasn't the best at giving emotional advice, but life advice? He was the best you could ask for.

He was also beautiful, both in body and mind.

Leorio had fallen for him within that first week, there had been nowhere to run.

He was in love with Kurapika, and had been for a while now.

Did anyone know about this?

Well… he'd told Gon. But he'd been too scared to tell Killua.

Knowing that little shithead, he'd go tattle to his mother like the jerkface he was.

Leorio could tell that Gon wanted to tell Killua more than anything, but the guy was surprisingly good at keeping a secret. Gon always brought out the good in people… and so did Kurapika. Sure, he had his shadows, but everyone did. Kurapika was too good of a person to ever be fully consumed by the darkness.

If anything, he'd force himself to be consumed out of spite.

And that's why Leorio needed to be there for him.

Kurapika was getting into a bit of a slump right now, and he needed to help him out of it.

Leorio knew Kurapika didn't like him back… but he didn't mind. He'd love Kurapika forever, and he'd wait his entire life to no avail if that's what it meant to be there for the guy. And he'd do the same for Gon and Killua, without hesitation. These guys were his family, and they'd already let him in, so there was no getting rid of him now!

Gon.

I… you're everything.

"So that's when I ran directly at him! I knew I needed to make him blast all the orbs at once, and that period of him recharging was gonna be my shot to get him!" Gon gestured wildly and talked loud as hell. His boisterous voice echoed against the concrete walls surrounding the balcony, and Killua was sure that several neighbors were being kept up because of it.

But that voice was music to Killua's ears.

Killua could listen to Gon's voice forever and never get sick of it.

He watched his friend talk with an expression that he knew was soft and dopey, but he couldn't help it. He hadn't been able to be like this with Gon for three months. He'd forgotten how much he missed this.

Gon sighed as he leaned back, holding himself up by the railing.

"That fight was so fun. Magic is so fun. I'm so grateful that we got to learn it," he murmured.

Killua hummed in agreement, well aware that he was just staring at Gon… but he just didn't care at this point. Maybe if he dropped a few hints then Gon would finally get his head out of the clouds and realize what Killua was feeling? He got a feeling sometimes… that Gon might just like him back.

Gods, it was such a stupid thought, but it had been consuming Killua entirely for the past three months.

He didn't know… he'd just felt something when they had been in that elevator.

His life was so perfect right now. He was fighting in epic battles, he had a new family, and he had Gon. Everything was so great… and now…

"Killua, I've really missed this." Gon gazed at him with a soft look in those amber eyes.

There.

Right fucking there.

He was doing it again!

He was looking at Killua like that!

The Valkyrie's heart sped up and his face got a little pink.

"Missed what?" he prompted, wanting to hear what Gon had to say.

Gon chuckled a little, gazing out over the ocean. The sun had long since set, but the two of them had been too excited to get back into their old groove. Watching the moon sparkle against the ocean was just as good as watching the sunset. Nighttime at the coast was always so peaceful. No crickets abusing Killua's ears, no nocturnal animals rustling around.

There was only the sound of the waves and the soft murmur of Gon's voice.

"Being with you like this. We've been training nonstop for three entire months, it's crazy to think about! I'm really glad that we're able to just be normal again after all that. It feels like my entire life hit pause for a second. I was worried about it resuming where it had left off, but everything's picked back up even better. Leorio and Kurapika are catching up with us in the Arena, and we're all so close to our goals. I can see it in everybody's eyes! We're so close… and we'll be able to share that moment with each other."

Gon smiled softly up at the moon.

"But that's not all." He looked at Killua. "You're here. And…" his eyebrows drew together, a slight pull between his eyes. "For some reason, having you with me makes me all happy inside. I didn't realize how much I missed just being in your company."

Killua couldn't breathe. That's exactly what he had been thinking all this time!

Hope sparked in him, lighting a fire in his heart.

"You really like being around me that much?" he murmured, unable to help himself.

Come on.

Gon blinked at him, never breaking eye contact. He was clearly thinking.

Come on.

"Yeah. It's cause it's you. Something about you is different. No one else is Killua."

Fuck, why is he so dense.

Killua sighed and looked back out at the ocean. He felt Gon's questioning eyes on him.

"...I like being around you too," the Valkyrie said softly. He wasn't able to look at Gon as he said it, he didn't want to scare him away with these powerful feelings.

"Killua."

The silver haired boy turned back to look at Gon. The hybrid was leaned up on the rail beside him, a curious look on his face, and eyes deep in thought. Killua's heart started to beat faster, and Gon didn't look away.

"What?" he whispered.

"I… for some reason I want to… it's on the tip of my tongue."

Killua felt like he was gonna throw up, but in a good way.

Gon inched closer, and Killua had stopped breathing. His tail was wrapped so tight around his leg that it was cutting off circulation.

"What is it?" Gon murmured. "I feel like I've forgotten something, like there's something I need but I don't know what it is."

Killua swallowed, and Gon's eyes followed the sound, darting to his lips and then back up to his eyes.

Holy shit.

Killua's eyes blew wide, and his face was completely on fire now. Luckily the porch lights were off, and they were in total darkness.

Gon leaned closer, his hand reaching upwards and resting against the back of Killua's neck. The Valkyrie couldn't move, he was frozen on the spot. But his heart was completely on fire and his stomach was setting off a fireworks show.

Gon's gaze darted back and forth, unable to settle on one of Killua's eyes. He was searching Killua's soul, the Valkyrie could feel it.

"For some reason… what is it."

Gon's eyes left Killua's face, looking up at his hair. His eyes refocused. He was no more than a few inches away. He moved his other hand up, he was gonna touch Killua's cheek–

"There's a feather in your hair."

what.

Gon pulled something out of Killua's hair, and then held it up for him to see. Sure enough a fucking feather from the couch pillows. It must have gotten there when they had been pillow fighting Leorio while waiting for Kurapika to get back.

Killua was gonna fucking punch Gon in his stupid fucking face.

Had he really just gotten distracted by a feather?!

"But anyways," Gon said with a chuckle, tossing the feather over the railing. "I really missed watching the sunset with you. Thanks for being you, Killua."

He then looped his arms around Killua's shoulders and pulled him into an embrace.

Killua gasped, not expecting this.

"Is this okay?" Gon mumbled. "I just really wanted to hug you for some reason."

Killua sighed through his nose, body on fire from how close Gon was. He slipped his hands around Gon's back, returning the embrace.

"Yeah."

Gon sighed against Killua's hair, hugging him tighter.

The silver haired boy was drowning, drowning in that fluffy and wondrous feeling. Gon's touch was like a drug, and Killua was addicted. His stomach was warm and bubbly, and he wanted nothing more than to squeeze Gon so hard that they were combined into one shared body.

He's so fucking dense.

But he's so fucking adorable.

Killua just wanted to turn his head and kiss Gon's cheek. It would be so easy. Just a slight shift of his neck. But Killua was too chicken, and he didn't want to rush Gon. The hybrid was about to feel it too, Killua could sense it in his bones.

He was so close.

He was so fucking close.

It was clear to him now, Gon definitely was starting to like him, if he didn't already.

The thought made Killua want to cry and sing at the same time.

He just had to be patient. He just had to wait it out for a little bit longer.

Maybe if I start dropping hints he'll come to his senses faster.

Gon hummed decisively, letting Killua go and holding him at arms' length. He gave the Valkyrie a soft smile. "You're… nevermind."

"I'm what?" Killua asked, quirking and eyebrow.

"It's nothing!" Gon chirped, dropping Killua's shoulders. "Let's go to bed, I'm super tired!"

Killua shook his head, following Gon back inside. The hybrid skipped to the kitchen, filling up a glass of water to take with him to his room. Killua made eye contact with Kurapika, who was sitting in the living room and reading a book.

The Elf flicked his eyes to Gon and then back to Killua.

Leorio, who was sitting in the reclining chair on his phone, gestured with his hand.

Killua made a motion of slitting his throat, and then the older two started laughing, stifling their giggles to keep Gon from noticing. Killua sighed and shook his head, following Gon to the kitchen.

He's so fucking dense.

So incredibly fucking dense.

Killua.

Gon lay in his bed, staring at his ceiling fan as it spun in circles. He had his window open, letting in the gentle sound of the waves lapping against the shore. His room was lit only by the moon's light shining in from his window, the curtains drawn to let him gaze at the stars as he fell asleep.

But tonight, all he could think about as he gazed at the moon was how much it looked like Killua's silvery white hair.

Gon moved his hand to his chest, which was feeling a little fuzzy.

I wonder what this is?

They were back on the balcony.

The moon and the stars sparkled in the sky, and the ocean breeze smelled of lavender and vanilla. The air was warm and comfortable, and there was nothing at all except for the balcony and the surrounding ocean. They were floating in an empty expanse where the sky was the sky and the ground was the sky, and the sounds of the waves lulled the two of them into a fuzzy trance.

Killua's dreamscape was nothing if not unrealistic and un-thought out.

But that didn't matter, not when the center of the dream was Gon.

Gon was the only thing that mattered. He was the center of Killua's universe and the light to his darkness.

The only thing that mattered was Gon's amber eyes boring into Killua's own, his hand braced on the back of his neck, and his other hand reaching to cup his cheek and not some nonexistent feather resting in Killua's fluffy locks. Gon ran his thumb across Killua's cheekbone, not stopping his advance. He leaned closer and closer - not hesitating for a moment - until their lips collided.

The kiss was fast and sloppy, just as they always turned up in Killua's more recent dreams. Soft pecks and innocent brushes were no longer enough to satisfy Killua's endless ocean of need, his endless ocean of lust and affection.

He needed Gon close, he needed to feel his body and show him how powerful these feelings were. Killua sucked at putting his emotions to words, but he could put them to action, and the Gon in this alternate dreamscape of what had just transpired on the balcony gave Killua everything he longed for.

Killua kissed Gon with fervor, tugging at his shirt and pressing himself up against his chest. Their tongues tangled together, and Gon's hands dove into Killua's nest of hair. Killua broke the kiss, coming up for air and gasping down the crisp taste of the night. He pressed his lips to Gon's cheek, just as he had longed to do.

He then moved to the skin behind his ear, and from there made his way down his neck and to his collarbone. Gon's hands roamed Killua's skin, burning trails of fire and passion across the ivory plains. Killua licked up the side of Gon's neck, dragging a moan from his lips and sending a heat directly to Killua's groin.

Killua pinned Gon against the railing of the balcony, caging the shorter boy before him with his hands braced on the rail on either side of him. Killua kissed him again, slipping his tongue between Gon's lips and exploring every inch of his mouth. He tasted like honey and pine needles, like sweat and the color green. He tasted like everything Gon was made of, and everything Killua was infatuated with.

Gon's hands rolled over Killua's shoulder, then slid down his chest. Killua groaned into Gon's mouth when his fingers brushed over the sensitive skin at his lower belly, and shuddered when he slipped his hands under Killua's shirt. Tan hands traced the panes of Killua's sculpted stomach, following his ribcage to meet his spine. Calloused fingers brushed up the dip of his spine until they stopped between his shoulder blades and turned back to do it all over again.

Killua placed his hands on Gon's waist, tugging them together and finding the hybrid just as hard as he was. He ground their hips together, heat flashing against the backs of his eyelids and bringing tears to his eyes.

Gon panted through his nose, breathing ragged and strained.

Killua broke the kiss, leaving a trail of saliva across Gon's cheek and chin as he turned his attention to the skin of his jugular. Killua licked circles on his neck in tune with the rolls of his hips, and when he bit into the meaty part of Gon's shoulder the hybrid drug his nails down Killua's back.

The Valkyrie whined low in his throat, tail swishing and flopping around in the air behind him. Gon trailed his hands down Killua's lower back to brush along his ass, and Killua gasped against his tan skin when he pulled his tail.

Killua moaned, loud and throaty, and Gon responded by recapturing his mouth. The hybrid took control, grabbing Killua around the waist and picking him up. The hybrid pushed them away from the balcony, and their surroundings changed. Suddenly they were on the shores of the beach, and Gon was pushing Killua down against the sand.

The Valkyrie locked his ankles around Gon's waist, and the hybrid ground down on him, heavy and methodical. At some point all of their clothing had vanished, and the feel of Gon's bare and sweaty skin against his own was driving Killua mad. He clung to Gon's hair and shoulders, tail twisting around that tan waist.

Gon's sharp teeth brushed lightly at Killua's lower lip, and he trapped it in his mouth, leaning back and pulling it with him. Those amber eyes were dark and dilated, and Killua arched his back to follow Gon's pulling at his lip.

He sat up, hovering over Killua and removing that friction that Killua was chasing oh so desperately. The Valkyrie whined, trying to follow him up, but Gon braced his hand against his hip, keeping him flat against the sand. He wiped a tear from Killua's eye with his other thumb, and trailed that hand down Killua's face, neck, chest, lower, lower–

Killua jerked himself awake.

"Fuck," he breathed, trembling and oh so horny.

He panted, trying to ground himself. His blanket was pooled around his waist, but the ten at his groin was painfully obvious. Killua whimpered, the dreams had never gone that far before. What the fuck was he supposed to do with himself now?

His mind was cloudy and thick with lust. His erection was pulsing and begging for attention, and in a lapse of judgment he brushed his finger along its length through the blanket and–

"Shit–"

Lightning exploded in Killua's gut, and he snatched his traitorous hand away with the other, pinning it against the mattress to keep it from acting up again.

"No," he panted. "I won't do it."

Almost crying he was so fucking horny, he dragged himself out of bed, groaning a little as he pulled the blanket out of his lap, and across his problem in the process. Killua darted to his bathroom in a flash, so incredibly grateful that he didn't have to cross the hall in the middle of the night anymore. He locked himself in the bathroom and flipped the lights on, taking the pain in his unadjusted eyes as a proper punishment for his dirty mind.

He flipped the shower on cold, and stepped in immediately.

Killua hissed as the frigid water poured down and over him, and it took a solid thirty minutes for his dick to calm the fuck down. Once he was finally back to his senses, Killua groaned and ground the heels of his hands into his eyes. He was shivering in the cold, and his fingers and toes had gotten numb a long time ago.

"That was…"

Hot.

Everything Killua was longing for and then some.

What he wished could have happened if it weren't for that stupid fucking feather.

He hadn't had an internal battle like this since training had begun those three months ago. He hadn't had to deal with the morning shame after a wet dream, but now that they were back Killua felt so tingly inside and dizzy with lust.

Why did Gon have to be so hot.

Why did he have to be so dense.

Killua pulled at his hair. "Calm down. Stop it. This won't be forever. I can dream about him for all my life… but as long as I don't actually touch myself it's fine."

Gods, how his standards had fallen.

Here he was, at that final line in the sand.

Could he be disappointed in himself?

No.

Because Gon was going to like him back.

Tomorrow Killua would push it on him as hard as he possibly could.

He would charm Gon into realizing what the fuck he was feeling, and then he would–

Killua bit his knuckle.

It was just too much.

He turned off the shower and marched back to bed.

If he had another fucking dream he'd probably shoot himself.